Category: Opinion

Is it, though? The expression “It’s better to give than to receive,” is a quote from the Holy Bible (depending on the translation you’re reading). It’s pretty straightforward and direct in it’s meaning, suggesting that’s it’s always better to give to those who have not, than to receive. Today, I’m looking to ramble a bit on the implications behind this line of thinking and how it applies to modern life. For the most part, I think most people in general would agree that it’s a good thing to help others, whether that means giving them something they need or providing a service that may help them.

The question becomes whether one NEEDS or SHOULD give, through the course of their daily lives. Environment and upbringing also play a significant role. A good example of this would be my mother. My mother still lives in a reasonably sheltered corner of New Brunswick, with a French-Acadian population of just a few thousand. She’s spent the entirety of her life without ever being exposed to the outside world. This means that she’s never seen the racial diversity that exists in our country, nor has had the opportunity to see the dark side of society, where some are forced to live on the streets and beg for money or food.

This lack of perspective came to grinding halt during a visit with my aunt in 2002, where she travelled to Ottawa. Like most major cities, Ottawa has its fair share of homeless, and it isn’t uncommon to walk along the main drag and see people on almost every corner, asking for change. When I lived in Ottawa, I made my peace with the fact that not only did I not often carry change but a person could easily bankrupt themselves trying to give to everyone who needs, My mother had no such filter. She’d stop at every corner, handing out change to every person she found who would ask, to the point that my aunt had to physically drag her from the area. Since my mother comes from a diehard Catholic family, the title rings true in her mind and she felt it was better to give, almost to the point where she’d find herself needing, as well.

There’s no issue with handing off some change to someone who needs it, if you feel you should. In fact, I observe this practice myself. I’ve lost count of the number of times that someone would be standing outside my local convenience store asking for change. If I’ve had some change, I’ve offered it. Once in a rare occasion, I’d even ask if I could bring them out a hot beverage, if the weather was cold. On even rarer occasions, if they catch me on the way out, I’d even sacrifice a can of my beloved energy drinks in order to slate their thirst and give their day a boost. As with all things in life, there’s a balance to this phenomenon. I’ve seen people begging for change while texting on a smart phone. I don’t know about you, but if I found myself in a situation where I was begging others for money, I probably wouldn’t be using a $1,000 electronic device while doing it. Although one can never truly know another person’s circumstances, it tends to take away one’s credibility where need is concerned. But I digress…

The important thing to remember is that yes, it’s good to give. And yes, perhaps you should give. If you can. But if you don’t, this doesn’t automatically make you a bad person. Nor should you be judged or belittled because you haven’t. But there are things to keep in mind when giving to others, and I’ll cover my thoughts in a short list (I promise to keep it succinct, it’s Saturday. You likely have other things to do than read my ramblings):

1. Make Sure You Have It To Give: Number 1 and most important; if you’re contemplating giving to others, whether it’s money, clothing, food, whatever…. Be certain that you have it to give. And what I mean by this is, it may seem like a good idea to donate a large sum of money to a local charity you agree with. But not at the cost of providing a needed level of resources to your family. It may seem like a good idea to donate your winter parka so that someone else doesn’t suffer through a harsh winter. But unless you have the means to keep yourself warm as well, maybe reconsider or alter how you plan to help. Make sense? Good. Moving on…
2. Be Kind And Don’t Judge: I know a lot of people who voice the fact that they wish they could just simply walk from point “A” to point “B” without being “harassed” for money. In downtown Regina, one of the more frequented commercial areas has a sidewalk er that’s usually lined with people holding their hats out or asking for change. The old line “get a job” no longer applies. And one needs to keep in mind that a given person may not be in the position to actually secure a job. There may be elements at play that aren’t visible on the surface. After all, everyone’s got a story…
3. Know Who You’re Giving To And Why: This one applies mostly to charitable giving, as in, donations provided to a charity. Given that we live in an age of immediate information at everyone’s fingertips, it should be pretty easy to research the charity you’re donating to and how your donation will be allotted. If you donate $100 to an organization only to find out that a heavy percentage of your donation goes to salary, staff and overhead and only about 10% ends up ACTUALLY being donated, you may wish to reconsider. Giving someone some change or the coat off your back is pretty straightforward. But if you’re making a “donation,” you should be aware of where your donation is going.
5. Believe In The Cause You’re Donating To: For the past twenty years, I’ve made a point of occasionally donating a large sum to Diabetes Canada and/or the Cancer Society. Between the fact that I have Diabetes myself and many if not most members of my family on my mother’s side have had some form of cancer, these are causes that I’m close to and firmly believe in. This not only makes it easy to try and help. A motivating factor, if you will.

The takeaway to that list (and I still made it longer than I planned) is that you have to ensure that you’re safe and secure first. After all, you can’t help others if you allow yourself to fall into a bad way yourself. There is suffering in the world. This, we know. And it’s always a good idea to try and reduce that suffering in whatever way we can. Just make sure that you know WHY you’re doing it, that your motivations are pure and keep yourself safe and secure while you do so. After all, no person can save the entire world. All one can do is try to help in their own little way; one person at a time. ☯️

Society has a propensity for trying to take the easiest and most stress-free way possible, when dealing with issues in their daily lives. And I get that. Stress sucks. Confrontation sucks. None of it is fun, but if you live in modern society, there’s a safe chance youwon’t go through life without dealing with at least some of it, in some given way, shape or form. How you choose to deal with these things not only speaks to your character but could potentially dictate how certain life scenarios play out for you.

One of the best examples I can provide is a classic scenario that many people know all too well…. The noisy neighbour. Depending on how you live and where life has taken you, at some point, you may have had to deal with a neighbour who lives it up and parties at the wee hours of the night when you and your family are trying to sleep. If this were an 80’s “Brat Pack” movie, you’d likely see the adults next door waking up, shaking their heads in a combination of disbelief and ire, followed by trying to roll over or pull a pillow over their head.

Here’s the bad news: this ain’t a movie, so your situation needs to be dealt with. In the real world, this means that if you expect any sleep, someone’s going to have to go next door and ask those neighbours to lower the volume. Personally, I’ve been pretty lucky in this regard. When we moved to Regina, we were lucky enough to be blessed with a family that not only had kids close to my son’s age, but were accommodating in almost every way. We’d help each other clear out snow, take each others’ garbage bins to road on trash day…. I couldn’t imagine better neighbours.

They moved out, almost a year ago. The fear of who may move into a house that shares a tandem driveway with us was concerning, but we were once again blessed with a neighbour who communicates and has some understanding of good neighbourly relations. Our neighbours on the other side of our fence are equally as friendly and understanding. I even had them climbing a ladder in the pouring rain to clear out one of my gutters when I was out of town, to prevent water damage.

But for the sake of conversation, let’s say you’re neighbours aren’t all that and a bag of chips. I’ve had a lot of different neighbours over the years at different residences as my law enforcement career moved me around a lot. I’ve had quiet neighbours that I’ve basically never seen, neighbours who have been obnoxious and keep me up at night and neighbours that as described earlier, were salt of the earth people who would bend over backwards for others. But for this scenario, let’s say you’re woken in the wee hours of the night by your neighbours music/party…

In my experience, I’ve had a lot of people reach out to me to go get their neighbours to quiet down. It became my common practice to always ask the same question, “What did they say when you asked them to turn it down?” I would ALWAYS get the response that they haven’t spoken to them and that they expected it was my job to do so. Let that sink in for a moment. Your neighbours, the people whom you live next door to, are creating noise. Instead of trying to speak with them first, your impulse is to contact law enforcement. Brutal.

This is only one example of this TYPE of scenario and I’ve already been wordy enough on this post, so I should likely get to the point, which is that as humans, we usually prefer to have others do our “dirty work.” Now, maybe there are reasons behind it. Maybe you already have a bad relationship with your neighbour and you’re afraid of aggravating an already tense situation. That can happen. But for the most part, one should always make the effort to communicate with the person in question BEFORE escalating things.

I know a lot of people don’t agree with this thinking. Insert a joke about “Karens” and “Kyles,” here. But no matter what one is dealing with in life, one’s first step should always be to directly communicate with other person in question. There’s a saying about how one can only control what they say, not someone else’s reaction to it. And this is quite true. But if you approach someone with whom you have an issue with an open mind, calm demeanour and the ability to properly voice your concerns, you may be surprised at how often the situation may right itself.

This may not always be possible, especially if you’re going in with fire in your blood. In such instances, it may be better to give it some time before approaching the other person. Then again, every situation is subjective to the individual. maybe the situation doesn’t allow one to wait. And who am I to tell anyone how they SHOULD act? I’m not a therapist, but I do have the benefit of years of dealing with other people’s problems. But my ultimate point is this: you shouldn’t always start by asking for the manager. You shouldn’t always start by calling police. You shouldn’t always START by making a complaint, filing a complaint and/or complaining in general. You SHOULD start by communicating. If everyone did this, society would be a whole lot better off. Or go join the party, instead fo complaining about it. After all, life is short. Food for thought…☯️

“It’s a matter of principle…” Have you ever heard someone utter that phrase? It usually comes right after the part where the person in question may have been proven wrong or shown why their perspective or opinion is incorrect and their trying to find a reason why something should still be pursued. People in general have a tendency to misinterpret what principles are, and how they should be applied.

Principles, as they relate to this specific context, are defined as a fundamental truth or proposition that serves as the foundation for a system of belief or behaviour or for a chain of reasoning. Basically, trying to do the right thing can be construed as acting on principle. But for a lot of people, they’ll seek to make others suffer or seek punitive action against someone “as a matter of principle.” That’s where the waters get muddied, a bit…

Something important to remember is that even if one’s guiding principles tell them something may be the right thing, this doesn’t make it accurate. One’s principles can be heavily influenced by many of the same factors as one’s perspective or set of beliefs, where environment, family values and even religion can determine how your principles apply. When considering one’s principles, one also needs to contemplate the difference between “legal” and “moral,” as many people seem to think that those two concepts are one and the same. Even though they can sometimes apply to one another, they’re entirely separate and may not relate to the principle of a particular matter.

Where am I going with this? Well, consider the following scenario…. You come to an agreement with someone about something specific. Doesn’t really matter what; a transaction or a service, whatever. At some point, you find that this agreement is not in your favour and you try and negotiate with the other party in order to reach a resolution that suits you. They don’t agree and as a result, you seek outside help in the form of some legal entity… either the police or whatever agency may deal with your specific scenario/incident.

You come to find out that it doesn’t fall under the umbrella of whatever help you were seeking, but you still push the issue despite being shown that it doesn’t qualify as something wrong or dishonest on the other party’s behalf. And then, you utter the words that anyone unwilling to admit defeat have uttered… “It’s a matter of principle…” Sure it is, cupcake. Sure it is.

It’s important to develop the ability to pick your battles, in life. In fact, once you do you’ll discover that a great deal of daily stress will be eliminated by simply letting go of certain things, especially once it’s been made clear that there may be no turning back or changing someone’s mind. It’s kind of like the Serenity Prayer, which if you weren’t raised in a religious home you may not recognize. But the short version goes like this:

God, grant me the serenity
To accept the things I cannot change;
Courage, to change these things I can; and
Wisdom to know the difference.

If that isn’t an old school religious way of saying “pick your battles,” I don’t know what is! And that’s what’s important. Being able to recognize the things you won’t be able to to change and move on. Although there’s a great deal to be said about being able to fight through anything and never giving up, one DOES need to acknowledge that some things just aren’t worth it. It kind of ties in to that whole “eliminate suffering in yourself and others” thing I have going on.

Lastly, there are many people who prefer to be unhappy but be right, and may seek to find some way of taking punitive action against someone else by virtue of wanting to be right, Don’t be that person. That isn’t a matter of principle. That’s a little thing called “vengeance.” And no good can come of it. Sometimes, you just gotta let shit go. Food for thought. ☯️