Category: Opinion

Under The Veil of Night…

Weekends have become a special time for me. When I was in law enforcement, weekends essentially meant nothing, since shift work meant that I would have my days off at any given point during the calendar week. this meant that days off were valued, but having them on the Saturday and Sunday meant very little. It also didn’t matter as much before I had children. Now that one of my boys has been in school for a few years, Saturdays and Sundays have become a coveted time when we get to do family activities. That’s why Friday and Saturdays nights are important and represent my time to relax and unwind after whatever the week has brought me. I’m grateful for them and I look forward to them.

All of that was brought to a grinding halt on Friday night. After a cigar and a few drinks, I was spending some time with both boys in my basement. We were watching some carton and enjoying some garlic fingers, which Costco has been good enough to stock. They’re from a pizza chain called Pizza Delight, popular in the Maritimes and all but unheard of in the Prairies. It seemed as though the evening was shaping up to be fun and light. Until my phone rang… I looked down and saw my next door neighbour’s name light up my phone screen. Although we often text each other if we need to advise each other of something happening, he’s never called me before.

I picked up and my blood turned cold as he told me that his downstairs tenants could see someone in my backyard, dressed all in black and standing near my fence line. I told him I’d check it out and hung up. Filled with a sudden instinct I thought I had left behind, I grabbed a weapon and my bright, tactical flashlight and bounced into the backyard intent on intercepting whomever would be back there. To clarify, my home is laid out in such a way that it’s impossible to accidentally end up in my back yard unless you intentionally walk all the way up thirty feet of driveway. And one certainly wouldn’t stay back there once one realizes there’s no way out.

I had no idea what I would do if I found someone back there. I wasn’t interested in harming anyone and the thought of someone infringing on my property and violating the safety and security of my family was bringing out something in me that I didn’t like. But in my experience, shining a bright, halogen light into someone’s eyes while shouting to freeze tends to have the desired effect. That being said, the backyard was empty. The downstairs tenant came out to join me and we searched behind my out buildings, inside the sheds and even checked the neighbour’s back yard. Nothing to be found.

My neighbour was watching through his camera system in the event someone slipped past me. But I found nothing. The tenant’s girlfriend came out and claimed that she looked out the door and saw someone dressed all in black, standing in my backyard and couldn’t be mistaken for anything BUT a person. I honestly don’t know my neighbour’s tenants but I had no reason to disbelieve them. I posted notices on the neighbourhood Facebook page, warning everyone about what happened.

The whole experience put a damper on the evening and had me going outside compulsively, a few times over the next few hours. Luckily, the whole family seemed to sleep in until about 10 am, which was nice. Just an important reminder to everyone that although one’s home is one’s castle, it’s important to remember the state of the world we live in. Have precautions in place to protect your family, including bright lights in your yard, partnerships with your neighbours and local law enforcement on speed dial. Food for thought. ☯️

It’s Not Me, It’s You…

It’s pretty easy to dismiss someone else’s situation when you’re not in it. I’ve dealt with a lot of that in my life and it continues to this day. ironically, even my own family maintains this practice, despite the fact that they should know better. It’s one of my biggest pet peeves and something that should never be done, especially to ANYONE with a condition that others may consider “invisible.”

For most of my life, I’ve had people commenting about how “it could be worse” or knowing someone who has some chronic disease or disorder in an apparent but perhaps unintentional attempt to one-up the situation I may be dealing with in regards to my own health journey. Although in some instances, the person in question isn’t intentionally trying to be harmful and may simply be trying to make one feel better by illustrating that it could, in fact, be worse.

Unlike being part of a support group or social club aimed at discussing such things, trying to trade “war stories” about whose illness is worse or what the worst sickness you’ve witnessed won’t help the person you’re talking to. In fact, besides making them feel as though you’re belittling or dismissing their illness, it’s likely to simply make them feel like shit. Unfortunately, this is something that I deal with several times a month whenever I speak to a certain, beloved family.

Not looking to create hard feelings on the off chance the family member in question may read this or be told about, I’ll simply say that this person has been there, from the moment I was diagnosed withy Type-1 Diabetes and for the entirety of my life. One would be inclined to think that this would make them enlightened to the struggles and difficulties I’ve suffered in my life. Not so. And that’s unfortunate.

Illness and disease isn’t something meant to be compared. Each person’s journey is unique to them and it serves no purpose trying to explain how someone else’s journey may be rougher or more difficult. How exactly, does that help the person you’re speaking with? It doesn’t, and that’s the lesson. It doesn’t take away from whatever struggle or difficulties that person may be experience, even if someone else has it harder.

This concept applies to all things in life, whether it’s exercise, dieting, managing pain or disease… It’s all the same. We can never truly know what someone may be going through and if they take the effort to share it with you, it’s not an invitation to try and make it seem like nothing. Just offer an open ear, a touch of compassion and caring. You’re not there to try and fix the problem. Just be a good fried, a good family member and acknowledge the person’s situation. Food for thought…☯️

Don’t Stress While Reading This…

Stress is without a doubt one of the most insidious and harmful things that a person can fell, short of paranoia and distrust. The reason behind this is quite simple; prolonged stress will cause all sorts of measurable, physiological effects on the human body. In fact, prolonged stress in one’s life can be almost as damaging as Diabetes, in that it can cause digestive and sleep issues, cardiac issues, not to mention potentially harming and damaging personal relationships, if not managed properly.

“Self-care Is Not Selfish. You Cannot Serve From An Empty Vessel.”

– Eleanore Brown

It continues to amaze me, how people manage their stress so poorly. But don’t lat that amazement fool you; I’m just as guilty of being unable to do so. Even recently, I’ve found myself managing my own stress quite poorly and as I’ve written about before, you can’t truly help others until you’ve helped yourself. Therefore, if you’re stressed and managing it poorly, you’ll be ill-equipped to help others or deal with issues outside of that stress.

A lot of people are afraid of taking the time to self-care because they either feel that it’s a selfish thing to take time for oneself or are made to feel this way by others. The caveat there is that if you’re surrounded by people who consider you selfish for taking care of yourself, they’re likely a big part of the stress you’re feeling. And although I’m not suggesting throwing momma from the train, eliminating those negative sources of stress from your life is a huge step towards self-care.

There are a number of things you can do that are extremely helpful with managing stress within one’s own life. They seem obvious and may be common sense to some but if sense were common, it wouldn’t need saying. For that reason, I’ve decided to share some tips on what one can do to help manage daily stress. Here are a few gems:

1. Exercise Regularly: Look, I don’t care if cardio, weightlifting or fuckin’ speed-walking is your poison! Just get up off the couch and do it. Regular exercise not only helps improve your overall health and mood, it will help mitigate the feelings of stress. At least three or four times a week, set aside at least an hour for some sort of physical activity. I know that in the hustle and bustle of modern life, finding this time can be difficult. But the benefits of doing so far outweigh the struggle of finding said time. As the popular logo says, just do it!;

2. Maintain a Proper Diet: Again, this might seem like common sense but the reality is that if you eat like trash, you’ll feel like trash. And if you’re one of those people who justify their diets because they eat fish and poultry a few times a week, it doesn’t count if those foods are battered and deep fried. Eat lean proteins and be sure to includes some freakin’ veggies in that mix (something I’m sorely lacking). There’s nothing wrong with occasionally snacking, but this doesn’t mean eating the entire bag of chips or binging, even if it’s only one day a week. Contrary to the joke where an entire cake is only one piece if you believe in yourself, moderation is key;

“If Your Compassion Does Not Include Yourself, It Is Incomplete.”

– Jack Kornfield

3. Get Enough Sleep: Please take note that I didn’t say “get some sleep.” I said to get ENOUGH sleep. There’s a big difference, there. I recall a time where I could get away with five or six hours’ sleep and still function normally the next day. The problem with that kind of thing is that rejuvenating sleep is not cumulative. You can’t skimp on proper sleep all week and then sleep for twelve hours a night on the weekends. that won’t repair the damage it does. Proper sleep will greatly help in decreasing feelings of stress and anxiety one experiences. A rested mind will manage daily stress far better than the opposite;

5. Get A Hobby: Look, it may sound easier said than done but the purpose to life isn’t to simply go to work, come home and have dinner then flop on the couch and wait for bed. Wash, rinse and repeat. There needs to be some purpose to your life, whether that means playing with your kids, building models, playing with LEGO’s, whatever! There needs to be something that you do for yourself that takes you out of the humdrum habit of the daily grind; and

6. Find Your Inner Zen: Yes, I know! Not everyone is into religion or spirituality but you know what? You really don’t have to be, in order to reduce stress and anxiety within one’s life. Meditation, yoga, Pilates, Tai Chi… Hell, just go sit by the water and have some quiet, contemplative time to yourself. All of those things will go a long way towards helping you overcome stress and live a happier life.

Having some stress in life is normal. After all, a sense of urgency is necessary in order to reach and accomplish some goals. But if your stress is deep and affects your overall daily life, you may want to consider some of the above elements that can affect one’s overall ability to manage that stress. Your health’s be wellbeing are paramount to a happy life. And you can’t take care of others until you’ve learned to take care of yourself. Food for thought… ☯️

When A Facepalm Isn’t Enough…

So a couple of days ago, I wrote a bit of a lengthy post surrounding my weight loss ambitions, some of the background behind how/why I’ve gained some weight and different times during the past ten years. I was a little taken aback by the number of people who reached out through my feedback function and I felt that I should take time today to address some of the comments and concerns that were sent my way.

First and foremost, I will once again reiterate (for the millionth time) that I am not a doctor or health/medical practitioner nor am I a nutritionist or dietitian. When I write posts in my blog, I do so based on what research I’ve personally done and what has worked or not for me. Anything anyone reads in my posts should be taken with grain of salt and your own research should be done. After all, how can you confirm anything I may have looked up myself? I do my best to cite my sources when they’re attached to a webpage that i can include.

For example, I’m not opposed to diets. That’s a feedback comment I’ve often gotten, regarding previous comments I’ve often made about how fad diets don’t work. Here’s the thing: they don’t work for ME! Every person is different. Every metabolism and level of health is different and as such, every fad diet will provide different results for different people. This doesn’t mean that they’re universally bad, they may simply not provide the results that EVERY person is looking for.

If someone decides to try and lose weight by cutting carbs, that’s fine. So long as you’ve consulted a professional and you acknowledge that carbohydrates are actually a primary source of fuel for the human body, there’s nothing wrong with cutting back on them. Trying to eliminate them altogether brings a certain host of problems but this is why you should consult a professional before making such a change.

Since every person is different, maybe going on a specific diet has helped you shed some weight but does absolutely nothing for someone else you know who has tried it. This doesn’t make it bad, especially if it worked for you. Just be cognizant that as with all “fad” diets, the weight will likely return unless you stick to it permanently or make significant lifestyle changes.

The next aspect I’d like to address, which seems to be thrown at me often, is self-image. One’s self-image is important because it helps to define you to YOU. It’s important to one’s overall sense of wellbeing to be okay with one’s body type, weight and overall image. If you are not, it’s incumbent on YOU to make the changes necessary for you to be happy, provided it doesn’t risk your health. And that’s the caveat; being overweight and/or obese is unhealthy. But positive body image and positive health are two different things. Is it a good thing if you love yourself regardless of your weight and have a positive self-image? Abso-fucking-lutely! However, do you need to acknowledge that your health may be impacted if you’re overweight? Also abso-fucking-lutely! I

t’s up to the individual to discern and recognize that difference. I’m not lending an opinion on what any one person’s body type SHOULD be, I’m simply pointing out that weight loss is good for the body. granted, that’s to an extent, as well. As with all things in life, there needs to be a balance. One can lose TOO much weight and that becomes dangerous, as well. Living a healthy life contains many moving parts that all require attention.

Last but not least, it’s not just about the food. If you’re committing to eliminating certain “bad” foods and eating healthier, good for you. Just be sure that you recognize that you exercise regularly as well, as part of your fitness and health journey. Lack of exercise will render all other efforts moot. Diets help but you need to burn some of those calories in order to lose weight. Fat won’t necessarily burn away JUST from eating better. But don’t take my word for it, I’m struggling to slim down.

My blog is a platform for me to describe and share the experiences, knowledge and information I’ve accumulated during more than three decades of studying martial arts and four decades of living (reasonably successfully) with Type-1 Diabetes. And flex my writing muscles but that’s neither here nor there. As with all things in life, if one does not agree with content I write, I’m always open for constructive discussion, so long as the respect due to the person whom you’re addressing is observed. Otherwise, to those sending snarky or rude comments, this is why I won’t reply or engage. I don’t intentionally allow others to bring suffering into my life. Have a great weekend, everyone! ☯️

Hopping In To Help…

An interesting occurrence took place on Wednesday afternoon. It seems that a large crow took it upon itself to attack a rabbit and it’s two kittens (Yes, that’s what they are called! I checked!) It was loud and raucous enough that the rabbits thumped against the front of the house a couple of times and caught my wife’s attention. The end result was that one kitten was killed on my front lawn and the mother bolted and took off. The second kitten was found some time later, wedged beneath the wheel of our recycling bin. It didn’t happen that a rather large, fat orange cat reminiscent of Garfield, was floating around like a scavenger, looking to reap the benefits of the carnage.

I came home from work early that afternoon, and my wife was able to show me the remains of one of the kittens as well as the remaining kitten that I was able to confirm was still alive and trying to wedge itself as deeply beneath the wheel as possible. It was obviously frightened and possibly in distress, so I reached out to social media to seek assistance as to what I should do. I also contacted my City office to seek guidance as they might have access to animal control and humane society resources that I couldn’t easily access on my own.

Introducing, Fluffernut!

Some people over social media were quite helpful and provided contacts for certain wildlife rescue and animal non-profits. Others, not so much. It was very reminiscent of how far we’ve fallen as a society, where people still find something negative to say even when the situation very clearly involves helping another fellow living creature. In fact, the vast majority of people who commented basically told me just to drop this poor, vulnerable thing back out in the open and come what may! Although it makes sense and I learned as a child that one should never interfere with the process of nature, this felt different.

I ended up helping the kitten get out from under the wheel of my recycling bin. I had a small, wide clear plastic box that I lined with a small dish towel, a small bowl of water and I even went to a local pet store for advice and bought a small bag of timothy hay for the little guy to snack on. The intention was to keep him protected until I got some constructive advice on how to proceed. That constructive advice wasn’t forthcoming, with even the animal advocate groups I had reached to, telling me to just put the kitten back out in my front yard where I found him. Unfortunately, I DIDN’T find him in my front yard and rescued him from his predicament.

Energetic and apparently uninjured.

One thing that was frustrating was how many people were trying to explain that the mother returns only twice a day to feed them and leaves them be, otherwise. I kept trying to explain and correct that the kitten wasn’t found hidden under a bush or in a den, waiting for momma to come back with food. This was an active situation where the momma and the babies were being attacked and killed. This changed the dynamic for me and I felt that since the mother had bolted, it may have changed it for her, as well.

The one wildlife rescue group I messaged, and obviously I won’t be naming any of these organizations because I’m not trying to shed negative light on them, basically told me to leave the kitten outside overnight and if it was still there and alive the following morning, that they’d consider picking him up. Given my personal beliefs, I feel that I have a significant respect for all life and I couldn’t bring myself to just drop this guy outside and go sleep in my warm, safe bed. I was taken aback with how little regard people had and how little they were concerned.

Hanging out in my garage with Fluffernut

When my 7-year old son realized there was a baby rabbit in the garage, the reaction was exactly what one would expect from a child. He was excited and fascinated and almost immediately started rationalizing why Fluffernut would make a wonderful pet. I had to explain in no uncertain terms that he was a wild rabbit and we couldn’t keep him and had to try and get him back to his mother. With no constructive information coming my way from any source and a lack of understanding otherwise, my wife and I agreed to bring him inside for the night, leave him in the makeshift bed we provided and see what the morning would bring.

While I was doing dishes in my kitchen, which overlooks our driveway and front yard, I suddenly noticed three large, adult rabbits sitting on my driveway. I was caught off guard as I’ve often noticed one rabbit at a time in our front yard but never sitting on our driveway and never in such high numbers. Were they looking for Fluffernut? Were all the heartless idiots online right and I should have left him outside? I retrieved Fluffernut and brought him outside. My plan was to put him under the base of our pine tree and let the rabbits retrieve him (if that was the goal).

As soon as I started trying to set him down, he started making panicked noises in my palm, which didn’t help with the heartbreak I felt at just ditching him outside. I begrudgingly left him in the shelter of my pine tree and retreated to the house. I prepared my children for bed, watch a bit of television with my wife and tried to make my peace with the chaotic and sometimes seemingly cruel nature of, well… nature! My wife and I eventually went to bed and the day had ended, rabbits and all.

I went outside almost immediately the next morning and noticed that Fluffernut was nowhere to be found beneath my tree. Although I’ll never know what actually happened, I like to think the mother came back and retrieved him. There are more lessons to learn about this whole scenario than I could possibly write in one post. But the most important to me, is that we’re all living in the same world. Although many would have argued that we should have just left all of this alone, being willing to allow a vulnerable creature to be killed or die needlessly, especially on my property, is what’s wrong with the world. Compassion, caring and the reduction of suffering could NEVER be a bad thing. I’ve unfortunately discovered that the majority of the population in my city haven’t learned that lesson. ☯️

Trust, A Blind Leap of Faith…

Like most people, I’ve suffered through trusting people who have burned me badly in life. This has applied to both my personal and professional life, with some of the ones who violated my trust being something of a surprise when it happened. It’s a special kind of hell when someone you know and trust contravenes that trust, especially when you opened yourself up and made yourself vulnerable; something you may not have done in most cases.

As my 7-year old awkwardly found out a couple of weeks ago, trust is a bit like a fart… If you have to force it, it’ll likely be shit. We all have an inherent instinct to recognize when someone is significantly untrustworthy. But what about the ones that AREN’T significant? Does that make that lack of trust any less important? I guess it depends on the nature of the mistrust.

For the most part, people tend to fall under two categories: the ones who believe that trust is earned and the ones who feel that they can trust an individual until they betray that trust and then the trust needs to be rebuilt or re-earned. I’m sure there are many other sub-categories” and I’m mostly thinking out loud, here. But it’s important to acknowledge that unlike respect, which includes individuals who may have some passing entitlement by virtue of their station or association to you, trust falls under a different category and can be murky waters to try and navigate.

Nothing that I’m saying here is rocket science and I don’t think any of you are slapping your forehead in some sudden shock of epiphany. All I’m saying with today’s post is that life doesn’t care about one’s plan and some times, the only way to genuinely learn is by taking the leap and seeing where it takes you. There are a number of individuals that I’ve met, associated and befriended that although I don’t necessarily wish I hadn’t, I recognize that they’ve said and done things that have brought damage and difficulty to my life and are no longer deserving of my trust.

If such instances never happened, one could easily develop and unfortunate “blind trust,” where one believes that trusting anyone in any situation is just fine and there are no issues with that. Ultimately, we all need people we can trust in our lives. For me, I’m blessed to have my wife and a few friends and associates that I know I can trust implicitly. But the only way I know that is because I’ve been through the difficult situations that are the opposite of that.

They may have sucked and have been difficult to get through, some have caused damage to my life that I may feel for years to come, but they were a necessary part of my growth and life experience. As long as one ensures to protect oneself as best as they can, that’s really all one can do while navigating the stormy seas of life. As usual, food for thought… ☯️

It’s Not A Solitary Journey…

Once ion a while, you may encounter someone who has the ability to push through and reach their goals without any assistance or guidance from the outside world. These people are pretty rare and are the exception to the rule, not the common theme. And even for those who go it alone, they’ve usually learned the skill or reached the goal they’ve set by learning from a source that was written, filmed, developed or provided by an another individual. If you look at it from that perspective, they’ve still gotten help from someone else. And there’s an important lesson to learn from that…

Originally, and I’m talking way back before we stood upright, humans were nomadic animals. We stopped long enough to find food, mate and bear children and move on. Eventually, as we evolved and progressed, we came to realize that certain things were easier when we stuck together. There was strength in numbers, we were safer in packs, food was easier to attain and we could maintain a better lifestyle in groups. This became the norm as humans eventually became sedentary and would seek each other out for this purpose. Although you can still find the odd individual here and there who lives completely off grid and by themselves, they’re pretty rare.

The moral of this morning’s narrative is that humans have evolved to come together to tackle common causes. And some of them are substantial enough that they would be all but impossible to learn by oneself. And this is where karate comes in. I recognize that someone, somewhere, closed their fist and used it as a weapon for the first time, although one could argue that this was likely more instinctive than anything. But for anyone who has studied karate extensively, can you imagine trying to learn that art by yourself? Sure, you could find books and videos, either online or in stores but there’s nothing that quite substitutes the presence inside the dojo.

Everyone who is in the dojo has come together for a common cause; to learn the art. Although one’s reason for wanting to learn may be different than another, that end result will always be the same. This is why it’s important to come together within the dojo and help each other out. There’s no room in a traditional dojo for egos, attitude and cheering for one person over another. The dojo environment is meant to serve as a safe space for all students to learn. The only thing worse than a McDojo (look it up, I’ve written several posts on this) is a dojo where the instructor ignores, belittles or openly ignores one of their students.

I once wrote about something referred to as the martial arts ladder. The concept is pretty simple: a student advances and progresses to a point where they can teach and pass on knowledge to another. Once the other student begins to learn and progress, they may climb that ladder and surpass the one who was helping them along. It’s important at that point to stop, turn around and assist that surpassed student in climbing higher as well. And this is how we grow, by helping each other up one rung at a time.

Last but not least, it’s important to communicate within the dojo and with your instructor. If you feel that you aren’t being treated fairly or that there is something off, you should talk about it. Although there are rules of conformity within any dojo and it’s important to show proper respect, your instructor likely can’t teach you properly if they don’t know there’s a problem. And it genuinely sucks to be training in an environment while suffering in silence. Talking about such things is not a sign of weakness but a sign of maturity; the modern dojo has no place for the disregard of a student. Food for thought… ☯️

A Dose Of Reality To End Your Week…

Folks, one of the big things that tend to grind a traditional martial artist’s gears is how fight are portrayed on television and in movies. And don’t get me wrong, I’m a big fan of a good action flic and I’ve enjoyed the cheesiest of them (Van Damme’s drunken dance scene in “Kickboxer” comes to mind). But one needs to understand the realities of how fights actually go and how they can and can’t happen.

The first biggest problem is the David and Goliath concept. Most people love this kind of a scenario because it pits a small underdog against a much larger and formidable opponent. Nothing feels better than seeing the little guy who spent the whole first half of the movie getting bullied and pushed around, kick the ever-loving shit out of the goon who started it all. But let’s examine some basic physics for a moment, shall we?

There’s a lot to be said for skill and training. In fact, consistent and progressive self-defence training will assuredly ALWAYS improve one’s chances of defending oneself and getting out of a sticky situation. But the important takeaway is that actual fight situations are just that; a means to an end, that end being to get out and get away before you or someone else becomes seriously injured. The concept of two persons squaring off in some lame attempt at righteous indignation, defending someone’s honour or finding vengeance for someone else doesn’t happen. This is only movie magic.

The next problem is when we see a smaller opponent dominating a larger one. Although I mentioned that there’s a lot to be said for training, one needs to understand that a 95-pound person likely won’t fare well against a 200-pound opponent once they get their hands on them, training or not. It’s simple physics and the reason why most combat sports Ike boxing, wrestling and MMA have weight classes. Even though I believe the smaller fighter would likely get some good shots in, the heavier opponent just has to bare down on them with their total weight and it’s lights out. For the most part.

Another issue on the docket is how we always see dragged out fights that last up to half an hour, all while both sides are delivering strikes to sensitive areas that would likely seriously injure or kill a real person. My favourite is a snap kick to the face where you see the mouth flop over in slow motion while saliva or blood flies out. Classic. But I digress… Even if a person managed to stay conscious through some of those severe strikes to the head or managed to remain standing after those devastating blows to the body, they wouldn’t be able to brush off the second or third, meaning the fight would depend on who’s lucky enough to land those critical strikes in the first minutes. This is certainly where training has its benefits.

I’m actually a perfect example of that last paragraph, having taken a single strike to the rib cage that basically had me off my feet for well over a month. It wasn’t even my opponent’s full strength, but it’s placement and technique were enough to cause damage. Interestingly enough, my opponent was larger than me and as I’ve often brought up before, mass times acceleration is what creates Force, so the greater the mass, combined with reasonable acceleration is all that’s needed. A smaller opponent would have less mass, leading to less Force. There. Now, you can pass high school physics. you’re welcome.

Again, I absolutely love a good underdog movie… After all, that’s the whole point of television; to escape reality and garner some enjoyment at the same time. If things get too real on a show I’m watching, I get bored. I can find reality anywhere. Except in the minds of. Non-martial artists who think that fights actually happen the way they’re portrayed, apparently. And THAT’s the problem. ☯️

Networks Aren’t All Wires And Tech…

Early last week, I had the opportunity to experience something different. I attended a 2-day conference related to my work. The reason I say it was different is because although I’ve attended a number of courses and seminars during my time with the Royal Canadian Mounted Police, I never quite had the experience of communicating, exchanging information and business cards. It’s always been about the learning but this time it was about the networking.

I spent two days hearing others speak about matters related to my current field, which was fantastic. I also got to speak on some subject matter, myself. Never one to keep my mouth shut, I was able to speak well over time and infringed on everyone’s lunch. Shame on me, but it was free lunch so they really don’t have too much to complain about. I ended up handing out dozens of business cards and making all sorts of connections. It was phenomenal…

It definitely exposed me to a different side of the professional world. As a police officer, I was usually limited to a world where I associated with other badges. Now, my world has expanded a bit. It gives me some thoughts about what the future may hold. And I’m kind of thinking that the future may be bright enough that I’ll have to wear shades…

It’s Easier To Hate But More Powerful To Forgive…

I’ve spent the better part of my life living on the presumption that I’ve been doing everything I can to alleviate suffering in the world. From healing, training and developing myself and others to becoming a law enforcement officer to protect those who can’t protect themselves, I like to think that I’ve done more than my fair share and my tour of duty should be recognized.

Speaking strictly in general terms, an outside party looking in may agree that my tour of duty is over and that I’ve done my part. However, the elimination of suffering is a never-ending endeavour and one shouldn’t do it simply for the purposes of “doing one’s part” but rather as a part of the bigger picture that life continues on and so should one’s efforts. This has gotten me thinking about some of the unfortunate weight I’ve been carrying with me for the past number of years and what I can do about it.

The only thing worse than someone who does you wrong is someone who does you wrong that you trusted. Having caused damage in any form against you, it causes a heavy weight of negative emotion and suffering to bear down on your shoulders. It drags you down, slows you down and saps your energy and motivation. Sometimes, without even noticing it, we allow it to affect important aspects of our lives. It holds a negative energy in life, against you and against the person whom you may foster negative feelings against.

I recently took stock of my life and recognized that I have such a person; a person I trusted, someone I valued and even looked up to… Only to have them perform actions and say words that brought the very fabric of the life I was living crashing down. It took a long time to recognize that the situation was initiated by this individual, and once the initial shock of that realization had passed, I found myself experience a deep, burning emotion that I can only recall having felt a few rare times in my life: hate.

Hate is among the most insidious of emotions as it isn’t just directed towards the person in question but eats up the originating person inside, as well. It festers and can eventually lead to physical health issues, if allowed to grow and run rampant. Although one could argue that there are certain levels of hate that would be considered normal, such as hating war, famine or discrimination, hating any other individual will cause unnecessary suffering in all parties concerned.

Although I don’t consciously acknowledge it, I’ve been carrying a hatred for this one person for years. The words and actions he used that caused the difficulties in my life are not slight, by any means. But carrying this hate has caused a level of damage within me that I need to repair and heal from. And ultimately, there is really only one way to heal and move on from such a thing. I need to forgive him. This may not be an easy task, one that my instincts may even tell me I shouldn’t pursue. But only by forgiving this individual and moving forward can I hope to release this weight that’s been holding me down.

I recently reached out to a mutual acquaintance to ask if he would be willing to bridge the communication between myself and this person of interest. He has agreed to do so and in the interest of closure and moving on, I believe it will be a great step to speak with this person face-to-face, discuss what happened and finally, let him know I forgive him. Maybe he won’t care. Maybe it’ll change nothing for him. And that’s okay. Forgiveness can be helpful and healing but at the end, it’s just as much for me as it could potentially be for him. Moving on will be a great steps towards eliminating suffering within my own life. ☯️