Category: Buddhism & Philosophy

Are You just Listening Or Also Hearing…?

Relationships involve a lot of work. I’m sure that isn’t news to any of your reading this post, but people often forget that the Beetles were wrong… You most certainly and absolutely do need more than love. I remember a few months before one of my close friends got married. We sat in my garage and had a few cold ones and smoked a couple of choice cigars and talked about his upcoming nuptials. One of the things I explained is that’s although it’s extremely important to love the person you’re with, there are other important components that are required.

Arguably, compromise, understanding and the ability to communicate honestly and openly with the person in question are just as important as loving them and in some cases, more so. And this applies to any relationship in one’s life, friendship, marital or otherwise. Having the ability to be honest and communicate are integral to maintaining the relationship AND maintaining good mental health through it all. Often, relationship failures can be traced to a failure in one or more of these other components and not so much the fact the pair didn’t love each other. But I digress…

The important lesson in today;s post is that as one makes their way through the challenges of life, one needs to do more than just sit and listen. It’s important to actually hear what the other person is saying, as important as it is for them to actually hear you. Often, one person will be trying to start a conversation or impart a message that the recipient simply isn’t getting and this can often be attributed to a lack of hearing, or stubbornness. this can lead to misinterpreted messaging, hurt feelings and a general sense of misunderstanding that will often lead to a breakdown in effective communication. Certainly not conducive to any sort of relationship.

each person is a free-thinking individual with their own thoughts, opinions and positions on whatever matters of the day may be facing them. But the only way to approach such things is with an open mind and an ability to hear what the other person is actually trying o communicate and asking for clarification if you don’t understand. only then can you begin to truly communicate effectively and find the means to compromise and understand the other person’s perspective, which is important to maintaining good relationships. Food for thought… ☯️

One In The Hand Is Worth What?

Listen, life is hard! And rightfully so… Can you picture how badly humanity would falter if everything was simple and easy??? Hell, take an objective look at the world’s rich and elite. All the people who are livin’ large are almost ALWAYS found to be the subject of controversy, crime, affairs and/or drug and alcohol abuse. And there’s a good reason behind that. As human beings, there needs to be challenges and goals to life in order to help us grow and develop. A lack thereof will result in a sort of boredom that can lead to trouble.

This is why it is so important to appreciate the now. Appreciate what you have and where you’re at. Too often, people will always crave and want what they don’t have, instead of appreciating what they already do. Got a three-bedroom house? Boy, I’d sure love to have a five-bedroom house with two bathrooms. Got a four-cylinder car? Boy, I’d sure love to have a high-end SUV. I don’t wanna work… I don’t wanna pay bills… Things are hard and I just want them to be easy…

People always want what they don’t have, and that’s a terrible way to live. I used to live this phenomenon when I was still with the Force. Since they have a propensity to transfer their officers every few years, it was common to move and assume that the next place would be better than the one I currently occupied. Although in many cases, I found myself burned out at my current location, there was no debuting that I had no idea what the next location would bring. This made it extremely important to appreciate living in the now and enjoying whatever positives I had in the current state as they could potentially not be available at the next posting. The same can be said of life in general.

I read something recently that said that the famous quote, “When one door closes, another one opens,” is attributed to Alexander Graham Bell. I’ve spent my life hearing that quote and the first surprise was who penned it, but apparently the quote goes on to say, “but we often look so long and so regretfully upon the closed door that we do not see the ones which open for us.” Of course, a more recent quote I read says, “When one door closes, open that bitch back up. That’s how doors work!” Either way, the lesson is to focus on the positive, appreciate what you have and don’t ignore the entire parade of life so that you won’t miss the caboose. ☯️

A Little Touch Of Perspective…

I’m sometimes surprised at the places I manage to find the oddest hints of inspiration. Places I would never have intentionally gone to find ideas and inspiration will often slap me in the face with a sudden bout of wisdom. It surprises me, every time it happens. As the old saying goes, we most often find our destiny on the road we least thought to travel. The same can be easily applied to inspiration or good advice. I was reminded of this recently, when an old high school friend posted something on their Facebook page. It’s author unknown and written in French, so y’all will have to bear with me as I write it out and translate it…

Modern-day Priorities…

Books: $25? What’s it about…?
Pitcher of beer: $25? I’ll have a second one…

Groceries: $100? That’s fuckin’ ridiculous…
Eating out at a restaurant: $100? That’s not so bad…

Gym membership: $500? I can’t afford that shit…
Tattoo: $500? That’s a great price, sign me up…

Education: $1500? What am I, rich???
Southern vacation: $1500? When do we head out?

30 minutes of reading: I don’t have time for this, I have things to do…
30 minutes of social media: Wow, time seems to fly, where’d the day go?

60 minutes of sports: I don’t have enough free time for that…
60 minutes of binging a series: Just one more episode…

All things are a matter of priority and perspective. What are yours?

This post speaks to me because I find myself allowing quite a number of the differences listed above to take place within my own life. The most important is the last one, where people would rather binge-watch a show for an hour than workout for an hour or less. Priorities have become skewered and laziness has become an acceptable trait in some people. I see myself checking facebook and social media before taking the time to read the plethora of books I own, some of which I’ve had for years and never opened. The first and second ones speak to me on a personal level, as well.

The important lesson here is simply to realize where one’s priorities lie and work towards steering them in one’s best interest. Self-care and self-improvement are important, no matter what one needs to do to in order to achieve it. It’s human nature to do what’s easier but it takes a slightly stronger force of will to make the better choice. Does that mean you can’t occasionally binge-watch your favourite show or eat out at a restaurant? Of course not, so long as moderation and common sense rule the day. Food for thought… ☯️

All The Little Things… ( A Matter Of Perspective)

Sometimes it gets easy to forget that the important things in life will often be a matter of perspective based on one’s circumstances. For example, most of us take for a given that we’ll get home at night and have food on the table. While we may consider this a little thing, barely worthy of thought or attention, for the family struggling to make ends meet, having food on the table can mean the world. And that‘s what I mean by perspective. What seems like such a little thing to one person may be integral to a better life for others.

I was reminded recently of just how lucky I am, in life. I have a warm, stable home and household, food in my fridge, clothes on my back and I want for nothing. There are things I want out of life, obviously. But there’s no shortage of warmth, safety and love within my life. Not everyone is so lucky. That’s why when a friend reached out for some help for someone else, I was able to say yes without hesitation. There is a prevailing belief that if you find yourself able to do good, you should.

What I did or who I did it for is not important. But knowing that I was able to help someone in need not only made me feel better but I’m certain the person obtaining the help is grateful, as well. We all need a bit of help sometimes, regardless of where we are in life. The irony is that it’s sometimes the richest people with the biggest entourage who need the most help but are the least likely to ask for it.

If you have the ability to help someone else, I highly recommend it. Although no one will line themselves up to give everything away, there are always ways to help others. And not only does it make you feel good to help others but karma will love you for it. Granted, if you do it to get good karma, you’re kind of defeating the purpose. But any good is still good. So go out and spread that good. Doing so will go a long way towards eliminating suffering in yourself as well as others. Food for thought…☯️

The Matrix Has You…

There’s no denying that modern life has led to the here and now; a world where everyone (or almost everyone) is plugged in. Computers, laptops, cell phone and tablets are seen and used everywhere with a very small demographic remaining who have either never laid hands on one of those or never will. Our children are no different, with modern life making it almost impossible for someone to raise a child without the use of electronic devices. One good example I can provide is when my son start second grade and his school demanded that we provide him with a device to do his homework on. This blew my mind and I immediately opposed it, as it’s one thing to pay for supplies that are needed but entirely another when you’re expected to buy them an expensive electronic device just to do homework.

My opposition was not well-received, as I was told that any device could be used, including my own cell phone. I don’t know about y’all, but I’m not a fan of providing my personal cell to anyone. Beyond the fact that I use it myself as my personal phone line, there’s also my email access, games, alarm, scheduler and social media. My phone is my phone, purchased with my own money for my own purposes. The presumption of being told I can simply hand it off to anyone else is ludicrous to me. But here we are. I ended up giving my son one of the older version cell phones I had, since I never turn them in. He now uses this not only for his school apps but for a few simple games and some streaming services as well. This is combination with the Nintendo Switch we bought him last summer to keep him occupied on our trip out East.

The issue is that my children are fast-becoming people who can’t live without these devices. As a result, my 8-year old, who should be outside, running, playing, climbing and riding a bike, spends his down time on his back or lying on his stomach, watching Netflix Kids and Disney+, playing Minecraft and unfortunately binge-watching Minecraft videos on YouTube. The unfortunate byproduct of this standard is that Nathan is becoming a bit of a lazy shit. Gets home from school, drops his shit and grabs his devices. Wakes up in the morning, walks himself out of the bedroom and grabs his devices. All weekend, stays on his devices. Drives me absolutely batty!

I grew up on the Northern shores of New Brunswick, where I spent my down time in the forests, swimming in brooks and playing outside. I put so many kilometres on my bike that I usually ended up needing a new one every couple of years. Maybe that had something to do with my growth, though. My point is, we’ve been trying to get Nathan more physically involved with the everyday life outside the house. Considering we have some pretty nice weather on occasion, our new standard has been that if he wants his device, he needs to spend an hour outdoors, first. Not if there’s a snow storm or bad weather, obviously. But in general and overall.

Our idea has also been poorly received. Considering that yesterday morning, I was able to sleep in quite late (pretty bad that between 9 and 10 am is now considered late) before my toddler woke me by scaring the living shit out of me, I didn’t start out my Saturday on the best note. But I made it clear to Nathan that he was getting no screens until he spent an hour outdoors. In true, teenage form, he decided it was a better and easier option to curl up in a blanket and sulk than just go outside. It was -3 degrees. That’s almost cut-off jean shorts weather. Never mind the fact that the time he used to sulk about not getting his screens, he could have easily burned through an hour outside.

Look, I get it… It’s 2023 and everyone and everything is tethered to the electronic frontier. There’s no living completely device-free because no matter how you live, you’ll eventually need technology in some given way, shape or form. I just don’t want technology being the only way my children experience life. Ultimately, he conceded and went outside. Although I don’t like that it turned into a negotiation, at least I got him outside. I think it’s one of those scenarios where the parent gets to say, “Someday you’ll thank me…” ☯️

Taking Some Time…

I was never much of one to be out until all hours of the night, when I was younger. While most of my counterparts were out at parties, drinking booze and getting into trouble, I was usually in the dojo, studying at home or watching movies and spending time with my dad. Even once I hit my teenage years and got my own car, my time out was reasonably limited of my own accord, often choosing to bid good evening to my friends and head home rather than stay out for the sake of staying out. This didn’t always work out in my favour and may have contributed to my becoming something of a loner or outcast. Que sera…

“I didn’t disappear, I traded;
Nights out for knowledge seeking.
Parties for intimate gatherings.
Chasing money for chasing purpose.
Meaningless work for my passion.
Being busy for protecting time.
Soul extortion for soul searching.
Living for others for living my life.”

– Lewis Howes

I found the quote above some weeks ago and it kind of stuck with. I look back on my time as a youth and I recognize that I wasn’t popular, wasn’t part of any sports teams or major groups and I’m reasonably sure that almost no one that I graduated from school remembers me or gives two shits about where I ended up. But I have no regrets about how I’ve spent my youth. I made some god friends, the best a man could ask for. And ironically, I still have contact with all of them, almost thirty years later. That says something. It tells me I made some good choices that led me to the here and now and I did it while involving people who made a positive impact.

This is what’s important to remember; how you chose to live your life will ultimately impact the person you become. Does that mean that hitting the clubs and being popular automatically make you an asshole? I wouldn’t make THAT generalization but I can confirm that I was never bullied or beaten up by any of the academics in my school. This also says something. The message to any of my young readers, assuming I HAVE young readers, is no matter what you may be dealing with or facing in your life, it’s up to you to forge the path that will lead you to where you need to be. So make sure it’s a positive path. Although some things may gratify you in the moment, the long term is what you should be looking at. Food for thought…☯️

It’s Not Them, It’s You…

It continues to boggle my mind how so many people seem to be of the opinion that they always entitled to certain things. None will argue that we live in the age of the snowflake, with people demanding apologies, special accommodations and everything under the stars, simply because they feel that they’re entitled to it. Nothing could be farther from the truth but the unfortunate reality is that those who understand what hill they choose to die on usually end up rolling over for these individuals.

This is an unfortunate phenomenon that has been going on for years and likely decades. But I’ve never been more aware of it then now. I’ve often see people make poor decisions, purchase things and try to return them without a receipt, demand things of other individuals and even involve themselves in other peoples’ matters that have nothing to do with them. Just Google “entitled” or “Karen” and you can see plenty of examples of this phenomenon. I’m certainly part of the denomination who genuinely feels sorry for all the kindhearted and pleasant people named Karen. I’m not even sure how this name came to be associated with entitlement… Maybe that would do for another post. Moving on…

The concept that the world owes you any damn thing is an inaccurate one and one that will almost always end up making things worse for you. Although the Buddhist side of me believes it’s important not to cause further suffering and that apologizing and making amends are important tools in order to achieve that aspect, one needs to recognize that we are ultimately entitled to nothing and demanding things or wanting apologies and recompense based on principle will not only get you nowhere, it’ll actually lead to further suffering.

I don’t think I have much of a point to make here and maybe I’m just venting. Most of this is simply observation and I recognize that when’s one thing comes up, I have more of a tendency to simply let it go. Not because I’m lazy or don’t feel that I’m entitled to be treated properly but because one needs to choose what hill to die on. Some things just aren’t worth the overall effort. There are more important things in life than trying to prove you’re entitled. Food for thought… ☯️

You Don’t NEED That…

The accumulation of material things sucks! I know that many if not most won’t agree with that opinion, but there it is. Maybe that’s why the monastic life has always appealed to me. Having nothing carries a sort of peace that most people don’t seem to recognize. There’s a sort of prevailing societal beliefs that life has to involve the accumulation of personal wealth and the accumulation of crap within one’s environment. This is a perspective that developed over a longer period than I care to think about.

The reality is that people have forgotten that money is not the goal in life. We get jobs and earn money so that we can get by in life, obtain lodging, clothe and feed ourselves and maintain the basic amenities we need to stay alive. If you’re working with the goal of becoming rich, you should be looking inward and asking what that wealth is expected to provide. People often say that money can’t buy happiness and I’ve often said that I’d prefer to find out for myself. But the monument I make the earning and accumulation of money my goal in life, I’m confident in the thought that the aforementioned happiness won’t come.

That being said, money isn’t the only issue but what people do with it. Having the biggest house or the newest car, owning a cabin at the lake or having a huge flat screen television… People associate property with success instead of considering success to be a sign of success. In its own little way, it’s kind of sad. As long as I have my clothes. My books and some ability to write and workout, I’m happier than a proverbial swine in its own expelled fecal matter.

There’s also a significant weight that one carries when possessing all of these things. When you consider aspects such as how much harder it is to gather and move all of those belongings if you change residence, or the significantly increased loss one suffers if those belongings go up in flames or get stolen, owning less stuff or being something of a minimalist doesn’t sound like such a bad idea. Plus, one must consider that any added monies you may gain by not purchasing all the crap can be used to have experiences, instead.

Lastly, I’ve observed that people will try to conform with this societal expectation of ownership and wealth by living beyond their means. This means using credit or leaning on future monies they don’t have in order to get that bigger house or buy the big camper trailer. Although credit and the ability to use it is an important part of Canada’s economy, the accumulation of debt can happen quickly and without warning, with most people unfortunately unaware that those monthly payments they’re positive they can make can trip up one’s finances faster than one thinks. This can lead to a poorer quality of life and loss of home and livelihood. Certainly not worth owning that motorcycle, even if you’ve dreamed of it for years.

The lesson here is to live within your means. If you want your means to increase, that can be something to work on. But living beyond one’s means will not only prevent the betterment and advancement of one’s life but will also hinder it in ways that can be difficult to get out from. Having less stuff won’t make you unhappy. If nothing else, it will offer up a freedom that you may not have allowed yourself to consider. Food for thought… ☯️

Who Says You Can’t Go Home…

Once in a while I get wistful for the beauty and landscape of the Northern shores of New Brunswick. I’ve always fancied it as something of a shame that one never truly comes to appreciate the beauty and splendid of one’s own home until they’ve been gone from there for a period of time. For myself, I left New Brunswick in my late 20’s with my intent being to build a future elsewhere. When I consider New Brunswick, I recognize that there is very little prosperous economy there and the medical system is quickly becoming one of the worst in the country.

But that doesn’t take away from the fact that, every time I go home, I’m taken by the open water, rolling Appalachian mountains and temperate climate. It’s something I don’t seem to remember noticing when I lived there. And that’s where the shame comes in. I’ve had plenty of opportunity to recognize that I should repeat the mistakes of others. After all, four out of seven of my mother’s siblings have spent their lives away from the Maritimes, only to return upon retirement because they could no longer stand to be away. I should have spotted and learned from that. But I didn’t.

Every time I travel back home, it takes my breath away. This always seems to be counter balanced with the fact that I’ve been spoiled by living in larger centres. Living in an area where I have almost immediate access to anything that I immediately require or want, at the drop of a hat. When I travelled to New Brunswick with my family last September, I quickly discovered this wasn’t the case there. In fact, we had evenings where we had difficulty arranging for dinner for all of us. It cast a bit of a shadow on an otherwise pleasant trip. That and, you know, NO one acknowledging we came home and no one coming out to visit. But that’s a different story.

My point is, when i lived there, I never noticed such shortcomings. I was happy with where I lived and where I was. Since life only moves forward, it makes sense that I would have sought out a career and life path that would give me the best possible opportunities. But doing so has skewed my perspective on what’s important in making a home. And that’s something I need to recognize and adjust within myself. It may be an important lesson to consider that it’s important to appreciate what we have and where we are in life. Doing so may lead to better happiness. Food for thought… ☯️

Just Because You’re Not On The Path Alone, Doesn’t Mean You Surrender The Wheel…

I’ve always found it interesting how it’s often the ones who have no stake, experience or actual knowledge of something that will be the first to comment or question choices that one makes. This is especially true if you have Type-1 Diabetes. I’ve lost count of how many times I’ve had someone comment on something related to my condition or its treatment without also having it, being a doctor or having some firsthand knowledge of what they’re talking about.

I’ve never had a problem with people who ask questions because they’re genuinely curious or they want to know more about Diabetes. There’s nothing wrong with that and in some instances, it’s an important aspect to my overall health and safety. For example, one of the first things I’ve always done when starting a new job is to let everyone know that I have Type-1 Diabetes and what to do if they find me in a compromising situation because of it. I find this takes the awkwardness out and gives them important information that could potentially save my life.

Ironically and despite anything you may have heard to the contrary, there’s really only two scenarios when dealing with someone with Diabetes who may be experiencing an extreme low or high. If they’re conscious and able to speak, they’ll either administer treatment themselves or let you know what they need. If they’re unconscious, call 911! I know there are some who would say the opposite but you should never try to feed something to an unconscious person. There’s a believe out there that if you give them sugared juice while waiting for an ambulance, they can treat the high rather than the other way around. That’s fuckin’ bullshit! Unless you’re able to test my blood glucose and confirm I’m suffering a low, don’t feed me shit! But that’s just me…

But it can be really hard in general when dealing with people who believe they know better than you. Little quips, such as “Should you really be eating that?” Or “I thought Diabetics couldn’t have sugar…” really grind my gears. And I swear to the light, if I have one more person suggest this book they saw at their local pharmacy that boasts a diet that can reverse Diabetes, my Zen calm will shatter! Although there could be dietary applications for folks with Type-2, that shit just doesn’t apply to me.

in these situations, I’m always reminded of one of my favourite quotes by Theodore Roosevelt, where he says, “It’s not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better.” The quote goes on to say that it’s the person in the arena, facing the adversity, who is owed the credit. The same concept can be applied here. Just because you can’t see certain aspects of my condition or even for the aspects you can, I’m the one in the fight. I’m the one in the arena. The critics can check their opinions at the door. ☯️