Category: Motivation

Relaxing In A Pressure Cooker

Life can come at you pretty fast, and it rarely cares what you may be dealing with at any given moment. Challenges and work assignments will continue to pile up, regardless of the fact you may feel that you’ve “got enough on your plate” or can’t keep up. The big problem as well, is that society is still quite a bit behind the times as it relates to acknowledging that sometimes, a person needs a mental health day or to simply shut down and recover from whatever they may be facing.

Unfortunately for us, life doesn’t work that way. Even though some people have the ability and resources to take a step back and let their heads cool from the pressures of life, we’re not all so lucky. Eventually, it can become overwhelming, and cause a variety of issues like burnout, depression and negative thoughts. It’s important to remember to take steps to ensure that these don’t happen. After all, your mental health and wellbeing is your responsibility.

They say that life will never pile on more than you can handle. If this is true, my shoulders must be capable of bearing quite a bit. Last Friday, a significant amount came piling on. The day before I had noticed a strange sound coming from the family vehicle. The way I describe it is to compare it to the winding up sound that Doc Brown’s DeLorean makes when it accelerates in Back to the Future. Unfortunately, my vehicle wasn’t travelling through time. I called that evening to make an appointment to get it repaired and was asked to drop the vehicle off at 8 am the following morning.

The next morning, I began my typical work-from-home Friday at 7 am. It was raining heavily and unfortunately, we discovered that our roof was leaking. I discovered it by accident, as water was driving between floor boards in the basement. This struck me as odd, until I realized water was falling from the attic by way of the space between the inner walls and into the basement. in short order, every light fixture in the upstairs was dripping with water.

Great. As if dealing with the vehicle wasn’t enough of an issue for the end of the week. I immediately sent an email to the roofing company I had received an estimate from, last May. I realized it was 7:30 am and I needed to head out in order to drop off the SUV. My wife reminds me that she has her first vaccination appointment at 5:40 and to ensure that the garage will return our vehicle prior to that. I drove down to the garage and dropped off the SUV. Then, I walked to the bus stop that should take me back home. The rain was practically torrential, soaking my legs and feet within minutes.

I arrived at the bus shelter and checked the arrival schedule on the inner wall. The #5 was scheduled to arrive at 7:55 am. Splendid! It was already past 7:45, so I had less than ten minutes to wait. Then, I noticed a #5 on the opposite side of the road heading towards downtown. Shit. Seems that the arrival schedule was meant for the other direction. I did a quick Google maps search and discovered that the next bus towards home would be in 30 minutes. The physical walk would only be 20. I had the choice of waiting for half an hour, followed by a ten minute bus ride or get my legs moving and be home in 20 minutes. I opted to walk.

By the time I got home, I was soaked through, cold and sniffling. The water situation at home had worsened. The baby’s room was leaking water down the east wall, resulting in paint bubbles. I decided to step it up and phone the roofing company, not satisfied to wait for an email response. I got no answer and left a detailed voicemail. I changed clothes and tried to get back to work. Key word was “try.” I should mention that it was one of those so-called “teacher development days” and Nathan was home for the day. He and the baby were blessing us with their usual colourful display of noise and destruction. Work was impossible.

I only had one meeting scheduled. I arranged to have it an hour earlier, then told my boss I would be taking a vacation day. He agreed that I had a significant amount on my plate for one day. The stress and pressure of everything happening at once started to pile up. Such pressure affects different people in different ways. For me, it makes me focused and committed to solving the problem. I’ve always been like that. get a problem, solve a problem. I think Lee Child’s character, Jack Reacher, said that at some point.

I got the car fixed. I was able to grab the correct bus back to the area where the garage was located. With the vehicle properly repaired, I went back home and decided to ease the sting of the day by ordering pizza for everyone. The rain had stopped and with it, the drips in each respective room ground to a halt. The crisis was averted. For now. I did a few work-related tasks and had some food, and the world looked just a little bit better.

George S. Patton Jr. once said, “Pressure makes diamonds.” And it’s quite accurate. Sometimes the intense pressure we’re exposed to in our daily lives can lead to very beautiful things, as long as we’re willing to see it through and persevere. It’s the natural example of how life doesn’t care about one’s plans. But that doesn’t mean you shouldn’t make them. AND keep fighting the good fight, even when the odds seem overwhelming. Food for thought…

in closing, the roofing company didn’t get back to me before end-of-day. guess I’ll have to chase them down this week and get my roof shingles seen to. The previous owner of our house, may he rest in peace, re-shingled the roof almost fifteen years ago. But he only did the front half, facing the street. Ironically, the only rooms that had water leakage were the ones on the back side of the house. Where the shingles weren’t replaced. Yet another lesson that if you’re going to do any thing, you must do it properly and completely. Or else suffer the consequences of your shortcuts. of course, I’m suffering the consequences of someone else’s shortcuts, but the message is still the same. (Thanks for the post idea, Boris!) ☯

Gimme A Break!

I’m going to assume that most of my readership is too young to remember the sitcom that today’s title is taken from. “Gimme a Break” was a sitcom that aired in the early 80’s and featured Nell Carter playing a housekeeper named Nell Harper (I know, not very imaginative…) who looks after three young girls for a local police chief. Although it was mostly on because my father watched it, it’s one of those early shows from my childhood that occasionally passes through my subconscious. I can still hear the theme song…

Anyway, enough with the nostalgia! Today’s post is literally about breaks, as it relates to daily life and work. I’ve written on occasion about needing breaks from fitness routines and that still rings true. As important as it may be to stick to a routine and keep fit, sometimes you need to let your body recuperate. The same is just as true for one’s mind. This means taking a break from whatever cranial endeavours you may have your nose buried into, whether it’s paid work or personal study and research.

Last week I found myself working well beyond my scheduled shift. Although this isn’t an unusual occurrence for me, it’s one that I discourage among my staff and coworkers. The simple reason behind this is to prevent people from burning out and reducing their productivity. When we get exhausted, we tend to lose focus, concentration and make mistakes. I only realized when I had worked for almost four hours beyond my scheduled shift end that maybe I needed to back off a bit. It’s pretty easy to get carried away, when you love your job and work from home. But I digress…

It’s always seemed as though I’ve worked with one of two extremes: people who always seem to be doing nothing and the people who never seem able to shut down. The key is to find the happy medium. And with that, I can provide an example. On a particular day, one of my staff asks me if I’d like to join for a morning coffee. I have a mountain of work piling up and I think that I should likely keep at it, until a thought crosses my mind. The fifteen to twenty minutes I take to grab a coffee and converse briefly won’t make the pile bigger. AND it will allow me to shift my mind’s perspective long enough to refresh me. Breaks can be important.

We walk to the next staff’s office. We ask if he wants to join for coffee. He declines because he has too much work to do. Okay, fair enough. but the scenario is the same for that employee. The work will still be there in fifteen minutes and the break is short enough it won’t make it worse. But it may make it better and easier for the employee. After some coaxing, the employee finally decides to join us and we spend twenty minutes chatting about various things and sipping our coffees. Everyone returns to their respective offices with smiles on their faces and caffeine in their systems. Good times.

Sometimes we forget to that even when our bodies are at rest, our minds need a break as well. Even though you may spend 8 hours sitting at a desk (which is fuckin’ horrible for you, BTW. You need to get up every hour, stretch and look outside), your mind needs that occasional respite to recharge and rest, as well. That can only be accomplished by pulling yourself away from the pile and stepping elsewhere. This can apply whether you’re at a job, working from home, studying or doing personal study and/or research. It really doesn’t matter.

The mere act of stepping away and coming back with a refreshed set of eyes can often help increase or maintain your productivity. And if nothing else, it’s important for you from a mental health standpoint. I’ve often said, “When you aren’t exercising the body, you be exercising the mind.” As true as that may be, it’s also important to remember that no matter HOW you rest the body, you should also take time to rest your mind. No matter what your situation, don’t skimp on your breaks. They can pay dividends in the one run. Food for thought… ☯

Goodness And Right, My Goodness!

Roy T. Bennet once said, “We should be brave to stand up for what we truly believe even if we are standing alone.” I first heard a version of this quote in 2014, when I was posted in a small, southern Saskatchewan community that had it painted on one of the walls in their high school. theirs read, “Stand up for what you believe, even if you’re standing alone.” I like both versions and they both ring true with me, considering they tend to diverge slightly in their wording.

But today’s post isn’t about what one believes in. It’s about being good. What is a good person? Is it constantly doing good deeds? Is it doing unto others as you’d have them do unto you? Or is it simply the act of living simply and minding your own business without bringing harm to others? I could easily argue that being a good person is a combination of all those things. You don’t need to wear a cape and run around saving people all the time, but I believe you should damn well give it your best if you find someone who needs your help. After all, it’s also been said that the only thing necessary for the triumph of evil is for good men to do nothing.

I think that if you can live a genuine life of not causing suffering in others, you can easily be a good person. Of course, that’s the Buddhist side of me, coming out. But there are so many things that are easy to do in life in order to be good… Simple things, like holding a door open for others, helping someone carry something heavy to their car or helping a friend pack up and move from one home to another…

The possibilities are endless. But I think the ultimate test comes from seeing what you do when you aren’t being watched. Get your minds out of the gutters, you perverts! I don’t mean anything nasty! I mean what actions and steps you take to be good when there are no consequences and no one is watching to see what you’d do. I think this speaks to the nature of a person’s character and how “good” they truly are.

One really good example of this, is the shopping cart conundrum. I’m sure you’ve read about this on Facebook or some other online forum. Basically, the question has been asked whether you return your shopping cart to the cart corral after you’ve loaded up your car or if you leave the cart sitting in the parking lot and drive away. I’ve heard some folks say that it helps with job creation, justifying the need for a job position that fills the role of collecting these carts. Others say that it’s cruel to make minimum wage workers scavenge the lot for these carts in the depth of winter or sweltering heat of summer, to collect the carts you failed to bring to the corral.

The reality is that returning your cart costs you nothing. It usually takes thirty seconds to a minute of your time (big deal) depending on where the corral is located. But that simple act ensures that you prevent hazards to other vehicles in the parking lot, make life easier for the lot attendant who collects the carts and ensures that there are more carts available inside the store once they are collected. It also prevents blocking potential parking spots. If you DON’T return your cart, there is zero penalty, zero consequences and zero repercussions against you (except karma, but I’ll be nice and won’t go there). So returning the cart is a pure act of a good person, whether one believes they need to do it or not.

This is just one example, but there are plenty of others. Holding the door is another good example. Do you HAVE to hold open a door for someone? If your momma taught you well, you will. But you don’t have to. There are no penalties or repercussions if you don’t. You may even encounter a surprising number of people who won’t be grateful when you do. But it’s another pure act of goodness that only satisfies you, really.

Being a good person can mean a lot of different things to different people. At the end of the day, as long as you’re keeping things simple, doing what’s right and staying consistent within the laws of whatever place you live in, it’s hard to go wrong. Just remember that even when no one is looking, karma still gets its due. And if you do great things when people are watching but bad thing when you’re alone, that shit’ll catch up to you. Guaranteed. Food for thought… ☯

Happy Freakin’ Birthday…

I’ve never been much of a fan of my own birthday. Anyone who’s known me for any length of time knows that. But DAMN if there isn’t something magical about having a day all your own, eating cake and shit… It can be loads of fun. Well, today happens to be my lovely wife’s birthday. So, I’ll keep it short and sweet, since today isn’t about me and my propensity for being wordy as hell. Happy birthday to my beautiful wife. Although time marches on, we’ll never get older as long as we stick together! ☯

When Technology Falters…

I have a pretty firm love/hate relationship with technology. On the one side, I owe my survival to technology. Just to be clear, the term “technology” does not simply mean electronic devices. Strange how most people automatically jump to that. Technology means the sum and application of science, for a specific, practical purpose. By that definition, everything from my insulin pump and glucometer, all the way to the lancets used to test my blood, are a result of the practical application of technology.

Outside of the Diabetic realm, I’m also somewhat of a slave to modern technology. I enjoy and use my laptop and smartphone to the same degree as much as other people, and even my coffee maker is the result of technology, the likes of which I usually fail to realize until the power goes out for an extended period. It’s then and only then that one truly comes to realize that we live our daily lives through the use of modern technology.

Technology has brought us far, and even more so in the past hundred years. Especially with the invention of the microchip in the late 1950’s and subsequently, the creation of the central processing unit in the early 1970’s. When you read about the development and advancement of technology, it seems as though we’ve grown in leaps and bounds. But as with all things in life, there must be a balance. And for all the positive, there can and must be some negative. Such is the nature of life…

As such, I’ve taken the time to think about some of the more negative aspects of technology. With that in mind and remembering that this is simply an opinion-based post, here are my top 5 ways that technology has made things worse:

  1. Loss Of Privacy: The Internet is a wonderful thing. Personally, I’m addicted to information and learning, and have been a fan of having the world’s information at my fingertips. I’m of a generation that got to see some of the original iterations of the World Wide Web, from the painful screeching sounds of dial-up to the wonder and immediacy of high-speed. But with the access to the world’s information comes a price. Most technology, including your smart devices, laptops, even some vehicles, track you whereabouts, your search trends and your online preferences (some of which I assume you’d rather keep private). And given that the average household no longer maintains a landline and carries cell phones everywhere, there’s no getting away from potential callers who are trying to reach you. Many long for the days that one could leave one’s house and be out of contact until they reached their destination. Simpler days…;
  2. Lack Of Customer Service: I recently had an experience where I tried to call into a company for a specific services I was trying to obtain. I was greeted by an automated representative who responded and directed my call based on my responses. Much like you would have seen on television or in movies, I had to repeat myself numerous times, even when I finally lost patience and asked for a human representative. Automation is a negative for most aspects of society. it saves money for big corporations, but takes jobs away from living people and affects the economy accordingly. Which brings me to my next point…;
  3. Loss Of Employment: As I mentioned above, job automation costs people jobs. It doesn’t help that it’s so damned handy, in some instances. For example, certain fast food chains have ordering kiosks where you can place your order on a touch screen and pay by debit or credit card. Then, your only interaction with an actual human being is to grab your bag and go. It’s reduced such places to only one cashier as opposed to half a dozen. Job loss in such instances is unavoidable, when you can pay for the hardware and technology once, then simply maintain it. It removes the necessity for human resources, staff retention and training. It certainly seems appealing from an employer’s standpoint, but from an actual economic and employment standpoint, it’s a devastating blow;
  4. It Creates Dependence: As I mentioned in the opening paragraphs, we don’t realize just how much we depend on our technology until we’re found without it for a period of time. I’m reminded of this fact during a power outage we had, last February. The power was out for nearly nineteen hours. During that time, we found ourselves unable to do even the most basic of things. Make coffee, cook food, watch shows to pass time… We read books and stayed bundled up for warmth. We smartened up and made sandwiches and nibbled on finger foods, but we recognized that given the depth of winter, we were totally unprepared for an extended period without power. The eventual cooling of the house would have become dangerous. Although most people don’t think on it, we depend on technology in our daily lives more than we believe; and
  5. It’s Crippling Our Ability To Communicate: Communication is a kept skill. The less you use it, the harder it becomes to return to it. The use of electronic devices and smart phones has reduced/eliminated our ability to talk to each other in a normal manner. I’m sure you all know some of the situations that take place on social media. A person who would generally keep their heads down and scarcely say a word in public, suddenly becomes an outspoken, belligerent and even combative person. While some may view this as “developing” a person’s ability to communicate, one cannot effectively do so through the relative safety of a keyboard. If you walk down the street, you’ll undoubtedly see dozens of people going about their day with their eyes down, staring at a screen. Such has become the way of the world…

Technology can be wonderful and has provided more than we could have ever imagined. And I’m sure that as our technology continues to advance, we’ll continue to advance with it. But the nature of life and universe tells us that for every positive, there is always a negative. As long as we can keep an eye and acknowledge the negatives and take efforts not to be overwhelmed by them, we can certainly benefit and enjoy the positives. ☯

There’s No Alternative To Zen

Modern life can be pretty hectic, and the requirements of daily life can get in the way of some of the things we do for our own benefit and well-being. Mostly, I’m referring to my study of Zen Buddhism and meditation. I have to admit that the past three years have derailed a lot of the self-discipline and routines I had in place for myself. once of the biggest gaps I have is the ability to sit in relative peace and quite and meditate, uninterrupted. Think about it… When was the last time you’ve found yourself able to find some total silence?

Even as I write this, I can hear vehicle traffic, engines revving and the sound of my own house’s air conditioning unit droning away. Silence? Yeah, right… I’m sitting in relative peace in my garage to write, but silence still eludes me. And finding time to meditate can be difficult, if you live a modern life. There’s work obligations, familial obligations and overall life obligations. It can make it difficult to find one’s inner Zen. And if you’re not careful, you can find yourself trying to find an alternative to the bliss of Zen.

Meditation can provide countless benefits to the body and mind. Not only is it relaxing but it can improve concentration, blood pressure and heart rate. It can aid in the healing of injuries, mitigate pain and provide benefits for a proper sleep cycle. So why WOULDN’T you meditate? Haven’t you been paying attention as you read??? BECAUSE LIFE GETS IN THE FREAKING WAY!!! When you get used to meditation, the lack of it can leave a pretty noticeable hole in your existence, and people will often try to substitute.

I have to admit that I’ve been guilty of this, myself. Indulging in a smooth cigar, having a couple of strong drinks or some other calming vice can often seem like a good idea. But the bad usually outweighs the good. And regret always sets in. And if you guys know anything about me, it’s that I don’t believe in regret. So, what’s a person to do?

The ideal solution would be to find an hour that you can allot for yourself. this can either be first thing in the morning before the family wakes up and your daily routine starts up, or lastly before bed. This also has the added benefit of sending you off to slumber with a relaxed body and mind, which can promote a better night’s sleep. The bottom line is, this is one of those situations where “there’s a will, there’s a way.”

There’s no alternative to Zen. So even when life gets in the way, it’s incumbent on you to find the time to make it a priority. There’s always an opportunity to make it happen. Meditation has been a staple of my life for over twenty years. When life gets harsh and difficult, it’s been one of the best coping methods imaginable. So maybe I need to put down the cigar and step back into meditative bliss. Food for thought… ☯

Turning Things Around

Yesterday’s post was pretty morose and depressing. I’ll be the first one to admit it. So I thought I would turn things around a bit and write about something a little more positive. My wife’s birthday is coming up in a few days, and I was trying to decide on something nice that I could get her. Given the current state of the world, going out for a night on the town is still out, although we’re getting closer to being able to do so. I found myself looking at alternatives and trying to think about things she may have mentioned she’d enjoy having.

I came up with an idea that would unfortunately require that I tell her what her gifts would be. This is mostly because I would need her input to ensure I got something she would specifically want. My first thought was to get a fire pit for the back yard. We’ve been talking about having one for a while and we avoided getting one because we believed we would likely be selling the house and moving in recent years. Since that’s no longer the case, we agreed to get one. Although I wanted to get one that connects to one of my propane tanks for ease of lighting and use, the small wood-burning pit is still wonderful and serves its purpose well.

It only took a few minutes to bolt the whole thing together, and we had the chance to blaze it up last Sunday when we had a friend of mine stop by for a coulee of cold ones. The photo above is of the shitty fire Nathan and I lit yesterday so I could snap a photo. I was out of wood and all I had were small brambles. It was pretty much out within ten minutes. But Sunday’s fire was mint, and lasted for the better part of an hour.

During my teen years, I spent countless evenings on local beaches with a fire burning, a few of us with some acoustic guitars and snack, crooning to easy music and simply enjoying the peaceful bliss of relaxing by a fire. There’s something soothing about the crackling flames and the warmth it projects while you connect and chat with good friends. I predict we’ll be making great use of this bad boy throughout the summer.

You may have noticed that I said “gifts.” My second thought was to get her a chaise lounger for the backyard. This could mean that on afternoons when she isn’t working, she can sprawl on the deck on her lounger, read a good book and even light a fire. If she chose to do so. But since it’s for her comfort, we’ve been shopping around to try and find something she’ll really enjoy. Sometimes, looking for what you want can be half the experience. ☯

Just For Laughs

Sometimes if you take yourself or life too seriously you may miss out on the opportunity to smile, once in a while. I consider it just as important to be able to laugh at myself, and I’m the last person who could ever be considered over sensitive about the aspects of my life. With that in mind, I found the below image worth a laugh. I think it does well to explain the need to eliminate suffering, I may have posted it before, who knows? After almost three years of writing daily posts, I’ve lost track… Enjoy, and happy Wednesday! ☯

R-E-S-P-E-C-T

What is respect? Is it having people move out of your way, when you approach? Is it having them hold the door for you or invite you to go first? Perhaps it’s the immediate and unconditional obedience of people who are under your authority… Different people have different definitions of respect but not all of them are correct or accurate. I know that for some older generations, that last one is usually the case. I can remember my grandmother, who always DEMANDED immediate and unconditional obedience and respect from her grandchildren. That doesn’t always produce the best results and in today’s modern world, respect can be a fleeting thing.

Without muddying the waters too badly, respect can be easily defined as admiring someone based on their abilities and achievements, while having due regard for their feelings, traditions and rights. So, what does that admiration entail? Is that obedience aspect a requirement? Most people would be inclined to say no. I respect my friends. But I wouldn’t go so far as to say I would obey them. Would I hold doors open for them? Absolutely. The concept of respect has the tendency to be subjective and not always clear to some people.

Let’s take one of the most commonly assumed shows of disrespect: a disgruntled customer. Now, the concept of “the customer is always right” hasn’t really been a thing in quite a long time. For the most part, retail chains are beginning to understand all too well that the phrase that was coined in the early 1900’s in order to ensure customers didn’t feel cheated or deceived, is no longer being exercised in that spirit. But that doesn’t stop certain customers from using the slogan and expecting it to be obeyed.

So, a disgruntled customer comes up to your till. You scan their items and they immediate take notice that the $3.99 item they wanted didn’t scan as $3.30 as they expected. This is an actual scenario I dealt with, back in my retail days. The customer immediately becomes irritated and agitated, perhaps even name-calling and berating the cashier, who is basically powerless to do anything beyond scanning and charging the listed price. Then, they pull the classic trump card out of their pocket… “Get me your manager, NOW! Don’t you know that the customer is always right?”

I walk up and ask the customer how I can help, who then proceeds to spit out the story in as exaggerated and emotional manner possible. All while demanding respecting (DEMANDING) as she is the customer and her patronage pays our salaries… yada, yada, yada… While she’s busy unloading a flood of verbal diarrhea on me, I send a merchandiser to check on the item to see if we had incorrectly priced it. The result was that the price was correct but the item next to it was a bottle with a lesser amount, which resulted in the lower price. I could only assume that the customer’s current bottle was sitting in the wrong slot when she picked it up.

Without getting into the law and applicable legislation that pertains to pricing on retail shelves, I could see that there was no clear way of dealing with this person as they were absolutely adamant that they were right. So I did the only thing I could think of to diffuse the situation and end it before my cashier broke down in tears: I pulled three quarters out of my pocket and handed it to her. When she asked me what i was doing, I responded that I was paying her back the difference in price. She was floored, and said she couldn’t take money from pocket as it should come from the till. I calmly explained that no, it shouldn’t because we don’t provide refunds because something was picked up from the wrong spot on the shelf. But since she believes her patronage pays my salary, she’s welcome to money out of my pocket.

This is only one example, and a pretty common one, of how this customer disrespected the employee. The irony is that the employee was simply doing her job, one in which the customer likely wouldn’t want to do. And what’s even more hilarious is when someone irate is making a total ass of themselves but yet still seems to consider it appropriate to DEMAND respect.

Respect is a fluid thing, and subjective to the person. Respect should be earned and never demanded, although there are instances where respect can be given depending on the situation. The important thing to remember is other people’s perspective. If you can respect someone else’s perspective, it makes it all that easier for others to respect yours. ☯

As Good As Your Word…

I was always raised by my family to not only always be on time, but to always be a bit early to accommodate any unforeseen circumstances that may arise. This applies to all aspects of one’s life, professional or personal. I was also raised that when you say you’re going to do something, you follow through and do it. Today’s post may be a bit more on the ranting side than anything useful, but sometimes you just have to pour it out in order to move on and lighten your soul.

I don’t maintain friendships easily. In fact, there aren’t many to whom I am able to give that title. Maybe I’m just stubborn or perhaps my personal code of ethics and beliefs is so deeply ingrained that I don’t suffer ignorance easily, even when it applies to my friends. I’m totally on board with the concept that we can sometimes go days, weeks and occasionally even months without speaking to each other due to life’s obligations. After all, life doesn’t care about one’s plans. What bothers me, is when someone states they’ll do something and doesn’t follow through. THAT’S when it becomes an issue…

I can provide some pretty specific examples. I have a friend that I used to make efforts to spend some time with. Nothing fancy, just the occasional meeting for coffee or beer. During one meet-up, we decided to grab some dinner at a local restaurant. It was only once the menus were in our hands that it was revealed that the friend was actually short of cash and probably shouldn’t order anything to eat. I’m usually pretty game for letting people find their own way and I agree that if one can’t afford to eat out, one shouldn’t.

That being said, I could hardly sit there and order food when the friend I invited out would sit there with a glass of restaurant tap water. Even if we had gotten together for the conversation and company, it would still throw a wrench into the energy of the evening, so I offered to buy dinner. After the usual back and forth, the friend relented and “agreed” to let me buy dinner. Okay, no big deal, right? If I can’t buy a friend a meal every once in a while, then what’s the point? But there was plenty of other things we could have done that would have cost nothing and been just as pleasant, so I felt a bit off at the fact that dinner was agreed to in the first place.

On the second occasion, we decided to go out for coffee. It was agreed that I would pick up the friend so that we could make our way somewhere to relax and have some good conversation. Once I picked the friend up, I was asked to make a “quick stop” along the way… Seems the friend had lent out a vehicle to someone and it was now dead and required a boost. Basically, I was needed to reach the lent vehicle and use my own vehicle to provide a boost. Nice. After attending to that matter and spending some time out in the cold (it was deep winter, at the time) it was late enough and I had grown tired and we called it a night.

I’m a strong believer of giving people the benefit of the doubt, so I agreed to meet on a third occasion. This time, I provided conditions that worked in my favour. I agreed to meet the friend at a local pub that was only five minutes from my home and the friend would have to find their own way there. It was agreed that we would meet at 6 pm. As is my custom, I arrived at about 5:50 and ordered the first round so it would be ready when the friend arrived. 6 o’clock came and went with no appearance from the friend. Okay. 6:30 hits and I had consumed my beer, so I texted the friend asking when I could expect an appearance.

6:45 struck and I still hadn’t received a response. It’s unconscionable to waste cold beer, so I decided to start on the second round I had provided for the friend. Another could easily be ordered upon their arrival. I texted my wife and asked her opinion on how long I should wait. She replied that it was up to me but that I had already waited far longer than necessary, especially since my messages were going unanswered. Since I was on a second round, I would remain and allow some time, since I still needed to make my way home.

Shortly after 7 pm, the friend finally phoned me and provided some reasoning for being well over an hour late, despite it changing nothing of the current situation. I was asked if I was willing to wait a little bit so they could join me. I declined, since I had already consumed two drinks and still had to make my way home. The friend apologized and indicated that we’d make plans to get together on another night. Needless to say, I stopped trying after that. And this is only one of the examples of why I find it difficult to maintain friendships. There are many others.

For example, I have a long-standing friend from back home, who only ever seems to come visit me when he’s working. Seriously. He’ll only stop in if he can sit and catch up while on his company’s time, which seriously sucks. Just recently, I invited him to my home for a beer, to which he agreed. He was supposed to pop in around 6 o’clock after we had all eaten dinner. At 6:30, he sends me a text message to say that he wanted to walk his dog before driving up and would be at my place around 8 o’clock. Seriously??? With a young son and a toddler to get to bed around that time, I didn’t feel right about hanging out in the garage with beer while my wife dealt with both kids. Light knows she does enough of that in the mornings while I’m gone to work. But what’s more is it pissed me off that he only contacted me half an hour AFTER his agreed time to show up.

Why the hell would you agree to a 6 o’clock meet-up, only to change it to two hours later? Did he not know he’d be wanting to walk his dog? Was it a spur of the moment decision? Couldn’t he have either skipped walking the dog for one day and made an exception or have someone else walk the dog in his stead? Who knows, maybe I’m being the oversensitive asshole, here. I declined his later offer, since I wanted to be able to help out with the kids, plus I was kinda pissed. Just for some clarity, these examples feature two different people. So I’m not just picking on one person.

I always show up. In fact, I always show up a bit early. I consider that practical, but it’s my hang up. However, it’s important that if you say you’ll do something or be somewhere, that yo follow through. I think that’s not only an important social convention, it’s simple manners. I’ll take the friend I haven’t spoken to in a month who actually shows up as agreed, over the one who flakes for no good reason. I have one friend that I meet up with on occasion. The beauty of this friend is that if she isn’t available for something, she’s honest and upfront about it. And if we agree to meet, she always shows up. On time. Maybe that’s why we get along so well. That, and a shared twisted sense of humour.

The hand of friendship is one that should be freely given. But to an extent, it also needs to be earned. That’s what defines the difference between a “friend” and an “acquaintance.” And WHAT you do is at least as important as HOW you do it. Keep your promises. Keep to your commitments. And always show up. Believe me when I say that your friends will be eternally grateful. And if you have even one or two friends who fall under that good category, be sure to keep regular contact and treat them like gold. They’re a rare lot. Food for thought… ☯