Category: Buddhism & Philosophy

Always Something Else…

Life is all about finding balance and recognize the positive, despite the occasional shit storms of negative. This isn’t always an easy thing and some folks don’t do so well with focusing on the positive. I can freely admit that I’ve been guilty of this, myself. Often feeling depressed or despondent at the aspects of life I don’t have, as opposed to appreciating and liking the things I do have. I think we would all agree that there are integral aspects of life that will always be more important than everything else. These include family, health and a safe living environment. But the daily rigors of life sure can make those aspects hard to appreciate, sometimes…

I know for a fact that I’m not the only who’s been there. The work day is done and I slowly trudge my way to my car. Tired, head pounding and perhaps even a touch on the sweaty side, despite sitting in an office all day, I eagerly yearn for a period of quiet serenity in the safety of my home. Unfortunately, life rarely cares about one’s plan, which is a doctrine I use in daily life. My trip home is anything but serene as every fucker and their dog conveniently decides to choose THAT moment to head home as well, burying me in a flood of traffic, rude and incompetent drivers and turning what should be a 10-minute drive into nearly half an hour. Certain needs at home prompt a stop at the local market, where I contend with slow walkers, gawkers who seem to think they need to block every aisle as they blankly stare at one product for minutes on end and staff who believe it’s okay to sweep at my feet as I shop. Even the self-checkout, which I assume will give me respite from interacting with others, causes me issues as there is always an item that doesn’t go through or an issue with the scale that prompts the required intervention of staff.

Getting home doesn’t provide the sanctuary I had hoped, as my children all but pounce on me as I walk in the door. Exasperated and tired with my hands full, I resent their level of energy and the fact they don’t permit me to get in the door and offload my burdens before piling on with theirs. I then find myself needing to pass on necessary information from the day to my wife, who also provides key messaging about our oldest’s school day and things that are needed around the house. All of this takes place before I have even unknotted my tie. This is followed by trying to determine a meal that all four family members will gladly eat as well as where to eat it, since my toddler has commandeered the dining table for his latest, greatest Duplo block creation and there is no room to dine effectively. My oldest retreats to his bedroom, already exhibiting teen tendencies despite only being nine years old.

Once supper is done, the burden of daily chores that don’t happen on their own begin to take place. Dishes, laundry, washing the kids and getting them prepared for bed in a timely fashion consumes the majority of the evening. once all of this is accomplished, I may have a brief hour of uninterrupted quiet to myself before my aging body tells me I need to lie down for the night or potentially face deeper exhaustion the following day. All of this is keeping in mind that some nights involve trying to hit up karate class or bringing my oldest to Scouts, which adds a further delay to the evening and potentially a later bedtime. Then, if I’m lucky, I may sleep through the night or I may face issues with my blood sugars that will have me lose several hours of much-needed rest. And the hours I do get aren’t adequate as they are few and far between and sleep isn’t cumulative; you normally have to get it al in, in one sitting. Wash, rinse and repeat…

If one were to read through that narrative, it would likely be agreed that it seems pretty bleak and negative. Sounds horrible on its face, actually. It depicts the daily life of someone with little to no time for themselves and who spends their day in a perpetual state of servitude. It’s how most people go through life and how they see things. Sure, some will usually find escape in certain activities like sporting events, evenings out with the guys or hitting the local watering hole. These things don’t offer a solution to the burdens of life but rather compound them as any of them means time away from your home and family. And the requirements of life outlined above don’t go away; they just keep piling up until they’re dealt with.

That being said, there are always two sides to the scale and for every negative, there must absolutely and inevitably be, a positive. Such is balance. So while the average person may be exasperated and fed up with their daily grind, there is a sugar-coated, frosted silver lining to their dark cloud that most people choose not to acknowledge. Read the narrative of my daily grind from above one more time. Recognize how it might seem negative on its surface but take note of the important aspects of life that it includes. Now come back and read the following paragraphs, that outline the positivity to that narrative…

I have a job. I have stable, sustainable employment. Let me say that again: I HAVE A FUCKING JOB! This is important because realistically, not everyone today has stable employment. That, or they don’t make enough money to sustain their household’s needs. I’m blessed with the fact that not only do I have a job that ensures a daily work/life balance, it provides enough financial security to allow me to provide for my family and all of our needs. And if that wasn’t enough icing on the cake, I just happen to work a job where I get to help people and this provides satisfaction that I wouldn’t get elsewhere. Although most of us would love to win the lottery and spend our days sprawled in a hammock, there’s something to be said for having this aspect in one’s life. And it leads to many of the other points in the daily routine…

Being able to stop in at the grocery store and having ready access to whatever food and dietary needs my family may have, is a gift and blessing in and of itself. Not everyone is so lucky, In fact there are more and more people in Canada going without adequate food with every passing year. Despite traffic jams and other drivers, I am financially stable enough to have a safe, reliable means of travel that I not only use to come and go from my job but to transport my family to whatever we need to do, as well. I so often see people walking or standing at the bus stop, their hands full and their backs burdened, carrying several bags of groceries because they don’t have a car to get home. Or walking to their job in the rain because they can’t financially sustain themselves to purchase a vehicle.

When one gets home, one would expect to have some peace and quiet. Although it would be lovely to be able to step in, drop my burdens and change out of my daily work attire, it’s a blessing to have people who love me greet me excitedly at the door. To know that I was missed and that others are happy to have me home is a blessing, one that needs to be appreciated and recognized as opposed to resented. Given that for years, I wasn’t even certain if Diabetes would allow me to have children, they need to be seen for the acknowledged miracle that they are. Too many people spend their lives in a state of imposed solitude. Alone and with no one to help them through the struggles of life. My wife is a damn veteran in dealing with life and walking with me through the difficulties it presents.

Last but not least is how lucky I am to have access to medicines and technology that make the managing of my Type-1 Diabetes not only possible, but sustainably easy. If I were born a century ago, I would have lived for a couple of weeks past my diagnosis before succumbing and dying to Diabetic symptoms. Hell, I was born in the 1970’s and even then, our lack of understanding and poor technology was enough to put my life in peril. Nowadays, the access to insulin and medications needed to keep me alive and healthy is nothing short of miraculous. Despite the occasional issue, I live well. My insulin pump is a piece of absolute, fucking technological marvel and I can’t imagine ever going back to life without it.

The point I’m trying to make with this long-winded post, if you’ve managed ot keep reading this far, is that life is good. Despite the fact that most people choose to see life through the first lens, it’s important to acknowledge the positivity that comes with seeing it through the second lens. Doing so will help you in recognizing that even when you’re tired and exasperated with life, you should be happy and fortunate with all of the good things you have in your life that not only make your life worth living but add significance substance to who you are as a person. A secure job, safe, comfortable home and a loving family are aspects of life to be revered and appreciated. Doing so will ensure a deeper sense of happiness and accomplishment in life. Food for thought… ☯️

What Fills Your Cup…?

Once in a while, I come across a meme or a saying or something that I believe is worthwhile sharing or referencing on this blog. Writing about specific aspects of karate or Diabetes can become a bit saturating at times and I like to focus on the more philosophical aspects of life. This leads us to today’s post. I’m going to kick this off by pointing out that I can’t recall where I got this from, only that I read it online from one of the many sources I explore. I really should start writing this shit down but with all the reading and research I do on my own time, there would be no end to it, if I did. plus, I can never tell what I might use in a post and what I don’t. But I digress…

We’ve all heard the saying that it’s hard to fill a cup which is already full. Depending on where you’ve read or heard this saying and like many others, there are several sources credited with it. Some say it’s a Chinese saying, others attribute it to being a Zen proverb, which is the context under which I started hearing it. Either way, it refers to the concept that when one is learning, it’s exceptionally difficult to teach someone who already assumes they know everything. Life is an ever-constant journey of knowledge and one’s cup should never be full. But there are those who seem to operate as if it is…

But my point today is that there’s more to that than simply the teaching context. And here’s where my sourced material comes in. Here’s the scenario: You’re walking with a full cup of coffee when someone comes along and bumps into you or shakes your arm, making you spill coffee everywhere. Why did you spill the coffee? One would be inclined to say that it was because someone bumped into them. But this would be a wrong answer. The correct answer would be that you spilled the coffee because there was COFFEE in your cup. If you had tea in the cup, you would have spilled tea. Whatever is in the cup is what we spill out.

This means that when life comes along and shakes you, which will inevitably happen, whatever is inside of you will come out. It’s often easy to fake it or keep it concealed; until you get rattled. So, it becomes important to ask oneself, “what’s in my cup?” When life gets tough or you face adversities, what spills over? Will it be joy, gratefulness, peace and humility? Or will it be anger, bitterness and negativity? Life provides the cup. You choose what you fill it with and what you will inevitably spill onto the world.

I’ll admit that I agree with this line of thinking but I’m going to take it a step further and add my personal perspective to it because, well… my fuckin’ blog and all that. My view is that YOU are the cup. And life fills it. When life pours negativity into your cup, you need to find a way to empty it out to make room for the positivity. There are two ways to do this. The first is to allow it to spill out. Although this may not sound ideal, letting it spill out doesn’t necessarily mean you’re unleashing your rage on the world. It can mean finding healthy and proper ways of dealing with your negative thoughts and feelings. Exercise, working out, asking to someone about it… It can be a pretty hefty list.

The other way to empty your cup is to drink from it. But I if you’re looking to empty out negativity, drinking it will only cause you to internalize it, which is not only horrible for you but only delays the inevitable. That which is the eventual spilling over o the negativity. The difference is you may not have as a much of a say in how it spills out. That’s why every person sometimes needs to get help pin emptying their cup. If it’s positivity we’re talking about, have at it! Let that shit spill out on the world and drink it all in as much as you can. It’s all good. Just be sure to take care of yourself and keep yourself healthy. The cup isn’t going anywhere. And neither should you. Food for thought… ☯️

One Love, One Life, One Style…

Some decades ago, I remember Sensei telling me a story about how he had trained with a master in Japan, whom I unfortunately no longer remember his name, who would always say “one love, one life and one style…” The premise was pretty simple; in this one life we have, we should only have one true, genuine love. I was lucky enough to find this person in my lovely wife. But the focus of today’s post is about the last piece. That being, one style.

The beautiful thing about karate and martial arts in general, is that it’s a puzzle with a million pieces and so long as one is genuinely training to learn the art, they will never reach the end. For some, this may be a bit of a morose statement but to a true student of the martial way, feeling as though you have nothing left to learn can be far, far worse. So it rather plays on the aspect that no matter how skilled, knowledgeable or advanced your become, there will always be someone better.

All that being said and as I’ve often said before, martial arts is a very subjective thing. A style that suits one person may not be a good fit for someone else. Once you find a style that fits your needs, comfort and lifestyle, it should generally be the one you cling to for life. Switching styles does happen, but there are usually underlying reasons for this and should typically be avoided. One cannot learn something only part way before moving on to the next. It’s important o stick with your style and continue to train to learn and advance as far as you can (and are willing to go).

Just to be clear, this doesn’t mean that one shouldn’t increase their overall toolbox by dabbling in other things. One of the best selling points about the martial arts is that it holds a vast menu that can be picked from, for the aspects one feels one may be lacking. For example, karate has always been a good fit for me because I’ve always felt that the ability to defend myself empty-handed was important. You know, considering most of us don’t go walking around with a weapon. That being said, I’ve also taken to training with some weapons in order to bridge that gap.

This is similar to how an empty-handed fighter may choose to learn some grappling or throwing, or how a boxer or fist fighter may want to learn some kicks. Adding to one’s repertoire is never a bad thing but the basic lesson is that the student will always stick to, and come back to, their home style. Such has been the same for me. Although I’ve had the privilege and the honour to train with a couple of different styles since moving out to Saskatchewan, I’ve stayed true to my roots and always trained in Uechi Ryu. And I don’t really foresee that changing.

So, what happens when a student walks away from their dojo completely? And worse still, takes the skills and lessons you’ve taught them and brings them somewhere where they begin to teach them as a separate school? The history of karate is rife with such instances. One very notable example is a popular style of full contact karate named Kyokushinkai. This style‘s founder was originally a practitioner of Goju-Ryu karate and eventually splintered off to found his own style. Ironically, even THAT style would go on to help inspire and found many subsequent styles.

The question becomes, is it right to do so? And at what point do you face potentially watering down the style you’ve learned, simply to try and teach something of your own? For the most part, when a student wishes to open their own dojo or even teach or pass on what they’ve learned, dojo code of conduct would seem to dictate that they get their Sensei’s consent, first. Hell, I’ve never even trained in another dojo without first throwing a quick email to my Sensei, back in New Brunswick, to talk about and ask if he’s okay with it.

What becomes a bit sad is when a student decides to leave the dojo without their instructor’s consent and begins teaching others. Not only is this an incredible breach of etiquette and flies in the face of what martial arts is all about, it’s a bit hypocritical. After all, if there was something wrong enough with your dojo that you’ve decided to leave it, why would you take all those teachings and continue to pass them on? The other issue is that without the support of your home dojo to help, monitor and continue to provide correction, you never know what mistakes or technical errors you may inadvertently pass on to your newly-acquired students.

Be true to yourself but don’t forget to be true to your dojo. If there’s something that you feel is inherently wrong within your dojo, the idea would be ot take the opportunity to speak about it with your Sensei, not running off. And as much as some students may have a yearning to teach what they’ve learned, they shouldn’t do so without the consent and approval of their instructor. After all, thinking you’re ready doesn’t make it so. And dishonouring you or Sensei by opening a school and teaching without his consent waters down the purity of the martial arts, overall. Such as it is. Food for thought… ☯️

One On One Can Be Twice The Learning Fun…

I remember how in the early years of training in the karate dojo, I would always be grateful for the ability to blend in to my background. Training and following along, I was comfortable following the status quo and learning in the class environment. I wasn’t a big fan of having the focus mainly on me. One might say I was a bit more shy back then than I am now. I don’t have a timid bone in my body, these days, so things are a bit different and those also affects how I learn and train.

I’ll always remember the first time I found myself training alone with Sensei. To be clear, when I say alone, I don’t mean one on one while the rest of the class is paired off, as well. No, what I mean is literally only Sensei and I in the dojo. Classes for us would usually run from 6:30 pm to 8:30 pm, with junior belts and younger kids leaving after the first hour. The older and more senior belts would almost always stay for the second hour, as the lessened number of students meant less of a watering down of Sensei’s attention.

On this one particular night, the few senior students who would have stayed that second hour were either absent or had to depart early for individual reasons, leaving me alone with Sensei. I was still a white belt and I remember experiencing a distinct feeling of apprehension as I stood at attention and Sensei waited for the remaining students to clear out. Once we were alone, he began to continue to instruct, but to me and me alone. The positive is that I was still getting my time out of the class. At the time, the negative was that his focus was solely on me as the only student present, which meant that each and every little thing I did got picked apart and corrected.

I was incredibly grateful when the clock finally struck 8:30 pm as it would mean the spotlight would be off. But it wasn’t in Sensei’s nature to follow the clock. Karate knows no time limit, he would often say. I enjoyed the benefit of his direct tutelage for another fifteen minutes beyond the scheduled end of the class. I left the dojo that night feeling a sense of accomplishment. Many of my forms and techniques had been directly evaluated, corrected and commented by my Sensei; something I hadn’t had the pleasure of experiencing before.

As the years passed and I gained time, experience and what I like to think of as a touch of wisdom, I came to value and appreciate the nights when Sensei and I would be alone together to train. I also came to recognize that many students often feel that they don’t get such direct exposure to their instructors in mainstream schools, which leads many students to feel as though they’re neglected or ignored. I never had such feelings, considering I was the type of kid who preferred to be in the background. But there’s definitely something to be said for getting some one-on-one coaching from an instructor.

I was reminded of this experience last night. I finally returned to Kempo, after being absent for almost two years. Following the rib break and crushed muscles from early 2022 in another dojo, I made the conscious choice to step away from group training to allow myself to heal completely and continue to train on my own, at my own pace. This process took longer than I had anticipated and as I often say, life rarely cares about one’s plans. It wasn’t until I received an email from the dojo asking the entire mailing list if they still wanted to receive the emails that I realized classes had been reopened from the pandemic.

As my first class back, I anticipated seeing some old faces and training with several people. I was significantly disappointed to see that some long-time students and people I had gotten to know were no longer attending the dojo. But that isn’t my story to tell. Ultimately, given the night and the circumstances, it was just me and the instructor. I once again found myself in a situation where it would be one-on-one training. This was a two-fold situation. Ion the one hand, I was older and experienced enough that training solo with someone else no longer causes concern. On the other side, despite several years of training at their school, I still don’t have the familiarity with Kempo that would make me comfortable in training in any of their specifics.

On this particular evening, the instructor and I agreed to keep things informal. As opposed to opening a formal class, we simply bowed to each other and got into some training. We spent two solid hours training with kali sticks. This was an exciting prospect, since my loving wife (looking at you, baba!) bought me a set of phenolic kali sticks from Budo Brothers. What are phenolic kali sticks, you may ask? Speaking in generalities, phenolic materials are usually comprised of thermosetting resin or compounds. The result is a lighter but harder stick, making them last longer and be more effective in the training environment.

I got to use my new Kali sticks for the first time last night and I have to say, they held up phenomenally. Putting in a couple of solid hours doing Kali work was the perfect way to shake off the cobwebs and get back into the martial arts groove. It made for fantastic evening. I’m going to take the opportunity to do an unofficial product plug and mention that if you want to check out the Kali sticks I bought, they can be found on Budo Brother’s website here.

Don’t knock the opportunity to train with an instructor one-on-one. Although it can sometimes seem intimidating and even a bit daunting, considering they usually have the skills and rank that many aspire to, they’re there to train just like you are. And the amount you can learn in those rare sessions can go a long way towards helping the progress of your martial arts journey. Last but not least and speaking as a previous instructor as well, the amount we learn from the student during those sessions is just as valuable and important. Martial arts training is a two-way street. Food for thought…☯️

It Can Happen To You…

Yes. Yes, it can. Most people go through their lives with a set of blinders on; unaware and unbothered about the potential pitfalls that await them and the consequences of their actions. In many ways, this makes sense. After all, if one spent the majority of one’s life contemplating their own death, they’d cause a level of psychological damage to themselves that would be difficult to ignore. People go through their daily routine with nary a thought about their own unavoidable demise, regardless of the fact that we all know that it’s coming.

Today’s focus is not quite as macabre as discussing death but rather, the strange dichotomy that society seems to have when it comes to assuming that. A particular thing won’t happen to them. Let’s take smoking, as an example. From a societal standpoint, half a century ago smoking was almost considered an expectation. When the health complications associated with smoking became common knowledge, you still had tons of people who would light up, several times a day. Despite the stories of pulmonary disease and cancer, people usually take a long drag while muttering, “it won’t happen to me…”

One would think that seeing a photo of a blackened lung on the cigarette packet would be enough o dissuade someone with a modicum of common sense from sucking back on a tar-filled stick of cancer causing chemicals but that doesn’t seem to be the case. Instead, some prefer to bury their heads in the sand and assume that such medical horror couldn’t possibly happen to them. But it can. Oh, but it can. Granted, when using an example that includes something addictive, such as nicotine, it can be a bit diffuse to provide a clear perspective. So, let’s look at some different examples…

This dichotomy I speak of, kicks in with just about everything. On the one side, you have the absolute committed folks who say you have to exercise constantly, never eat anything bad, don’t smoke, don’t drink, sleep eight hours and eliminate all stress from your life. On the other side, you have the ones who say you shouldn’t necessarily deny yourself the things you want, at least not completely. If you want that slice of cake, that beer, that cigar or take a day off from exercising, you should deny yourself that.

So, who’s right? Obviously, I’m a big supporter of exercising and eating right, to an extent. I’m certainly no supporter of those who flop down on the couch and do nothing with their time, eating junk and making no progress in their lives. And believe me, I know some folks who are like that. The big problem is that being at either extreme is not a good thing. Take Jim Fixx, for example. He was an American runner who ended up dying of a heart attack while, you guessed it, running! Although I don’t know the back story behind the actual cause of his death, the irony is palpable. I think Denis Leary joked about it in one of his comedy albums. But i digress.

The key to life is to find the balance that works for you. Exercise and proper diet is important, whether you have Type-1 Diabetes or not. Although you don’t need to slam hours of fitness and eat nothing but quinoa all day, you shouldn’t become a lazy couch potato eating nothing but beef jerky and wings, either. Find yourself a routine that works for you and indulge in it. Enjoy it. Work WITH it instead of thinking of it as a chore. And although you should try to balance out your diet so that you aren’t intentionally clogging your arteries, allow yourself the occasion to have that treat you’re thinking about or grab that beer with a buddy. Balance. That’s what it all comes down to.

Bear in mind that humans are fragile creatures. If you eat a pound of bacon every morning and expect NOT to have a heart attack, think again. It can happen to you. If your think that sitting sedentary all day, every day, won’t cause your body to atrophy, think again. If you think your chain smoking won’t result in lung problems and/or cancer, think again. It can happen to you. It can all happen to you. The idea is to find your balance so that you can live healthy AND live happy. And with that happiness may come the lesser stress you all seem so crazed about. Food for thought… ☯️

Life Lessons For Your Morning…

I found a short list of “life lessons” online while recently wandering my social media platforms. I don’t recognize the individual who posted this list and it was a “recommended” post (we all know a platform or two that does this), so maybe someone reading this will recognize it. If you know the source of this list, please feel free to share it in the comments. That being said, I can relate to some of these and felt I should share it. The bolder lines are the list. The narrative is mine and some of these are a bit on the funny side. Here we go…

1. Don’t lend money to your family; give it.
This is an important lesson for most, myself especially. I’ve had many times in my life that my parents gave me money, even when I didn’t need it. It can obviously cause things to go awry, especially if one has a family member seeking to take advantage.

2. Never shake a hand while sitting down.
Okay, I get where they’re coming from with this one. Although mostly an etiquette thing, there’s nothing more awkward than walking up to someone to shake their hand and they keep their butt in the seat. Plus, if it’s your first meeting with someone, you only get that one chance to make a first impression.

3. Stop telling people more than they need to know.
They key point here is that it isn’t being suggested that you lie or omit details. But depending on who you’re speaking to, less is sometimes more. Providing a bunch of fluff and details that don’t add to your message is pointless, and may also change the receiver’s interpretation of what you’re trying to impart.

4. Never eat the last piece of something you didn’t buy.
I realize that I’ve been guilty of this quite a few times in my life. Especially if a meal is provided for me and I’m having something delicious that I’ve never tried before, I have a tendency of going for seconds. But if a buddy invites you over for a beer, don’t be that person who grabs the last one. It’s just rude.

5. Don’t throw your friend under the bus to impress someone.
I’ve been the victim of this on more occasions than I can count. If there’s one thing I’ve come to learn in the course of my life, is that friends, true friends, are a genuine rarity and should never be sacrificed for the sake of impressing someone else. This is also a good and fast way to end that friendship, if you’re doing it to someone like me.

6. Never insult the cooking when you are the guest.
If you’ve been invited and are being given free food, shut your mouth, eat it, smile and say thank you. Maybe you don’t like eating quinoa but if that’s what’s being served, grin and bear it. Anything short of a medical reason, be thankful you have someone who not only invites your into their home but shares their food with you.

7. Don’t use the urinal next to an occupied one.
While on the comedic side, I’m going to add to this one while also pointing out that you shouldn’t try to make small talk while using a urinal. The last thing any guy wants/needs, is to be chit-chatting with someone while their hands are on their junk. Obviously, if there are only two urinals available, you may not have a choice. But if there are, don’t be that guy.

8. Don’t take out your phone during a conversation.
This is a pretty big one because society now exists in a world where we essentially function on a daily basis through our devices. While convenient, this can be detrimental during an actual face-to-face conversation. If you’re speaking with a live person, keeps your damn phone in your pocket! You can check your Twitter (Oh, sorry! I mean ‘X’) later. Unless it pertains to the conversation, such as looking something up… And even then, I usually make a point of stating that I’m looking something up for them,

9. Never take credit for work you didn’t do.
Setting aside for a moment the fact that this can get you into serious trouble if it’s ever discovered or you’re required to lean on the skills used for that work, you should never try and advance yourself at the cost of someone else’s blood, sweat and tears. Even if you hit someone that consents to your taking credit, this is definitely a faux pas.

10. Listen, nod, and most of all make eye contact.
People want to feel like they’re being heard. There’s nothing more distracting and annoying than talking to someone who’s eyes wander while you speak and it just feels as though they aren’t listening. Be present in the moment. Pay attention. And if making eye contact is difficult for you, it’s definitely something personal that should be developed. A huge percentage of a conversation is contained in the eye contact.

11. Don’t make fun of your friend in front of his kids.
Whatever. My kids make fun of me so why wouldn’t my friends? I would suggest that it’s more accurate to say not to “belittle” your friend in front of their kids.

12. Never let emotions overpower you.
We all have ‘em. But as soon as you let them take control or dictate your actions, it can start a downward spiral you may not be able to pull out of. Self-control is a major element in the martial arts and in Zen. The important thing is to acknowledge one’s emotions, feel them and experience them. Just don’t them control you.

13. Never beg for a relationship.
This is a big one and quite important. There’s a difference between fighting to keep someone in your life and begging them to do so. The former is noble. The latter is pathetic. If you have to beg any person for a relationship, regardless of the nature of that relationship, they don’t have a place in your life. In fact, they don’t deserve one.

14. Dress well no matter what the occasion.
This is a self-respect piece but it plays a big role in how you’ll develop your confidence, trust in yourself and to help maintain good mental health. No matter what’s happening, take the time to get up and get dressed. It’s part of the routine that will bring success to your day.

15. Never kick a man when he is already down.
Not much to say on this one. No one deserves to be battered. If someone’s already down, you should help raise them up. But if you’re the one being kicked, be sure to block that shit!

There you have it. This became a way longer post than I expected to write but hopefully some of you will actually read through it and get value from some of what’s here. ☯️

My Wise Words Usually Come From Someone Else…

It’s been a while since I posted something I’ve found online just for the sake of sharing it, so I thought I would do so today. I say this as I slam a paragraph in my opening instead of simply posting the photo! I’ll reign myself in just long enough o share today’s quote. Here is is…

Miyamoto Musashi has been a significant role model for me through my martial arts journey. He was a Japanese swordsman who developed his own style of Two-bladed swordsmanship. He was also an artist and philosopher, which gave him a unique perspective on the ins and outs of martial arts and how one should approach life. He wrote a book in the late 1600’s famously titled The Book of Five Rings, which was intended as a means for Musashi to leave behind the teachings he provided to his students.

Whenever I share a quote that’s said to be attributed to someone, I’m always cautious to point out that the quote is only as good (and accurate) as its content. There are a lot of memes and supposed quotes out there that are credited to persons who may actually have never said it. In that spirit and if you haven’t done so, I would highly recommend getting a copy of Musashi’s book and read for yourself. Although this one quote hits deeply, his book reflects on so much more and gets the mind working. Stay healthy. ☯️

The Greener Grass…

Ah, life… It tends to go by in a flicker. Many people exist throughout the course of their lives without ever really living it. And that’s a shame, when you consider that regardless of what school of thought you adhere to, or what faith background you may have, no one truly knows what comes next. What if this is it? Is it really worth getting hot under the collar at the guy who cut you off in traffic? Probably not. We tend to live life as though we have all the time in the world.

One big aspect of life is that we almost always want something we don’t have. In some ways, this is to be expected. The gathering and accumulation of material things serves a number of purposes for humanity. On the one hand, it can be a social status thing, with the ownership of certain things showing wealth, success and/or prosperity. On the other, it can be a happiness thing. Maybe you don’t need a $100,000 camper trailer for the couple of months in the summer that you can use it but your sure as fuck love camping in it when you do.

If you have the method and the means, all of that is well and good. But if you’re the person on the other side of the fence LOOKING at the camper trailer that someone else owns, you’d be lying to yourself if you believed the thought hadn’t crossed your mind that it’d be loads of fun. I use a camper trailer as an example because it’s the first one that came to mind but you can apply that concept to just about anything, including material belongings, wealth and even the people in your life.

Age is a big one, too. If you think back to your youth and if you’re being truly honest with yourself, you’d be likely to find at least one occasion where the thing you wanted most was to be grown up; grown up to buy booze, grown up to do what you want and come and go as you please… Never truly recognizing the benefits and advantages of your youth, while you had it. As an adult, how many times have you wished you could go back to your youth, either for health reasons or because it was a simpler time when you didn’t have to pay bills, work a job and have responsibilities? If you need a perfect example of wanting what you don’t have, you need only to look within oneself.

At the end of all things being equal, life is meant to be lived in the moment. There are things we NEED to do in order to live and function in modern society. Having a job and bringing in an income is counted among the most prominent. But while you’re busy doing that, take the time to enjoy the stage of life you’re in and the benefits you do have. As much as I’d love the energy and health of my youth, I sure don’t miss having to go to school and having most aspects of my life under someone else’s control. And that’s the point; life is a compromise. Work to make money so that you can use that money to grab that occasional pint of beer when you want it. Don’t stress and don’t focus on the things you don’t have right in front of you. You’ll be better off for it and you’ll live better. The grass isn’t always greener on the other side. Food for thought… ☯️

Becoming The Patriarch, Part 9 (The Finale)

So, I’m going to end this travel series on the most positive note I possibly can. IN Sensei’ words and as I often write, for every negative, there is a positive; and vice versa. It’s been a rough week for me; dropping everything at the drop of a hat and travelling across the country to the East Coast to help my mother during a transition that I thought would never happen. Honestly, I always assumed she’d pass away before her mind went. But I walked away on Friday night confident in the fact that she’s safe, warm, sheltered and fed and has a great support system in place. In fact, I would have to go on record as saying I have the best fuckin’ family in the world. Part of me is thoroughly convinced that had they not intervened prior to my arrival, I would have been travelling out there to bury my mother instead of visiting her. But I digress… And I did say I would end this on a positive note.

The dark, foreboding roads of New Brunswick

As I wrote yesterday, Saturday morning saw me get up a few inches higher than the butt-crack of dawn and drive south on a dark, moose-infested highway from Northern New Brunswick and the City of Moncton. All in all, my travel day, if I include the driving (which I do), amounted to about 22 hours of total travel. Delayed departures threatened my ability to get home and flight changes at two different airports before touching down in Regina gave me a unique insight into the ignorance and undeserved self-entitlement that the general public seem to have when being in an airport terminal. But before I go off on some sort of negative tangent, I should probably get to the more positive aspects of my visit; of which there were many.

Taking care of a family comes with its fair share of responsibilities, which I’m sure I don’t need to tell any of you. When we usually travel out East, the opportunity to kick back and go out is pretty rare. This is mainly because my mother doesn’t have the constitution or control to deal with Nathan and Alexander, which means we limit our outings and interactions while in New Brunswick to a) what can be done during daylight hours and b) all together. The result is that I usually never get to see many of the friends and associates I still have in northern New Brunswick because most of them work day jobs and after supper, we’re winding the boys down and trying to get them to bed. From my side of things, it would be irresponsible and selfish of me to leave my wife with the boys in a random hotel room in a community she’s unfamiliar with, and take the only vehicle and say, “Have a god night, hun! I’m off to shoot pool and drink beer. See you later!” Dick move, imaginary me. Dick move.

Flight 1 of 3. Let’s go, already!

This is one of the only occasions in nearly a decade where I was able to touch base and reconnect with some folks I haven’t hung out with in years. And I even got to go see Sensei’s son’s new house, which he had been begging me to go see for years. I reconnected and shared meals with some family members and was introduced to the wonder that is pork loin (Thanks, Daniel!) and will likely be trying to make it myself. I got to enjoy brunch with an old high school friend and fellow karate practitioner. I got to shoot pool and enjoy a couple of pints of the elusive Alpine beer, of which there is none in Saskatchewan. And last but certainly not least, I got to spend several hours sitting in Sensei’s warm living room reliving old memories as he provided sage advice and wisdom, even without asking for it. This is Sensei’s way.

Contemplating life at 32,000 feet

in some ways, many ways, my mother has managed to teach me some valuable lessons through this entire process, as well. A part of me wants to share the image my aunt took of my mother’s emaciated form when she found her. She was on the brink of death and looked horrible. However, I don’t feel it would be respectful of me to expose my mother in such a private moment and it could be triggering or traumatic for some to see her that way. But the bottom line is my mother reached a point where she realized she no longer had anyone to take of and spent her days in silence. Alone and depressed, she gave up. It isn’t until family stepped up to start helping and being there, that she started to regain some constitution and start to get better. The way she appeared when I left on Friday was night and day compared to the photo I saw, only two weeks prior.

Guess who was happy to see me?

The bottom line is that we all need people. In whatever way, shape or form that takes holds for each of us, we need that in our lives. For my mother, she spent her entire life taking care of others. She spent two decades on a state of constant hyper-vigilance looking after my brother until he passed. Then, my father’s paralysis took hold and she took care of him until he signed himself into a care home. Finally, both my grandparents reached their end-of-life needs, which my mother provided for both. It isn’t until the past year or two where she’s had absolutely no one to take care of or look after. Years of constant stress and adrenaline have taken their toll, which contributed to her current state but the biggest caveat is that she couldn’t be alone. That’s what started to do her in…

Whether some of us choose to admit it or not, human beings are pack animals and we need others in order to survive. My mother was a clear example of this, as she is once again thriving. As much as a 75-year old woman who’s losing her memories can thrive, of course. But the lesson here and what I picked up during this trying week is that life is short. No matter what school of philosophy you adhere to or what you think happens in the afterlife, the life you’re in is but a flicker. At the snap of your fingers, it’s gone. So it’s important to live life and take the time to appreciate your family, loved ones and the important things in your life. This is an important lesson that I’ve always known but the rigours and stresses of life sometimes make one forget. It’s just unfortunate that my mother had to nearly die in order for me to remember.

The lesson was driven home (pun intended) the most as I disembarked from the final leg of my flight, at the airport in Regina. As I descended the escalator, I saw my wife and my two sons, patiently waiting for me to arrive. As I reached the bottom of the escalator, no act of God or man could have kept my redheaded little daredevil from plowing through large, adult crowds to plow into my arms. As shown from the last photo above, he was up as soon as I was, this morning and has been attached to me, ever since. I guess daddy’s home. Life eventually starts to take away more than it gives. That’s the inevitable secret of life. That’s why we need to enjoy the happy moments when we can, despite having them peppered with the sad ones. It’s the balance of life that means the difference between living, and just existing. Food for thought. And with that thought, I’ve got some life to go live. It’s good to be home. ☯️

Becoming The Patriarch, Part 8

Well, here we are… Yesterday was a bittersweet mixture of sadness and joy as I packed up my bags to return home to Saskatchewan. It was an emotional goodbye as, despite them both being in the proper care that they need, I became consciously aware that this may have been the last time I’ll either or both of my parents. Although visits with them was great, we’ve reached that stage of life where I need to be ready and expect that a certain phone call may come at any time; especially given my mother’s current state.

I awoke well beyond the butt-crack of dawn, at about 4 am, this morning. This was after a very pleasant visit with Sensei last night, where we spent several hours reminiscing and remembering the good times while discussing and assessing the bad times, both behind and ahead. It was a pleasant combination of laughs, philosophy, perspective if life and martial arts. It isn’t until I realized it was past 11 pm that panic struck me and I realized I would only get about five hours’ sleep before needing to drive for three.

The morning chill woke me to full consciousness after I closed up my mother’s apartment for the last time and brought my bags to my rental vehicle. I took to the raid with the last energy drink I pilfered from my mother’s fridge and I got on a very dark, foreboding highway and drive in silence. I stopped once in Miramichi to grab coffee and a grilled cheese for breakfast (I’m weird, I know!) and I got back on the road, stopping only once more to refill the rental vehicle’s gas tank before turning it in.

I was lucky, in that my Aunt Anna was in Moncton for an appointment, so I got to spend an hour with her, chatting and catching up. We were both grateful for how lucky things with my mother turned out and that we were able to get her the help she needed in time. Now, I’m sitting on the upper level of Moncton’s so-called international airport, patiently waiting for the first of three flights I’ll have to take in order to get home. Brutal and expensive but what can you do? I need to get home. All in all, it will be a 14-hour day of travelling, with some exhausting stopovers. But it will be worth it to get home and see my family. ☯️