Category: Motivation

Cowardly, Or Smart?

I think that at some point, we’ve all had someone who has done us wrong in the course of our life. In some cases, the wrong was severe enough to alter the very course of our existence and make us wonder what, if anything, we’d do if we had this person standing in front of us and we had the opportunity to do something. I had such an opportunity, last week. And I found myself contemplating my next move. Several scenarios played out in my head as I calculated potential outcomes and whether they were ultimately worth it or not. Ultimately, I walked away before this person could even see me. Cowardly, or smart?

Picture this: you’re questioned and asked about something that you deny. The questioner tells you it’s done there and they won’t take it further. And then they do. What follows is almost three years of a hellish version of what you recognize as life while you try and put the pieces back together. You walk away and reassemble the pieces to forge a new identity for yourself. You give up who you were; not just a job but the very fabric of your existence and who you saw yourself as. The result is a temporary slip in a world of smoke and alcohol, surviving rather than living. You watch, as the world takes apart the very profession you grew to love and thought defined you.

And all of sudden, out of the blue and on a random day when you were expecting anything but, you see the person who started it all. And this person, the one who crippled your previous career, harmed your family life and endangered the future of your children is just walking along casually, enjoying their day and making the most of some down time. You stand there, frozen, contemplating what you should do next. Should you approach and finally say your peace? Perhaps show that you came out stronger and better than when you went in? I finally snapped out of it, long enough to walk away…

Ultimately, it doesn’t matter. I don’t need this person to know that I’ve carried on. I don’t need them to know that I’ve evolved and have gone on to do better things. I know I have and my family knows I have, and that’s really all I need in order to find my peace. Anger, hatred, bitterness… These are the things that bring further suffering in one’s life and in case some of y”all haven’t been reading my stuff in recent years, the elimination of suffering is kind of my jam. At some point, we need to learnt o let go of the pain and difficulties we’ve faced, especially if we’ve fought our way through and came out better. I often wondered what would happened if I faced this person and now I know. There isn’t a cowardly bone in my body. I simply realize that they aren’t worth my time and thoughts. ☯️

Your Style = Your Way Of Life

I’ve written on several occasions about how one’s martial arts style needs to be more than walking into the nearest dojo and training with whomever they find, there. Although not the original intention, there are hundreds of different styles currently practiced throughout the world and each one of them has its own specific nuances and techniques that have the potential to suit one person more than the next. Choosing a style of martial arts to commit years of one’s life to, can be a lengthy process involving more trial and error than most people are willing to work through.

But the importance of finding a style that suits the practitioner is important enough that it took me almost five years to land on a style that suited me, worked for me and fit my my overall goals. Not everyone is willing to do this. For many if not most, once they decide they want to train in the martial arts they’ll look up the closest dojo within their community and walk into it. This can be detrimental to that person’s journey since, if that style doesn’t suit them, they’ll walk away disappointed and if their community happens NOT to have another dojo, they’ll likely assume martial arts simply isn’t for them.

For example, even the people who know me likely didn’t know that I hold an orange belt in Hap Ki Do or that I studied Judo and Kendo for a number of years prior to joining karate. It wasn’t UNTIL I joined karate that I came to terms with what I was looking for and what suited me. Leaving those previous dojos was difficult, especially since I was climbing the belt process in Hap Ki Do, but since my main goal was my overall health and not my ranking, it didn’t matter. And I have no regrets.

My point and the point of today’s post, is that students will come and students will go. It can be difficult to see a student with solid potential start training within your dojo, only to quit and walk away. Sometimes it happens for the silliest and most frivolous reasons. Sometimes, it’s pride. But almost universally, it comes down to two categories: behavioural or technical. And now, I’m going to share the story of a student from each category.

Behavioural
We are not the sum of our behaviours. This can be a difficult lesson to learn, especially for a Sensei. When one becomes a teacher and takes it upon themselves to train others, it has to be through the lens that every person is different will not only learn differently but will likely behave differently. This should be common sense but in an art where discipline and obedience are key to learning the style, this can be a difficult pill to swallow. This is where a student that I’ll simply call “John” comes in…

I met John when i was still a white belt myself, albeit just a kyu or two shy of achieving green belt. He was younger than I was and quite brash and carried a significant chip on his shoulder. He acted out and behaved like a little shit within the dojo, often farting, causing distractions and teasing other students. Despite all of those things, he showed an affinity to karate and began learning quickly. He gained skill to the point that in only a couple of short years, our sparring matches saw us almost even matched and until I fractured my rib earlier this year, is the one responsible for the only time in my life that I’ve broken a bone. But I digress…

As John grew from a young boy into a young man and began to come into his own, he started to close the gap in rank with me and the promise of getting some green on his belt became a real possibility. Until he allowed his behaviour to trickle onto Sensei. During a rather heated sparring match with Sensei, John made some verbal comment that was more than Sensei would stomach. He delivered a single blow that sent John sprawling to the floor. Although he had been training to block, absorb or deflect such impacts for years, John walked out of the dojo feigning pain and lack of breath and went home. His pride had been wounded.

Now this situation has been hotly discussed on two fronts: The first being, John should have learned the lesson, returned to the dojo and continued training through the lens of having learned something important. The second that Sensei should have been more tolerant and SPOKEN to John about his behaviour and he shouldn’t have struck him. I fall under the former category. If you’re foolish enough to start mouthing off at me during a sparring match, I’ll likely bury my big toe in your spleen as well. But i once again digress…

John never came back to karate. Ever. Which was heart-breaking because he had significant potential and would likely be well on his way to being an instructor himself, by now. To this day, I believe he still regrets having never stuck with it and I genuinely believe that although Sensei’s rigidity could have softened, it’s John’s pride that prevented him from making his way back and achieving his goals. true story.

Technical
My technical example takes the story above and demonstrates the total opposite. I used to train/teach a younger student that I’ll simply name “Donny.” Donny was a teenager and by most views, was a respecting and appreciative student of the way. He had a keen interest in the martial arts and was hungry to learn. He followed all direction and instruction and was always pleasant to train with. Realistically, he simply wasn’t very good. I need t be clear on what I mean by this, since everyone’s level and skill is subjective. Learning and properly mastering techniques and forms did not come easily.

Despite this level of skill, which could have improved over time, Donny had no patience and began questioning when he would climb in rank. Although this was a question that many students had, it was somewhat rare to hear it from one who consistently required correction on material he had been practicing for years. The effect was that Donny began to realize he wouldn’t climb in rank, which caused impatience to rear its ugly head. As most of you know, impatience has no place in the proper learning of karate, although it tends to peak its head out more than it should.

The end result is that Donny left karate and joined a local Tae Kwon Do school. In my teens and my 20’s, I spoke a lot of smack against TKD but as I’ve grown older and wiser (please hold the comments) I’ve come to recognize that it’s a substantial style with a lot of fantastic history and techniques. It simply sin’s for me. For Donny, however, it held the promise of what he was ACTUALLY looking for: ranking. It took very little time to realize that he was climbing the almighty belt ladder and was happier than a proverbial pig in shit.

Within a few short years, Donny held a black belt and was beaming with pride. Traditional martial arts won’t allow you to reach such a skill level or belt rank that quickly as one simply can’t absorb all the material necessary to get there in so short a time but hey! Good for him! Hopefully that belt also holds up his pants… I sound a bit bitter and in fact, I am. I firmly believe that the skill is more important than the belt and if Donny had stuck it out and put the time in, he would have improved and grown exponentially. But if all he wanted was the prestige of a black belt around his waist, so be it.

The thing to recall about the martial arts is that it isn’t a sport that you play for a few key years then walk away from. It’s a life-long journey and commitment, requiring sacrifice and occasional disappointment. But those things can also be used to fuel one’s forge to keep the hunger alive and train towards one’s ultimate goals. It’s gotta come from you. Although I would never want someone in my dojo who doesn’t want to be there, these two stories reflect the student losses that have stuck with me. Sometimes it’s hard to watch someone with potential walk away. But everyone has their own journey to complete. ☯️

The Older I Get…

Life has a strange way of making one ride a very particular curve. When we’re young, we get to experience a lot of really exciting firsts… It all starts with one’s first steps, first words and first using the potty (you know who you are!). As one gets older, a batch of new firsts blesses one’s life; first time driving a car, first time kissing a girl, first time getting a paid job. For some, we could even include the first time enjoying a cold beer, first time living on one’s own and first time taking steps towards adulthood. But as we reach adulthood, we hit a lull in that curve that has all the firsts come to an end and life begins to cash out the debt.

“The Older I Get, The More Things I Gotta Leave Behind. That’s Life.”

– Rocky Balboa

As we get older, all of those firsts begin to seem like a distant memory in the rearview mirror. In fact, everything seems to fade to black; old friends become old memories, all those exciting firsts step aside for the realities of life. We even reach the point where loved ones begin to leave us behind for whatever comes next. Y’all know what I’m talking about. It can be a difficult part of life to navigate, especially if one isn’t prepared or it. it can make life seem pretty bleak and leave one wondering what the point of it all may be.

In the past couple of years, life has hit everybody pretty hard. The pandemic changed everybody, and even the ones who don’t seem to believe it changed everyone were affected. For myself, significant life-altering decisions have been made in the past two years; choices I likely wouldn’t have made if the pandemic hadn’t come along. Since I’ve written about some of those changes ad nauseam and this post isn’t about that, i won’t get into those changes but rather, I’ll focus on the changes I’ve seen most recently.

Back at the beginning of August, I travelled out east to visit my folks. Although I should have been greeted the way I have for the past four decades, with a family pleased to see me, I was met with silence. With most trips involving so many back-to-back visits with friends and family that i barely had time to breathe, I came home to family with no time and the ones who did, made no time for me even when they could. And that was WITH my two adorable children, my wife and my mother in law adding to the pleasant ambiance.

It was a strange change to the dynamic of my life. I think that to some extent, my family and friends back home were always a bit of a safety net. Somehow, I could make my way through life and accomplish my goals with the knowledge that even though we had thousands of kilometres between us, they were a universal constant that brought balance to the universe. The most recent incident where for the first time in almost 40 years, Sensei made no time for me over the few days I was home was the nail that drive the message home. And home became the operative word, since the east coast was no longer a place that I could as such.

For the better part of a month, I’ve made my peace with the possibility that I’m just being a little over-sensitive about the entire thing. But I recently realized that it isn’t a matter of over-sensitivity; it’s simply the natural progression of life. I think there’s an old saying about repeating the same actions over and over but expecting a different result. Life doesn’t remain the same and only a fool would assume that there will never any change. The key is to accept those changes and see them for what they are; a different branch in the path of one’s overall journey.

When one takes the time to open one’s eyes and take a look around, there are plenty of firsts remaining to be had. My children will go through all of the joy and firsts in life that I did and I get to be there for it. The only difference is that I get the additional happiness of seeing the joy in their eyes as they experience it all for the first time. It isn’t about what one has lost. It’s about working towards what can still be lived. And experienced. Food for thought… ☯️

Information Overload

It seems as though the world is slowly going to hell and is doing so in a very poorly constructed hand basket. Or at least it APPEARS that is is… I know that recent events right here in Saskatchewan have had a ripple effect on the population and have woken some folks up to the fact that even the “quiet” corners of the country have their fair share of noise, if there really is any such thing as a “quiet” part of the world….

The state of the world can often seem overwhelming, especially to those who spend the majority of their time online or following the news. Although I would be the last person to ever suggest simply nurturing one’s head in the sand, I think it’s worth noting that the entire world’s information is available at the average person’s fingertips, unlike a couple of decades ago where you would depend on your local news to deliver the majority of major happening to you.

And let’s be clear; unless that major happening was in fact, major and directly impacted the area where the news was being broadcast, it would often go unheard. These days, a remote village in a country thousands of miles away may make your news feed and deliver information about what’s happening in their neck of the woods. For the most part, I think most people would agree that this is a good thing and the younger generations certainly don’t know any better.

But despite public opinion, how good is it ACTUALLY that all of this information is freely and readily available at the world’s fingertips? I’m sure the high school student who needs to write a paper about some arcane and little-known philosopher from centuries ago considers Wikipedia to be a blessing and a god-send but I mostly mean in general. People are more connected than ever before, weighing in on issues that just a number of years ago, they would never even have heard of.

For the most part, there’s nothing wrong with the receipt and absorbing of information. The trick is to have the understanding that not all pieces of information should consume your attention, ad nauseam. If I were to give an example, a good one would be the current military conflicts taking place overseas. The world is shocked and appalled that this is happening, as well they should be. The availability of all this information has made that conflict a public matter. But it might surprise many t know that there have been over a hundred conflicts of this nature in the world since the end of World War II; they’ve simply never heard about them.

The advent and growth of the online environment has led to people becoming more brazen and often inappropriate in their interactions with other people. After all, how easy is it to mouth off to someone through a computer monitor as opposed to in person? The online environment has also caused a majority of the population to become armchair experts in law enforcement, medical professions and politics. Light help the world…

As with all things in life, nothing is inherently bad or good. It’s how we choose to absorb and use what we’re given that defines how it’s perceived and accepted. The world has never changed. There has always been crime, controversy, famine, war, poverty and medical epidemics. We simply have the benefit of knowing it all immediately as opposed to reading it in the history books. I don’t know if the world is going to hell or not but I’m thinking we may have been in the hand basket longer than we previously assumed. Food for thought… ☯️

Sounds To Soothe The Savage Heart…

Music has a way of altering one’s mood, temperament and overall situation. After all, how many times have you had a bad day where a catchy song started playing on the radio and you either started grooving to it, singing to it or both? Before you knew it, your mood had drastically improved and the issue that frustrated you no longer seemed quite as bad. This actually happens far more than we know, which is why relaxation music can be beneficial in helping you unwind during a massage or in an elevator. And I’ve often written about the benefits of white noise and its varieties, signalling that sound in general has the ability to alter a person’s mood and overall health.

So just imagine the kind of effect you can have if you actually play the music yourself? If listening to a certain song can alter your mood, imagine the kind of effect you can have if you create and play the music yourself, using an instrument of your choice. Honestly, I think we’ve all suffered through the cheap-ass music lessons we all received in elementary school. Although the basic lessons were sound and would ACTUALLY lead to an honest to goodness knowledge of music, none of us cared and none of us wanted to play “Mary had a little lamb” on a fucking recorder! That’s a flute, for those of you who may not know. Are music lessons in school even still a thing?

One of the only existing photos of me, playing the guitar sometime in 2005

Personally, I’ve always been partial to the violin. Classical music has always held an important place in my heart and I absolutely LOVE the sound of a symphony orchestra. The violin always seemed like a reasonable option to me, since it’s portable enough to bring anywhere but beautiful enough to be appreciated by all. Given that I grew up in a small town in northern new Brunswick, the availability of solid music lessons were scarce. Getting my parents’ help in that endeavour was unlikely since they were little busy keeping my brother and I alive through our various illnesses.

I mean, I had to keep my karate lessons a secret for a number of years, for fuck sakes. Granted, violin lessons may have elicited less of a reaction out of them. But the bottom line is that I was limited to only listening to music. That is, until autumn of 1995… I had a shitty, red 1987 Toyota Tercel hatchback, which I purchased myself. I was driving down the side of the mountain where my high school was located when I came upon someone walking down the hill. It turned out to be Guillaume, Sensei’s son. I came to a stop and picked him up and he asked if I’d be willing to drive him to Bathurst to pick up guitar strings.

My “ax,” which was bought for me by my loving wife.

I was curious and hadn’t yet ventured to far out of my home town in my car so I was more than willing to drive him. When we reached the music shop in Bathurst, it felt like I fell into a musical slice of heaven. I could smell the fresh wood of the instruments, the tinny brass from the wind instruments and the overall muted quality of the walls inside the shop. There were dozens of guitars, acoustic and electric alike. I was in awe. Guillaume saw the look on my face and asked if I knew how to play. My response would end up shaping the proceeding years of my life…

We made our way back to his house, where we sat in a tiny entrance alcove that the family didn’t use. In it, he had his electric guitar, his amplifier, his acoustic guitar and music books, as well as a small stool that he sat on. He dragged in a second stool for me and he explained that he would teach me the basics of guitar playing if I agreed to listen to him and follow his direction with the same level of discipline as I did his father when learning karate. Funny guy, that Guillaume. he did teach me all my basic chords, which in turn allowed me to play some very basic tunes and songs. I had started my musical journey.

My late Aunt Iris’ acoustic guitar, which she gifted me on one of my last visits

Over the decades, I’ve owned over a dozen guitars of varying models and types, including an Epiphone Les Paul Special Edition, Epiphone PR-350 and even an Epiphone SG Standard. yes, I have a bit of a crush on Epiphones. What can I say? I have a type. The PR-350 was by far my favourite acoustic, sound-wise, and got the most mileage before I sold it due to bad life decisions. But the acoustic pictured above is near and dear to my heart. Back in early 2013, I travelled from Kindersley, Saskatchewan to Edmonton, Alberta to visit my Aunt Iris. I hadn’t seen her in almost twenty years.

I was in Edmonton overnight and while I was visiting with my aunt, she showed me her guitar. I tuned it up and played a few bars, which apparently made an impression on her. I returned to my hotel room that night and picked her up for lunch the following day. After lunch, we returned to her apartment and discussed the elephant in the room; she had cancer and it was terminal. She convinced me to take the guitar and make use of it, whether that meant to play it or sell it. I agreed to take it on one condition: she had to sign her name on the back so that it could never be sold and would forever stay in our family. She agreed…

My Aunt’s signature…

I don’t play guitar nearly as much as I would like, nowadays. Of course, trying to play something that’s as delicate and tuned as an acoustic guitar around young children is problematic at best. I remember nights of jamming out tune after tune with some of my friends… Good times. The memories are still there, though. pretty sure I still have a video of me playing with my friend Aaron, towards the beginning of the early 2000’s. I wish I had some way of uploading that footage, it would be amazing to share.

Music has the power to heal. It has the power to add a little something to one’s overall life. playing music can provide that, tenfold. Do I still dream of playing the violin? You fuckin’ right, I do. is it too late? Maybe. The ability to learn an intricate new skill at my age is unlikely but not impossible. Either way, I’ll always have those chilly nights by a fire on the beach, a sudden jam session in a bowling alley between games and the pleasure of learning a new song that I didn’t assume that I would. I’ve always focused on martial arts, because I always believed music couldn’t save my life. or could it? Food for thought… ☯️

Back To School, The Parent Edition…

Yesterday, I wrote about Nathan’s reluctant return to the classroom as, like most children, he started a new school year. Then it dawned on me that I’ll be enjoying something of a return to school, myself. Albeit on a more leisurely level. This coming week, the dojo re-opens for karate class and I intend to be there; front and centre.

I had started with a local school of Shotokan last year and despite some injuries I sustained early this year, I quite enjoyed it. They closed out for the summer break, which is apparently pretty standard for schools out here. When I was back in New Brunswick, Sensei would never have contemplated shutting down simply because it’s summertime. In fact, I used to be the black sheep of my friends since I would quite literally pack up and leave fun afternoons of swimming in the woods in favour of attending a class. But I digress…

My point is that stopping for the summer has never really been my thing but it happens a fair bit, out here. I recently discovered that the Kempo school I used to train with never re-opened its doors. Although sad to hear, it made me feel a little bit better about never being contacted over the past two years about class. But Shotokan has been quite good. The dojo is a mere five minutes from my home and their style is similar in many ways to my own Uechi-Ryu.

This year, I look forward to continuing my martial arts education and adding new forms, techniques and lessons to my overall karate toolbox. It’s important to keep an open mind when training in a dojo whose style differs from yours. It can be a difficult journey and I acknowledge that I’m no longer what I used to be. But with some overall steps to ensure that other negative factors in my life are lessened and the room for growth is permitted, I’m sure it’ll be a great year.

So I guess that much like my son Nathan, this coming week will see me going back to school… Karate school, that is! I’m looking forward to it and it should be a nice addition to an otherwise stagnant fitness routine. Stay tuned… ☯️

Back To School…

Like most parents, I had the bittersweet pleasure of sending my oldest off to school, a few days ago. No children were harmed in the completion of this first “week” of school, and I’m sure Nathan appreciated the returned use of his devices last night, since we don’t generally allow him to use them during school nights. Last Wednesday, he walk to school with his mother during the early evening to meet his teacher, drop off his excess school equipment and enjoy a free hotdog.

During this time, I got to visit Costco with my toddler, who provided endless entertainment for the other patrons. It was all good though, with Nathan independently choosing to walk by himself to his first day of school. He has the same teacher as he did the previous year, which is a good thing since he demonstrated certain difficulties that his teacher will at least be able to recognize and understand from her time with him last year.

Although like most children, he didn’t seem keen on having to go back to school, I think it’ll be nice for him to reconnect with kids his age and get to play, learn and see what accomplishments he can set for himself during the school year. We’ve all been there, right? And we all got through it and so will he. As the old saying goes, dis line is not the enemy of enthusiasm. Plus, it gives parents the opportunity to enjoy some kid-free time during the day. Definitely important. ☯️

Heatwave…🎶

It’s funny sometimes how I recognize that I’ve become dependent on things that I never had during my youth. Air conditioning is a good example… As a child, I have NEVER lived in a residence that had site conditioning. In fact, I remember one particularly hot summer where my bedroom was located in the upstairs of a small house. It was one of those upper floors that included angled walls because you were right against the roof. This means you also had the sun’s mighty gaze bearing down right above your head as you played in your room.

I often think about how more comfortable I might have been and how my blood sugar control may have been tighter during my childhood if I had the refuge of a cooler environment during the summer months. Although total temperature rarely gets beyond the high 20’s (Celsius) in Northern New Brunswick, the humidity adds an extra level of hell to the mix. But I digress…

The sun er heat can have a significant impact on a person’s overall health, especially as it involves Type-1 Diabetes because, well… EVERYTHING affects Type-1 Diabetes. But rather than be facetious, I should probably explain the how’s and why’s behind that statement. After all, this is a hot issue… See what I did there…? Summer heat? Hot issue? Alright, carrying on…

It’s been a bit of a hellish week in Regina, Saskatchewan, with daily heat reaching the mid-30’s and making the possibility of spending any time outdoors without my cut off jean shorts (I believe the kids call them “jorts,” now) an impossibility. Stepping outside during the day brings about difficulties breathing, sweating and a general sense of discomfort that most people don’t enjoy. Don’t get me wrong; I’ll definitely take hot, sunny weather any day over the cold of winter and shovelling snow. I’m not complaining, here…

I have the benefit of having an individually climate-controlled office, which allows me to work through my day in the relative comfort that I’ve come to enjoy in my older years. I also have a brand new air conditioner at home, which we had installed last fall. Although my basement is sometimes a bit on the icy side, I have the benefit of maintaining a cool living space in the upstairs, which is a benefit that my children have that I didn’t get to experience as a child.

Although the summer is winding down, it’s a great time to provide a reminder that being out in the heat brings about a certain number of issues as we work out or deal with Diabetes. For one, extreme heat will expose us to the possibility of dehydration, which is not only dangerous but can cause rises in blood sugar. Working out for prolongued periods in the heat can bring about dangers of heat stroke and exhaustion, both of which can be quite dangerous if one does not recognize the signs and grab some shade to rest.

Remember to stay hydrated, take shelter and take breaks and don’t be afraid to switch up your fitness routine to accommodate exercise in an air conditioned environment. It’s been a few weeks since I’ve been on my bike. I sure do miss being out and about on it, but it’s a fair price for pay to maintain my health. Check your blood sugars often and drink plenty of fluids (no, beer and coffee don’t count!). Even if it’s a bit cloudy out, be sure to apply sunscreen as the su’s UV rays will still reach you. Enjoy the heat, but safely. ☯️

Hotly Debated, Universally Hated…

If there’s one thing I can say is universally hated by people, it’s bullies. Bullies have gotten the full-court press in movies, television shows and various media platforms, usually with the protagonist somehow “winning the day” in a very David a& Goliath kind of way and putting the bully in his (or her) place. It’s the kind of scenario that gives most people a warm, fuzzy feeling of justice being served and seeing karma in action. However, bullying scenarios in real life very rarely play out this way.

In school, I was bullied. And I don’t mean the run-of-the-mill snowflake definition of bullying that we often see these days. I mean several members of my school’s hockey team cornering me and taking turns throwing shots into my rib cage until I was curled in a ball on the floor crying. I got some of the former, as well but for the most part, it was mostly the latter. Classrooms were mostly safe, with the operative word being “mostly,” but I would usually hustle to my locker and back with a constant eye over my shoulder.

Arriving and leaving from school would require stealth on my part so that I wouldn’t be spotted by one of the many aggressors. Don’t even get me started on what began happening when I purchased my first car and started driving it to school. It made it difficult to genuinely focus on my studies and schooling and I often wonder how much better my grades would have been and what doors that could have unlocked for me, had I been permitted to study, unhindered. But I digress…

I know some of my close friends from my youth were subjected to bullying, as well. I never really understood the WHY behind it. It always seemed as though it lacked a certain logic or reasoning. After all, bullying really serves no practical purpose. In order to understand the WHY, let’s start by being very clear on what a bully actually is. A bully is someone who tries to harm, intimidate or coerce someone they perceive as being weaker than them.

In my experience, and I unfortunately have a significant amount of it, bullies will usually attack their victims for a few key reasons:

1. They’re going through something themselves and are lashing out against their victims because it’s a situation they can’t control. this can include being bullied themselves or suffering abuse at home;
2. They think it makes them look cool. Humans are pack animals and the societal hierarchy can sometimes be difficult to navigate for people. If you find yourself in a group that will revere you for pushing around someone else, some would see that as an opportunity;
3. There’s something about their victim that they revere, themselves. It can be hard seeing someone else in a situation you feel that you’d rather be in. Maybe their household is better off, financially. Maybe they have more friends, have someone they’re dating… Who knows? This can lead some bullies to feel that they need to lash out because of those factors.

No matter what the reason, the firm agreement that I think we should all have is that there is no valid reason for one person to bully another. It can be frustrating, especially when such a thing is happening to our children. I say it that way because, believe it or not, there is a significant amount of bullying that occurs within the adult realm, as well. Although some movies and shows would suggest the best route is to simply pop the main bully once and everyone will leave you alone, this is very rarely the case.

Given the current state of society, there’s a much more significant spotlight on bullying and its effects than there was during my generation. The bottom line is that if someone is being bullied, they should come forward and talk about it. Although there can often be a feeling of embarrassment, it’s important to recognize that everyone is deserving of a harassment-free environment and we all need help, sometimes, to achieve that goal. Whether that means discussing with one’s parents or teachers if you’re a minor or speaking with law enforcement or hopefully the individuals themselves, if you’re an adult.

The unfortunate reality is that there have ALWAYS been bullies. Despite new laws and society’s focus on the topic, there’s no sign of that going away anytime soon. It’s how we choose to deal with it and rectify the situation that defines us as a people. And to all the bullies out there, shame on you! There’s enough suffering in the world without you adding to it. Find some other release valve for your negative emotions and leave others in peace. You may be fortunate enough to find a little slice of peace yourself, if you do… ☯️

Channeling One’s Inner Eddie Rabbitt…

Some of my best memories from childhood include storm chasing and watching with my father. People in general have this propensity to dislike thunderstorms and rain, often for good reason. But back home in the Maritimes, my father and I would enjoy that weather and use it as an opportunity for enjoyment. Having grown up on the shores of an actual bay feeding out to the Gulf of Saint Lawrence, we were subjected to some doozies. During the best of times, we could clearly see storm front coming towards the shore and had plenty of time to prepare and watch the big show. Sometimes we’d jump into the car and go park at the light house and just watch the storm approach and hit.

Besides providing much-needed air moisture, refilling water beds and replenishing vegetation, rain has shown to have benefits in helping a person relax and calm themselves. Watching the falling rain through a window from the comfort of one’s home is therapeutic. My father and I would take it up a notch by intentionally chasing the rain. I’ve lost track of the number of times during my youth when we jumped in the car and drove after heavy rains to see where they’d peter out (pun fully intended, my father’s name is Peter!). To some, it seems ridiculous but to me, it was valuable time with my father and fed my interest in weather and science.

Last Friday, I got home from work and discussed plans with my son Nathan to have a “camp-out.” This is something Nathan enjoys doing where he builds up a blanket fort on a small mattress, usually in the basement, with the intention of snacking and sleeping downstairs. I spend the night on the queen bed we have for guests. I don’t get what the appeal of the activity is, but I get to spend time with my first-born and he gets to enjoy an indoor activity that doesn’t involve antagonizing his baby brother. How is that not a win-win?

When I got home from work, we started to discuss the evening and we had a family outing planned that required Nathan’s best behaviour. Although I understand that most modern households adhere to the whole concept that parents should stop treating children’s behaviour as acting out or being bad and accept that it’s because they lack the communication skills to express what they’re feeling. However, fuck that. When we’re out in public, my expectation is NOT the destruction of everything in sight and running around like the world’s biggest disaster cut loose in public.

By the time we had gotten home, some of his behaviour out in public had me questioning whether he deserved his “camp-out.” I decided to vent my frustrations in one of the only ways that I typically know how: by working out. I got a good burn, listened to some awesome music and when I was done, sat comfortably in my garage with a decent cigar (I say decent because if I bought great cigars, I’d probably be bankrupt) and blew my cares away in a puff of blue smoke and random YouTube videos. After some time, Nathan came out to see what I was doing and sat with me in the garage.

A huge, dark cloud formation rolled in over Regina and the rumblings of a storm were coming towards us. Nathan became fixated on watching for the occasional flash of lightning and giggling at the fact that thunder and lightning “never happens together.” In anticipation of the power going out and a heavy downpour of rain, I suggested that we move the party inside. Much to my surprise, Nathan wanted to stay outside and watch the storm from the garage. he turned on the interior lights and sat comfortably, watching the sky for what was coming. I was struck with a wave of nostalgia, remembering the occasions where my father and I would do this very thing. It’s true what they say; some of the best things in life are free.

In the end, the rain that fell was barely a trickle but we had the opportunity to enjoy repetitive flashes of lightning and booming thunder. It was fun to sit out there and enjoy the weather with my child, who seemed as interested in it as I was. Sometimes the simplest things can be the most fun. We made out way inside and to the basement, where we discussed deep, philosophical topics, such as Star Wars, Mario Kart racing and various “how it’s made” videos on YouTube. The rain began falling harder once we were inside but we had our fun. Sometimes you have to take time to enjoy the simpler things in life. ☯️