Category: Motivation

Society has a propensity for trying to take the easiest and most stress-free way possible, when dealing with issues in their daily lives. And I get that. Stress sucks. Confrontation sucks. None of it is fun, but if you live in modern society, there’s a safe chance youwon’t go through life without dealing with at least some of it, in some given way, shape or form. How you choose to deal with these things not only speaks to your character but could potentially dictate how certain life scenarios play out for you.

One of the best examples I can provide is a classic scenario that many people know all too well…. The noisy neighbour. Depending on how you live and where life has taken you, at some point, you may have had to deal with a neighbour who lives it up and parties at the wee hours of the night when you and your family are trying to sleep. If this were an 80’s “Brat Pack” movie, you’d likely see the adults next door waking up, shaking their heads in a combination of disbelief and ire, followed by trying to roll over or pull a pillow over their head.

Here’s the bad news: this ain’t a movie, so your situation needs to be dealt with. In the real world, this means that if you expect any sleep, someone’s going to have to go next door and ask those neighbours to lower the volume. Personally, I’ve been pretty lucky in this regard. When we moved to Regina, we were lucky enough to be blessed with a family that not only had kids close to my son’s age, but were accommodating in almost every way. We’d help each other clear out snow, take each others’ garbage bins to road on trash day…. I couldn’t imagine better neighbours.

They moved out, almost a year ago. The fear of who may move into a house that shares a tandem driveway with us was concerning, but we were once again blessed with a neighbour who communicates and has some understanding of good neighbourly relations. Our neighbours on the other side of our fence are equally as friendly and understanding. I even had them climbing a ladder in the pouring rain to clear out one of my gutters when I was out of town, to prevent water damage.

But for the sake of conversation, let’s say you’re neighbours aren’t all that and a bag of chips. I’ve had a lot of different neighbours over the years at different residences as my law enforcement career moved me around a lot. I’ve had quiet neighbours that I’ve basically never seen, neighbours who have been obnoxious and keep me up at night and neighbours that as described earlier, were salt of the earth people who would bend over backwards for others. But for this scenario, let’s say you’re woken in the wee hours of the night by your neighbours music/party…

In my experience, I’ve had a lot of people reach out to me to go get their neighbours to quiet down. It became my common practice to always ask the same question, “What did they say when you asked them to turn it down?” I would ALWAYS get the response that they haven’t spoken to them and that they expected it was my job to do so. Let that sink in for a moment. Your neighbours, the people whom you live next door to, are creating noise. Instead of trying to speak with them first, your impulse is to contact law enforcement. Brutal.

This is only one example of this TYPE of scenario and I’ve already been wordy enough on this post, so I should likely get to the point, which is that as humans, we usually prefer to have others do our “dirty work.” Now, maybe there are reasons behind it. Maybe you already have a bad relationship with your neighbour and you’re afraid of aggravating an already tense situation. That can happen. But for the most part, one should always make the effort to communicate with the person in question BEFORE escalating things.

I know a lot of people don’t agree with this thinking. Insert a joke about “Karens” and “Kyles,” here. But no matter what one is dealing with in life, one’s first step should always be to directly communicate with other person in question. There’s a saying about how one can only control what they say, not someone else’s reaction to it. And this is quite true. But if you approach someone with whom you have an issue with an open mind, calm demeanour and the ability to properly voice your concerns, you may be surprised at how often the situation may right itself.

This may not always be possible, especially if you’re going in with fire in your blood. In such instances, it may be better to give it some time before approaching the other person. Then again, every situation is subjective to the individual. maybe the situation doesn’t allow one to wait. And who am I to tell anyone how they SHOULD act? I’m not a therapist, but I do have the benefit of years of dealing with other people’s problems. But my ultimate point is this: you shouldn’t always start by asking for the manager. You shouldn’t always start by calling police. You shouldn’t always START by making a complaint, filing a complaint and/or complaining in general. You SHOULD start by communicating. If everyone did this, society would be a whole lot better off. Or go join the party, instead fo complaining about it. After all, life is short. Food for thought…☯️

“It’s a matter of principle…” Have you ever heard someone utter that phrase? It usually comes right after the part where the person in question may have been proven wrong or shown why their perspective or opinion is incorrect and their trying to find a reason why something should still be pursued. People in general have a tendency to misinterpret what principles are, and how they should be applied.

Principles, as they relate to this specific context, are defined as a fundamental truth or proposition that serves as the foundation for a system of belief or behaviour or for a chain of reasoning. Basically, trying to do the right thing can be construed as acting on principle. But for a lot of people, they’ll seek to make others suffer or seek punitive action against someone “as a matter of principle.” That’s where the waters get muddied, a bit…

Something important to remember is that even if one’s guiding principles tell them something may be the right thing, this doesn’t make it accurate. One’s principles can be heavily influenced by many of the same factors as one’s perspective or set of beliefs, where environment, family values and even religion can determine how your principles apply. When considering one’s principles, one also needs to contemplate the difference between “legal” and “moral,” as many people seem to think that those two concepts are one and the same. Even though they can sometimes apply to one another, they’re entirely separate and may not relate to the principle of a particular matter.

Where am I going with this? Well, consider the following scenario…. You come to an agreement with someone about something specific. Doesn’t really matter what; a transaction or a service, whatever. At some point, you find that this agreement is not in your favour and you try and negotiate with the other party in order to reach a resolution that suits you. They don’t agree and as a result, you seek outside help in the form of some legal entity… either the police or whatever agency may deal with your specific scenario/incident.

You come to find out that it doesn’t fall under the umbrella of whatever help you were seeking, but you still push the issue despite being shown that it doesn’t qualify as something wrong or dishonest on the other party’s behalf. And then, you utter the words that anyone unwilling to admit defeat have uttered… “It’s a matter of principle…” Sure it is, cupcake. Sure it is.

It’s important to develop the ability to pick your battles, in life. In fact, once you do you’ll discover that a great deal of daily stress will be eliminated by simply letting go of certain things, especially once it’s been made clear that there may be no turning back or changing someone’s mind. It’s kind of like the Serenity Prayer, which if you weren’t raised in a religious home you may not recognize. But the short version goes like this:

God, grant me the serenity
To accept the things I cannot change;
Courage, to change these things I can; and
Wisdom to know the difference.

If that isn’t an old school religious way of saying “pick your battles,” I don’t know what is! And that’s what’s important. Being able to recognize the things you won’t be able to to change and move on. Although there’s a great deal to be said about being able to fight through anything and never giving up, one DOES need to acknowledge that some things just aren’t worth it. It kind of ties in to that whole “eliminate suffering in yourself and others” thing I have going on.

Lastly, there are many people who prefer to be unhappy but be right, and may seek to find some way of taking punitive action against someone else by virtue of wanting to be right, Don’t be that person. That isn’t a matter of principle. That’s a little thing called “vengeance.” And no good can come of it. Sometimes, you just gotta let shit go. Food for thought. ☯️

I’ve always worked very hard at trying to help others and make a difference in my small corner of the world. This has come in different forms; volunteering, helping random strangers and even my chosen careers have all gone towards trying to eliminate my own suffering as well as the suffering of others in the world. It hasn’t always been easy, and sometimes I’ve had to be selfish in that I can’t help others if I don’t myself myself, first and foremost. This is a concept I’ve often tried to instil in others, usually with very little success.

“I Think The Galaxy Owes Me One…”

– Captain James T. Kirk, Star Trek: Generations

Karma is based on one’s intent. You can’t perform good deeds with the hope or the intention that life will provide a positive or easy outcome. That isn’t how karma works. If you seek to help or ease suffering in a positive way, with only the best intentions in your soul, then karma will do the rest. But it isn’t intended on being a cosmic judge, jury and executioner. People make mistakes. This doesn’t mean your karma will be bad. People will make bad decisions. That doesn’t mean you’re destined to spend your next life as a dung beetle. But you need to do what’s right for the right reasons. THAT’s where karma plays an important role.

I’m guilty of having misinterpreted karma on more than one occasion. There have been times in my life where I’ve spoken the words, “I think the universe owes me a few…”. This has usually been associated to the fact that I’ve saved lives, located missing persons and prevented or solved crimes in different ways. On some fundamental level, I have no doubt that at certain points in my life I felt as though the universe owed me one, given the sacrifices and efforts I’ve put into life. But the reality is that the universe owes me nothing.

I think it was Mark Twain who said, “Don’t go around saying the world owes you a living. The world owes you nothing. It was here first.” The same can be said of the universe. It owes you nothing. And it was here first. DO good for the sake of doing good. Work to eliminate suffering in the world. It’s not about owing. It’s about why you’re doing it. If you do good in the hopes of getting something back, then you aren’t really doing good. I’ve learned a lot since the last time I assumed the universe owed me one. And boy, was it quick to show me the error of my thinking. Maybe take it from me as opposed to trying it for yourself; the universe owes you nothing. But you owe it to yourself to do good in the world. Food for thought…☯️