Category: Opinion

Friendships To Last…

As I’ve often written before, humans are inherently pack animals. Why else would we all gather in large groups to build towns and cities? There’s no denying there’s safety in numbers, which is why animals tend to travel in packs, as well. There’s also a social component to it, where most people crave time with others of their own kind. This isn’t to say that there aren’t issues with that concept.

That very same gathering of people can lead to significant issues such as criminal activity, exhaustion of resources and less availability of services due to the amount of people taking advantage at once. But there’s no denying that at our core, we seek out other people and this becomes evident through a firmer connection with others that we refer to as friendships. Loosely defined, because I haven’t defined something in my posts in FOREVER, friendship can be described as a state of mutual trust and support between two parties who wish to enjoy mutual interests.

That definition is quite loose indeed and is more my perspective on what a friendship is, rather than an actual dictionary definition. Do people use dictionaries anymore? Probably not, with the internet available… But I digress… Friendships are important and an integral part of a healthy lifestyle, even to those who prefer to be alone. Solitude eventually has a significant impact on one’s overall mental well-being and growth. This is why we seek out like-minded people from a young age.

During childhood, friendships follow a come-and-go model where you’ll usually be friends with the same kid of the roughly the same age that you have available. For example, my son Nathan used to be great friends with the boy who lived next door. When that family moved away, he started playing with the boy and girl across the street and forgot all about the boy next door. Kids are flexible that way and are more about the social interaction than who they’re having it with.

As we get older, however, friendships become more about connections and retaining the person, more so than the interaction. The best friendships are the ones that although you may not have spoken in weeks or months, you still value your time with them when you DO get the chance to get together. I have many of those. That’s certainly preferable to people who have constant contact with you but are in a constant state of conflict. Conflict is never a good thing and will always contribute to one’s own suffering as well as theirs.

The big problem with said conflict is that it usually leads to negative feelings and emotions and damages the friendship. Although I’m a huge proponent of “it’s never too late,” willingness to repair a rift will only carry you so far, especially if the other person is unwilling or incapable of communicating or compromising. To be clear, even though conflict isn’t good, it is normal and it will happen in any long-lasting friendship, whether we want it or not.

As we grow into adulthood and maintain those limited relationships, these issues become more dominant. This makes sense, since adults are more prone to their own opinions and feelings, which may not always reflect with yours. This doesn’t mean that there shouldn’t be a continued communication between those two parties. But that’s the funny thing about communication; it can’t be one-sided. Both people need to be involved in the conversation for it to, well… BE a conversation.

All of this wordy bullshit is to say that if you find yourself in conflict with a friend because they have a differing opinion than yours, remember that while you have no obligation or expectation of explaining yourself, a little explanation and clarification can go a long way. Especially if your goal is to retain and maintain the friendship. And if someone has cut you out and stopped communicating as a result of a misunderstanding, you really only have two options: take the initiative and try to repair the rift or, and especially if it’s happened frequently, let them go. Much like the old saying, if they were meant to be in your life, they’ll make their way back. Food for thought… ☯️

When Reality Slaps You In The Face…

I tend to harp a lot on visual depictions of the martial arts. As much as I love a good action movie, it’s very difficult to ignore some of the liberties and exaggerations taken by film makers when it comes to fighting. This is especially true in the case of two individuals taking and giving multiple strikes to the head or body and jay keep on fighting. It would almost be laughable if the adolescent in me wasn’t so immersed in the action sequences and storyline. But I digress…

As much as I’ve written about the differences between what happens in real life and what happens in the movies, it dawns on me that I rarely talk about the other important difference that happens in material arts circles; what happens in the dojo versus what happens on real life. Or what happens in a tournament setting, as the stakes are potentially different on a mat than in a dojo.

There’s no arguing that the dojo is a controlled environment. Accidents can still happen and injuries can still be sustained (as premised by the fractured rib I got, last spring) but for the most part, there’s structure, control and oversight. The goal is to learn and train. Practice takes place to ensure good muscle memory. Sparring takes place so that one can sharpen fighting skills and further develop that muscle memory but there’s always a control in place.

In tournament or on the street, such controls are not in place. The motivations and goals are different and therefore, a practitioner will use their skills differently. I believe an acquaintance of mine put it best where he explained that comparing a tournament to sparring in a dojo is like walking a high wire versus laying a rope on the floor and asking someone if they can walk on it. It’s a pretty apt comparison since almost anyone could walk on the rope while it’s laying on the floor. Tie that rope a 100 feet above ground and see how well a person walks across it, then.

Sensei has never been a fan of the tournament environment. As a result, I’ve never done more than dabble in it, myself. Karate, for me, has always been for the preservation of my life, both physical and medical, as well as for the protection of others. But in the interest of knowing one’s limits and understanding one’s skills, tournament can be extremely good as you may be exposed to aspects that you wouldn’t in the dojo. Food for thought… A shout out to Boris for the idea for this post. ☯️

As I Live And Breathe…

For the most part, it’s already bad enough when Diabetes causes me to be hooked up to device on my flesh on a constant basis, requires me to poke holes in my fingers and micro-manage every bite of food and drink that goes down my gullet. But then there are tests and examinations, evaluations and changes in prescription and/or routine, all of which can create chaos and wreak havoc on someone who may have a finely balanced routine for their Type-1 Diabetes.

For me, the biggest thorn in my side isn’t constant blood glucose testing or even the eye injections I get every eight weeks; it’s the pre-appointment bloodwork. I’ve written about these “adventures’ before (and I use the term loosely because an adventure usually involves an element of fun), and most people know that I have zero love in my heart for getting bloodwork done. The reason for this is pretty simple; I hate waiting on nothing.

When I was a child, things were simpler. When I needed to get bloodwork done, I would be brought to my local hospital’s admissions desk and get checked in. I would attend the lab and wait for my turn, have blood drawn and be on my way. Usually, I would even get stickers for my troubles. All of this would take no more than twenty minutes, start to finish. And definitely, the concept of going anywhere BUT a hospital to have bloodwork done was an alien concept to me. Until I moved to Saskatchewan.

The concept of going to an independent blood collection lab was a bit of a fascination for me, at first. I remember getting that first bloodwork requisition from my family physician and her saying, “Take this to any blood collection lab…” I asked if she meant the hospital and she looked at me as though I had grown a second head. But it wasn’t until late 2009 when I attended a blood collection lab to have my blood drawn, which would subsequently be sent to my family doctor.

At some point in the past few years, the blood collection sites in Regina that I’ve been using were bought out by a different corporation. Their staffing levels dropped and so did the quality of service. It wasn’t unusual for wait times to average two hours or more, depending on whether you used their “save my spot” app or tried to make an appointment. I say “tried” because depending on which location you were using, their willingness to TAKE appointments constantly changes.

The last visit I had there saw me wait until a couple of hours had passed before I was sat in a chair. Then another twenty minutes before a technician came and collected my blood. All of this took place while I had been fasting and holding a full bladder for a urine sample since the previous evening. For these reasons and various others, I have a significant hate on for attending blood collection labs. As a child, at least I had the benefit of skipping part of the school day. Now, I have to take time off work, which just puts me behind on everything.

Anyway, this visit was different. I had checked their hours of operation the previous evening and confirmed they opened at 7 am. I woke the next morning, got prepared and showered, and was on the road by 6:30, intent on being one of the first in line when they opened. My location is particularly cruel in their propensity for having a line-up of people waiting outside. This wouldn’t be so bad during the summer months but winter is already upon us in Regina and standing in line while it snows usually isn’t pleasant, no matter how well dressed one is.

I arrived at the location and saw no line-up outside the door and no person waiting inside. I couldn’t believe my luck. Had I struck a day where no one else was getting blood work? I waked up to the door and gave it a light tug to discover that it was locked. In my indignation, I pulled out my phone and began calling the location. As it was ringing, I looked at the hours of operation on the door and checked the time. It was only 6:45. I played off as though I had a wrong number and hung up.

This explained why there was no one waiting. Despite the fact I felt as though I was running behind, I was actually earlier than opening time. When the doors finally opened at 7:00, I was first in line, first to be seated in a collection chair and the overall visit took about fifteen minutes! I even made it to work on time despite telling my boss I would be coming in late. I was impressed enough that I was left speechless, which to anyone who knows me, understands why that’s a big deal.

Now that I’ve gotten a taste of an efficient, timely appointment that went off without a hitch, I’m kind of expecting to have it that EVERY time. I’m sure that expectation will be disappointed, but a guy can hope, right? Next week, I have my bi-yearly appointment with my endocrinologist and we’ll see how tainted my blood was. Hopefully, my A1C has stayed in check, despite some of the obstacles I’ve faced recently. We shall see. ☯️

Just Read It…

I found this online a few days ago and I just had to share it. I forget where, it might have been on my facebook feed from one of my friends. There’s no branding to it and I honestly can’t remember, so let’s just enjoy the moment. Peace is important and in fact, integral to a happy life. Whether it’s world peace, peace in one’s own life or peace in others. ☯️

Unexpected Teachable Moments…

Studying martial arts is not only a life-long journey, it’s complicated, twisted road that usually includes multiple obstacles and issues along the way. One of the biggest obstacles, is when one gets a teacher who pays no attention and doesn’t help their students. This can be discouraging and may result in the loss of many students who may have gone on to be skilled and capable martial artists. Not only is that not a good look for any dojo, it also contributes to the dilution of the style, as those capable students could have gone on to eventually pass on their teachings.

If you’re a student, new or experienced, an important thing to watch out for is a lack of teaching or instruction. This can be a sign that perhaps that dojo isn’t for you. Or maybe it’s a McDojo and all one is looking for is the monthly tuition payments. There are unfortunately a lot of those out there and they can be tricky to spot. Sometimes, the dojo in question just happens to be a stagnant environment. One good example I can give is a dojo I studied with for about four years. When I signed on with them, considering they were of a different style, I expected to start over at the white belt level.

However, it was agreed that since I had reached and earned the rank of black belt, I should continue to wear the rank and we’d fill in the gps as I got tested at each individual level. After four years, I was barely ever taught anything beyond the very bare minimum and even then, there was never a focus on any ONE thing. There was always a general sprinkling of a dozen different topics during one class, making it very difficult to learn and develop. Being as that I am an unusual hybrid, too advanced to train easily with the beginners and too new to the style to train with the advanced ones, it was a difficult few years.

The workouts were decent but I was never given any one-on-one coaching, instruction or learned anything beyond techniques that I’ve already been using for decades. Despite dropping subtle reminders (one does not DEMAND testing in karate), I was never taught anything or progressed within the style. It led to my departure, even when I got word that classes were continuing on. That’s me as a student. If you’re an instructor, you have even MORE responsibility. Although there are certain aspects that can be taught by some senior belts to help out the Sensei, a head instructor ultimately has the responsibility of ensuring that all students advance and learn in due course.

The success of each student, and ultimately the entire dojo, depends on the proper teaching and passing on of the knowledge. Unlike some classic kung fu movies, masters don’t hold back that one technique that gives them an advantage over everyone else. A proper Sensei dedicated to the art will not hold anything back and will teach everything they know in hopes that the art will continue to live on and be taught to others. That’s why, if you go to a dojo where they won’t give you any time, ever, you should probably go. Find a different school and pursue your martial arts elsewhere. It’s important to find a school where you not only feel comfortable but accommodates your journey. Food for thought…☯️

To Reboot Or Not Reboot…

There’s seems to be an increasing trend happening where movies and shows are being re-written and filmed, or “rebooted.” In some cases, this is good thing. It helps to bring out the nostalgia in those who originally viewed the original. In some cases, it does more damage than good and harms the franchise, pushing people further away from it rather than bring it back to popularity. There’s always a way back, of course. One good example I can use are the Karate Kid movies. The 80’s were without a doubt the best decade for movies, and the Karate Kid was no exception. Even the sequel was fantastic, which usually isn’t a shared opinion among people.

The karate Kid had two further sequels, with the third part only received warmly and the fourth instalment being a lame attempt at rejuvenating the franchise with a new protagonist since Ralph Macchio aging out of the role and basically becoming the Karate Man, instead. Hilary Swank did an okay job overall, but her acting and personality didn’t quite bring the same magic to the role and the franchise went quiet for a number of years, after that. Over fifteen years, in fact. Then in 2010 and because it’s the thing to do, they rebooted the movie with Jayden Smith and Jackie Chan. It was based out of China and featured Kung Fu but for some inconceivable reason was still called the Karate Kid, which pissed off people in general in general but martial artists, specifically.

It would take eight years to see the release of a series that would reinvigorate the franchise and do it right. Yes, I’m talking about Cobra Kai. Although not specifically focused on the Karate Kid, it focuses on the original movie’s antagonist and how his life has turned out. They eventually bring back quite a number of cast members from the original movies, seeing a combination of nostalgia and new material that breathes life back into the franchise. It was a great concept, a great move and has brought karate back into the mainstream limelight of society. We’d see the same trend in other genres, as well. Take Superman as another example. The original movies from the late 70’s and early 80’s were fantastic and ahead of their time for the limited special effects that were available.

Superman IV: The Quest for Peace was a royal piece of shit and most people hated it. I still watch it on occasion out of nostalgia but the storyline was poor and the plot was weak. That pretty much killed the franchise for a while until they tried to reboot it with Superman Returns. It should have done way better than it did, with advanced effects and a modern take. But it spent too much time paying homage to Christopher Reeve instead of focusing on the development of the story. It was also a bit on the boring side. Here, you have a guy who’s invulnerable, can fly and has an array of powers but there were barely any action sequences.

It wouldn’t be until Man of Steel that the franchise would somewhat redeem itself. The DCEU hasn’t been quite as well received as the MCU but the movies were better than anything previously released. All things being equal, not all reboots have the same trend or effect. I grew up enjoying a significant number of Disney movies have been rebooted and most of those suck. One of the best Disney movies I’ve seen is Mulan. When they rebooted it into a live-action film, I was actually pretty stoked. But it didn’t hold up. Of course, that seems to be Disney’s thing, making cartoons into live-action. Someone needs to let them know that it ain’t working.

It’s the weekend and I’m blabbing about all of this shit. I’m not sure why. Maybe it’s because I just saw the official trailer for Creed III. Creed is another series that rejuvenated the Rocky series. Rocky V was an absolute piece of shit and the release of Rocky Balboa where he fights in his sixties wasn’t well received. But the Creed movies have brought back the romance with underdog/feel good stories of overcoming adversity. You can see the official trailer for Creed III below. ☯️

Are You A Doctor?

The health care system is seemingly collapsing unto itself, or rather imploding, if you will, in Canada. With examples of such issues as people dying in emergency rooms while awaiting care to people needing to hospital shop to get any kind of assistance, even when in pain has sparked all kinds of debate about where Canada’s health care system is headed and whether we are really any better off than less popular health care systems, such as what they have in the US.

Now, I frequently make a point of mentioning in my posts that I’m not a doctor. And I’m not. I’ve learned a lot over the course of my life since, as a Type-1 Diabetic, those who fail to learn and adapt usually don’t live for very long. I’ve had to read and learn things from the medical profession that the average citizen should never have to. After all, we HAVE actual doctors who are supposed to know all that shit for us, right? The problem is that all that knowledge doesn’t usually get put into practice and sometimes, you have to fight for your right to stay alive…

Staff shortages, burnout and lack of overall resources have caused a significant exodus of availability in the health care world over the past few decades. As a child, I remember that a visit to the doctor’s office was an all-morning thing, since the appointment in and of itself would usually take roughly an hour. My childhood doctor, may he Rest In Peace, would often take the time to ask about dietary habits, daily habits, elimination as WELL as how I was feeling. These days, you wait hours to sit in a tiny room with a doctor who expects you to spit out the problem so they can jot down a prescription and have you on your way. Welcome to the fast-food era of medicine!

As with all things, it would be wrong to paint all doctors with this same brush. My current doctor, whom I haven’t seen in almost four years, mind you, is wonderful and takes the time to address my concerns once I’m in the exam room. That being said, I’ve never waited any less than a full hour AFTER my scheduled appointment to see her, which often leads to frustration and impatience. It’s systematic of what has slowly grown into a serious issue in Canada with trying to see a doctor and getting the help one needs.

One good example is at the beginning of the year when I took a punch to the rib cage and has allegedly fractured a rib. I was at the doctor’s office three times over the course of a month and all he would do is keeping giving me stronger painkillers and muscle relaxants. On the last visit, I finally got upset enough that I told him we should be trying to figure out what’s wrong as opposed to just masking the symptoms. He agreed to ultrasound my kidneys. My KIDNEYS. Despite the injury being high up in the rib cage.

It can be angering and frustrating to try and navigate those waters, especially if you’re in rough shape and are trying to get help to feel better. There is a bit of a line with people who will sit in the ER waiting to see a doctor for non-emergent issues. This causes unnecessary delays as well but if walk in with an open wound or a serious injury, one should not expect to lie on a gurney for six hours before someone comes and just checks your blood pressure.

It’s become a sad state of affairs when I’ve had to tell my family, “Don’t get sick! We can’t go waiting in the hospital for a full day just to get generic meds.” There may or may not have been some suggestion that even if they break a rib, I’d be setting the bone myself rather than trying to navigate our current health care system. A sad state of affairs, indeed. For an industry that despises it when people consult Dr. Google, this may be the only recourse people have for many of these things.

I’m not a doctor. And I can’t even pretend to fathom the things they deal with and the things they see. I also recognize that resource shortages and burnout are very real things. While we’ve grown as a society, things have advanced, which means medical help should be getting better and more advanced, as well. At the rate things are going, we’re slowly slipping back to the dark ages where getting sick was essentially a death sentence. ☯️

“Ex” Marks The Spot… (A Long Read)

I recently referenced something in a couple of my recent posts, which some observant readers took notice of, and reached out to ask. I thought that instead of responding to each one (I got a few) I would simply write about it. Much like those folks who make a hobby of pointing out inaccuracies in movies and shows, sometimes it’s better to simply sit back and enjoy the movie for what it is; a movie. The details or inaccuracies in the background shouldn’t matter, since the show is essentially a form of entertainment and a means of escaping into a virtual world for a couple of hours. But I such is life and some can’t help themselves. And I once again digress…

As most people aren’t usually aware and only my close friends know, I was married once before. It was the early 2000’s and I had just parted ways with the woman I was seeing after a few tumultuous years in Moncton, New Brunswick of living poor as a result of her lack of participation in life. My parents graciously offered me a room while I figured out my next steps and what new career path I would pursue. Just to be clear, my intention with this post isn’t to bad-mouth any of my previous partners. But as with all things in life, those choices and relationships played a part in my life’s choices and ultimately brought me to the here and now, making them important.

I was working at a local pharmacy as its manager, when a couple of mutual friends came in to purchase something. We struck up a conversation and as they began asking about my life and its current status, inquired if I would be interested in meeting someone. I said yes. The person in question wound up visiting me at the pharmacy and we agreed that we would spend an evening climbing Sugarloaf mountain. I used to spend the majority of my downtime, back then, either at karate or working out, so I was happy with that choice. The remainder of the summer would see us spend an increased amount of time together as a relationship developed.

By the end of the summer, it was time for her to head back to the Ottawa/Gatineau area as she was currently enrolled in university, there. Although it had only been a couple of months, we discussed my joining her. This presented me with an interesting challenge; I had never lived outside of New Brunswick, nor had I travelled much outside the Maritimes by car. As adult life does not permit one to simply pack up and go, it was agreed that I would take the train and travel out for a few days so I could experience the area and see if I would be amenable to living there.

The train ride was an awakening experience, as it turned out to be almost as long or longer than travelling by car would have been. This was disappointing but it was made better by the fact that I had a friend from home who was travelling to Montreal and wound up on the same train as I. By the time I reached Ottawa and grabbed a ride to my ex’s apartment, my world burst wide open. As I mentioned, I hadn’t really travelled outside of New Brunswick on my own and although I had visited cities such as Fredericton and Halifax, they were no comparison to Ottawa.

The buildings and architecture, the people and population, the Ottawa River… Are you KIDDING me??? I instantly fell in love with the place and knew it would dig itself a cozy little corner in my heart. I was there for a little less than a week and by the time I got on the train to go back to New Brunswick, I knew I would be back. Many would later say that I was influenced more by the city than by the prospect of joining my ex-wife. And they may have been right. Time has not been kind to the retelling of this story.

I quit my job, which was gracious enough to facilitate a transfer to another pharmacy on the Ottawa side, packed all my worldly belongings into my Chevrolet Cavalier Z24 and made my way across the Provinces. I would love to tell the story about how GPS wasn’t quite a thing so I was running off of a MapQuest printout, took a wrong turn and ended up in southern New Brunswick, but y’all laugh at me enough as it is and this story isn’t about that. Carrying on…

I reached Gatineau safely and spent a few days taking in the locale, visiting various places I would need for prescriptions, groceries, all of that good stuff. I knew I had a job waiting for me, so I was taking my time and working off a generous bonus I had been paid to accommodate all the banked hours I had built up at my previous employment. After about two weeks, my ex started questioning when I would get to work, despite knowing I had some savings and that I wanted to enjoy my surroundings and get acclimated a bit before starting.

Now, folks, that should have been an initial red flag that warned me of the possible future outcome I would have to deal with. But in my hubris, I thought that it was just a common expectation born of frustration. After all, she had been studying hard at university while I spent a couple of weeks sleeping in and wandering the ByWard Market. I can see how that would piss me off, being in her shoes. But there would be other things that would present themselves that, in hindsight, I should have clued into enough to recognize and run in the other direction. I did not.

Over the months that followed, I worked far harder than the pay compensated for, a fact that my ex was quick to point out. It all came to a head the one day when we were sitting in a lovely little modern coffee shop outside the ByWard Market. It was a Sunday morning, the sun was shining and I was drinking in the sounds and sights of the city. That was when she chose to ask when I would make a move to start getting a career and make more money. I was having fun. Then my fun heard that question and my fun got soft. Go figure.

I tried explaining that advancement takes time and that my intention was to promote and advance at my current job, which even though it didn’t pay through the nose had the potential for great compensation and benefits if I climbed up to District or even Regional Manager. She was unconvinced and started delivering what I used to consider “soft” ultimatums about not supporting me and expecting me to carry my own weight and share of the finances. I couldn’t fault her for THAT aspect but it was her approach to it that should have been recognized as a problem.

Over the following year, our relationships had some seriously rocky times, including all the worst fights about the future, money and marriage. While it stood to reason that I hadn’t packed up my previous life for nothing, I couldn’t say I was ready to simply jump into something permanent based on a few months of being together. But the pressure and expectation was certainly there. I’d like to say I’m doing a good job of describing all of this, but none of these words do the situation justice. It wouldn’t be until years later that I would recognize that I was in an abusive relationship, albeit not in a physical way.

Things started to look bleak and I recognized something was wrong a couple of months before our 1-year anniversary of being together, when she commented about the fact that if we weren’t engaged after a year of being a couple, we were wasting our time. Although she didn’t phrase it that way, it felt and sounded like an ultimatum. Bear in mind that all of this took place PRIOR to my becoming a police officer and I was far more introvert than I am now. I started to notice that I was no longer sleeping well, I wasn’t eating and my blood sugars were all over the place and I lost weight.

She must have took notice that things were going awry, because she wound up doing the very thing that every abuser does and that every victim soaks up and takes for gospel: she apologized and promised to change. And like the damned fool that I was, I believed her. She said she realized the pressures and stresses she was putting on me were inappropriate and unfair and that she would change how she viewed our relationship and how she treated me. I believed her. Hey, what can I say? Like most, I had never been in an abusive relationship before, so I had no precedent to tell me it was likely all bullshit. I thought she was sincere…

Because of this and because a seed was already planted telling me it was expected, I proposed on our 1-year anniversary. It was a joyous few weeks and things were looking up. I had left my job at the pharmacy and became the Operations Manager for a local protection and investigation agency. It would become the first time I wore body armour and a sidearm and would start planting the seeds of interest in policing. But that’s a different story. When one climbs too high and becomes complacent, it becomes far easier and more dangerous to fall. So, of course something would throw a monkey wrench into the mix.

My ex revealed that we would be moving back to New Brunswick after she graduated from university, that summer. This was a problem because I had now secured a solid job with advancement opportunities, I was in the middle of the RCMP application process AND I was deeply enamoured with the Ottawa area and didn’t want to leave. This not only resulted in what would become one of the biggest fights we ever had but it resulted in her moving back to her parents place and leaving me to close out our apartment, quit my job and transport everything back to New Brunswick on my own.

It was a rough month of being alone, trying to decide what to do and making ends meet. I seriously contemplated breaking up and just staying in Ottawa on my own. I even looked into rooms to rent. Then my stubborn streak kicked in. I had made commitments, which I didn’t take likely. I started to consider that besides joining my ex, I would also be close to my parents and once again have access to my original karate dojo. It motivated me to take the leap and leave Ottawa behind. Being back in New Brunswick posed all the same issues and worse than we had in Ottawa, however. I should have had the foresight to recognize that none of it was healthy and walked away but I didn’t.

We reached the finish line and got married. This only brought forth further issues that became aggravated by expectations due to the permanence that marriage brought. When I returned to New Brunswick, my management position at the pharmacy was no longer available and I returned to an old haunts: McDonald’s. Although I was given a management position there, it didn’t pay well and I was struggling with getting through my RCMP application process as well, which led to absences and less money, which aggravated problems further. Wash, rinse and repeat.

There’s an extremely important side story to this entire journey, which took place during the period I was back home before joining the Force. I’m acknowledging it because it was an integral piece of the story that helped open my eyes to what could be. But I won’t get into the details of that chapter as it isn’t JUST my story to tell and would take focus away on what I’m currently writing about. Suffice it to say that outside circumstances woke me to the fact that my marriage was over and had to come to an end.

We started talking about what we would do and the results that would ensue. We gave it the ol’ college try and tried working through some issues but the nail in the coffin was when I was reaching the end of the RCMP application and looked very promising that I would get in and she started listing all the Provinces and places she WOULDN’T go. I tried explaining that my choice in the matter would be quite limited, a fact she should have known as she had applied to the Mounties herself but had failed the exams. It would be the point of contention that would ultimately end us.

When I finally got the call to step up and serve the people of Canada, there was really only one answer i could give. In early April of 2009, I was signed up as a cadet with Troop 5 at the RCMP Training Academy in Regina, Saskatchewan. My ex brought me to the Moncton Airport, as this was the departure point the RCMP chose for me. During my wait at the airport, my ex confessed that she had gotten me there and was seeing me off, but based on how our relationship had been going and certain external factors, she likely wouldn’t be here when I got back. I accepted that as a positive first step in a new chapter of my life.

The next six months were a tumultuous mixture of intensive training mixed with separation dealings. By the time I had graduated from Depot and made my way home, my clothing, personal possessions and car were waiting at my parents’ house. I took post in late October of 2009 and never looked back. Once we reached that 1-year mark, we filed for divorce, which went uncontested on either side. With no children or marital property to dispute, it was a clean break and allowed me to forge a new life. As usual, I have no regrets.

Some folks would easily argue that it was a difficult road, one that I should have recognized I had no business being on, and walked away sooner. Maybe. Some of the things she put me through were rough and unpleasant but ultimately, had she not pushed me to make more money and in fact, she’s the one who encouraged my application with the RCMP, I wouldn’t be where I am today. A prime example of how all things happen for a reason.

The effects of that failed relationship continue to guide certain choices in my life, even now. I’m stronger, more firm in my beliefs and opinions and had that chain of events never taken place, I wouldn’t have met my wife. My children wouldn’t exist. So many life events would never have happened and I wouldn’t have the positive life I have now. As with all things in life, there’s always a balance; despite the negativity that relationship involved, it evoked many of the positive elements in my life that I now enjoy. So there you have it. A bit deeper insight into the Blogging Buddhist. Hopefully, this post didn’t put you to sleep. ☯️

Learn To Be Still…

Sensei has always told me that I have two ears and only one mouth, so I should listen twice as much as I talk. I think he got that from someone else and he was mostly trying to get me to shut the hell up in karate class, a feat that is impressive, in and of itself. After all, getting me to be quiet is difficult on the best of days, even in controlled environments. But there’s something to be said for learning to be still and quiet. After all, those are important factors required for effective meditation. But even more importantly, they’re required for everyday life.

Being quiet allows others to speak and express themselves. by doing this, you can get to the root of the message that others are trying to impart. This usually doesn’t happen if one is flapping one’s jaws. This is a lesson I wish I had learned early on in my career. Maybe I would have learned more than I did or allowed others to have chances that were only prevented by the fact I didn’t listen as deeply as I should have. One will never know.

If you’re in a leadership role, being silent can allow your team to express themselves and provide insight without being clouded by your view. Time has proven that once a leader has spoken, their team will usually formulate their own opinion by what the leader has said. This is referred to as being “yes-men.” Allowing others to speak first will engender creativity, brain-storming and ACTUAL thought as opposed to blind agreeing. If you quiet your mind along with your voice, you have a better chance at finding peace and balance. It’ll also allow your thoughts to bring you to better and more positive conclusions and better outcomes.

In a world of constant stress and fast-moving lifestyles, learn to be still. It will help reduce that stress and slow down that lifestyle. That’s something everyone needs. And in doing so, one can begin to reduce the amount of suffering within one’s life, which is kind of my jam. And helping to eliminate one’s own suffering allows for one to help eliminate suffering in others. Kind of important if we expect any of that world peace stuff everyone keeps talking about. So, learn to listen. Learn to be still. Food for thought… ☯️

The Photos Not Taken…

We live in an unfortunate world where if you accidentally burp in a public place, there’s a good chance some wangless douchebag caught it on their phone and uploaded to whatever social media platform they’re trying to get free stuff on. I sometimes feel extremely grateful to have grown up during a period of society where not EVERYTHING was documented by every person who walks by, where if someone is having a genuine emergency and needs help, people are running for a phone to call for help and actually contribute to that help instead of whipping out their cell phone.

Despite my love/hate opinions in how society conducts itself, one significant benefit of the age we live in, is the fact that our technology allows us the benefit of the very thing I’m complaining about. For example, if my toddler does some adorable, destructive thing, like beat the shit out of his brother who’s literally twice his age and size, I can capture the memory in seconds. This makes for a rich book of memories that I can look back on, years from now and remember. I still have nights where I look through my photos and videos and reminisce about my first day watching cartoons with Nathan when he was born, or the day he slipped into a horse stance and downward block.

I imagine all the times in my life that would be wonderful to look back on and reminisce. My parents made a point of taking photos of me here and there but there are pinnacle moments in my life that were never documented. My first steps, my first time riding a bike… Getting my black belt. So many times that documenting the event would have been great. I think of all the times my father and I went swimming in the forest or hiking, biking long distances together or even watching the latest Star Trek movie… It’s the photos not taken that we regret the most. But the important thing to remember, if one CAN remember, is the memory.

There are plenty of times in my life that I’m grateful weren’t documented. But it’s the photos not taken that I wish I had. I imagine if I could have had a photograph of my brother and I, in the week before he went into the hospital for the last time. Imagine that? I have everything in my mind, focused and clear. But they’re memories that I’ll ever only be able to share with others in word or written form. It’s like someone who looks through a family album and asks where the dad is; chances are, he’s the one taking all the photographs.

Enjoy the memories you make. It isn’t by staring through the lens of a camera that you’ll make those memories; it’s by experiencing them. Do I have photos of every family trip or important milestone in my life? No, but that means I got to LIVE them. That’s what’s important in life. one of the greatest experiences in my life was travelling to Japan and Okinawa. I have TONS of photos and videos of that trip. Know why? because Sensei loved me enough to document the entire trip for me. because he’d been there a dozen times before and wanted me to experience it. It’s a lesson one needs to realize. It can’t be taught. Food for thought… ☯️