Category: Buddhism & Philosophy

Why So Negative?

There is suffering in the world. You may have heard me say this a time or two, and it’s one of the basics behind the study of Buddhism and trying to find inner peace. In my experience, a good amount of that suffering stems from people’s negativity and complaining. I’m certainly not innocent of this, as I occasionally do my fair share of complaining about stuff, but long-term negativity can lead to a host of problematic issues within one’s own life (which I wrote about here).

A few months ago, after some soul-searching and because of certain professional needs, I decided to reconnect with the social media world. I had closed down all of my social media accounts back in late-2018 and with the exception of this blog and email, I had no contact with the online world. I got my news and current events from the radio like I did when I was a kid, and from word-of-mouth. The latter is nice, especially due to the current state of the world as it allows me to connect with people in a direct way as opposed to through a computer screen.

Although it’s been wonderful to reconnect with some old friends that I would otherwise be unable to communicate with, I’ve also been bombarded with a social feed FILLED with negativity. The worst part, and what’s caught me by surprise, is that most of it always seems to come from the same handful of people. Although one can easily believe that we all have some of “those days” when we need to vent and complain, there’s something inherently wrong if every day, every post and every comment includes negative content or “speaking out” against someone or something.

I’m actually a big fan of the “scroll on by” concept, wherein one can simply ignore and move on when they see something they don’t agree with online. But despite that concept, there’s a definite effect that involves negativity encouraging negativity. It’s kind of the same effect that leads to riots and mass disturbances; being exposed to it in the immediate moment or the long term will eventually cause you to join in. After all, human beings are inherently pack animals.

If you haven’t read the previous post that I linked in the opening paragraph, take a quick look to see what actual physiological effects that constant negativity will have on your body. People don’t realize that when they’re in a constant state of complaining and negativity that they’re not just working towards pissing off the people in their immediate environment, they also cause damage to themselves. Take a look at someone who has an ulcer as a result of years of stress, fear and/or trauma. Negativity can easily takes its toll…

Folks, it’s easy for me to sit behind my keyboard and try to tell everyone to stop being so fuckin’ negative… I would love it if society understood that the problems of the world should be dealt with rather than posted about. I often think about my chosen career as a prime example. There are a lot of people who like to complain about my industry. But those people are always more than welcome to train for it and see if they can do better. But at the end of the day, we should all be working a little bit harder to try and keep things positive.

More than anything else, this is what the world needs, right now. Not complaining about the state of affairs, how matters in the public are dealt with or constantly bashing one’s own industries. And not everyone needs to hear you complain about why you think something is wrong, especially when law and perspective may prove otherwise. Negativity is insidious, and you’ll be surprise to look up eventually and realize that if all you do is complain and be negative, that’ll be the environment you exist in. And there’s no easier way to guarantee unhappiness than to be negative all the time. I’m sure y’all know some people like this. Now if you’ll excuse me, I got some folks to unfollow and scroll on past… ☯

Keep Pushing Hard…

Life doesn’t care about one’s plans. That’s one of my most frequently used sayings across all the forums I post on, and many people feel that it has a negative connotation to it. Honestly, nothing could be further from the truth. I repeat this short phrase, almost like a mantra on a daily basis because it reminds me that I need to keep pushing and working at everything in life. And so do you. It isn’t intended as a negative thing, it simply represents the fact that if you lie on the floor curled up in a little ball instead of getting up and working at making things happen for yourself, nothing ever will.

And this leads to suffering in one’s own life. As I’ve written about before, Buddhism has this lovely concept of Four Noble Truths; the first two being the acknowledgement of suffering and the second being that this suffering is caused by us. I always like to push it one step further and point out that most of one’s suffering is self-inflicted. It’s for this reason that it’s important that one takes the necessary steps to get up and go.

A good analogy that I’ve used on others before, is to think about the remote control to your television. When I was a kid, you had to get up off your ass and turn the dial in order to change a channel… All three channels that you HAD, depending on how well your rabbit ears were aligned. Yes, I’m THAT old… My point is, modern televisions involve remote controls and many models don’t even feature physical buttons on the actual device anymore. Times have somewhat changed.

Now imagine that the batteries in your remote are dead. If you sit back and wait for the incidental chance that someone will come along and change them out for you, you’ll likely go without the binge-watching session you had planned. Especially since no one likely knows your batteries are even dead. So, maintain your own batteries. Keep yourself charged and moving. Batteries are a good analogy, too! Like a friend of mine has told me, “Be like a battery… Some negative, some positive but all power.” Man, I gotta get that printed on a t-shirt! Daryl, if you’re reading this, beers are calling, damn it!

I guess what I’m trying to get at with this poor attempt at a Monday motivation, is that there’s no turning back. Most people live regretting the past and wishing for the future and in doing so, miss out on the present. Life is hard. It’s not MEANT to be easy. If it were, where would the challenge be? That’s why the expression is “going THROUGH hell,” not “getting to hell, suffering a bit but turning back eventually.” Shit happens, bad things fall in our laps. But we owe it to ourselves to keep fighting the good fight, no matter how hopeless or tiring it may seem. No only up is through, so you need to keep pushing.

Instead of saying I regret that, say I look forward to this…
Instead of saying I wish I had, say I WILL!
Instead of Too bad that happened to me, say I will protect myself and learn from my mistakes!
Instead of I failed, say I made a mistake but I’ll recover and win!

Y’all get what I’m throwing down, here? Does it makes as much sense in print as it does in my head? Sometimes the thoughts in my head sound great but they tend to move faster than my fingers can type, so it doesn’t always have the desired impact. Last but not least, don’t be afraid to cut yourself a break. Mistakes and hardships are how we learn and grow. There would be no progress without it. As long as you’ve learned from it and you refuse to stop fighting, you may lose the occasional battle but you’ll ultimately win the war. ☯

This Is NOT The Way…

I started watching the Mandalorian a short while ago, so I have the main character’s catchphrase “this is the way,” somewhat at the forefront of my subconscious. Hence the title, in case you haven’t seen the show. But what I’m referring to with today’s title, is the use of force or violence. As a martial artist, people have a tendency to believe that I can kick ass on a whim and at my leisure. I certainly have the capabilities and training, despite the detail that stating that fact doesn’t make me out to be very humble. But humble I am, and my training doesn’t mean that I’m like an action hero who will clear a pub of multiple opponents simply for the indignity of looking at me the wrong way.

The world is a violent place, and there are many people who will make a point of BEING violent for very little reason. And those reasons are generally bullshit, anyway. As a martial artist, I take pride in the fact that I have the ability to protect myself and my loved ones. As a Buddhist, I abhor the idea that I would ever have to use it. And use it, I have. I have the benefit of the fact that for the majority of my life, my violent encounters have been in the line of duty. This certainly has never done anything to soothe the dislike I’ve felt or the memories I carry of every encounter, but it’s an important factor nonetheless.

Unfortunately, I’ve also had encounters that have taken place in my civilian life. And those have carried just as much weight as the ones that happened on the job, if not more so. How does one who believes in the prospect of a peaceful life but trains in a fighting art deal with such a scenario? Never the same way twice, is the first answer that comes to mind. That’s mostly because no two situations will ever be the same. And no two opponents will ever be the same, either. But there are some pretty common misconceptions, when it comes to defending oneself.

There are many reasons why people fight. In many cases, a person feels that he or she has no choice. It may be a question of ego, personality or even honour. Maybe the person just has a shitty personality, temper or outlook on life. Maybe, just maybe, that person is dealing with something in their lives and that something is the final straw and they’re taking it out on you. But the reality is that none of those reasons qualify. If you make the conscious decision to step up to someone and fight them, you’ve already lost. AND you’re in the wrong.

First, let’s examine the concept of self-defence. The term seems to imply that you need to fight someone else off in order to ensure your safety and well-being. Basically, you’re trying to prevent harm to yourself or another. But here’s the thing: that prevention doesn’t mean that you HAVE to fight. That’s what most people seem to misunderstand. You may eventually reach a “point of no return” where you’ll no longer have a choice than to fight, and I’ll get to that. But there are other steps you can take to defend yourself.

Diffusing the situation is a good one. Never underestimate the power of using your voice. Although it may not always be possible to calmly discuss the matter, especially with some liquored up hothead who thinks you were making googly eyes at his lady (true story). But there will be times when you’ll be able to talk your way out of things. The other good one, is getting up and leaving. And I know some fellow martial artists may disagree with this one, but why stick around? If there’s someone there who wants to do me harm, I sure as hell wouldn’t want to stick around.

Sure, some people may call me coward or chicken, but who cares? Know where I am while they’re calling me that? In the safety of my car or home. Away from harm, without broken bones, bloody appendages or criminal charges pending against me for beating the living fuck out of some asshole. But while we’re on the subject of criminal charges, it’s important to know what your rights are and what the laws may apply to your situation.

In Canada, Section 34 of the Criminal Code reads, “A person is not guilty of an offence if they believe on reasonable grounds that force is being used against them or another person or that a threat of force is being made against them or another person, the act that constitutes the offence is committed for the purpose of defending or protecting themselves or the other person from that use or threat of force and the act committed is reasonable under the circumstances.” Section 34, Criminal Code of Canada.

Those are a lot of fancy words, and you can check out the Section yourself to read the before and after, as it can sometimes lend pertinence. But the layman’s version of it, is that if someone comes at you and you genuinely believe that they mean you harm, you can use force in response as long as it’s for your own defence or the defence of another person. They also refer to it being “reasonable under the circumstances,” which basically means you can’t shoot someone in the chest because they try to punch you. But everything is circumstantial to the totality of the situation.

Patrick Swayze had a great line in his movie Roadhouse where he said, “Nobody ever wins a fight.” Kind of ironic, since the movie is all about being a bouncer in a violent bar. But realistically, there’s no shame in walking away. Unless your life or the life of someone else is on the line, fighting just isn’t worth it. Besides navigating the law, which can be open to interpretation, getting into violent altercations will change you in ways you may not anticipate. Peace is easier. ☯

Sinfully Sweet…

It’s difficult to be a good person. No, let me correct that… It can be exceptionally EASY to be a good person, but society, culture and our own personalities MAKE it difficult to be a good person. I recently read a post by a fellow blogger named Jason Youngman who, if you aren’t doing so already you should follow. He wrote a post entitled Dignity Remains Steadfast where he discusses the nature of vice and it’s vicious effect on people. He ends the post with a comparison that I find extremely fitting where, and I’m paraphrasing here, the sweetness of candy is a slow pleasure that doesn’t show the damage it does until your teeth begin to rot.

It got me to thinking about the nature of vice and how we behave in society, a point which I don’t usually address beyond an immediate situation that may have occurred in my daily life. But that in itself is a form of vice. After all, most people are geared towards living in the immediate moment and don’t usually consider the consequences of what’s to come. And from a Buddhist’s standpoint, I’ve decided it would be a good idea to share my thoughts on this subject with you.

Just to be clear, when I refer to vice, I don’t mean the iron clamping device used by a trade’s person or the nickname given to certain American police units. A vice is what’s referred to as a bad habit, behaviour or character trait that a person may have that is considered wrong by their respective society. That last part is important since depending on where you live and what culture you happen to be a part of, something can be a vice in one culture but not another.

Here’s the reality: no matter who you are or what kind of lifestyle you live, you have vices. Maybe you chew your nails. Maybe you’re a smoker or a drinker. Maybe you tend to judge a book by its cover. These are things that can be considered vices and are negative character aspects that we navigate daily life without usually even acknowledging. This is mostly because we don’t consider them to BE bad habits, even if they may have a negative impact on ourselves or those around us.

Let’s take cigarette smoking as an example, and this is a discussion I’ve had with many a friend who actually smoke. The average smoker (if there really is such a thing) believes that their use of cigarettes is a vice that affects them and only them. It’s not such a bad thing, because they’re not hurting anyone but themselves. Right? Makes sense? Here’s the problem: the eventual health complications caused by your smoking will inevitably lead to a strain on health care systems and your family, especially the if they need to provide care for you when you develop terminal illnesses brought on by your smoking habit.

Further, there’s the pollution aspect from smoking, even if you do it outdoors, the littering from all the cigarette butts left lying around and the financial constraints you’re placing on your household due to the excessive rising costs of cigarettes. I have no idea what the current cost of a pack of cigarette might be at the moment, but I’ve plenty of people complain that it’s a lot. Now, I’m not trying to use my blog as a platform against smoking. To each their own. This post is meant to be about vice, so I’ll move things back in that direction. But smoking is a good example of a common vice that many people partake of.

Another good example is sin. I was raised in a Roman Catholic household. And if I’m being honest, just about everything that someone did was considered a sin in some given way, shape or form. I may be exaggerating to an extent, but it sure felt that way as a child. Now, Catholicism differentiates vice and sin as the habit of sin and an individual morally wrong act, respectively. And they list their seven deadly sins or vices as Pride, Envy, Wrath, Sloth, Avarice, Gluttony and Lust. Does this means that when I shave and pay attention to personal grooming in the morning, that I’m guilty of Pride? If I go out to a buffet dinner with friends, am I indulging in Gluttony? Perhaps.

I use Catholicism as an example, because it’s what I grew up around and it’s familiar. But most organized systems of faith have a list of vice and/or sinful actions that they consider particular. Buddhism does as well, in fact. So if I avoid those seven indulgences, does this mean that I’m free of vice as a Catholic? And do I still have vices from another culture and/or religion’s perspective. This is the problem with vice. It can be insidious and not always noticeable in the every day.

One thought I’ve always had on vice and something I discussed with Jason Youngman, is how does it fit in the perspective of someone who is unaware of it? For example, if a person grew up in a household where there was no faith-based upbringing, are they genuinely guilty of vice? What does sin mean to someone who knows nothing of it? I think that perhaps some vices (not all) may not be viewed as such to certain people, depending on their circumstances. Some vices should just be common sense; rudeness and criminal behaviour should be a given, and every person should know to avoid them, regardless of upbringing, faith or education. But such is what makes these things a vice in the first place: the fact that people don’t acknowledge them as common sense

He made a very good point in stating that regardless of religious or faith-based upbringing, the majority of households will ensure that their children are raised on some level of morality, be it a personal or system-based one. He also pointed out that it’s necessary to acknowledge the consequences of our actions, whether we believe our actions are vice-related or not. From a legality standpoint in Canada, the Criminal Code is pretty clear on the fact that ignorance of the law is no a defence. The same can be said from a moral viewpoint, as well.

This can be easily tied in to Buddhism, as the Four Noble Truths describe that very same thing. Whereas the first Noble Truth explains the existence of suffering in the world, the second Noble truth goes on to explain that we are responsible for that suffering. The third Noble Truth covers the fact that we need to bring an end to this suffering and the fourth Noble Truth explains HOW to do so, which is described as being by following the Noble Eightfold Path.

The Noble Eightfold Path includes Right View, Right Aspiration, Right Speech, Right Action, Right Livelihood, Right Effort, Right Mindfulness and Right Concentration. Through those practices, one can achieve peace and enlightenment, although the latter can be fleeting and difficult to achieve. The point is that one needs to live well in order to contribute to the overall good in the world and help to eliminate suffering.

I could go into detail and describe each of the Eightfold Path, but I think this post has gone on long enough. I want to keep y’all engaged and reading, not using my blog as a substitute for warm milk. The take home lesson here is that we all have vices. We may not always recognize them or acknowledge them as such, but even the smallest ones will have a negative impact if left unchecked. Like the flapping of a butterfly’s wings that eventually cause a ravaging storm on the other side of the world, actions have consequences. ☯

Just Because I’m Wrong Doesn’t Mean You’re Right…

People hate to be wrong. I’m not sure why that is, but it’s a well-documented fact. Maybe it’s the fear of showing weakness in front of others, maybe it’s narcism or self-indulgence. But people flat out hate to be wrong. I’d be lying if I said that I enjoy being wrong, but knowing to accept it when you are is one of life’s big lessons. And for some reason, some will go out of their way to prove that they’re right even when they’re wrong.

Here’s the thing: whether or not you’re right will often be a matter of perspective. And a person’s perspective is very dependent on a number of different factors. One’s upbringing, values and beliefs will all go a very long way to molding a person’s perspective and lead them to where they believe they may be right about something, even when they’re not. It can be very difficult to navigate.

Always remember to be open-minded. Be willing to hear the other side of the story. It can mean the difference between fostering peace and causing unnecessary suffering. Maybe you’ll even learn something along the way. Sensei always used to say, “You have two ears and one mouth. That means you should listen TWICE as much as you talk.” Sound advice. Even if something being put out into the world is right, it doesn’t mean that you’re absolutely wrong.

But when we open ourselves to other perspectives and beliefs, it’s amazing how often it dissolves conflict. Being open-minded isn’t just something that happens on its own. It’s a choice. And a practice. ☯

Is It Enough To Say It?

With the exception of this blog because, well… that’s the whole point of it, I don’t really go around advertising that I study Buddhism. It’s obviously not a shame thing, and it isn’t as though I’m not prepared to discussed the specifics of my beliefs when someone asks; it simply isn’t something I’m in the habit of doing. And I think that this is something important in relation to anyone’s faith. Having faith or being faithful shouldn’t require you to bring others into the fold. I often think about the poor practitioners who go from door to door…

I’m sure you can think of what faith system applies, although you may be surprised to know there are several who have this practice. What’s even more surprising is when these canvassers come to my door and are greeted by conversation and an exchange of information as opposed to having a door slammed in their face. Their faith is no threat to anyone. And if one is secure enough in their own faith, there should be no fear or worry in discussing it with others. But I certainly don’t envy them the task of walking all over neighbourhoods being rejected and refused, oftentimes in the cold or inclement weather.

It often surprises some to learn that I was born into a French Catholic family, and that I was in fact raised in the Catholic faith, well into my teens. I believe this surprise comes as the converting of one’s faith is not a frequent “genuine” event. What I mean by this is that there are plenty of newer-generation folks who will claim to follow one belief system or another, often to continue adhering to a previous one or changing to another whenever it suits them.

But when I reached my teens and started studying the martial arts, I fell into Buddhism almost as easily as one starts breathing at birth. This was one of the reasons why I chose to pursue it. I faced a surprising amount of opposition, especially from my family. You would think that family would be the most supportive, but considering my mother studied at a seminary in her youth and most of my aunts of my grandmother’s generation were nuns or missionaries, I think there was an expectation there, of automatic acceptance and perhaps a minty hint of obedience. I’ve even had an ex-girlfriend who once had the audacity to flat out tell me, “You’re not Buddhist! Stop saying that…” Needless to say, there’s a reason she’s an ex…

This has always made me wonder, is it enough to simply SAY that you follow a certain system of beliefs in order to be part of it? I think back to those formative years when I started studying Buddhism and knew next to nothing. I knew the ultimate goal was to find enlightenment and peace, which is what drew me to it in the first place. It seemed far more appealing than praying to an unseen, unknown deity that never responded or helped no matter how frequent prayer was leaned upon. But to some, it harmed my credibility that I lacked the knowledge to appropriately answer some of their questions.

During my youth, I was subjected to all the usual steps involved in someone’s indoctrination into a particular school of beliefs. I was baptized shortly after my birth, had First Communion and something referred to as “Confirmation,” which is a rite that involves confirming one’s adherence to that particular religion. I think this is interesting, because for all three of these rites I was too young and had no clear concept of what I was agreeing to or accepting; a fact that has long been argued in my mother’s household.

And granted, nothing in the Holy Bible actually speaks of NOT baptizing babies and children, but all the depictions I’ve ever seen of John the Baptist depict the baptism of an adult. How can one adhere to a system of beliefs without knowing WHAT they’re adhering to? It’s a question that’s plagued my noodle for decades and in some ways, many ways, I don’t feel this is right. Every person should have the ability to choose and understand what they’re agreeing to. But once you’ve made that decision, make sure you’ve made it because it’s right for you. And because it’s something you genuinely believe in.

Consider this for a moment: What is the point of saying that you’re Catholic if you never go to church, never pray, never study the Bible and adhere to NONE of the customs? Are you still Catholic? Or is is perhaps a label you’ve chosen to accept because it was imposed on you earlier in life? Or does it make your life simpler to have yourself categorized in a world where belief systems are considered important? I use Catholicism as the example because it’s what I was born into, but the same can apply to any system of beliefs.

I don’t have the answers. I can’t answer EVERY single question about Buddhism that comes my way, but I certainly aim to learn as much as I can. And maybe that’s the point. If I knew everything, there would be no purpose to life. I study Buddhism because I ultimately know that eventually I’ll find all the answers I seek and find peace. Perhaps that realization, in and of itself, is the enlightenment I seek and I simply haven’t realized it yet. But someday I will.

Be true to yourself. Be sure that your faith does not harm you, bring harm to others or create chaos within life and you can’t go wrong. At the end of the day, the story of everyone’s life begins and ends the same way. It’s how we fill the days in between that define who we are and the mark we leave on the world when we’re gone. And do your best to encourage peace. ☯

“There Is A Misconception That Buddhism Is A Religion, And That You Worship Buddha. Buddhism Is A Practice, Like Yoga. You Can Be A Christian And Practice Buddhism. I Met A Catholic Priest Who Lives In A Buddhist Monastery In France. He Told Me That Buddhism Makes Him A Better Christian. I Love That.”

– Thich Nhat Hanh

“Seiza” The Opportunity For Meditation Facts…

A couple of weeks ago I was chatting with a fellow blogger who asked me an interesting question in relation to how I meditate. We had been discussing the ability and opportunity to meditate in the midst of being at home with family, pretty much around the clock. This discussion led to a question about what posture I use and how I deal with comfort issues and positioning during meditation. Since I effectively never do anything the easy way, the answer is not as simple as one specific pose or position.

The kneeling position, known in martial arts circles as “Seiza”

For the most part, I sit in a kneeling position during meditation. That doesn’t mean that this is always the OPTIMAL position, and I do tend to use a few different ones. But the position you see illustrated above is one that’s also associated with karate and some formal Japanese settings, so I’ve had most of my life to get used to it. Named “Seiza,” this position requires the person to kneel on the floor, placing their calves beneath their thighs and pointing the toes out behind them. The big toe on the right foot overlaps the left one, and the butt rests on the heels of the feet.

There’s a bunch of pomp and ceremony that goes into how to sit down and get up when using this posture, as well as when it’s appropriate and/or required to use it. But this post ain’t about all that. This is a posture that Sensei would often have us close out in, as it allows for a few moments of deep breathing and contemplation at the end of a workout. It also makes it significantly easier to bow respectfully when karate class closes. This posture is also used at the current karate school I train with, both at the beginning and the end of class.

From a meditation standpoint, I like this posture because it effectively forces me to sit up straight. I can breathe fully and unlike the lotus position, which I’ll cover off next, this posture doesn’t allow much room for me to slouch or slump. The downside is that sitting on one’s legs for more than about 20 or 30 minutes can lead to a condition called “paresthesia,” which is where some of the nerves and the blood flow in the legs become compromised resulting in the “pins and needles” sensation when a limb falls asleep. It’s never a good thing to block circulation, and since a Type-1 Diabetic’s circulation isn’t all that great to begin with, this can be a concern if you plan on meditating for a long period of time.

The next important posture is the lotus position. This is the classic and most recognizable posture in meditation. In fact, any time you see a statue of Buddha, he’s likely seated in the lotus position. This involves sitting with your butt on the floor with the left foot resting on top of the right thigh and the right foot resting on top of the left thigh in a cross-legged position. The hands are generally resting on top of the thighs, usually with the index and thumb of each hand joined together. This pose is not only used in meditation but is also used in forms of yoga, and is thought to promote the proper channeling of the body’s energy.

This can be a more comfortable posture to assume if you plan on meditating for a half hour or longer, as it won’t necessarily constrict blood circulation the way Seiza does. The problem I find with this posture is that unless I’m propped against a wall, I tend to let my shoulders slump or I start slouching at the upper back, which can become uncomfortable and damaging to the spine over long periods of time. Lotus has many variations to it and I usually favour the “half lotus,” which involves only setting one of the feet on top of the opposing knee with the other one simply being on the floor. This prevents the usual possible circulatory issues.

If you have Diabetes (or any other circulatory issues) there are a few things you can do to help facilitate meditation, regardless of what pose you use. You can get a meditation pillow. These are great as they keep your butt about four to six inches up off the ground, putting less stress on the knees, hips and various joints associated with meditative postures. The Japanese have special little folding stools that allow for the appearance of the kneeling position while taking the stress off of joints and allowing proper circulation.

Last but not least, you can try traditional postures, such as sitting in a chair. This is fine and I’d be lying if I said that I’ve NEVER done it. It just feels weird to me. Probably because I’ve spent my entire life using formal postures. Sitting in a chair just feels like it takes something away from the experience. You can also try lying flat, either on the floor, a yoga mat or on your bed. The only problem with this is if you lie on your bed and start breathing deeply with your eyes closed, you face the risk of falling asleep. Although I’m a big fan of naps and falling asleep isn’t necessarily a bad thing, it also usually isn’t my goal when I meditate. So I try to avoid this posture unless I’m having difficulty sleeping and I’m intentionally trying to meditate my way to dreamland.

Obviously, there are different types of meditation and postures that go along with them. Depending on what your goal is with meditation, you can’t really go wrong. The important thing is to find a posture that’s comfortable and suits YOU. It should accommodate your body and allow you to relax so that breathing, energy and blood flow are facilitated and you can focus on the mindfulness required for proper meditation. As I’ve often written, every person is different so it should be no surprise that each person’s needs and preference may be different from a meditative standpoint. ☯

Family Ties In The Dojo

We love our families and want nothing but the best for them. Sometimes, the best is not what we think it is and can only be sought out by the family members themselves. But health and fitness doesn’t discriminate, and it’s important that everyone in the family get off the couch and do something physical at least a few times a week. This isn’t always an easy thing to encourage, and some family members will often be less than enthusiastic about being put through the ringer; especially if you happen to be the instructor…

If you happen to be an instructor of a sports club or a martial arts dojo, getting your family involved can be a good or a bad thing. I’ve seen it all… Family members who have basically been forced or coerced to join and family members who feel it necessary to “tag along” even if their efforts are far below what would usually be required of the environment. It can be a difficult and awkward situation, especially since you need to go home and live in relative peace with these people once class is done.

Trying to teach Nathan the basics back in 2019. Kid can’t take a hit…

One of the best examples I can think of are Sensei and his son. As his only male child, Sensei expected his son to train diligently and consistently. And to excel. A bit of an archaic way of thinking by today’s standards but remember that I’m referring to 40 years ago. The son was made to attend every class, train every day and even to start teaching at a young age, despite the fact that by the time he reached his pre-teens, he expressed no interest in karate. As a practitioner myself, I can certainly relate to how heartbreaking that would be. But it’s important to remember that even if karate is your thing, it may not be your child’s.

The result of that forced learning is that decades later, Sensei’s son is no longer an active practitioner. Oh sure, he has skills that will always be with him. And appropriately, he was Sensei’s first student to pass black belt. Those are all important milestones for both of them. But when you compare it to someone like me, who has been eating, breathing and sleeping karate for over 30 years but who joined and trained of his own volition, the difference is I still make it a part of my daily life and have ambitions to teach.

Training with a spouse or loved one has its own set of complications. Imagine having your spouse in your karate class, yelling at her, making her do knuckle push-ups and basically flooring her physically. Then getting home that evening and expecting to share a shower or snuggling up as though you DIDN’T just make her life a living hell. Much to the same tune as working a job with a spouse, training with them can be rough waters to navigate. And if it’s to be attempted, clearly defined parameters and guidelines for what’s expected and what will be done need to be established. By the same token, making sure that nothing is done that could be considered favouritism needs to be kept in mind as well.

It’s important to remember that the familial title should be the priority. If you’re a husband, then that’s your role and it would be very difficult to be a slave-driving instructor to your spouse. They can hate an instructor all they want, so long as they get the results they seek. But it’s a little hard to release and use that hatred against your husband. The same can be said of your children, as forcing them into something they don’t want to do could potentially sour them from being interested in any similar activities in the future. And it’s just as important that ALL family members be active, albeit occasionally for different reasons.

This doesn’t mean that you can’t be active with your family. You can participate in a variety of sports and activities that can get the heart pumping without necessarily taking on an instructional role. Taking walks, snowball fights or sledding are great family activities. Even a good old fashion pillow fight, so long as you have the space and a safe environment to do so. Nathan and I often just roll on the floor mats downstairs, wrestling and grappling. He has a blast playing around while I’m slowly teaching him some grappling techniques. And he’s started showing interest in picking up the 3-pound dumbbells and imitating what I do during at-home workouts.

My wife does not train in karate, but we still work out together whenever we have the chance. Couples who get fit together, stay together. But it would be a different story if I had to act in a capacity where I had to constantly push her and force her to do more. Such student/teacher relationships can lead to resentment and hard feelings. That’s why it’s very difficult, bordering on the impossible for anyone to fill that role while still maintaining the relationship.

There’s no problem with encouraging family members to exercise together and get fit together. In fact, in can even be an inexpensive way of keeping the family involved together during trying times while getting some much needed exercise. But the day your spouse or child decides to walk into your dojo may require some wariness and caution on your part. The difference between “Yes, Sensei!” and “Yes, Dear!” or “Yes, Daddy!” can mean the difference between a happy household or a few slammed doors. ☯

My New YouTube Channel

Hey folks! I know I’m not in the habit of drafting two posts in a day and it’s a bit late in the game to be posting a second one, but I’ve decided to put my face on camera and started my own YouTube channel. I only have one video on there, which is scheduled to go live in about ten minutes. But I’m hoping to use the video aspect to discuss and demonstrate things that are a bit difficult to explain with words and photos. If y’all wouldn’t mind visiting the channel and clicking those little “like” and “follow” buttons, I can start pumping out videos in tandem with my blog posts. For any one interested, here’s the link to the YouTube channel.

Check out this first video, which I recoded tonight…

Hopefully, it doesn’t bore everyone any worse than my long-winded posts usually do. I look forward to sharing more in the future. If anyone has any thoughts on something I should be posting in video format as opposed to in written form, please let me know in the comments. ☯

Why So Confrontational?

The world is a violent and dangerous place. This isn’t really news; one need only to Google any aspect of world history to recognize that it’s ALWAYS been a dangerous and violent place. But there was a time when a specific violence was contained to its immediate area. If you lived in a small town, you’d likely hear about the assault that took place during the previous evening, but the world would continue to turn. Likely thinking that your small town is a quiet and peaceful place.

These days, even the most remote of places have the world’s information at their fingertips and can access it with but a swipe of their finger across their smart phone, tablets or home computers. People have become much more aware of the way the world operates, albeit most seem to think it’s become an increase since years past. It really hasn’t; we simply hear more about it now. One thing that HAS increased, and I only know this because of personal experience, is confrontation. People seem o have developed a comfort and penchant for confronting one another, either online or in person. And the results can often bring more suffering than it’s worth.

A good example I can provide is a confrontation I had with an unknown gentleman (and I use the term lightly) about a year ago. I believe I wrote a post on this, but it’s been so long, who remembers? Anyway, I pulled out into an inner lane of travel after fuelling up my vehicle. This guy was in the outer lane and decided to switch lanes right in the location where I pulled out. The result was that he honked his horn loudly and proceeded to follow me to the nearest red light where he pulled up next to me and proceeded to call me a plethora of disrespectful names and try to “educate” me on traffic laws. I didn’t bother to tell him, but had he known what I do for a living, he may have understood the redundancy in that tactic.

Long story short, whether in the right or wrong, I apologized and told the guy not to let the incident ruin his day. he seemed unconvinced and unsatisfied. His problem. But it got me to thinking for quite some time afterwards… What would these people do if they confronted someone violent? A wanted criminal or a gang member who’d be just as likely pull out a pistol and shoot the guy in the face as look at him? Because of the nature of the world, you simply never know who it is you may be dealing with when you confront them.

If for no other reason than the fact that you’re prolonging your own suffering and creating some for another person, this is something to be mindful of when confronting unknown persons. And why would you confront them? Let’s look back at my traffic scenario. Did the guy gain anything from confronting me the way he did? Of course not! Has it altered my perceptions or changed the way I drive? I can guarantee you that it did not. I’m still just as careful and mindful of my driving as I was beforehand.

But had I been someone violent or dangerous, that guy might have been caught dealing with quite a different scenario. I’ve seen and experienced it often enough to know it can happen. And this is what needs to be seriously contemplated when one is considering confronting someone. At the end of the day, if something that happened brought you no harm, hasn’t altered your life and you can carry on with the status quo, may consider letting it go rather than confronting another person over it. You may discover that your life will be more peaceful and your stress levels will be less. Food for thought. ☯