Category: Buddhism & Philosophy

Friendships are important. As I’ve written in previous posts, humans are pack animals, much to the chagrin of those who consider themselves loners. But inherently, we are designed to be amongst our own and to travel in packs. It’s always been this way, and modern society has cultivated that instinct. This is why we gather and build cities and communities.

But what is a friendship? Well, according to what one might find online, a friendship is simply defined as a relationship of mutual affection between people and is a stronger form of interpersonal bond than an association. Obviously that’s a bit of a fancy way of simply saying that it is a relationship between friends.

There are a lot of benefits to cultivating and maintaining friendships. These might include a sense of belonging, increasing your confidence and self-worth as well as boost your happiness level and reduce stress. Friendships also help get us through the difficult times in our lives as friends tend to be a shoulder to lean on during difficult trials.

Unless you’re a teenager or in your early twenties, a friendship doesn’t necessarily mean you’re hanging out every day or spending full weekends together. But true friendship comes from the occasional communication simply to ask how you’re doing, or to lend aid when needed. Helping a friend pack a moving truck or having their back in a tough situation are good examples. As adults, friendships can be a bit more about the little things and less about the quantity of time spent with said friend. Quality over quantity, I suppose.

These differences are easy to spot. I have people I’ve known literally my entire life who have become too involved or too busy with the grind of daily life to even respond in a timely manner when I reach out. Can this happen? Oh, yes! Life can often make it difficult, and it’s understandable that things get in the way. The flip side to that is that I have some folks (and you know who you are) that I’ve only known for a few short years, some even less than years, who make an effort and reach out often before I can reach out to them.

Sometimes, the willingness to make an effort means more than spending a measurable amount of time together.

And hopefully, some of you will have caught the Tolkien reference I made in my title…

So I’ve often mentioned that it’s important to have goals. Goals are what drive us. We use them to define who we are, what we do and what steps we take in life. But an important part of having goals is to dream. Dreaming is essential.

Dreaming about future goals will help you to achieve them. We learn this from an early age, when we gaze longingly at the picture of the item you asked your parents for Christmas in the Sears catalogue. The last instance I had of this was when the Nintendo GameBoy came out in 1989. (For you younger buggers who aren’t aware of “Sears” or why one would use a catalogue, Google it! I don’t need to age myself further…)

But this concept applies to adult goals as well. Think about something you really want out of life… I don’t mean the extravagant goals that most people have, like being famous or getting rich; although this concept could apply to that as well. After all, where there’s a will, there’s a way.

There can be a number of benefits if you daydream. Thinking and daydreaming about your goals can help you relax, helps to release stress and as you focus on goals you’ll think of things that will help you achieve said goals. As long as your daydreaming time doesn’t interfere with your work or your home obligations, you’re golden. Picture sitting at your desk, leaning on one hand with your eyes cast off into the distance with a small trickle of drool hanging down… You know who you are!

Working on goals and accomplishing them has been linked to happier overall lives and better moods, which tends to help a person be more successful. It’s important to keep building goals. Sometimes, when we reach a certain point in our lives, we have a job and/or career and we get settled into a routine, our motivation gets stagnant. And that’s where life grinds to a stand still.

So keep those goals coming! Life won’t get you anywhere unless you keep trying, dreaming and planning. There’ll always be something else to accomplish.

One of the biggest struggles I face when trying to adhere to certain Buddhist habits is noise. The modern world is loaded with noise. Even when you try to sit in silence, in your own home, you can and will often hear a lot of background noise from the environment around you.

Ever try to meditate with an excited four year old running circles around you? (I ask this as my son Nathan is violently bouncing a rubber ball against the walls next to me as I type, despite asking him several times to quiet down!)

The point is that modern life doesn’t allow for a lot of the serenity you would get from more traditional locations. When I visited the Buddhist temples in Narita and Tokyo, one of the first things I noticed was how quiet the environment was, despite being in the midst of a heavy urban centre. Now, these temples have walls, structures and trees that we obviously don’t have the benefit of having here!

The important point I’m making tonight is that you need to find some quiet time for yourself. This doesn’t just apply to Buddhists and people who meditate, but for everyone in general. Even if it means putting time aside when the kids are at school, or taking a quiet walk outside the city, or whatever you can manage. We often allow life in general to get in the way of our well-being; a big part of which requires some quiet time to ourselves (and no, sleep doesn’t count).

And now, my son is having a spa out tantrum in his bed because he refused to put on his pyjamas! I’m in the basement and I can hear him yelling through the floor! Definitely not the serene environment of the Shinsho-ji Temple! But as with all things in life, where there’s a will, there’s a way! Be certain to find that way, and help maintain your mental and emotional well being.

Where does humanity’s honour lie…? And where does friendship end and obligation and duty begin? Sometimes it’s a fine line and we can’t be sure which choice is the most correct. Sometimes, the subject of our friendship doesn’t leave us with much choice…

In 1990, Robert Jordan wrote “Death is lighter than a feather, but duty is heavier than a mountain.” The quote always stuck with me, as I’ve read the Eye of the World a number of times. It’s Book One out of Fourteen of the Wheel of Time series. Fantastic read. I highly recommend it, if you have a few years to contribute to such a long series. But absolutely fantastic.

It wouldn’t be until years later, during my studies of the Japanese culture through the martial arts, that I would come to realize that the quote was actually part of a document issued by the Imperial Japanese Army in the early 1880’s.

But what does it mean? I always took it to mean that the duties and obligations of life provided a burden to one’s shoulders akin to Atlas holding up the world; I’ve never contemplated the second part of the quote… Certainly, death comes to us all, but not until we’ve accomplished what we’re here for. But enough of the philosophical…

When a person swears an oath, it has to mean something. One can’t simply swear an oath for the sake of getting what one wants. An oath carries an obligation along with it. In its very definition, an oath states that you are making a solemn promise regarding your future behaviour or actions.

What happens when you’ve sworn oaths that are being violated by a friend? Do you side with the friend? Cast aside your oath in exchange of a moment’s favour? Does it make it easier when you know that the friend was aware of the oath and its violation and chose to proceed anyway?

We live in a society of self service. It has become much easier to do what feels right instead of what IS right. And that sometimes puts those who are your friend in an awkward position. We don’t always get to chose how we deal with these situations. Always remember that you should respect your oaths and do what’s right.

Years ago, I was working in a small rural Saskatchewan town that had a quote by Suzy Kassem painted onto a mural in the local school. It read: Stand up for what’s right, even if you stand alone. Yet another quote that has always stuck with me. Sometimes, it’s hard for us to recognize what’s right. It becomes even harder for us to DO what’s right even when we do. But ultimately, what’s right exists despite our associations. And one should always do what’s right.

As humans, we are pack creatures. No matter how much of a loner you may think you are, inherently you are designed to run with the pack and be among your own. This is why people have often used the expression “go with the flow”… Because it’s much easier to follow the pack than to stand alone.

Some good examples I can provide include that at some point in humanity’s history, the population believe that Earth was the centre of the universe and that the Sun revolved around us. This was eventually opposed in the 3rd century BC when the notion of the planets orbiting the sun was introduced. The population rejected the notion and fought against it, as a whole. It wasn’t until the 16th century, when Nicolas Copernicus revived the notion and helped to prove it as the established standard. (This is known as Heliocentrism, you can Google it!)

Another good example is how people used to believe the Earth was flat! (I know that some people still believe this concept, despite all the scientific evidence to the contrary. But I’m not here to argue against the Flat Earth Society!) The concept of a spherical Earth was proposed as early as 6th century BC by the Greeks, although it wasn’t accepted as a given until the 3rd century BC and only started to gain leverage as the standard after Ferdinand Magellan’s circumnavigation expedition in the 1500’s.

For the longest time, the world’s greatest scientific minds believed that everything in the universe was made up of molecules and atoms and that these were the smallest particles! It wasn’t until the late 1800’s when they examined atoms up close and discovered the distinct particles that composed them. They found even smaller and weirder stuff once they cracked those suckers open and discovered sub-atomic particles, quarks and all that jazz… But enough of the physics lesson!

Even in modern society, certain histories and beliefs have been proven wrong or incorrect because of newfound evidence, lending to the premise that some histories need to be rewritten.

My point is, in order for humanity to continue to advance and become more than what we are, we need to keep our minds open to new ideas. Just because something has always been “the standard”, doesn’t mean that it will always be so. (Insert something here about teaching an old dog new tricks…) It is important that we be able to hear new ideas, acknowledge them and examine them, even though they may never be proven right. The concept of brainstorming is fast becoming a lost art in modern society, due to the availability of the world’s knowledge at our literal fingertips. But it’s up to us to continue to allow our minds to come up with, and share, new ideas and information.

I’ve always been an avid reader. As a child, I would often have two, three, often four or five books on the go at once. I still do. When my folks would try and get me to bed at night, they never had to read me a bedtime story as I would already be curled up with a paperback in my hands.

This isn’t to mean that it was all constructive reading… I would often read Archie comics or regular comic books. These numbered in the thousands by the time I reached the end of my teen years. But the reading was constant, and even the comic books helped to develop my imagination and creativity. My grandmother worked as a nurse, back in the days when nurses did a lot of the work that doctor would do, simply by virtue of availability. As a result, we had hundreds of medical textbooks from the 60’s in our home. And since there was only one room with enough space to fit a bookshelf to place them, they ended up in my room. My father wasn’t overly fond of me reading them, but I used to love going through them and seeing how the human body functioned. I think that may have been one of the divining factors behind my fascination with science (that, and Star Trek).

One of my mother’s biggest pet peeves when I was a child, was my tendency to bring books to the table. Although quiet and well-behaved (at least according to her) I had a tendency of having a book in front of my face as soon as I sat at the table. Both my parents would insist I cast the book aside to allow me to spend the meal with them. My parents believed that mealtime was an important time for a family to speak with one another, discuss the day’s events and simply be in each other’s presence. They were right.

There have been a number of studies in recent years related to the development of our children and the use of electronic devices. Although not inherently bad on their own, most professionals agree that child development depends on touch, visualization and speaking; many aspects we don’t get from a tablet. Even if your child’s device is “blessed” with educational app and games, their frequent use, especially at the dinner table and out at social gatherings (restaurants and get togethers) damage the child’s ability to develop certain social functions required as we grow into adulthood.

Mari K. Swingle, PhD. wrote a book on the subject called “i-Minds”, which covers the use of technology and its effect on our brains as well as our health and happiness. It will be released at the end of this month The National Post website has posted an interesting article, which cites some of Dr. Swingle’s concerns and can be read here: https://nationalpost.com/health/kids-are-getting-too-much-screen-time-and-its-affecting-their-development

My wife and I recently started imposing a “no devices” policy at the dinner table. It hasn’t been easy, and my son has often balked at the prospect. He’s even taken to using the trick we’ve often seen joked about online where he puts the iPad just outside the dining room but still within viewing distance. It’s been a challenge, but he is starting to have his meals on a more consistent level and chats with us at the table.

This morning, I took my son to Wascana Lake. Situated in Regina, Saskatchewan, it’s a man-made lake that was created in 1883 and it sits just north of the Parliament Building. It contains a lot of avian animals and is usually a favourite for people who run, cycle and take photographs.

Now, I could have shown Nathan some photos of the Parliament Building on his device. I could have looked up ducks and geese on his iPad and explained what he was seeing. He would have enjoyed it and would have “ooh-ed” and “aah-ed” at seeing the animals. But it certainly wouldn’t have substituted taking a walk together, approaching and seeing the animals in real life and interacting with them. His laughter and enjoyment, coupled with running and fresh air has no comparison!

Technology and smart devices can certainly make life easier, in some respects. I’ll be the first to admit that I’ve been guilty of planting Nathan in front of his iPad on occasion in exchange for a few moments of peace and quiet. And while the advancement of technology has aided society in many ways, it’s important that we not lose sight of our humanity. Sit and talk with your children. Spend time doing things with them. This is how we will ensure the continued growth of our society. Not through the screen of a smart device.

The Child Mind Institute has also posted a wonderful article on Understood.org that covers the subject of devices at the dining table and its effects on children, as well as their parents. The article can be read here: https://www.understood.org/en/family/events-outings/family-dinners-and-dining-out/should-i-let-my-child-quietly-use-his-phone-at-the-dinner-table

One of the curious things that happens when I tell people I study Buddhism, is the apparent need to compare my beliefs to their own. I usually get asked the same batch of questions:

“So, do you believe in God?” (Yes, indeed I do!)

“Do you believe in life after death?” (I do, in fact. This is not discounting the concept of reincarnation that most Buddhists subscribe to)

“Oh, you’re one of those meditating people, right? Do you meditate?” (Yes, in fact I’m meditating right now to get through this conversation!)

All jokes aside, I never shy away from answering questions when someone is curious about a subject I have some knowledge on. But the aspect I want to discuss today is the concept of life after death. Let’s be honest, we have all wondered what happens when we die. At some point, we have wondered and/or hoped about the concept of heaven. Some people completely discount the possibility. Atheist, Humanists and Secularists especially, will have a reasonably firm opinion that there are no pearly gates waiting once we pass away.

However, science has been able to provide some insight, even for those who don’t follow a faith-driven lifestyle. The best explanation I could muster came out of me back in 2013, while speaking with my aunt.

Growing up, I only had one aunt on my father’s side. Although her name was Iris, the whole family always called her Cookie. She lived in the southern part of New Brunswick until her divorce, after which she moved to Alberta. It would be almost twenty years before I would see her again.

Before that came to happen, she was diagnosed with terminal cancer. It wasn’t until my work brought me out to the Prairies that I was in a position to go visit her. I traveled from South-Central Saskatchewan to Edmonton, Alberta where I spent three wonderful days with Aunt Cookie. Despite her waning health, she was so full of life and smiles. She was the perfect example of a person making the best of the living moment, instead of contemplating what was to come.

On the third day, before I got on the road to travel back to Saskatchewan, we enjoyed a light lunch at a local eatery, where we had the opportunity to discuss life and what Aunt Cookie may or may not believe would be coming. As we discussed, I remembered describing something to her that I would be repeating to others for the years that would follow:

“Most people fall under two categories. Those who believe we go to heaven when we die, and those who don’t! If you live a faith-driven existence, then you should be confident in what your faith has taught you. If you’re right, then you’ll be headed to heaven. Even if you don’t have faith, science has proven that living beings are energy-based. At our very cores, we are composed of energy at the very atomic levels. And science has proven that energy can never be destroyed or cease to exist; it simply transforms. So even if you lead your life without a religious faith, science has proven that once we pass away, our energy will transform or move on to some other level. So, no matter what you believe, you should trust that this is not the end…”

Make of that what you will, but it makes sense, right? And it did make my Aunt Cookie feel better and potentially gave her some peace.

My aunt passed away about six months later, but not before getting to meet the woman who would become my wife.

The bottom line is that we have no way of knowing what comes next. At least, not without going there to see for ourselves. And I don’t know about you but I don’t plan on finding out anytime soon. I have WAY too many things I want to get done first. Live life to the fullest and take the time to appreciate the now. Make every minute count.