Category: Buddhism & Philosophy

If You Can’t Block The Noise, Cancel It…

I’ve often written about how hard it can be to find moments of silence within one’s day to meditate or even just to let one’s head cool after a long day’s work. This is especially true if one has a family with small children who want your attention once you finally walk through the door. That’s where noise-cancelling headphones come in. Just to be clear, I don’t mean earbuds. Earbuds have got to be the stupidest damn thing I’ve ever used. At least headphones from the 80’s and 90’s would muffle some noise but earbuds don’t do much (at least for me) other than get jammed inio one’s ears and push earwax further. But I digress…

On my last birthday (which was September 11th, thanks for remembering), I decided to do the responsible thing and look for something that could count towards a birthday gift from my family that I could use for work, at home and for fitness. I landed on wireless headphones made by JBL, their Live model 660NC. I didn’t land on these easily. In fact, I looked up a number of different headphones from a number of different locations in order to land on a set that I felt would provide me with what I needed. After travelling the city and searching online, I landed on JBL, which ironically, is the same brand of Bluetooth speaker I’ve been dragging around with me for years.

I finally landed on purchasing from a local retail outlet and found the set I wanted. I was lucky enough to find them on special. According to BestBuy’s website, “Featuring adaptive noise cancelling technology, they avoid the interference of unwanted ambient noise to deliver loud and clear audio. Easily customize the settings and features of the headphones in the My JBL Headphones app.” Although a bit pricey (I paid a couple of hundred for mine), they would prove to be a life saver in terms of daily life and bring some much-needed peace in a chaotic and noisy world.

When purchasing this product, you get a USB-C charging cable for easy recharging, an audio cable for those devices you can’t connect through Bluetooth, and a nifty carrying case. The cushioned ear pads fit comfortably over the ears and block out all ambient noise, with multiple settings available through the JBL app, which I also downloaded and seems to work great. I use the headphones at work when trying to concentrate, I use them for workouts (some routines require some alcohol-based cleaning afterwards) and I even use them when doing dishes or chores around the house to block out noise and allow my head to cool.

Sometimes I listen to green or pink noise to allow my head to cool. Sometimes I listen to music or even binge-watch my favourite shows on my favourite streaming service. The benefit of having wireless headphones is I can wander and get things done without worrying that the cord will pull my phone or device off whatever surface it’s laying on. It’s definitely a good alternative for those who live in an environment where blocking out the noise is necessary or needed. Although the JBL LIVE660NC works well for me, the important thing is to find a set that fit well over YOUR ears and provide the benefits and features that you want. ☯️

Learn To Slow Down…

My father would get a great laugh out this, if he could read it… Or maybe he wouldn’t, since he laughs about very little these days but when I was younger, I used to comment to him about how we needed to do more stuff and be more active. Although he didn’t disagree, he often told me that sometimes ones just needs to slow down and appreciate the calmness of life as opposed to constantly burning energy trying to hammer through one’s day. Even though I didn’t agree with him at the time, I have to admit that the old man was on to something and it’s a lesson I am now trying to impart on my own children.

I used to be a slave of the rat race; waking at extreme early hours and usually lacking sleep, hammering through a day and doing more than my fair share just to be considered as “doing my job,” only to return home at night, exhausted and spent with no energy to enjoy the down time that I was earning money to live. My perspective has changed significantly in recent years, especially with time and age beginning to take hold.

For the most part and even once we moved to Regina and I took an administrative role within the RCMP, I would wake at the crack of dawn, prepare lunches for myself and Nathan, shave, shower and bolt out the door in order to get to work early so I could enjoy that first coffee and get through my emails uninterrupted. Then, I would work whatever assigned duties I had for the day. If I was lucky, I would head home at the end of the day. If I had work books or reports to complete, I wouldn’t allow myself to leave until I did so. I would get home in time to shower once again, if I hadn’t done so at work, before letting my head hit the pillow and doing it all over again the next day.

Bearing in mind that this didn’t even include the karate classes I was attending a few nights a week, Sure, I had weekends off but I would usually be so spent and cranky that I would barely get enough rest to be recovered before having to face the follow week and going through all of it again. Not exactly conducive to family life either. Considering I had my children a bit later in life, finding the energy to keep up with them is challenging at the best of times. Trying to do so when exhausted from a full work week is even worse.

Nowadays, my perception of how my day starts has been changed, mainly through personal choices. I still wake at about 6 am but I don’t rush out of bed like a fool. I walk to the kitchen, grab that first gulp of caffeine and diligently prepare Nathan’s lunch. Then, I’ll look through the fridge for leftovers that I can use for my own lunch and prepare that. If she’s up, I’ll say good morning to my wife and we may chat about a thing or two. If I didn’t do so the night before, I’ll grab a hot shower and get dressed for the day. This still sounds like a routine but the difference is I do it over a much longer period of time than I would have before. And that’s okay.

I still get to work somewhat early, but I don’t stress over doing so. If I get there early, great. If not, I don’t worry about it as long as I start my day on time, which I always do. I put in an honest day’s work for the salary I draw, then I go home. Unlike most people, I reserve my evenings and down time for myself, my wife and children. I focus on my fitness and I allow myself to go to bed when I want to sleep as opposed to fighting to stay awake due to some clouded opinion that there isn’t enough time in the day.

The result of these changes has been a calmer self, lower blood pressure and a better overall control of my Diabetes. Life won’t slow down. We all know that. But YOU can still slow yourself down. Take time to stop and smell the flowers. You’ve done yourself and your family a disservice if you die of a heart attack trying to keep up with everything. Or like Ferris Bueller said on his infamous day off, life moves pretty fast. If you don’t stop and look around once in a while, you could miss it. Food for thought…☯️

Walking Off Into The Sunset…

When people think of quitting something, they usually associate it with giving up. On the extremes side, people associate quitting with cowardice or abandoning something they should keep hammering at. That’s why we always see little quips like “winners never quitting” and such. And while I can agree that one should never quit something if it will compromise one’s goals, there are circumstances under which walking away from something is not only acceptable, but ideal.

When one decides to undertake something important in their life, it can become all-consuming. For example, if you decide to work on your fitness and get into shape, there’s a lot of perseverance and sacrifice that needs to happen. Quitting will prevent you from reaching your goals and it’s important to work through the obstacles and difficult aspects of that particular goal if you expect to achieve it. This can be the same with work goals, dietary goals and any achievement-based art, such as karate.

When I joined karate in the late 1980’s (Yes, I’m old as time. Moving on!) I did so with the intention and motivation to save my own life. Type-1 Diabetes was consuming me and I had complications that put me in very real danger of losing my life. My goal in joining the martial arts was two-fold: increase my overall health and learn to defend myself. I can admit that over the past 34 years, I have not only accomplished those goals but I’ve exceeded them in ways that I never would have expected.

What’s important with something like karate is that you CAN’T quit if you expect to progress and learn the art. But you should only be doing the art if it lights a fire inside you and you’re passionate about it. If that fire goes out and the passion dwindles, it becomes tedious and almost onerous to try and continue, and it can lead to being more of a hindrance to the overall art than contributing to it. It is at that point where one needs to take a serious look at oneself and consider that walking away may be the viable solution.

At some point in life, and I’m specifically referring to myself, one reaches an age and state of physical being that also no longer accommodates the stresses and rigours on the body required to actively participate in the martial arts. Granted, I never assumed I would reach that point in my 40’s but Diabetes is a hell of an inhibitor. Recent injuries and health matters have brought me full circle to where I understand that maybe fighting people half my age in the dojo is no longer a goal of mine. I’m still passionate about the martial arts but I fear the fire inside may have gone out.

At some point, this happens to all martial artists. Even Sensei, decades ago, had a point where he simply stopped coming to class. The dojo was managed by a couple of the senior belts in his absence. It was a scary time, since none of us knew if he’d come back. Eventually, he found his perspective and renewed sense of purpose and came back. In my early 20’s, I gave up and quit karate for several months as a result of my body no longer keeping up with the same speed as I had in my teens. I went back, of course. But if that was in my 20’s, can you imagine what my body feels like now?

I guess the point is that nothing in this life is ever truly over until one chooses it to be so. I may be walking away right now, but I will never truly QUIT karate. I can’t. I’ve been doing it for so long, it’s in my blood and part of my DNA. This is proven by watching how my 3-year old throws a punch without ever having been taught. So, who knows? Maybe after a period of reflection and contemplation, I will see fit to return to the dojo and train with others. I’ve been walking this journey alone for so long now that maybe the dojo is no longer a suitable environment for me to train. Time will tell.

A person’s reasons are their own. If you feel the need to quit something, whether it’s that job you hate or a sport or hobby you no longer wish to participate in, be true to what you need for yourself. My karate training will continue. The arena in which I participate will simply be different. I’m not fading away, I’m simply walking away; potentially to start a new chapter. ☯️

Friendships To Last…

As I’ve often written before, humans are inherently pack animals. Why else would we all gather in large groups to build towns and cities? There’s no denying there’s safety in numbers, which is why animals tend to travel in packs, as well. There’s also a social component to it, where most people crave time with others of their own kind. This isn’t to say that there aren’t issues with that concept.

That very same gathering of people can lead to significant issues such as criminal activity, exhaustion of resources and less availability of services due to the amount of people taking advantage at once. But there’s no denying that at our core, we seek out other people and this becomes evident through a firmer connection with others that we refer to as friendships. Loosely defined, because I haven’t defined something in my posts in FOREVER, friendship can be described as a state of mutual trust and support between two parties who wish to enjoy mutual interests.

That definition is quite loose indeed and is more my perspective on what a friendship is, rather than an actual dictionary definition. Do people use dictionaries anymore? Probably not, with the internet available… But I digress… Friendships are important and an integral part of a healthy lifestyle, even to those who prefer to be alone. Solitude eventually has a significant impact on one’s overall mental well-being and growth. This is why we seek out like-minded people from a young age.

During childhood, friendships follow a come-and-go model where you’ll usually be friends with the same kid of the roughly the same age that you have available. For example, my son Nathan used to be great friends with the boy who lived next door. When that family moved away, he started playing with the boy and girl across the street and forgot all about the boy next door. Kids are flexible that way and are more about the social interaction than who they’re having it with.

As we get older, however, friendships become more about connections and retaining the person, more so than the interaction. The best friendships are the ones that although you may not have spoken in weeks or months, you still value your time with them when you DO get the chance to get together. I have many of those. That’s certainly preferable to people who have constant contact with you but are in a constant state of conflict. Conflict is never a good thing and will always contribute to one’s own suffering as well as theirs.

The big problem with said conflict is that it usually leads to negative feelings and emotions and damages the friendship. Although I’m a huge proponent of “it’s never too late,” willingness to repair a rift will only carry you so far, especially if the other person is unwilling or incapable of communicating or compromising. To be clear, even though conflict isn’t good, it is normal and it will happen in any long-lasting friendship, whether we want it or not.

As we grow into adulthood and maintain those limited relationships, these issues become more dominant. This makes sense, since adults are more prone to their own opinions and feelings, which may not always reflect with yours. This doesn’t mean that there shouldn’t be a continued communication between those two parties. But that’s the funny thing about communication; it can’t be one-sided. Both people need to be involved in the conversation for it to, well… BE a conversation.

All of this wordy bullshit is to say that if you find yourself in conflict with a friend because they have a differing opinion than yours, remember that while you have no obligation or expectation of explaining yourself, a little explanation and clarification can go a long way. Especially if your goal is to retain and maintain the friendship. And if someone has cut you out and stopped communicating as a result of a misunderstanding, you really only have two options: take the initiative and try to repair the rift or, and especially if it’s happened frequently, let them go. Much like the old saying, if they were meant to be in your life, they’ll make their way back. Food for thought… ☯️

Just Read It…

I found this online a few days ago and I just had to share it. I forget where, it might have been on my facebook feed from one of my friends. There’s no branding to it and I honestly can’t remember, so let’s just enjoy the moment. Peace is important and in fact, integral to a happy life. Whether it’s world peace, peace in one’s own life or peace in others. ☯️

Unexpected Teachable Moments…

Studying martial arts is not only a life-long journey, it’s complicated, twisted road that usually includes multiple obstacles and issues along the way. One of the biggest obstacles, is when one gets a teacher who pays no attention and doesn’t help their students. This can be discouraging and may result in the loss of many students who may have gone on to be skilled and capable martial artists. Not only is that not a good look for any dojo, it also contributes to the dilution of the style, as those capable students could have gone on to eventually pass on their teachings.

If you’re a student, new or experienced, an important thing to watch out for is a lack of teaching or instruction. This can be a sign that perhaps that dojo isn’t for you. Or maybe it’s a McDojo and all one is looking for is the monthly tuition payments. There are unfortunately a lot of those out there and they can be tricky to spot. Sometimes, the dojo in question just happens to be a stagnant environment. One good example I can give is a dojo I studied with for about four years. When I signed on with them, considering they were of a different style, I expected to start over at the white belt level.

However, it was agreed that since I had reached and earned the rank of black belt, I should continue to wear the rank and we’d fill in the gps as I got tested at each individual level. After four years, I was barely ever taught anything beyond the very bare minimum and even then, there was never a focus on any ONE thing. There was always a general sprinkling of a dozen different topics during one class, making it very difficult to learn and develop. Being as that I am an unusual hybrid, too advanced to train easily with the beginners and too new to the style to train with the advanced ones, it was a difficult few years.

The workouts were decent but I was never given any one-on-one coaching, instruction or learned anything beyond techniques that I’ve already been using for decades. Despite dropping subtle reminders (one does not DEMAND testing in karate), I was never taught anything or progressed within the style. It led to my departure, even when I got word that classes were continuing on. That’s me as a student. If you’re an instructor, you have even MORE responsibility. Although there are certain aspects that can be taught by some senior belts to help out the Sensei, a head instructor ultimately has the responsibility of ensuring that all students advance and learn in due course.

The success of each student, and ultimately the entire dojo, depends on the proper teaching and passing on of the knowledge. Unlike some classic kung fu movies, masters don’t hold back that one technique that gives them an advantage over everyone else. A proper Sensei dedicated to the art will not hold anything back and will teach everything they know in hopes that the art will continue to live on and be taught to others. That’s why, if you go to a dojo where they won’t give you any time, ever, you should probably go. Find a different school and pursue your martial arts elsewhere. It’s important to find a school where you not only feel comfortable but accommodates your journey. Food for thought…☯️

Karma, The Invisible Check And Balance…

Karma’s a bitch. We’ve all heard that one before. Most people use this expression in the frame of justifying revenge that may have been exacted on someone, which is ironically the opposite of what karma actually is. Without getting too far into the weeds, since I’ve written posts defining karma before, it’s actually the sum of one’s deeds and behaviours that will affect the outcome going forward. In essence, what you put out into the world is what will likely come back to you. Karma in a nutshell.

I have a rather interesting example of karma, which took place on a few months ago. I never thought about it until last week when a live example fed itself back to me. My boss and I were working with some support staff at cleaning up a mess of paperwork that had been water damaged due to a busted pipe in the ceiling. As such, we spent several hours in the file room, drying things off and putting them away. My boss suddenly decided to put some music on to keep things entertaining. He slapped on some country, which for any of you who know me, isn’t my favourite genre.

After several songs, I commented and asked if he had anything but country. I followed it up by asking if he had even asked the ladies if there was a preference they’d like to hear. It was a jovial and comedic situation that had everyone (including my boss) laughing but there was no question that it put him on the spot and certainly pointed an embarrassing finger at him. Everyone got a good laugh and moved on. No harm, no foul, right?

Fast-forward to several months later when I was working with those same two ladies at boxing up old files to be archived. I had JUST downloaded a new Richard Marx album (it’s called ‘Stories to Tell’ and it’s all his greatest hits on acoustic. I highly recommend it). I thought it would be nice to give it a listen as I created boxes since one coworker was off in the file stacks and another had her head buried in a laptop to number the boxes we were packing.

One of my coworkers came walking along and asked what music was playing, to which I replied it was Richard Marx. She said it sounded a bit low-key and depressing and that I should put on something peppier. She also asked if I had consulted the ladies on what they’d like to listen to, to which they replied I hadn’t asked them a thing. Once again, it was all in good fun and everyone got a laugh (I also switched the music to something they preferred) but the memory of my having done the very same thing to my boss months prior suddenly washed over me and I recognized what had just happened: karma had played out.

Most people aren’t quick to give karma too much stock in daily life, but it’s surprisingly out there and affects us in ways we won’t often see. Everyone LOVES to say ‘all things happen for a reason’ but they mostly use that as a generic quip to justify whatever shitty things they may have caused, themselves. It’s important to be mindful of our thoughts and behaviours. Putting good out into the world certainly ensures that eventually, good will find its way back to you. Food for thought and a shout out to m y co-worker who reminded me of the story above and gave me the idea for this post… ☯️

Learn To Be Still…

Sensei has always told me that I have two ears and only one mouth, so I should listen twice as much as I talk. I think he got that from someone else and he was mostly trying to get me to shut the hell up in karate class, a feat that is impressive, in and of itself. After all, getting me to be quiet is difficult on the best of days, even in controlled environments. But there’s something to be said for learning to be still and quiet. After all, those are important factors required for effective meditation. But even more importantly, they’re required for everyday life.

Being quiet allows others to speak and express themselves. by doing this, you can get to the root of the message that others are trying to impart. This usually doesn’t happen if one is flapping one’s jaws. This is a lesson I wish I had learned early on in my career. Maybe I would have learned more than I did or allowed others to have chances that were only prevented by the fact I didn’t listen as deeply as I should have. One will never know.

If you’re in a leadership role, being silent can allow your team to express themselves and provide insight without being clouded by your view. Time has proven that once a leader has spoken, their team will usually formulate their own opinion by what the leader has said. This is referred to as being “yes-men.” Allowing others to speak first will engender creativity, brain-storming and ACTUAL thought as opposed to blind agreeing. If you quiet your mind along with your voice, you have a better chance at finding peace and balance. It’ll also allow your thoughts to bring you to better and more positive conclusions and better outcomes.

In a world of constant stress and fast-moving lifestyles, learn to be still. It will help reduce that stress and slow down that lifestyle. That’s something everyone needs. And in doing so, one can begin to reduce the amount of suffering within one’s life, which is kind of my jam. And helping to eliminate one’s own suffering allows for one to help eliminate suffering in others. Kind of important if we expect any of that world peace stuff everyone keeps talking about. So, learn to listen. Learn to be still. Food for thought… ☯️

The Photos Not Taken…

We live in an unfortunate world where if you accidentally burp in a public place, there’s a good chance some wangless douchebag caught it on their phone and uploaded to whatever social media platform they’re trying to get free stuff on. I sometimes feel extremely grateful to have grown up during a period of society where not EVERYTHING was documented by every person who walks by, where if someone is having a genuine emergency and needs help, people are running for a phone to call for help and actually contribute to that help instead of whipping out their cell phone.

Despite my love/hate opinions in how society conducts itself, one significant benefit of the age we live in, is the fact that our technology allows us the benefit of the very thing I’m complaining about. For example, if my toddler does some adorable, destructive thing, like beat the shit out of his brother who’s literally twice his age and size, I can capture the memory in seconds. This makes for a rich book of memories that I can look back on, years from now and remember. I still have nights where I look through my photos and videos and reminisce about my first day watching cartoons with Nathan when he was born, or the day he slipped into a horse stance and downward block.

I imagine all the times in my life that would be wonderful to look back on and reminisce. My parents made a point of taking photos of me here and there but there are pinnacle moments in my life that were never documented. My first steps, my first time riding a bike… Getting my black belt. So many times that documenting the event would have been great. I think of all the times my father and I went swimming in the forest or hiking, biking long distances together or even watching the latest Star Trek movie… It’s the photos not taken that we regret the most. But the important thing to remember, if one CAN remember, is the memory.

There are plenty of times in my life that I’m grateful weren’t documented. But it’s the photos not taken that I wish I had. I imagine if I could have had a photograph of my brother and I, in the week before he went into the hospital for the last time. Imagine that? I have everything in my mind, focused and clear. But they’re memories that I’ll ever only be able to share with others in word or written form. It’s like someone who looks through a family album and asks where the dad is; chances are, he’s the one taking all the photographs.

Enjoy the memories you make. It isn’t by staring through the lens of a camera that you’ll make those memories; it’s by experiencing them. Do I have photos of every family trip or important milestone in my life? No, but that means I got to LIVE them. That’s what’s important in life. one of the greatest experiences in my life was travelling to Japan and Okinawa. I have TONS of photos and videos of that trip. Know why? because Sensei loved me enough to document the entire trip for me. because he’d been there a dozen times before and wanted me to experience it. It’s a lesson one needs to realize. It can’t be taught. Food for thought… ☯️