Author: Shawn

Life is short.  Although the days often feel long, and the years can occasionally drag on, one has to acknowledge that in the grand scheme of things, a single life is but a flicker of the candle in humanity’s existence.  And that flicker can come and go without notice, often without warning, and we are left carrying the flame of life without those who mean the world to us.

We live in a world where complaining has not only become easier than praising and encouraging, but it has almost become a world-based pastime.  I would challenge any of my readers to go on their Facebook and post a status about their political, religious or social views and see what happens.  I can almost guarantee that if you leave the post there, someone will start commenting to the negative about it.  I got proof of this, months ago when someone who isn’t even a follower of my blog was able to comment and verbally attack me for the views I was writing about.

My point is that in a world where negative energy seems to be the norm, it becomes all that much more important to tell our loved ones how important they are to us and how much we love them.  Telling your family, friends and loved ones “I love you” can have a deeper effect on both you and the receiver than you can possibly realize.  But as a society, it seems to have become less and less of a habit than it should be and people seem to have difficulty speaking the words.

In our household, I’ve tried to instill the importance of following everyone to the door and seeing them off.  When I leave the house, my wife and my two children all gets hugs, kisses and told that I love them.  I think this is important.

Allow me to paint a morbid, albeit realistic portrait for you:  Your significant other is occupied in the house and perhaps your children are busy playing.  Instead of disturbing anyone, you decide to throw on your shoes and head off to work. While on route, you get into a deadly collision with another vehicle and you never make it to your destination. Yes, it IS a morbid image.  But it’s one I’ve dealt with all too many times through my work.

Ask yourself, what would your last words to your loved ones have been?  Were you correcting or punishing your children?  Were you arguing with your spouse over bills?  Were they words of affection of argument?  One of the most common things that family members have told me during deaths in their family is how badly they regret not telling them that they loved them one last time before their loved one died.

So, why not prevent this issue?  At the end of all things, the best words we can speak to anyone important to us is to tell them you love them.  After all, you never know if these could be the last words you tell them.  Don’t be afraid to say it.  Make sure you tell your family and those who are important to you how much you love them. Not only will it enrich your life and theirs, they are the best potential last words you could ever speak.  ☯

Meditation offers a wide variety of benefits that the average person doesn’t know about or understand.  In fact, I’ve used meditation in a variety of ways, including but not limited to blocking out pain, maintaining composure and helping with sleep.  There’s nothing mystical or mysterious about it; meditation simply allows one to control certain aspects of their outward emotions and reactions.  Despite the fact that it can take years to achieve that level of skill, it’s quite possible.

For example, I’ve dealt with a significant number of situations in my field of work that would easily elicit fear or extreme levels of stress in a person. But some outward reactions would not only be inappropriate in those situations, they could potentially cost me my life.  This is why maintaining one’s composure and controlling one’s emotions can play an important role in everyday life.

As a friend of mine so eloquently asked, “Am I cold or emotionally disciplined?”

Let’s examine that question in depth, shall we?  For the most part, someone who is referred to as “cold” is someone who is potentially shut down, repressed and/or out of touch with their inner feelings.

According to a post by Psychology Today, this is what’s referred to as an avoidant attachment pattern.  And some of the actual symptoms of a person with this pattern include being aloof, standoffish, impersonal, disengaged and uninvolved.  There are many more, and the article can be read here: https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/evolution-the-self/201105/cold-people-what-makes-them-way-part-1

There are causes and reasons behind this sort of behavior, but we won’t delve too deeply into those aspects, as they aren’t the point of this post.  Let’s examine the practice of being emotionally disciplined…

Listen, every person is different.  And because of this, we all deal with specific situations in different ways. Let’s take death as an example. When we lose a loved one, there is an expectation as to how we will react to it.  But the reality is that some people deal with it and “bounce back” far easier than others.

Self-discipline and training can allow one to develop this ability and react with a level of control that often seems “cold” or “stand-offish” to others.  So, when some people seem like they don’t care, they may simply be coping in their own way.

I use the example of death because it is such a common one.  It’s something that EVERYBODY will have to deal with, at some given point and time in his or her lives.  But realistically, as long as one IS coping, the mechanism through which they do so really doesn’t matter (unless they turn to alcoholism or drugs, of course).

I can easily attest to the fact that in my youth, I was often accused of being cold or emotionless, which is often a stark contrast to the temper I occasionally carry today.  Even when the death of my brother occurred, I dealt with it with a stoic front, barely ever letting my emotions show.  It caused enough of a concern that my parents thought I should be speaking to someone about it.  But the reality is that my coping mechanisms simply didn’t involve bawling my eyes out as some are inclined to do.  And even at such a young age, my personal self-discipline was already developing.

The point is, even if the person you’re speaking to may seem detached or impersonal, if someone is dealing with a traumatic event or grief in a quiet and reserved way, or if someone has injured themselves but isn’t clutching the limb and crying bloody murder, it may simply be that their mental discipline is developed enough to allow them to control their emotions and outward reactions. And these are all things that can be developed through meditation.  Although not physically a muscle, there is the potential to develop it and strengthen it as you would with muscle tissue.  It’s simply done in a different way.  As I’ve often said, when one isn’t exercising the body, one should be exercising the mind.

There should be no judgement against those who have their own level of emotional discipline. It doesn’t mean they’re cold, it may simply mean they have their own way of coping. A personal shout out, to the friend who gave me the idea for this post.  It was a great question and great topic for discussion. ☯