Freedom Has A Price

People often assume that I have it good, because they can’t “See” my condition. Diabetes is not something that becomes visible or well-known to others, at least not until you get so bad that you go blind, lose a limb to amputation or suffer organ failure that either leaves you incapacitated or you die. And yes, as morbid as all of those things sound, they are very real effects of Type-1 Diabetes. But like most unseen illnesses and I know that some of my friends and readers can relate, just because you can’t see someone’s pains or illnesses, it doesn’t mean they aren’t still severe.

The problem is that when you encounter someone who works hard at maintaining their health despite their condition, it can be off-putting to hear that they’re still having their difficulties. And many, there are. I’ve worked hard to maintain my health and keeps things balanced. In my youth, especially, I went through a number of Diabetes-related complications that set me back and did permanent damage. High blood sugars, vision problems and elevated A1C’s… I even suffered through several comas. True story… The longest was about four days long. Nothing is quite as disorienting as going to sleep on a Monday and waking on a Thursday, especially when you’re a young child and have no idea what happened. I was about my son’s age, in fact.

The point is, that balance can become exhausting and as much as I can appreciate how lucky I am to have all the benefits that I didn’t have, even just twenty years ago. Things like my advance glucometers, access to modern healthcare, insulin pumps and continuous glucose monitoring, proper nutrition and exercise all make a difference when trying to keep my longevity for as long as I can. So what happens when all the things that are a benefit to maintaining one’s health becomes burdensome? It happens, and that burden can cause the kind of exhaustion that see someone letting their guard down…

Last Saturday, my wife and followed through with our typical weekend plan of taking the boys out for an outing. We usually try to incorporate something that will involve other children so that they can socialize and play with kids; something that happens less these days, thanks to the pandemic. We opted for a large, well-put-together outdoor park named “Candy Cane Park.” It has one of those rubberized surfaces with tons of structure to climb and play on. We started our morning by picking up some burgers and finding a place to sit. We cut the boys loose and they went off to play. Oddly enough, it didn’t take long for Alexander to come waddling over and sit with us.

Nathan played only briefly before confessing that he wanted to leave as he had no one to play with and wasn’t interested in being at the park. I don’t blame him; the summer heat is still pretty intense these days and I preferred not to be outside in the sun in that weather anyway. We loaded the boys back into the car after being at the park for less than an hour. Nathan confessed he preferred to go to an indoor pool and I could totally get where he was going with it. It was agreed that we’d bring my wife and Alexander home and that Nathan and I would go to the pool together. Since my CGM sensor was set to expire in a couple of hours, I removed it and set it to charge while we would be swimming.

I also noticed that I only had about 8 or 9 units of insulin left in my pump. An interesting thought came to mind. Since I wouldn’t be wearing the pump in the pool and would need to switch out the infusion set anyway, I removed EVERYTHING. People who don’t wear an insulin pump won’t understand the unbelievable freedom behind removing all the tethers associated with Diabetes. Even as I got into the car, i noticed that little things, like adjusting and shifting the pump to allow me to sit properly, didn’t need to be done. Going to the washroom becomes an easier and quicker endeavour, since I don’t have to wrestle with tubing and removing an infusion set.

Nathan and I wound up going to a public pool location we hadn’t been to before, since our usual go to pool was closed to the public to promote the city’s new outdoor pools. That seemed counter-intuitive to me, a bit like closing a fast-food restaurant to promote a food truck, but what do I know? We wound up at the pool location that I found, which was closer to the downtown core. It was HUGE… Olympic-sized and contained three different sections, a massive whirlpool that could accommodate plenty of people without feeling that they were sitting in each other’s laps and several diving platforms.

Nathan and I had a blast, playing games, going on the diving boards and occasionally relaxing in the whirlpool. The feeling of being able to go everywhere and do everything without worrying about my sensor’s adhesive melting off or my infusion set popping out goes beyond description. We spent well over two hours in the pool before I finally called it quits because it was supper hour. I felt that it was one of the best outings that Nathan and I had taken together and we both enjoyed ourselves thoroughly. I even felt generous enough to grab him a burger on the way home as he was complaining he was hungry.

I was feeling pretty good about my day, by the time I got home. Minutes after I was home, I began to feel the tell-tale signs of high blood sugar. Although my levels were normal when I left and I had insulin in my system before I removed my pump, I had gone more than three hours without a basal rate being added. By the time I got downstairs and changed my infusion set and tested my blood glucose, i was sitting at 18.5 mmol/L. For you non-Diabetic folks, that’s ridiculously high and not a healthy way to maintain one’s balance.

I installed a new CGM sensor and slowly started trying to get everything back under control. I had to eat, so I had little choice but to bolus accordingly and have something to eat. It took several hours, some caffeine and some patience, before my blood sugar finally started coming down. Our evening ended somewhat early and everyone went to their respective slumber but I was awoken in the middle of the night by my pump. Seems my blood sugars didn’t STOP when they reached a normal level, they kept dropping. Half an hour and some fast-acting glucose later and I was back to sleep.

The experience was fantastic and I had a lot of fun at the pool with Nathan. It was nice to be reminded of a simpler time when I wasn’t hooked up to portable machines like a dollar-store cyborg. But that experience was costly. It was a sober reminder of how quickly things can go south when I let my guard down and choose not to maintain control. Diabetes can take over quickly and in fact, one can’t live without insulin for more than a little under two weeks. That little bit of freedom came at a price. And given my age, it’s not one I can pay easily. Or often. ☯️

Jupiter’s Legacy: A Review (Total Spoilers)

I’ve always been partial to the superhero genre. big surprise, right? Ever since Superman: The Movie was released in 1978 (ironically the same year I was born, coincidence?) I’ve been enamoured with the thought of super-powered individuals who use their gifts to save the world and its people. In the decades that followed, I was able to get into comics, movies and cartoons that all addressed the genre. The superhero genre is nothing new and despite the passing of generations, many classic hero arch-types keep being brought back, again and again. In recent years, we’ve seen the creation and release of multiple television series that feature classic superheroes like the Flash, Green Arrow and Superman.

The way we enjoy our media intake has changed drastically since the old days where my father had to jam a dusty BetaMax tape into a huge, boxy machine in order to let me see the classic blue-tighted boy scout fly across the screen. Modern streaming services make it easier than ever before to access more people with more content in shorter periods of time. Remember the old days, when you had to wait a full week to find out if your favourite protagonist made it through whatever they were dealing with? I do, although it’s quickly becoming a faded memory…

I’m not typically one to jump onto anyone’s bandwagon and people who know me will acknowledge that it’s often difficult to get me to commit to a new show or some new trend because, quite frankly, I have very little free time when I’m not working, writing, training or hanging with my fam-jam. This means that I take free time very seriously and am very selective as to how I spend it. But once in a while when I have a few moments, during writing or when the rest of the family is occupied, I’ll pop on to something that I know I may not be watching with them. That’s when I landed on a short-lived show on Netflix: Jupiter’s Legacy.

Jupiter’s Legacy is a short-lived show that streamed on Netflix in early 2021. I remember reading all kinds of stuff about it, especially since the world was still reeling from the pandemic and everyone was stuck indoors for extended periods. I never gave it much stock, especially since they foolishly cancelled it after 8 episodes. Even if it were a shitty show, which it’s not, who the hell does that??? Regardless, I started watching this show while sitting outside with a cigar, which was a great way to relax. I have to say that being someone who’s usually well-versed on the genre, I was NOT disappointed.

Jupiter’s Legacy is based on a comic book arc where a man in the 1920’s sees his father commit suicide during the stock market crash. He soon begins to have hallucinations and leads a small group of people on an expedition to the middle of the Atlantic Ocean where they’re all endowed with super powers. They begin fighting crime and protecting the masses, following a specific code of no killing. The premise of the show is the original heroes’ children struggling to live by the code in a world where the villains have no qualms about killing even if the heroes do.

The tempo does tend to be on the slower side but features great costumes, excellent super-powered fight scenes and an excellent storyline. The show was cancelled and never renewed for a second season, which royally fuckin’ sucks since the first season ends on a cliffhanger where one of the main protagonists turns out to be the villain they were searching for all along. The show’s main character, Utopia, has two children who are struggling with their way of life in their own way. The son, Paragon, has embraced the hero life and is trying to live up to his father’s expectations, until he kills one of his opponents, violating the hero code. The daughter, Chloe, has completely abandoned the family and the hero way of life and soon joins up with one of the team’s main criminals’ sons.

Although the show was one of the most-watched series on Netflix during the first half of the month of May in 2021, viewership declined significantly and was considered too slow-moving. To be honest, I went into it knowing that there were only 8 episodes and used it mostly as a sound filler for when I’d be doing other things. But the storyline and visual dynamics have got me wishing that show-running decisions weren’t solely based on the nay-sayers. With 40-minute episodes, you need to have some time to get through each one but if you’re looking for something short to watch that doesn’t include a dozen seasons of something, Jupiter’s Legacy may be for you. ☯️

Back To School, The Parent Edition…

Yesterday, I wrote about Nathan’s reluctant return to the classroom as, like most children, he started a new school year. Then it dawned on me that I’ll be enjoying something of a return to school, myself. Albeit on a more leisurely level. This coming week, the dojo re-opens for karate class and I intend to be there; front and centre.

I had started with a local school of Shotokan last year and despite some injuries I sustained early this year, I quite enjoyed it. They closed out for the summer break, which is apparently pretty standard for schools out here. When I was back in New Brunswick, Sensei would never have contemplated shutting down simply because it’s summertime. In fact, I used to be the black sheep of my friends since I would quite literally pack up and leave fun afternoons of swimming in the woods in favour of attending a class. But I digress…

My point is that stopping for the summer has never really been my thing but it happens a fair bit, out here. I recently discovered that the Kempo school I used to train with never re-opened its doors. Although sad to hear, it made me feel a little bit better about never being contacted over the past two years about class. But Shotokan has been quite good. The dojo is a mere five minutes from my home and their style is similar in many ways to my own Uechi-Ryu.

This year, I look forward to continuing my martial arts education and adding new forms, techniques and lessons to my overall karate toolbox. It’s important to keep an open mind when training in a dojo whose style differs from yours. It can be a difficult journey and I acknowledge that I’m no longer what I used to be. But with some overall steps to ensure that other negative factors in my life are lessened and the room for growth is permitted, I’m sure it’ll be a great year.

So I guess that much like my son Nathan, this coming week will see me going back to school… Karate school, that is! I’m looking forward to it and it should be a nice addition to an otherwise stagnant fitness routine. Stay tuned… ☯️

Back To School…

Like most parents, I had the bittersweet pleasure of sending my oldest off to school, a few days ago. No children were harmed in the completion of this first “week” of school, and I’m sure Nathan appreciated the returned use of his devices last night, since we don’t generally allow him to use them during school nights. Last Wednesday, he walk to school with his mother during the early evening to meet his teacher, drop off his excess school equipment and enjoy a free hotdog.

During this time, I got to visit Costco with my toddler, who provided endless entertainment for the other patrons. It was all good though, with Nathan independently choosing to walk by himself to his first day of school. He has the same teacher as he did the previous year, which is a good thing since he demonstrated certain difficulties that his teacher will at least be able to recognize and understand from her time with him last year.

Although like most children, he didn’t seem keen on having to go back to school, I think it’ll be nice for him to reconnect with kids his age and get to play, learn and see what accomplishments he can set for himself during the school year. We’ve all been there, right? And we all got through it and so will he. As the old saying goes, dis line is not the enemy of enthusiasm. Plus, it gives parents the opportunity to enjoy some kid-free time during the day. Definitely important. ☯️

Heatwave…🎶

It’s funny sometimes how I recognize that I’ve become dependent on things that I never had during my youth. Air conditioning is a good example… As a child, I have NEVER lived in a residence that had site conditioning. In fact, I remember one particularly hot summer where my bedroom was located in the upstairs of a small house. It was one of those upper floors that included angled walls because you were right against the roof. This means you also had the sun’s mighty gaze bearing down right above your head as you played in your room.

I often think about how more comfortable I might have been and how my blood sugar control may have been tighter during my childhood if I had the refuge of a cooler environment during the summer months. Although total temperature rarely gets beyond the high 20’s (Celsius) in Northern New Brunswick, the humidity adds an extra level of hell to the mix. But I digress…

The sun er heat can have a significant impact on a person’s overall health, especially as it involves Type-1 Diabetes because, well… EVERYTHING affects Type-1 Diabetes. But rather than be facetious, I should probably explain the how’s and why’s behind that statement. After all, this is a hot issue… See what I did there…? Summer heat? Hot issue? Alright, carrying on…

It’s been a bit of a hellish week in Regina, Saskatchewan, with daily heat reaching the mid-30’s and making the possibility of spending any time outdoors without my cut off jean shorts (I believe the kids call them “jorts,” now) an impossibility. Stepping outside during the day brings about difficulties breathing, sweating and a general sense of discomfort that most people don’t enjoy. Don’t get me wrong; I’ll definitely take hot, sunny weather any day over the cold of winter and shovelling snow. I’m not complaining, here…

I have the benefit of having an individually climate-controlled office, which allows me to work through my day in the relative comfort that I’ve come to enjoy in my older years. I also have a brand new air conditioner at home, which we had installed last fall. Although my basement is sometimes a bit on the icy side, I have the benefit of maintaining a cool living space in the upstairs, which is a benefit that my children have that I didn’t get to experience as a child.

Although the summer is winding down, it’s a great time to provide a reminder that being out in the heat brings about a certain number of issues as we work out or deal with Diabetes. For one, extreme heat will expose us to the possibility of dehydration, which is not only dangerous but can cause rises in blood sugar. Working out for prolongued periods in the heat can bring about dangers of heat stroke and exhaustion, both of which can be quite dangerous if one does not recognize the signs and grab some shade to rest.

Remember to stay hydrated, take shelter and take breaks and don’t be afraid to switch up your fitness routine to accommodate exercise in an air conditioned environment. It’s been a few weeks since I’ve been on my bike. I sure do miss being out and about on it, but it’s a fair price for pay to maintain my health. Check your blood sugars often and drink plenty of fluids (no, beer and coffee don’t count!). Even if it’s a bit cloudy out, be sure to apply sunscreen as the su’s UV rays will still reach you. Enjoy the heat, but safely. ☯️

A Month Without Alcohol…

Last month, I decided to spend the entire month of August without consuming any alcohol. My unfortunate habit in the past couple of years has been to enjoy a drink when writing or even just after a hard day’s work, while sitting in my garage with a good cigar. In the following video, I explain that month and some of the things I’ve noticed as a result. ☯️

Hotly Debated, Universally Hated…

If there’s one thing I can say is universally hated by people, it’s bullies. Bullies have gotten the full-court press in movies, television shows and various media platforms, usually with the protagonist somehow “winning the day” in a very David a& Goliath kind of way and putting the bully in his (or her) place. It’s the kind of scenario that gives most people a warm, fuzzy feeling of justice being served and seeing karma in action. However, bullying scenarios in real life very rarely play out this way.

In school, I was bullied. And I don’t mean the run-of-the-mill snowflake definition of bullying that we often see these days. I mean several members of my school’s hockey team cornering me and taking turns throwing shots into my rib cage until I was curled in a ball on the floor crying. I got some of the former, as well but for the most part, it was mostly the latter. Classrooms were mostly safe, with the operative word being “mostly,” but I would usually hustle to my locker and back with a constant eye over my shoulder.

Arriving and leaving from school would require stealth on my part so that I wouldn’t be spotted by one of the many aggressors. Don’t even get me started on what began happening when I purchased my first car and started driving it to school. It made it difficult to genuinely focus on my studies and schooling and I often wonder how much better my grades would have been and what doors that could have unlocked for me, had I been permitted to study, unhindered. But I digress…

I know some of my close friends from my youth were subjected to bullying, as well. I never really understood the WHY behind it. It always seemed as though it lacked a certain logic or reasoning. After all, bullying really serves no practical purpose. In order to understand the WHY, let’s start by being very clear on what a bully actually is. A bully is someone who tries to harm, intimidate or coerce someone they perceive as being weaker than them.

In my experience, and I unfortunately have a significant amount of it, bullies will usually attack their victims for a few key reasons:

1. They’re going through something themselves and are lashing out against their victims because it’s a situation they can’t control. this can include being bullied themselves or suffering abuse at home;
2. They think it makes them look cool. Humans are pack animals and the societal hierarchy can sometimes be difficult to navigate for people. If you find yourself in a group that will revere you for pushing around someone else, some would see that as an opportunity;
3. There’s something about their victim that they revere, themselves. It can be hard seeing someone else in a situation you feel that you’d rather be in. Maybe their household is better off, financially. Maybe they have more friends, have someone they’re dating… Who knows? This can lead some bullies to feel that they need to lash out because of those factors.

No matter what the reason, the firm agreement that I think we should all have is that there is no valid reason for one person to bully another. It can be frustrating, especially when such a thing is happening to our children. I say it that way because, believe it or not, there is a significant amount of bullying that occurs within the adult realm, as well. Although some movies and shows would suggest the best route is to simply pop the main bully once and everyone will leave you alone, this is very rarely the case.

Given the current state of society, there’s a much more significant spotlight on bullying and its effects than there was during my generation. The bottom line is that if someone is being bullied, they should come forward and talk about it. Although there can often be a feeling of embarrassment, it’s important to recognize that everyone is deserving of a harassment-free environment and we all need help, sometimes, to achieve that goal. Whether that means discussing with one’s parents or teachers if you’re a minor or speaking with law enforcement or hopefully the individuals themselves, if you’re an adult.

The unfortunate reality is that there have ALWAYS been bullies. Despite new laws and society’s focus on the topic, there’s no sign of that going away anytime soon. It’s how we choose to deal with it and rectify the situation that defines us as a people. And to all the bullies out there, shame on you! There’s enough suffering in the world without you adding to it. Find some other release valve for your negative emotions and leave others in peace. You may be fortunate enough to find a little slice of peace yourself, if you do… ☯️

Channeling One’s Inner Eddie Rabbitt…

Some of my best memories from childhood include storm chasing and watching with my father. People in general have this propensity to dislike thunderstorms and rain, often for good reason. But back home in the Maritimes, my father and I would enjoy that weather and use it as an opportunity for enjoyment. Having grown up on the shores of an actual bay feeding out to the Gulf of Saint Lawrence, we were subjected to some doozies. During the best of times, we could clearly see storm front coming towards the shore and had plenty of time to prepare and watch the big show. Sometimes we’d jump into the car and go park at the light house and just watch the storm approach and hit.

Besides providing much-needed air moisture, refilling water beds and replenishing vegetation, rain has shown to have benefits in helping a person relax and calm themselves. Watching the falling rain through a window from the comfort of one’s home is therapeutic. My father and I would take it up a notch by intentionally chasing the rain. I’ve lost track of the number of times during my youth when we jumped in the car and drove after heavy rains to see where they’d peter out (pun fully intended, my father’s name is Peter!). To some, it seems ridiculous but to me, it was valuable time with my father and fed my interest in weather and science.

Last Friday, I got home from work and discussed plans with my son Nathan to have a “camp-out.” This is something Nathan enjoys doing where he builds up a blanket fort on a small mattress, usually in the basement, with the intention of snacking and sleeping downstairs. I spend the night on the queen bed we have for guests. I don’t get what the appeal of the activity is, but I get to spend time with my first-born and he gets to enjoy an indoor activity that doesn’t involve antagonizing his baby brother. How is that not a win-win?

When I got home from work, we started to discuss the evening and we had a family outing planned that required Nathan’s best behaviour. Although I understand that most modern households adhere to the whole concept that parents should stop treating children’s behaviour as acting out or being bad and accept that it’s because they lack the communication skills to express what they’re feeling. However, fuck that. When we’re out in public, my expectation is NOT the destruction of everything in sight and running around like the world’s biggest disaster cut loose in public.

By the time we had gotten home, some of his behaviour out in public had me questioning whether he deserved his “camp-out.” I decided to vent my frustrations in one of the only ways that I typically know how: by working out. I got a good burn, listened to some awesome music and when I was done, sat comfortably in my garage with a decent cigar (I say decent because if I bought great cigars, I’d probably be bankrupt) and blew my cares away in a puff of blue smoke and random YouTube videos. After some time, Nathan came out to see what I was doing and sat with me in the garage.

A huge, dark cloud formation rolled in over Regina and the rumblings of a storm were coming towards us. Nathan became fixated on watching for the occasional flash of lightning and giggling at the fact that thunder and lightning “never happens together.” In anticipation of the power going out and a heavy downpour of rain, I suggested that we move the party inside. Much to my surprise, Nathan wanted to stay outside and watch the storm from the garage. he turned on the interior lights and sat comfortably, watching the sky for what was coming. I was struck with a wave of nostalgia, remembering the occasions where my father and I would do this very thing. It’s true what they say; some of the best things in life are free.

In the end, the rain that fell was barely a trickle but we had the opportunity to enjoy repetitive flashes of lightning and booming thunder. It was fun to sit out there and enjoy the weather with my child, who seemed as interested in it as I was. Sometimes the simplest things can be the most fun. We made out way inside and to the basement, where we discussed deep, philosophical topics, such as Star Wars, Mario Kart racing and various “how it’s made” videos on YouTube. The rain began falling harder once we were inside but we had our fun. Sometimes you have to take time to enjoy the simpler things in life. ☯️

What Would You Say To Your Younger Self?

Regret and self-doubt are insidious things and can cause a ridiculous level of unnecessary suffering in one’s own life. That’s why it is SO important to accept life as it’s been presented to you without the concept of regret in your heart and mind. Now bear in mind, I’m not suggesting you just lay back and let whatever happens direct your life. If you want to see change, you need to make change. But my point is that every choice, decision and incident (good or bad) that’s happened in your life has brought you to the here and now and has minded you into the person you are today.

Unless you’re a complete piece of shit, it should be difficult or impossible to regret the steps in your life that have brought you to your current state. From there, it should be a completely separate battle to forge your CURRENT existence into something other than what it is, if you so choose. That’s why I get some serious entertainment from the many social media posts I see these days where people ask the question: “What would say to the younger version of yourself?”

This is actually an interesting question and one that I’ve contemplated several times when spotting these entertainment posts. On the one hand and in keeping with my opening statements about no regret, I think it would be hard for me to try and say anything to my younger self that could potentially alter the course of my life. For example, although it would make sense for me to speak a 4-year old me and tell him to start karate right away instead of waiting until the age of 10 and it would seem to be something that could help, those actions could likely cause effects that would seriously alter and disrupt life as I’ve come to know it. I can hear Doc Brown screaming, already!

In all seriousness, I had a lot going on when I was 4-years old. I was diagnosed as a Type-1 Diabetic, my health and life were in jeopardy and our household was still in the throes of constant hospital visits and travel for my brother. I can’t see my being able to attend karate through all of that and since my mother all but hauled me out by my shirt tails from the precursor to Boy Scouts BECAUSE I was diagnosed as Diabetic, I don’t believe she would have allowed me to join and stay, in karate.

But martial arts aside, the question was what I would say to my younger self, which is a loaded and difficult question. After all, even something seemingly innocent and without future information could be damaging. If one were to tell a younger self “it gets better,” this could still prompt a lack of caution or laziness on the part of one’s past self. That being said, I often reflect on some of the joyful experiences I had in my younger years and I think that if nothing else, it might be pleasant to watch those experiences play out through my current eyes. Often in life, we don’t appreciate how easy we may have had it or how good things were and can only realize the same through reflection.

I guess the moral of the story is I, personally, wouldn’t say anything to my younger self. And you shouldn’t want to, either. Although people are likely tired of hearing that everything happens for a reason, even if you aren’t in the best place right now, NOW is when you need to make the change; not 20 years ago. Reflection and self-realization are the tools necessary for a happier life with less suffering. Food for thought… ☯️

Well, Since You Asked…

A couple of weeks ago, i treated myself to a new, external computer microphone and media light and was excited at the prospect of creating more YouTube content, which I usually end up posting here on the blog, as well as on my blog’s Facebook page. By the way, if you haven’t followed my YouTube page, take thirty seconds and go hit follow. Thanks. Anyway, I started toying with the idea of doing a Facebook Live event. This was mostly inspired by my friend Ricky (Hi, Ricky!) who has done a number of Live events on Facebook where he’s played live music.

I sent out feelers, both here and on the Facebook page, asking if there would be any interest in having me do a live event, which could cover a variety of topics including but not limited to, martial arts, Diabetes and health & fitness. It would be a smooth Q&A format and would run for about half an hour to an hour, depending on the questions and interest. I only had a person or two express any interest with none of my several hundred followers acknowledging or responding at all.

This is perfectly fine, since I totally get that most people either may not commit to attending something virtual that isn’t work-related or that it may simply not interest them. I put the matter to bed with no intentions of proceeding. Then, I spoke with someone who logically pointed out that if I took the added step to schedule the Live and post the date and time, people would organically show up. So that’s what I did. Although quite short notice, I posted last Wednesday morning that I would be performing a Live event that evening, once I was home from work.

Once again, there was no interest shown beyond a like or two and one person who indicated they were attending but I took the advice I was given to heart and worked through my day with the impression I would be sticking my face out in the world that evening. Then, circumstances took place that saw me cancel the event mere minutes before airing. I’ve had a few readers message me to ask what those circumstances were. Although my first instinct would be to say that it doesn’t matter, far be it from me NOT to address something I’ve been asked, so long as it’s within my authority to answer.

The simple answer is it’s because of my children. There you go, thanks for reading. Seriously though, it is related to my two sons. As I often like to remind everyone, life rarely cares about one’s plans and one needs to accept that things don’t always work out. In this instance, I got home and enjoyed a meal prepared by my loving wife. I did the dishes and managed to sit for about twenty minutes to rest from my day before I decided to go downstairs and prep for the event. My oldest was in his room playing on his gaming device and was content. My toddler was in the living room with my wife and seemed content but I would have been satisfied with having him join, since either son is fine on his own; it’s once they’re in the same room that chaos ensues.

The baby did join me shortly after I went downstairs but it was fine as he was playing with some toys and was overall content. But for whatever reason, my oldest chose five minutes before my event went live to come join and the fight was on. Screaming, wrestling and throwing of just about everything that wasn’t nailed down and a few things that were. I imposed some parental oversight, but there was no controlling two Cook males, locked in the throes of playtime. After some intervention and an unfortunate couple of bouts of raising my voice beyond humans range of hearing, I recognized that my children simply wouldn’t allow this Live to happen as planned.

So, I cancelled it. There you have it. I opted to go outside and burn an hour on the punching but alas, life wasn’t done with me and my Bluetooth speaker died on me, leaving me to idly punch without music. Total bullshit. Will I make a second attempt at hosting a Live event? Maybe. I’m still fixated on the fact that no real interest was shown or expressed. And as they say, the people have spoken. Going live means one doesn’t have the security of stopping and restarting if one stammers, coughs, screws up, etc… It opens up a particular level of vulnerability. As to whether I want to expose myself to that vulnerability if no one attends is the question. Stay tuned! ☯️