Category: Motivation

Jeff Goldblum Was Right…

I still remember watching the original Jurassic Park in 1993, where Jeff Goldblum uses one of his most quoted lines: “Life finds a way.” I was in my mid-teens and I was staring ahead at what I hoped would be a long and satisfying life.

As I got older, I started looking ahead at the adult aspects of life and some of the issues that I may face being a Type 1 Diabetic. One of the most prominent ones that got thrown at me repeatedly through my twenties, was that I was unlikely to have children. My childhood doctor (may he rest in peace) used to always say that 1 out of 3 male Type 1 Diabetics could not conceive children due to sterility. Although that statistic wasn’t entirely correct, even then, it was a cause for concern that I may have to live my life without ever conceiving a child of my own. Although I was well aware that there are other venues that can be pursued, such as adoption (my father is adopted, in fact) it still weighed heavily on me and I made attempts to clarify the issue and seek out medical help.

Remarkably, most doctors were unwilling to do something as simple as perform a sperm count. In my twenties, most doctors had asked me if I was in a permanent relationship and looking to have a child. When I would respond that I wasn’t, they would often refuse to perform the tests. I simply wanted to know IF I could conceive children as this can often be a relationship-defining characteristic when getting involved with someone. But unless I was part of a couple who had been actively trying to get pregnant, they declined to test me. Granted, this was decades ago and perhaps things have changed.

Just to clarify on what potentially CAN happen, I did some digging and spoke to some medical practitioners and discovered some interesting information. According to an article posted to WebMD written in 2007, “Men with type 1 Diabetes may have more DNA damage in their sperm,” and “men with Diabetes had lower semen volume than the men without Diabetes.” Both these aspects can contribute to infertility in these men. The article is pretty short and indicates that none of these aspects proved that Diabetes caused infertility, but the article can be read here: https://www.webmd.com/diabetes/news/20070502/diabetes-may-affect-mens-fertility

In consulting with a medical doctor, it was explained that certain effects of Diabetes such as decreased blood circulation, would make it difficult to conceive, and erectile dysfunction would be a very real possibility as well. Bad control of blood sugars, insufficient diet and any combination of other Diabetic side-effects could cause the secondary effect of infertility. Last but not least, increased use of alcohol or drugs (illicit and prescribed) can also cause some issues in the ‘ol bedroom.

I spoke to a psychiatrist in New Brunswick last week, who explained that certain conditions could also affect the possibility of conception. Don’t get any ideas, folks. I was just asking for the sake of knowledge!

But I should probably get to my point, since I’ve been typing quite a bit already and I haven’t gotten to the focus of this post. I spent the majority of my twenties and well into my thirties believing I would never conceive a child of my own. In the past few days, I mentioned that my trip required a significant amount of sacrifice. Well…

My son, Alexander, born on Saturday, September 28th

I was unfortunately running around New Brunswick when my wife went into labour for this little guy. Her due date wasn’t until a week later and I didn’t really have an option of rescheduling my New Brunswick appointments, so we rolled the dice. Evidently, the dice had other ideas in mind…

Eyes open for one of Alex’s first looks at the world

I’ve mentioned my son Nathan in previous posts. He’ll be five years old, next month. After many trials and heartbreaks, we got pregnant with Alex. And now he’s here, with his Daddy’s attitude and all! But I missed out on being there for his birth. Given the recent work-related issues I’ve been facing, it’s just one more thing that’s been taken away from me. But I’ll take a healthy child over being there for his birth. Sometimes, life doesn’t let us choose.

So, here I was, thinking for so many years that I would never have children of my own. And now I have two sons. My life and my world changed overnight, and in the words of Jeff Goldblum, Life Finds A Way…☯

A Furry Farewell…

Sometimes on the path of life, we make sacrifices that cause an unseen wound we never truly recover from. Just such a wound was sustained today.

Although life doesn’t care about my plan, you would think that at some point, fate would stop trying to kick me when I’m down. Apparently, life intends on stripping me down to my bare elements before it allows me to start waking up happy again.

Five years ago, my wife and I were in a position where we were able to help out with a scenario that happens all too often… We found a post on FaceBook advertising that a local woman was moving out of her home to get a smaller apartment that didn’t allow pets. It seems the woman had recently gotten divorced and the ex-husband left a golden retriever/poodle mix dog behind.

As the woman could no longer afford to keep the house she was in, she had no choice but to move to a small rental. As the dog wasn’t technically hers, she posted that she was offering the dog for free for the next couple of weeks, otherwise she would have to drop her off at the SPCA.

I never had a dog in my youth. My parents never allowed it, as my brother was deathly afraid and my mother claimed allergies (I still think that was one of those parental tricks, but I’ll never know). My wife made the mistake of showing me the post and my heart went out to this dog.

Molly and I back in 2014

My wife and I agreed to take her in, although I thought she was much smaller than she actually was, based on the photo I saw. I couldn’t have been more surprised at the 65-pound fur ball that came bounding over to me. That first day, I brought her with me to work as I didn’t have the day off. Her quiet, timid nature spoke of a shadowed past to which I wasn’t privy, but I knew that my wife and I could give her a home and make her future better.

Cuddly right from the start

It took not even a day before she was responding and coming to me, meeting me at the door, cuddling with me at every opportunity and occasionally stealing my wife’s slippers. She became an expected and enjoyed presence within our home and grew to be part of our family.

In the grand scheme of things, she’s been the world’s best doggy! Barely ever barking, and never making a mess in the house (with the exception of when she’s gotten sick).

With recent events that have happened in my work, and with the possibility of having to move on and sell our home, we had to make the difficult decision to send Molly to another home. Luckily, my wife’s mother stepped up and agreed to take Molly in so that she could stay in the family.

Molly’s last cuddle with Daddy

It breaks my heart because it seems to be just one more thing among many that I’ve been forced to lose because of someone else’s rumours. I’m hoping that eventually I can stop having everything taken away from me and life can stop being about constant sacrifice. Karma has to work in my favour eventually, right? In the meantime, Molly will be missed. Hopefully, I get to see her again someday before her time comes…☯

A Strange Odyssey, The Final Day…

Well, here we are; the final day of my strange odyssey.  What started out as a five-day stint turned into over a week and a half.  I have big surprises waiting for me at home and they couldn’t possibly be making this flight any longer!

I’d like to say my week was productive, but I unfortunately had a large amount of down time.  Luckily, I was able to visit with family and friends and revisit some of my old haunts while I was home.  Hopefully in the next week or two, I’ll be able to share some of the outcome related to this trip and why I travelled back east.  For the moment, suffice it to say that it’s high time I get myself home.

Last night was good times; I had drinks and pizza with an old friend and we watched some martial arts shows on Netflix.  It was basically like going back to my twenties (I never drank in my teens).  The following morning I travelled back to Fredericton, where I was able to enjoy a quick breakfast with an old co-worker before turning in my rental car and sitting at the Fredericton airport to start the trip home.

As I write this, I’m currently sitting at 32,000 feet and jetting towards Calgary. Once there, I’ll have a brief layover before getting on a short flight that will bring me back to Regina.  Its been a long day.  I’m exhausted, hungry and itching to get home.  My trip was important, and will hopefully yield some promising results, but I actually sacrificed something very important in order to travel.  Perhaps I’ll explain what that sacrifice was, once I get home. ☯

A Strange Odyssey, Day 10…

Alright, let’s get back to it… I’ve had a few days of down time since it didn’t directly relate to my trip. But today, I got back on the road.

This morning I woke up at 7:00 am to continue next leg of the odyssey I’ve been on since a week and a half ago. I had a customary blast of caffeine, since I barely got any sleep as usual. I was on the road by 9:10 am, since my family insisted behind reason that it would take me two and half hours to reach my destination. Since I had an appointment at 1:00 pm, that would give me an hour to locate the building I needed.

Once I found the building in question, I grabbed a light bite to eat then attended my appointment. Everything went well, and now I’m sitting in a local coffee shop trying once again to remember how I got here.

Tonight, I have the extreme pleasure of spending the evening with an old friend that I haven’t seen in quite some time. Tomorrow I will make the last leg of the New Brunswick portion of my journey to an airport that will bring me back to Saskatchewan. It’s been a weird week and a half and I can’t wait to get home. ☯

Allow Me To “Weigh” In On Your Fitness…

Time is a fleeting thing. It’s the one commodity that humanity can’t create or make more of, so when we run short of time it tends to be firmly and distinctly out of our control. But despite that fact, the amount of time we have in a day is fixed. So one would be inclined to think that we would plan and organize our day based on that fact. At least in regards to most people’s fitness routine, this is rarely the case.

“I don’t have the time…” This has to be, hands down, my favourite excuse. And my most hated one. And it is an excuse, because no matter how hectic your day may be, no matter how busy your schedule, there is ALWAYS a small period of time somewhere in your day that will allow you to work on your fitness. Wake up five minutes earlier in the morning and hammer out ten push-ups, ten sit-ups and twenty five jumping jacks. That’s it! Start with that. Granted, that won’t get you ripped like some of the athletes you may see on television, but it will jump start your day, encourage and increase blood flow, get your metabolism started and help you through the rigours of your day.

I was visited by an old friend recently, one who works in the same field as I do. It was an unexpected visit and I hadn’t seen him in months going on a year’s time. We stepped down to my basement where I have an open area I use as an at-home dojo/workout area. I sat down on a futon that sort of slants downward towards the backrest. It’s only moderately comfortable and sometimes requires effort to get off of.

I will freely admit that a person’s weight can be attributed to a number of different factors and is rarely ever the first thing I notice on someone. But considering that my friend looked markedly different than he had months prior made it a difficult fact to overlook. He and I took one look at the futon and both realized simultaneously that if he sat in that thing he wouldn’t be able to get up from it unassisted. He opted instead to have a seat on the solid weight bench I had placed next to the couch. The back was raised at better than 45 degrees and made an adequate alternative. As he sat, his gut bulged out from between his items of clothing. His breathing seemed slightly laboured and his pants appeared to be strangling parts of a man that should never be strangled (if you get my meaning).

It was heartbreaking. This man had done karate with me in his teens, back in New Brunswick. He had played hockey, golf and spent summers camping and kayaking. He took stock of his positioning and realized he could breath easier if he sat back and relieved the pressure on his abdomen.

I have this personal policy about never asking someone about their weight and/or fitness unless they ask, but considering I’ve known this guy for most of his life, I felt I needed to offer some advice. I asked him what he had been doing with himself in recent months. He replied by telling me about his work schedule, time spent camping with his family and what game his favourite hockey team was in.

I let him go on for a few minutes and when he was done, I said, “I think you know that’s not what I mean… What have you been doing to get yourself into shape?” The fact I said “get into shape” and not “to keep in shape” was not lost on him, and he cast his eyes downward to the floor. I told him that my intention wasn’t to make him feel bad or shame him, but considering his line of work, being in good, fit physical condition was rather important. He essentially explained that he worked long shifts and that when he got home, he just wanted to crash on the couch and do nothing; a feeling that as a Type 1 Diabetic, I know all too well. He also explained that while home, he contributed his time to his significant other and he didn’t feel he had time to workout. Boy, what a self-destructive way to think…

Folks, there will always be something getting in the way of proper fitness. Especially if you let it! Whether it’s your work, your family or just sheer fatigue, something will ALWAYS be there to prevent you from achieving the fitness level you need. Not necessarily the fitness level you want, but the one you NEED! You gotta move, folks! You can eat twenty pounds of kale a week, and I promise you that your health will still falter if you don’t get yourself off the couch and get moving!

Remember the formula I’ve blogged about in previous posts: everything living has some form of movement. Movement creates energy. Energy sustains life. You can’t have one without the others. There are days that my Diabetes has me so exhausted I have difficulty getting myself off the bed. When blood sugars run rampant and adjustments have to be made, all I want to do is curl into a tight little ball and go to sleep. But giving myself that extra little push of determination, I’m able to make my way to the scheduled karate class, or lift some weights, or bring my son around the neighbourhood on the bicycle.

The trick is to understand that fatigue and pain are temporary. But a faltered health that jeopardizes your health and overall life may be quite a bit more difficult to come back from. Most people think that once they get in shape, their work is done. Nothing could be further from the truth. Ultimately, it’s not enough to reach a certain level of fitness; you also have to maintain it. And in order to do that, you need to get off the couch and get at something. You can still watch your hockey game, but maybe do it on a stationary bike or with some free weights. Get your kids and your spouse involved! Speaking from experience, my wife has hammered through a number of workouts with me. She’s a trooper! And of course, my son mimics every little thing he sees me do, so that part is usually easy.

Make a start. That’s it, just start! There are tons of “body weight only” workouts on the web that you can download, so buying equipment and weights isn’t even necessary. As my brother in law has often said, “why put off until tomorrow the workout you could do today.” ☯

Have A Little Faith…

Thich Nhat Hanh was once quoted as saying: “There is a misconception that Buddhism is a religion, and that you worship Buddha. Buddhism is a practice, like yoga. You can be a Christian and practice Buddhism. I met a Catholic priest who lives in a Buddhist monastery in France. He told me that Buddhism makes me a better Christian.”

Religion is a very fluid thing in the modern world. In recent decades, the newer generations have moved further and further from organized religion. Some of this is simply the way of the times; where science and an evidence-based society have moved away from the theological and the unknown. More and more answers that were once provided by religion have been “updated” by science, and faith often takes to the wayside.

I had a rare opportunity this morning as I attended Sunday mass with my mother. As a die hard Catholic, she trained in a convent with the eventual goal of becoming a nun. As I sit here typing this, it dawns on me that I’m quite grateful she chose not to pursue that particular vocation.

As my eyes took in the grand hall of the majestic structure I was seated in, it dawned on me that I had very clear memories of being in church during my childhood. The seats were usually full to the point that there were some services that we had to step out from. But there was probably about 30% to 40% of the seating space occupied, leaving the place feel reasonably empty, which is unfortunate.

While I was listening to the sermon, it dawned on me that Catholic mass is, in effect, like an extremely old form of blogging. Seriously! Think about it for a moment: you have a person who has studied a specific topic or subject for quite a number of years. He then selects excerpts of subject matter, sometimes at random, sometimes not, and provides the pertinent information to a specified audience of interested listeners. Sound familiar? that’s pretty much what blogging is, for the most part.

One part of the sermon that peaked my interest was the fact that the priest was covering subject matter related to death and what comes after, a subject I’ve covered myself in previous blog posts and in other discussion-based forums. The similarities between what the catholic faith believes and what I’ve written about were many, and it brought me to the realization that more often than most of us choose to believe, most mainstream religions will have more similarities than difference in their core beliefs.

There is enough room in this world for everyone’s belief system. At the end of the day, sometimes having faith just means you’re faithful. It doesn’t necessarily have anything to do with sitting in a specified building and following along out of a specific manuscript; our beliefs can be just that: OUR BELIEFS. But whatever those beliefs may be, remember to be tolerant of others’ perspectives, especially at times when they may conflict with yours. The true test of genuine faith is trusting that even though not everyone will believe your point of view or share your theological views, we ultimately all come from the same place. ☯

“But I Don’t Wanna Train With A White Belt…”

Some of the masters in Japan used to have a saying: “Black belts don’t sweat.” Not only is this an incredibly inaccurate statement, it’s an ignorant one as well. Reaching black belt level is genuinely only the tip of the iceberg and the beginning of one’s in-depth training in the martial arts. My Sensei used to say that passing your black belt test was a way to finally and formally ask your Sensei to teach you karate. That perspective always stuck with me.

But the sweating perspective is one that has been circulated and that I’ve heard on occasion during my time in Japan. What I have found over the years, both in Japan and in Canada, is that advanced students will often have a stigma against students of a lower rank. Especially white belts.

Some schools have an established standard in which green or blue belts will take time to provide introductory instructions to new students and white belts. This is reasonable, since black belts and the head instructor are likely to be smaller in number than lower ranked students. So for the most part, it’s a matter of structuring. Which is fine.

The problem begins when one holds any sort of stigma against lower ranked belts simply for the sake of their inexperience. I’ve seen some advanced belts who have made their feelings clear, “my forms and techniques are way too advanced to be spending time with a white belt…” Terrible, terrible…

I’m reminded of a story that originated out of a school related to my style, in the United States. They put on a seminar and were teaching a variety of techniques and weapons and students could partner up or work alone and learn a little bit from every station. At one point, an older gentleman (I wouldn’t begin to guess at his age) came into the dojo wearing a white belt. He began stretching and warming up, and I noticed a number of younger students chuckling among themselves and making jokes. It seemed the majority of students were of the opinion that the man was too old to be starting karate and that his presence at the afternoon’s class was a waste of time.

We paired off for some light sparring at one point and a green belt was left with the old white belt as a partner. It was almost like one of those scenarios where you get chosen last during a dodgeball game… You could tell the green belt felt pretty confident about his odds and squared off with a smirk in his face.

I won’t bore you with the play-by-play of how the match went, but I will tell you this: the old white belted man kicked the living s&*t out of the green belt and made him yield! We came to find out that the old man was actually a master from Okinawa who had attended the seminar. He had a personal philosophy against the ranking system and chose not to wear a black belt. The look on the green belt’s face was priceless.

The lesson here is that there is always a lesson. That is to say, no matter what rank one holds, you can always learn from someone higher. You can always learn from someone lower. Some of the best lessons I’ve learned have come from training with lower ranked belts. Especially since their lack of experience often provides an unpredictability that we often don’t get, through structured martial arts. In the real world, things won’t always be structured and will rarely be rehearsed. So take the lessons where and when you can get them, and don’t be afraid to give up some of your time to teach when needed. In fact, the martial arts ladder requires it. You only get what you’re willing to give. And don’t forget that at one time or another, you WERE a white belt…

I’ve taken a break from writing about my strange odyssey for the next couple of days, since I’m essentially enjoying some down time and have nothing pertaining to the journey happening until next week. But rest assured I’ll keep you all updated once things get back into the swing of it! ☯

A Strange Odyssey, Day 5…

Today, I chose to exercise a personal demon… I visited my old high school. Although I generally don’t talk about it a great deal, I was badly bullied during my school years. I mean the kind of bullying that goes beyond the current, modern-day snowflake definition that everyone wears slogans on their shirts and take to social media about.

I often lived in a lonely shadow, hurriedly sneaking out of school at the end of the day to avoid contact with anyone who may try to hurt me. One of the worst incidents I ever had, involved three guys taking their turns beating on me. The VERY worst incident involved a case where I had another student stab me in the forearm with a pocket knife…

High school and school in general, never held any affection for me. Although I’ve always been a student of all knowledge, there was no love lost when I finally received my diploma and walked away. In fact, I very nearly declined to attend my own graduation and I certainly didn’t attend my prom. The painful memories and dislike I felt went as far as having me refuse to attend my 20-year high school reunion.

One of the perks of being home… Access to the ocean!

I think the subject of bullying has been covered often enough in recent years that I don’t need to climb up onto my soapbox, and I certainly don’t need to explain the reasons why bullying is bad. Suffice it to say that once my martial arts skills progressed significantly, the bullying magically stopped. Imagine that.

All jokes aside, I took a step towards personal healing today as I stepped into that long-hated institution and walked the very halls that were the place of my subjugation. I walked straight to the administration office and introduced myself to the secretary. A very kind woman, she invited me to walk through the main area and look at the graduation mosaics, which would certainly yield a photo of me from twenty three years ago!

I would have loved taking a few photographs, but I thought I would avoid the complications of a random adult male snapping photos inside a high school’s hallways! It did spark an idea, though. I asked the secretary if she knew who I could contact in regards to obtaining a copy of my graduation yearbook. I never got one; in fact, I’ve never even seen it.

The good news is that she believed that there would be spares in the school library and that any extras could certainly be sold. She took my name and contact number and promised to look into it and get back to me. I left the school property with a renewed sense of healing as though I had found a way to bridge a gap that has existed in my personal timeline for the past two decades.

I’ve always said that it’s an important thing to remember where you came from. This helps guide you to where you may be going and your development as the person you’re meant to become. I have a lot of bad memories from my school years; some medically-related, some bullying-related. And some of this has made it difficult for me to recall the good times I actually had through school.

And although I hadn’t planned on being home in northern New Brunswick, the unexpected change in travel plans may have yielded something positive. Even if life doesn’t care about your plan, it doesn’t mean it intends something bad. Sometimes it’s just a matter of perspective. ☯

A Strange Odyssey, Day 4…

They say you can’t go home again, but there’s definitely something to be said for doing that exact thing. I woke up this morning and checked out of my hotel. With the sudden changes in my plan and an additional stop added to my week, I decided there was nothing to be gained by staying at a hotel. I decided to hit the open road and go visit my parents on the north shore of New Brunswick.

My morning was an uneventful few hours of coffee and reading, followed by my last appointment in Fredericton. The appointment went well (I caused a few laughs, as usual) and I hit the open road as soon as it was done. After three days of having a rental vehicle, I finally figured out how to sync my cell phone with it so that I could listen to music, place phone calls through the car’s speaker system and use the talk-to-text function.

Lush, forested hills and appalachian mountains, coupled with curving highways

I stopped at a gas station in a city called Miramichi and got some caffeine. then I carried on to Bathurst, where I was able to stop in and have a brief chat with one of my oldest friends. My karate instructor’s son, actually.

I got back on the road and made it to Dalhousie just shortly after 6:00 pm local time and met up with my parents. My father, ever the charmer, took one look at me and bellowed “WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING HERE?” Now, just to be clear, despite being confined to a wheelchair, my father is a very large, very intimidating man.

His second major complaint was that I didn’t bring his grandson with me! What can i say? You can’t please everyone. My mother and I stepped out and enjoyed supper out coupled with conversation. Now, as I sit in a local coffee shop (because they have internet) I’m taking it all in and wondering how I got here.

The mountainy side of Dalhousie (yes, my vehicle was parked when I took the photo)

Last week i was planing and prepping for a five-day stint in Fredericton before flying back to Saskatchewan. Now, I’m sitting in my home town having coffee and letting the childhood memories flood in. It’s a nice and unexpected turn of events to be able to see my parents. but I still can’t wait to get home to my family.

It would take a lot to flood this town!

I’ll be home for a few days until my next appointment. Following that, I’ll be making my way back to Fredericton for the last leg of my journey and the return home to my family. I’ll keep you all posted on the shenanigans I get into while here. ☯

A Strange Odyssey, Day 3…

Today was a good day. I actually managed to get a full night’s sleep last night, which is more than I can say for the previous three nights. I should also mentioned that I’ve gotten through the entirety of the work day without slamming my head into anything, so… there’s that.

But it has been a genuinely good day. I met some interesting and fascinating people and got a glimpse into a potential future path. I nearly had a heart attack, considering I left and went on to other things without bringing my prized fedora (yes, that’s right! I wear a fedora! What of it?) I had to make my way back to retrieve it.

The Odyssey is far from over. In fact, it has been extended. It seems there will be another stop on the journey; one that was unexpected until yesterday. But as much as it pains me to be far from my family for several days longer, I will have the opportunity to pay a visit to my parents.

In the meantime, I’ve been able to enjoy the City of Fredericton and get a small taste of back home. For example, I had the pleasure of enjoying an Alpine beer during supper last night. I haven’t been able to find Alpine anywhere in Saskatchewan for the past ten years. It’s a little thing, but it was nice to experience it.

That’s it! Not exactly a long or comprehensive post. What can I say? They can’t all be winners. I managed to get through the day without getting hurt or hurting anyone else. I didn’t have anything weird happen to me and I didn’t glare at anyone on the highway. Granted, the day ain’t over yet! Hey, I’ve even managed to get my blood sugars under control! I guess we’ll see what the rest of the week will bring. ☯