Category: Motivation

There’s No Crying While Meditating…

You know, there’s a reason why monks prefer to live out their lives within the walls of a monastery. Sure, some of them do it as part of a vow of silence, some do it because they prefer to live a simplistic life of minimalism.

Living a monastic life has some measurable benefits when it comes to meditation. For the most part, monks have an easier (notice I said “easier”, not “easy”) time finding harmony and inner peace, thanks to the quiet and serenity that comes with living within the boundaries of a monastery. Although finding one’s balance and harmony is possible even when one does not live within a monastery, there’s a hiccup to modern life that the monks likely didn’t anticipate: kids!

Picture this, if you will… You settle into a comfortable position, perhaps cross-legged, perhaps sitting on your knees. You close your eyes and start taking several deep, steadying breaths. Maybe you even have a bit of relaxation music playing in the background. As you feel yourself sinking deeper and deeper into your meditation, you feel a shift in the air. A disturbance in the Force, if you will! You have your suspicions about this disturbance, but you continue to concentrate and focus on your breathing.

Then it happens: you feel a light, nasal breathing against your face, followed by a soft whisper, “Daddy?” This is accompanied by the typically expected poke of a small, bony finger; perhaps against my cheek and if I’m a real winner in tonight’s story, perhaps against the eyelid. “Daddy, you’re a statue…”

You try your best to stay focused and concentrate, hoping that your first-born will take a hint at your lack of a response and back the hell away. But of course, my offspring is stubborn and tenacious and refuses to surrender. Especially when faced with the mystery of what daddy is doing (I have no idea where he gets THAT from!) He’s fascinated at what his father is doing and wants some answers.

Just then, salvation comes in the form of my wife who steps into the basement and softly whispers that Daddy is meditating and that he should leave me alone. The boy responds, “Daddy’s not meditating, he’s a statue!” My wife agrees that it’s fine, I’m a statue but to leave me alone nonetheless.

Just then, my infant son who was until this point quietly cradled in my wife’s arms, decides to burst out with a mighty wail equivalent to someone getting their family jewels stomped during a mosh pit. This effectively dissolves my focus with the imaginary sound of a shattered pane of glass.

Meditating is already something that requires a deep level of focus and practice. It takes time to find your groove, become comfortable with what your doing and get to a point where it provides you with any sort of noticeable benefit. So learning, practicing and becoming proficient is all the more challenging when attempted in a modern family setting.

Eventually my son may come to learn and understand what I’m doing and respect the need for a few moments of silence. In the meantime, be sure to find time for yourself in order to search for harmony and inner balance. As the skills develop, it will become easier even WITH all the “little distractions” that come with life. ☯

To Be Born Twice…

When I take stock of my life, I realize that through time and circumstance I have experienced something of a rebirth on more than one occasion. In my youth, the path of my life and how I grew up was determined by a single diagnoses of Type-1 Diabetes at the age of 4. I’ve often reflected on how differently my life may have been had I not been diagnosed as such.

Later on, I would start my training in karate; a move that I would ultimately come to see as a rebirth. The person I became and the health I gained showed a marked departure from where I began. It also helped define the kind of drive and ambition I would have in almost everything I’d do in my life.

My chosen career, although started later than most, was most definitely a rebirth. It was almost like being under water for so many years, only to finally come up for air. When you finally find what you were meant to do, it seems like a perfect fit and everything else seems to melt away.

But sometimes, these rebirths don’t happen on their own. Sometimes you have to take yourself in hand in order to make them happen. I’ve often said that life doesn’t are about our plan. Things will happen in due course, but this doesn’t mean you should just sit back and wait for it happen.

Change may be organic to life, but POSITIVE change requires your active involvement. You can’t remake yourself by hiding away from the outside world. You are part of the living organism that is the world, and the only way to have a positive impact is through positive thinking and positive action. ☯

Doing It Wrong Ruins It For The Bunch…

For the past two centuries or so, many instructors of the martial arts have made a go of teaching their art as a career. There’s nothing inherently wrong with that, so long as you do it properly. Realistically, as soon as you start teaching something that you’ve spent a lifetime mastering, you’ve established yourself as a professional in that field. And any professional who teaches their trade should be compensated. Makes sense, right?

The unfortunate reality is that some of these “professionals” are anything but, and they continue to teach something that can only be described as a watered down version of the pure styles that the founders intended. This has prompted the trend known as the “McDojo”.

For those who may not be familiar, a “McDojo” is a school of martial arts that teaches a watered down version of their style and provides no genuine skills training. They often focus more on profit and student retention than the proper education of their students. McDojos can be dangerous because they instil a sense of confidence based on skills that may or may not exist within the school.

With my own karate classes starting back up after the holidays, my thoughts have been dwelling on some of the dojos I’ve visited over the decades and how they’ve presented themselves. And believe me, I’ve visited a LOT of them. Some people will tell you that style isn’t important. It is and it isn’t, as some styles will work for some but not for others. When choosing a dojo to train with, it can be difficult to identify a McDojo if you’ve never dealt with them My goal is to provide some “tips” on what to look for. Here we go:

  1. They have children as instructors: This is a problem, because it is IMPOSSIBLE to achieve a black belt in less than ten years. The amount of knowledge, skill and training required in order to reach black belt level in ANY traditional style takes years to accumulate. That means that even if you started karate at the age of 4, you would be into your teen years before the color black even comes close to adorning your uniform. I think someone described it best when they said to think about a medical doctor. Would you want to be treated by a doctor who graduated after two years as opposed to 7 to 9 years? Obviously not. The same goes for black belts;
  2. They don’t fight: Look, you can be as peaceful and serene as you want to be but the truth is that the martial arts are “fighting” arts and you can’t learn properly if you don’t fight. And there can’t be any rules. When I grew up, our sparring involved an “anything goes” mentality. We obviously avoided striking each other’s groin for the obvious reasons, but strikes to the head, throws, pressure points and any strikes you could think of were incorporated. It’s comparable to becoming a great painter; how can you become an artist if you never intend to use a brush? The only true way to measure your skill is by exercising it in actual fighting;
  3. They cost a fortune: Tuition fees, uniform and equipment purchases (which HAVE to be through the dojo) various “suspicious” costs, such as registration fees, club fees and such can all be indicators that you may be in the wrong place. When instructors focus on ensuring that you’re paying your monthly dues and each belt test has a cost for the test, the belt, the certificate and “registering” your rank with the style, there’s definitely a problem. I started karate in 1988. I started paying a fixed monthly tuition and in 30 years, it has never increased. I never paid for a belt test and in fact, my instructor always gifted each colored belt to me. Although this is the extreme, it is also a standard that other schools should follow:
  4. They don’t adhere to a structured system: This means that either they teach a Chinese style but use a Japanese belt system, or have weird patches and crests all over their uniforms or have belts that don’t exist in the martial arts (such as pink or camouflage belts);
  5. They have “masters” or “grandmasters” in their school below the age of 50: This is a difficult one, because it isn’t so much that it’s IMPOSSIBLE as it is unlikely. Attaining these ranks takes decades, and the general age that one reaches them is pretty consistent. I was raised on a system where the title of “Master” is provided to someone who has achieved a rank of 5th degree black belt or higher. But when you get someone who is reasonably young and has already achieved this rank, there’s a good chance it’s a self-promotion for the image of the school as opposed to actual rank;
  6. The information is lacking or seems “sketchy”: An instructor should be able to recount the history of his/her style. How else can you teach the style if you don’t know where it came from? If an instructor is unable to provide you with basic background of where they trained and what the history of their style is, there’s a problem.

There’s a lot involved in choosing and training with a martial arts school. The reality is that you’re going to sweat, you’re going to cry, there will be pain and you’ll likely want to quit as often as not. THAT’S the reality of training with a genuine martial arts school. It’s a life-long commitment and it will take decades to reach a significant level. And it shouldn’t require a second mortgage or your first-born to do it.

At the end of the day, I’m in my 40’s and I’ve been doing karate (as well as some other martial arts) for over 30 years. I still don’t have the title of “Master” in front of my name and maybe I never will. But my skill has been acquired through decades of blood, sweat and tears. Such is the truth behind the way; if it were the simple way, a passing way, everyone would do it. ☯

I Don’t Care How You Spell It, Honor Is Important…

Honor is an important aspect of life and society. We hear a lot about it in the movies and in books, but we don’t always lend much thought to the prospect of honour within our own lives. Most people adhere to a system of honor without even realizing it. Maybe you were raised on a system of honor and you stick to it without acknowledging that this is what you’re doing.

Honor is a very fluid word, and holds a number of different definitions depending on the context. For the most part, it means sticking to what’s right or following a code of conduct. If you look at it as an action, it means to have great respect for something/someone or hold them in high esteem. it can also mean to fulfill a previously made agreement.

“Stand Up For What’s Right, Even If You Are Standing Alone!”

Suzy Kassem

For the most part, honor is mentioned and/or covered in great detail in many of the books I’ve read; the Hagakure, The Bubishi (Karate bible), The Art of War, Bushido’s Code and The Book of Five Rings, among many others. And those are just the “non-fiction” books. One of the main characters from my favourite book series, The Wheel of Time by Robert Jordan, lives his existence based on a code of honor he sticks to quite fervently.

Depending on what system or style of martial art you’ve studied, aspects of honor is covered by a number of different rules; protect the weak, never attack the helpless, follow the rules, etc… Despite an inherent aspect of violence in the martial arts (kind of hard not to be when you’re training to punch and kick), there is also an inherent peace and discipline involved, which leads to a realized practice of politeness and gentleness. Some would call this “balance”.

Maintaining one’s honor is important; not only for yourself but for your family and the people close to you. And with that honor comes a level of irreproachable honesty that should be observed as well. ☯

Getting Ahead Of The Curve

About three weeks ago, I wrote a post about what I intended to do for my New Year’s resolution. It’s pretty ambitious, considering most people will choose one thing or another, such as losing weight or eating healthier, joining a gym or quitting booze or smoking. I chose a rather elaborate spreadsheet that included the following steps:

  • No alcohol;
  • No tobacco;
  • Minimum of 3 workouts a week;
  • No soda;
  • No processed carbohydrates;
  • No junk food (yes, there’s a difference);
  • No added salt;
  • Minimum of 3 litres of water a day; and
  • Taking only the stairs where possible.

My intention had been to start it on December 29th as this is the Sunday that encompasses the January 1st week. However, I read someone else’s post about New Year’s resolutions and I was reminded of a couple of things.

Although it can be great to take yourself in hand and make a resolution in order to better yourself, if you wait until New Year’s in order to make that change it’s likely not important enough to you. The other aspect one needs to consider is, why wait?

I think the post I read said it best when they explained that if your resolution is to join a gym, why walk in as the new guy on January 1st when the new people will walk in and you’re already a regular? In that spirit, I started my New Year’s resolution on December 15th.

My first two weeks of the challenge

As you can see from the spreadsheet above, it’s pretty straightforward. At the end of the Saturday evening, I put green checks on the items I accomplished and a red “X” on the items I did not. The workouts have been rough, considering karate has been shut down for the holidays. Otherwise, I’d be hitting four workouts for both those weeks. Plus, it’s the holidays! I’ve been a little a little busy focusing on the actual holidays and on family.

Although there is already a touch of red on my ledger, the important aspect to remember is that a resolution is intended to help improve oneself. I’ve also been allowing myself a “cheat day” on Fridays. From what I’ve researched, folks have a better chance of sticking to any sort of regiment or major change in lifestyle and diet if they allow themselves a touch of indulgence once in a while.

I won’t bore all of you by posting updates on this every week, but I’ll provide some updates every few months to show my progress. We’ll see how long I can tough it out… ☯

Hindsight is 2020

Welcome to the New Year! It’s the beginning of a new decade, the return of the Roaring 20’s and the beginning of a fresh 365-day batch of opportunities. Hopefully everyone isn’t suffering from whatever celebratory choices you made last night and you can walk into the New Year with a skip in your step.

The past two years have been a bit of a challenge. After a lifetime of work, sacrifice and learning from mistakes, 2018 saw me get struck down in the prime of my chosen career by a selfish individual motivated by their own goals. I was taken away from my place of work and assigned elsewhere. I made the best of a bad situation and met some of the best people I’ve had the opportunity to work with.

2019 saw disappointment as I travelled the country in search of a different venue in which to continue my career (a fact I chronicled in my posts entitled “A Strange Odyssey” from last September) which yielded no results. A family member recently passed away and my wife and I have failed to sell our house. But through this disappointment, I was blessed with the birth of my second child, Alexander.

There have been ups and downs, happiness and disappointment, laughs and definitely some tears. But as hard as these difficulties have been, I have the benefit of knowing that there has always been some positive to go with the negative. And there usually always is!

And this is how you should face 2020. Take the time to focus on your health, your happiness and some goals for this year. And once you’ve established those goals, work hard until you achieve them. There’s really no other way to live.

And finally, a word on the title… I’ve always said that one can’t live life with regrets, that every choice you’ve made, good or bad, has inevitably led you to the wonderful and awesome person you are today. There genuinely is no way to regret that. But don’t forget to take the time to remember and contemplate some of the mistakes you’ve made in the past year. Not only will this prevent the possibility of repeating those mistakes, you may learn a little something about yourself to pave the way through a smoother year, this time around. ☯

Do You Even Lift, Bro?

I’ve always been a bit more of a loner when it comes to training. For the most part, I prefer some solitude in order to listen to my own music, have access to my own equipment and not be hindered by others who may be at a station that I want to use. Obviously, this doesn’t apply to the martial arts, which often requires the dojo setting for some aspects. I mostly mean resistance and cardio training.

Oh, I’ve had gym memberships in the past and have made wonderful use of them in the past. But I’ve always been surprised at the “muscle shirt, light lifters need not apply” culture that still seems to exist in many gyms.

I remember an incident from almost eight years ago. I had a membership at a local gym (the only gym in town, actually). I had gone in for a short cardio workout before starting a work shift and I saw a guy standing in front of the dumbbell racks and arm curling some 10-pound weights. I remember thinking that he was really into his workout and had a great sweat going.

Then I noticed three guys at the squat rack. They were your typical types that you’d see in an 80’s action movie. Sleeveless shirts, thick arms and chest and monopolizing the station they’ve chosen. They had been there for a while and were obviously very pleased with themselves.

When they took notice of the guy with the lighter weights, they started pointing and laughing. One of them even called out to the guy and asked, “Do you even lift, bro?” This is an expression that came out in the early 2000’s and has driven me crazy ever since.

Folks, the reality is that it doesn’t matter how light or how heavy your weights may be. I’ve seen some circuit workouts using very light weights that would land you on your ass and make you limp the next morning. The style and weight involved in your workout all depends on what your goal happens to be.

Looking to lose weight? Want to gain some mass? Want to gain some actual strength as opposed to size? The workout regiment you design for yourself is subjective to what you’re trying to accomplish. And if it’s your first time stepping into a gym or any other public location where folks workout, you’re already one step ahead of the person who chose to stay on the couch today.

Unfortunately, there may always be those who chose to make fun or belittle others who are trying to better themselves. Don’t let it discourage you. As Lao Tzu once said, “The journey of a thousand miles begins with one step.” The beginning you make today will provide the results and satisfaction you have tomorrow. ☯

Meinh, It’s Not My Problem…

Contrary to most people’s opinion, emergency situations of varying types are not only the norm in today’s society, they tend to happen frequently and almost daily. Whether it’s someone in medical distress or someone being attacked or harmed, it happens far more than any of us care to consider.

Although I would be far from considered the type of person to intentionally install fear in people, my field of work has given me a particularly subjective look at this type of phenomenon. And what’s worse is that if the average person knew just how much chaos takes place in their “quiet little town”, they would likely think twice about going out and/or locking their doors.

But before I get too dark and morbid, what I’m talking about is the propensity people seem to have to ignore something happening right in front of them. What I’m referring to, is a phenomenon known as the Bystander Effect.

There was a case that took place where a New York City resident was attacked and killed outside her apartment complex in 1964. There were apparently dozens of witnesses who saw the attack taking place and heard the woman crying out for help, but no one intervened despite witnessing the incident. Once the attack was over someone phoned police, who responded within two minutes.

Imagine if this was you. You’re screaming for help and despite all these people watching, no one steps in to help. It’s actually an effect that’s been documented and studied by a number of sources. I’m sure some of you may recall an incident in the early 90’s where a two-year old boy was dragged away against his will by two older boys, who subsequently killed the toddler.

Although there are a number of common sense reasons why any given person may not want to get involved in an emergent situation, the need and importance of intervening is critical. Let’s back up to that 1964 attack I mentioned earlier. That attack is said to have lasted for over 30 minutes while people watched. If someone had phoned the police right when they saw it happening, the police likely would have arrived on scene in two minutes and the victim’s life would be spared.

The biggest problem, if we examine it from today’s perspective, is that most people are more preoccupied with whipping out their cell phone to film the incident rather than help. And there’s an after-effect to the Bystander Effect known as a “diffusion of responsibility”. This is a concept that explains that the larger the crowd of onlookers, the less likely a single person will lend aid. this is because there is a tendency to believe that someone else will step in and that you won’t need to.

I’m reminded of the multiple occasions where I’ve received a call from someone stating that there was a vehicle off the road along a major highway. I’d ask the caller if there were any injuries or casualties. That question would always be met with “I don’t know, I didn’t stop…” When asked why they didn’t stop, I’d either be told that it wasn’t their problem or that it was “my job.”

I asked this question earlier on, but imagine if this was you. Wouldn’t you want someone to help? Providing aid certainly is everyone’s responsibility. If you come across something, step in and help. And if you feel the need to whip out your cell phone, take the time to dial 911. You may be saving someone’s life. ☯

Selfish vs. Selfless

Being selfless isn’t easy. In fact, most people don’t manage it to save their lives. And for good reason. Biologically speaking, humans are built to be selfish; not because we’re assholes but because it’s a survival mechanism. Don’t get me wrong, humans ARE assholes as well! But I digress…

Selfishness is a survival mechanism, because if our ancestors weren’t selfish with their food and gathering of basic needs, they wouldn’t have survived to evolve into what we are today. But considering the fact that we are a society of self-aware people who understand the difference between right and wrong, shouldn’t selflessness become the priority?

The average person with any modicum of common sense would assume so, but it’s still surprising how easy it is for people to remain selfish in the face of situations where they could and should be thinking of others instead. Allow me to provide an example…

Let’s say you walk into your Christmas staff party. You feel light-headed and check your blood glucose level to see that you’re running low. You walk over to the buffet table and notice that there’s only one piece of sugared food left. As you reach for it, someone else grabs for it and picks it up. You explain that you need it to raise your blood sugar. The other person shrugs and takes a bite. You ask if they have Diabetes, to which they reply that they do not. You explain that you need it to raise your blood sugar as you ARE Diabetic. The other person says something akin to it being your problem, not theirs and walks away while munching on the sugared food you needed.

So, who’s right? Does what that person did make sense? Sure, it’s easy to figure that it isn’t the second person’s problem and that since it’s a first come, first serve buffet, they’re totally entitled to that piece of food. But let’s consider that word for a moment: entitled. If it comes at the cost of someone else’s well-being, are we ever truly “entitled” to something? The second person really had no need of that piece of food, they simply wanted it. Even faced with someone else’s genuine need, they selfishly choose to keep it for themselves.

And no, this specific scenario didn’t happen to me (although something similar may have taken place to someone close to me recently). I’m merely using this example to illustrate a point.

In a modern world where we understand the difference between right and wrong and are able to realize when someone genuinely has a need for something, there’s nothing wrong with being selfless enough to step aside and let the other person have the moment. After all, there’s enough suffering in the world. We, as people, should recognize that it’s our responsibility to lessen that suffering. ☯

Merry Christmas From The Blogging Buddhist

No matter what your plans are this Holiday Season, be safe, be warm and enjoy all the pleasures that celebrations with your families allow! Be kind and loving to each other and take the time to reflect on life and all the good things it can bring.

From my family to yours, Merry Christmas & Happy Holidays! ☯