Category: Opinion

As Good As Your Word…

I was always raised by my family to not only always be on time, but to always be a bit early to accommodate any unforeseen circumstances that may arise. This applies to all aspects of one’s life, professional or personal. I was also raised that when you say you’re going to do something, you follow through and do it. Today’s post may be a bit more on the ranting side than anything useful, but sometimes you just have to pour it out in order to move on and lighten your soul.

I don’t maintain friendships easily. In fact, there aren’t many to whom I am able to give that title. Maybe I’m just stubborn or perhaps my personal code of ethics and beliefs is so deeply ingrained that I don’t suffer ignorance easily, even when it applies to my friends. I’m totally on board with the concept that we can sometimes go days, weeks and occasionally even months without speaking to each other due to life’s obligations. After all, life doesn’t care about one’s plans. What bothers me, is when someone states they’ll do something and doesn’t follow through. THAT’S when it becomes an issue…

I can provide some pretty specific examples. I have a friend that I used to make efforts to spend some time with. Nothing fancy, just the occasional meeting for coffee or beer. During one meet-up, we decided to grab some dinner at a local restaurant. It was only once the menus were in our hands that it was revealed that the friend was actually short of cash and probably shouldn’t order anything to eat. I’m usually pretty game for letting people find their own way and I agree that if one can’t afford to eat out, one shouldn’t.

That being said, I could hardly sit there and order food when the friend I invited out would sit there with a glass of restaurant tap water. Even if we had gotten together for the conversation and company, it would still throw a wrench into the energy of the evening, so I offered to buy dinner. After the usual back and forth, the friend relented and “agreed” to let me buy dinner. Okay, no big deal, right? If I can’t buy a friend a meal every once in a while, then what’s the point? But there was plenty of other things we could have done that would have cost nothing and been just as pleasant, so I felt a bit off at the fact that dinner was agreed to in the first place.

On the second occasion, we decided to go out for coffee. It was agreed that I would pick up the friend so that we could make our way somewhere to relax and have some good conversation. Once I picked the friend up, I was asked to make a “quick stop” along the way… Seems the friend had lent out a vehicle to someone and it was now dead and required a boost. Basically, I was needed to reach the lent vehicle and use my own vehicle to provide a boost. Nice. After attending to that matter and spending some time out in the cold (it was deep winter, at the time) it was late enough and I had grown tired and we called it a night.

I’m a strong believer of giving people the benefit of the doubt, so I agreed to meet on a third occasion. This time, I provided conditions that worked in my favour. I agreed to meet the friend at a local pub that was only five minutes from my home and the friend would have to find their own way there. It was agreed that we would meet at 6 pm. As is my custom, I arrived at about 5:50 and ordered the first round so it would be ready when the friend arrived. 6 o’clock came and went with no appearance from the friend. Okay. 6:30 hits and I had consumed my beer, so I texted the friend asking when I could expect an appearance.

6:45 struck and I still hadn’t received a response. It’s unconscionable to waste cold beer, so I decided to start on the second round I had provided for the friend. Another could easily be ordered upon their arrival. I texted my wife and asked her opinion on how long I should wait. She replied that it was up to me but that I had already waited far longer than necessary, especially since my messages were going unanswered. Since I was on a second round, I would remain and allow some time, since I still needed to make my way home.

Shortly after 7 pm, the friend finally phoned me and provided some reasoning for being well over an hour late, despite it changing nothing of the current situation. I was asked if I was willing to wait a little bit so they could join me. I declined, since I had already consumed two drinks and still had to make my way home. The friend apologized and indicated that we’d make plans to get together on another night. Needless to say, I stopped trying after that. And this is only one of the examples of why I find it difficult to maintain friendships. There are many others.

For example, I have a long-standing friend from back home, who only ever seems to come visit me when he’s working. Seriously. He’ll only stop in if he can sit and catch up while on his company’s time, which seriously sucks. Just recently, I invited him to my home for a beer, to which he agreed. He was supposed to pop in around 6 o’clock after we had all eaten dinner. At 6:30, he sends me a text message to say that he wanted to walk his dog before driving up and would be at my place around 8 o’clock. Seriously??? With a young son and a toddler to get to bed around that time, I didn’t feel right about hanging out in the garage with beer while my wife dealt with both kids. Light knows she does enough of that in the mornings while I’m gone to work. But what’s more is it pissed me off that he only contacted me half an hour AFTER his agreed time to show up.

Why the hell would you agree to a 6 o’clock meet-up, only to change it to two hours later? Did he not know he’d be wanting to walk his dog? Was it a spur of the moment decision? Couldn’t he have either skipped walking the dog for one day and made an exception or have someone else walk the dog in his stead? Who knows, maybe I’m being the oversensitive asshole, here. I declined his later offer, since I wanted to be able to help out with the kids, plus I was kinda pissed. Just for some clarity, these examples feature two different people. So I’m not just picking on one person.

I always show up. In fact, I always show up a bit early. I consider that practical, but it’s my hang up. However, it’s important that if you say you’ll do something or be somewhere, that yo follow through. I think that’s not only an important social convention, it’s simple manners. I’ll take the friend I haven’t spoken to in a month who actually shows up as agreed, over the one who flakes for no good reason. I have one friend that I meet up with on occasion. The beauty of this friend is that if she isn’t available for something, she’s honest and upfront about it. And if we agree to meet, she always shows up. On time. Maybe that’s why we get along so well. That, and a shared twisted sense of humour.

The hand of friendship is one that should be freely given. But to an extent, it also needs to be earned. That’s what defines the difference between a “friend” and an “acquaintance.” And WHAT you do is at least as important as HOW you do it. Keep your promises. Keep to your commitments. And always show up. Believe me when I say that your friends will be eternally grateful. And if you have even one or two friends who fall under that good category, be sure to keep regular contact and treat them like gold. They’re a rare lot. Food for thought… ☯

Didn’t Your Mother Teach You To Stand Up Straight???

It’s a classic scene. You’re at the kitchen table or in someone else’s home and your mother will quietly but firmly tell you to “Sit up straight,” or “Stand up straight…” Who’d have thought that you should have perhaps listened to that advice as it would serve you well, as it relates to your martial arts journey. I’ve witnessed and trained in a lot of different styles; sometimes for fun and sometimes to add a little something to my self-defence repertoire. And of all things that I’ve learned over the decades, one of the most important ones is to maintain a proper posture and a good centre of balance.

Standing up straight and keeping your weight centred are integral aspects of martial arts and self-defence. When you lean or all your weight is moved forward over a single leg, you put yourself at risk and expose areas that you should probably be thinking about protecting, instead. It often seems that so many arts are willing to allow practitioners to overreach, stand on one leg through extended techniques or have their heads bobbing and weaving every which way… Don’t even get me started on the concept of holding your hands in FRONT of your face.

Have you ever had that ONE friend who, when you were younger would suddenly push you for no good reason other than being a jackass? No? Just me? Alrighty, then… My point is, if you’ve ever experienced this you’ll notice that you can fall over quite easily once your centre of balance is no longer directly below you. And just to be clear, I’m not referring to issues surrounding forms or pre-arranged techniques; I’m referring specifically to issues surrounding a real-world combat scenario where you need to defend yourself.

I’ve always noticed that a strong tendency with some people who fight is to bob and weave their bodies back and forth to avoid strikes. I suppose that if you’re faced with an actual fight, you’ll do whatever is necessary in order to avoid being struck and to ultimately win. But if you bend at the waist in order to avoid a punch, your centre of gravity suddenly finds itself over open air, which will leave you vulnerable in a way that’s much much than what the above-mentioned jackass would cause.

I’m going to be a bit of a bully for a moment and pick on boxers because they’re the best example. They’re definitely not the ONLY ones, but they have a tendency to bend and sway in a variety of directions and what’s worse, they do it with the torso OR the head. I’ll remind all of you that I categorized this post under the “opinion” tab, so there’s no need to lose your cool. The worst is when I’ve seen people who do that frowny, lowered head posture that they believe makes them look so bad-ass. In reality, you’re obscuring your field of vision and exposing sides of your head that will get you smacked!

In traditional Okinawan karate, we’re taught that not only are extremely high kicks dangerous, as they expose the groin and various other areas, they throw off your centre of balance. A quick, prepared opponent can take advantage of this and send you spiralling to the ground. Once you’re down, the game’s pretty much over unless you have increased skill in defending against a standing opponent who’s dropping his boot down on your head. (Cue the voice of Obi-Wan Kenobi… “Don’t do it, Anakin! I have the high ground…)

The same applies to hand techniques and you head, as well. If you overreach during a strike, you face the possibility that someone quick who may have training in grappling (or even someone who doesn’t) could grab your hand and drag you forward. Once you’re off balance, you’ll be too busy trying to regain your footing to avoid the plethora of strikes that may come at you, immediately following your stumble. And anyone I’ve ever sparred against who’s taken the chance of lowering their heads to give me a frowny look has usually been rewarded with a hook punch to the visual cortex.

Although getting into a real world fight scenario is a fluid and unpredictable situation, you should bear the following things in mind:

  • Stand up straight and keep your centre of gravity beneath you;
  • Keep your hands in front of you, but don’t block your face. You don’t want to obstruct your view of the opponent;
  • Keep your head up. Avoid burying your head in your fists as you’ll be unable to see and/or block, if your opponent decides to throw a kick or some other technique at you;
  • If you’re going to perform kicks, be reasonable and keep them at waist-height or lower. High kicks may result in a loss of balance; and
  • Don’t overreach! You should be able to know the distance of your reach. If your opponent is outside of your reach, the proper recourse is to step in BEFORE punching, not try to overreach.

You can get into the proper mindset on all of those with one simple method: drills! Drills, drills, drills! Keep practicing and build that muscle memory. If you develop safe habits and techniques in training, you’ll have a much better chance of doing the same in the streets if you find yourself in a fight situation. ☯

From Coppertone Baby To COVID Baby…

Ahh, the Coppertone Baby… For those who may not be in the know, since it may no longer be a popular thing, it featured a toddler having her swimwear yanked down by a puppy to expose her backside. It became a thing in the early 1950’s and worked towards making Coppertone famous as a leading brand of sunscreen. It became their principle logo on most products and still is on some. As a child, Coppertone was a common name around my house as my mother used to slather my brother and I with sunblock in an effort to keep us from burning. Mostly due to the fact that we were white as ghosts from childhood illnesses but also because being the child of a red-headed man, I had the ginger gene and my skin didn’t fare well in the sun.

By the same token, my children are both very fair-skinned and they come by this honestly, since I carry the redhead gene and my wife is redheaded, herself. My youngest son, Alex, happens to have bright red hair. And he is what I refer to as a “COVID baby.” Although you may find some different meaning behind this term online, I use it to refer to infants and toddlers who were born into the time of the pandemic and have never known any different. My son Alexander was born in September of 2019, only six shorts months before the world slipped into lockdown. He’s only a few months away from being two years old, and he’s never known anything but a life of COVID-19 restrictions.

My son Alex and I, about a month ago

I had the opportunity to take him out a small handful of times after his birth, including trips to visit my coworkers at the office, a few restaurant outings and a couple of trips to see Grandma and Grandpa. Unfortunately, Alex has never met my parents, who live in New Brunswick. The world locked down before we were able to make it out, and they’ve been limited to photos and the few short video clips I’ve managed to send them on DVD, since neither of them can handle technology. It brought me to think about all the ways the pandemic has affected my young children. But nothing did so as clearly as what happened last weekend.

Since it was Mother’s Day last Sunday (a fact I should have recognized and posted about! My bad, Moms!), we planned on picking up some finger foods with which to have a picnic in our backyard. Coupled with some cake and time together as a family, it seemed like a very “COVID-friendly” way of celebrating Mother’s Day. We already had the cake, having done groceries the previous day. But we wanted some snack meats, cheese and pickles to pair up with some crackers prior to eating the cake. Since there were a couple of stops to make including getting the car washed, I suggested we go as a family.

Alex is already used to being in the car, since he’s been on rides every now and again when we’ve dropped Nathan off at school and on a couple of occasions when pandemic conditions have lessened enough for us to take him to groceries and such. And riding around in our family vehicle doesn’t really stretch the expectations of Health Regulations, since I was the only one attending the errands while others waited on the car. But Alex hasn’t really experienced much beyond the inside of our small home and backyard. I’m quickly reminded of this fact by the way he sometimes reacts to normal things.

After picking up an item from someone through a buy and sell site, we attended a local drive-thru carwash, where we had some music playing in the car and Nathan excitedly waited to see the “colour in the foam” (tricolour soap). He loves sitting through the car wash and enjoys seeing all the water sprayed everywhere. As soon as the water jets started rinsing off the family vehicle, we discovered that such is not the case for Alex, who started screaming and crying at the sound and appearance of the water hitting the vehicle.

It only took us a moment to realize what was happening, and I had foolishly purchased the longest wash available, since Nathan absolutely loves sitting through it. My wife was able soothe and stay with Alex throughout the process so that we could get the hell out of there and every pass of the water freaked him out. It made me realize just how little of the outside world he’s been exposed to. And one has to wonder what the long term effects this will have on all the children born during the pandemic.

We often believe that children are resilient and can adjust to anything. And so they are. But the belief that this pandemic hasn’t affected children, especially the younger ones, is a falsehood. The fact that most of these younger children will be forced to learn and experience the world through the screen of a device and spoken word as opposed to being out there and living it will have long-term damaging effects that may change the face of our society forever. Depending on how long the pandemic takes to end, it may still be a while before children get to cut loose and roam free in the world. And who knows knows how reclusive our children may have become by that point? ☯

The Many Shades Of Green

The grass is always greener on the other side. Is it, though? Humans are notorious for wanting what they can’t have, but they tend to be just as bad or worse for wanting what they DON’T have. It’s a pretty common reflex. If you want to purchase a particular vehicle that you’ve seen one of your neighbours driving, you may work towards getting it. But usually, soon thereafter you’ll see something ELSE and think, “Oh, wow! Wish I had that instead…”

Most of us have thought or felt this way, at some point in our lives. I believe the old school term is “coveting.” Although most people automatically think of the Holy Bible when they hear this term, it can easily apply to life in general. The problem is that modern life makes it likely that there will always be a “step up” from where you find yourself at or what you may possess. It shouldn’t come as a huge surprise that I’m a bit of a minimalist and could care less about possessions. But even I find myself in that same boat, on occasion.

It’s easy to covet what we don’t have. But once you accept what you DO have and appreciate it, life becomes so much easier and peaceful. I think it was Oprah Winfrey who said, “Be thankful for what you have; you’ll end up having more. If you concentrate on what you don’t have, you will never, ever have enough.” At least I think it was Oprah. It’s similar to saying that if you wait to spot the field with the greener grass, you’ll miss the whole train ride. ☯

“Appreciate What You Have, Before Time Makes You Appreciate What You Had.”

– Vijay Raj

You Can’t Help If You Don’t Know

We often like to believe that the world as we know it is at its most chaotic and that things have never been this weird or strange. But in truth, things have pretty much always stayed consistent. In their own way. We generally feel like there’s been a measurable change in society because recent decades have opened a spigot on accepting everyone and everything, combined with a complete and total inability to process and accept criticism, judgement and opinions. It’s a toxic combination as it’s breeding a world where people can claim to be whatever they want (even if they aren’t that particular thing) and shame on you if you tell them different. Have you experienced this? I recently did and what’s worse is, it was with someone I’m actually acquainted with. I can’t imagine the further shit storm I would have faced, had I been a stranger.

One of the things that’s always lit a fire under me is how folks simply EXPECT you to know something about them. And of course, every situation is specific and circumstantial to the moment, but sometimes one needs to acknowledge that there has to be a bit of give to your take. A good example I can provide is from almost twenty years’ ago when I managed a restaurant. We had a gentleman who came in, almost on a daily basis. He was a bit older than I was and was usually accompanied by what appeared to be family. Nothing out of the ordinary, other than the fact that he was in a wheelchair. This was not a temporary thing and he had obviously had something happen to him, earlier in life.

Through coincidence and circumstance, I had never had the opportunity to serve him. Then one day, I did. I took his order, accepted his payment and held out his change, which he accepted. Then I made the apparently offensive mistake of offering to carry his tray to the table… Now, I totally get that everyone is on their own journey and we never know what they’re going through and so on and so forth. And that’s quite true. You never know what’s bubbling underneath the surface. But the way this gentleman reacted to me was disproportionate to the fact that I was simply making an offer to help. He took instant offence and became irritated, asking me how I dared to assume he was incapable of carrying his own tray.

Being as I had worked at that particular job for quite some time and had plenty of practice at staying calm in the face of customer anger, I simply took a step back, held my hands out placatingly and apologized, as the man grabbed his tray, laid it across the arms of his wheelchair and pushed off. He executed each movement with the kind of over-exaggerated jerkiness that made it clear he was upset. He also never broke eye contact, glaring at me the whole time. Holy shit. What just happened? I asked the two other floor managers I was working with if they knew the story, but neither of them did.

Since I’m a firm believer in allowing matters to cool before addressing them, I left the man alone but I chose to address one of the family members he had with him. I explained what had happened and I asked her if she knew why he had taken such offence. She explained that it was mostly a pride thing, as he always tried to be as independent as possible despite being in a wheelchair. I wanted to tell her that I understood but that he may want to reconsider his approach, since the person he’s addressing may not know that. instead, I just said that I understood and asked her to apologize on my behalf as he seemed to be pretty pissed at me. She nodded understandingly and said that she would.

This begs the question? Was I the asshole? And no, I don’t mean in general, before any of my friends or family jump on THAT particular bandwagon. But was it fair of this person to use their anger on me like that for something I didn’t know about? One would think that it would make sense to offer aid to someone who is in a wheelchair and although it could be understood that such a person would want to retain independence and do things for themselves, would it not be the better approach to simply explain that, rather than get angry?

The rights and acknowledgment of a large number of different groups has become a hot topic around the world. One good example is gender identity, which has become something of the norm in recent years. We always see stories on the news about people who have gotten into physical altercations and public arguments because someone might have said “sir” or “ma’am.” Every person has the right to their identity as they see fit, but is it fair to unleash the hounds on every person who may not know? You can see and read about these situations almost every day as they relate to politics, gender identity, handicap and the less visible diseases and sexual orientation.

And although I know that this can be a bit of a touchy subject, it begs an important question as to whether it’s more important to receive the correct acknowledgement or be treated in a specific way as opposed to making it clear in the first place. I think that if I address someone by a particular title, I would like to be informed if I’m incorrect. This would be much easier than starting an angered tirade that can easily snowball into something uglier. I’d rather not have that person emotionally explode in my face because they identify as something other than the term I used.

I’m not referring to times when dealing with specific folks who feels it necessary to work AGAINST any particular group. That’s an entirely different bag. I’m referring to the normal, everyday interactions that we have while out in public (not that THAT happens much these days). Harmony and peace would be so much easier if people would simply take a moment and say, “Please address me this way…” or “No, thank you. I can manage this on my own.” As a Diabetic, I’ve often had people try to be accommodating or helpful. Especially when they’re “helpfully” suggesting what I should or shouldn’t eat… But that’s for another post. My point is, I view such instances as a chance for education and clarification. If every person did as much, it could go a long way towards preventing so many negative encounters. Food for thought… ☯

Make Sure It’s For You

Look at that bald, handsome devil! I may be a bit biased, of course. This is me on my way to work, last week. Despite the current pandemic situation, I don’t have the available space or resources to be working from home. So I go to the office. There are a very limited number of staff working on site at the moment. And most employees have taken to dressing somewhat more casually than they usually would, with a full office. So, this begs the question… Why do I go through the effort of a clean shave and a properly tailored suit? I do it for me. Plain and simple.

Appearances aren’t everything, and this much is true. But there’s definitely something to be said about taking some steps to improve your self-image by dressing and/or training in such a way that makes YOU feel better about YOU. I could no doubt sit in my office in a pair of jeans and a t-shirt, but my suit makes ME feel professional and improves MY self-image. This leads to healthier, happier days and better productivity as a result.

This line of thinking came to mind when I was having a conversation with one of the guys at the office, who mentioned his disdain for people who constantly post photos of themselves without a shirt and flexing at the gym. He commented that he wondered who that was for and felt that it was a bit on the braggy side. I can honestly say that I agree. I know people who do nothing but posts constant stream of photos of themselves in various flexing poses and such. I know, I know… THIS, coming from the guy who just threw a GQ pose into his blog post…

I’m mostly referring to the folks who don’t post the photos to show their progress or to show the “before” and “after” side of their journey, but just take photos for the sake of flexing for people to comment on them. There’s a big difference between having a healthy image of oneself and being narcissistic. This is a personal opinion, of course. I’m sure there are those who feel that constantly posting photos of themselves does in fact help them to self-motivate and work towards their fitness and self-image goals. And as they say, to each their own. It simply isn’t the way a humble person does business.

The simple bottom line is this: Dress to impress. But it better be to impress yourself. How you look and feel to yourself is the primary importance. As long as you have a positive self-image and feel great, you’ll project the confidence and energy that you need to be successful. And if you’re brave enough to share your fitness journey through photographs, be sure that it’s also being done for you and your continued well-being. You’ll be all the better for it. Food for thought… ☯

When Bad Habits Can Be Good

I’ve been known to have my share of bad habits, from lack of sleep to eating a plate of nachos when I’m too lazy to make an actual meal. But, can there be times when bad habits can actually have some benefits? I’ve done a fair bit of searching, only to find that the articles that typically deal with the “benefits” of bad habits refer to things such as cursing, consuming too much coffee and fidgeting. But what about some of the more common bad habits that no one claims any benefit to? Are there any? I believe so…

A short while back, I took a couple of hours to indulge in the holy trifecta of bad habits: a cigar, a beer and a comic book. Classically, all three of these things are viewed as unhealthy. There’s no argument here, that smoking is bad for you. I have the benefit of saying that I have the occasional cigar every few months and it isn’t a consistent habit. That’s how I rationalize it. The occasional glasses of wine or beer are a bit more frequent, and one needs to recognize the calories, carbohydrates and effects it can have on a Type-1’s blood sugar levels. Coming books certainly aren’t a bad habit, per say. But there are obviously better, more constructive uses of my money and time if I wanted to read something.

My trifecta. Don’t judge my choice of beer.

As I was sitting there enjoying my little treasure trove of bad habits, I got to thinking about what it is I ACTUALLY get out of indulging in these habits. And I came up with a few reasonably good points. This is a short list, and I in no way endorse or encourage the use and indulgence of the above seen items in the photo. This is simply my opinion and what I feel I get out of it.

Relaxation: If I have to explain the how’s and why’s that alcohol can relax a person, then you’re either a minor who shouldn’t be drinking anyway, or a someone who has simply never had a drink, which is good. Stick with that. But the “ceremony” of sitting back and sipping on an ice cold beer on a sunny afternoon has a distinctive calming effect. And being calm is good. The aroma and warmth of the cigar also has a calming effect;
Time Alone: No matter your familial situation and ESPECIALLY given the current state of the world, taking some time to spend on your own is important and has its benefits as well. Time alone allows you to collect your thoughts, contemplate the days that have passed and allows you to partake in reading or just enjoying the day, without interruption;
I Can Meditate While Doing It: This is more of a “me” benefit, but if monks can sit in a meditative state while incense is burning and coiling around them, my cigar should be no different. Considering life obligations and distractions, meditation no longer happens for me as often as I’d like. These little quiet moments are an opportunity to do just that. This isn’t traditional or typical, but one can get themselves to a point where they can effectively meditate while performing other actions, such as these;
Enjoyment: And this last one simply points to the more selfish side of me. I enjoy the occasional beer. I enjoy the occasional cigar. And I certainly wouldn’t be the Alpha Nerd that I am if I didn’t enjoy comic books. Granted, I essentially enjoy reading in general.

Are these bad habits? Yes. Could I live without them? Absolutely. And that’s the difference. When stating these “benefits,” I’m not referring to the unfortunate folks who have addiction or are slaves to their bad habits. That’s an entirely different ball game. And I can certainly admit that all of these things have a financial cost to them that could likely be allotted elsewhere. But as everyone has no doubt heard, at some point in their lives, you can’t take it with you. Happiness is important to proper health and longer life. ☯

You Can’t Please Everybody

Everybody wants to be liked. Of course, they do. Even the people who puff out their chest and claim they don’t care what other people think would prefer to be liked than disliked. This is a natural compulsion and it makes sense. After all, life is always easier when dealing with people who like you than the opposite. But the big problem is that you can’t please everyone. No matter what you do, there’ll always be someone in the equation displeased with what you say, do or think. Trust, I know. I used to be one of the people who tried to please everyone…

Although the average person tends NOT to think so, complaining about the negative always seems to be easier than simply appreciating the positive. If people could simply be happy with what/who they have, the world would likely be a more peaceful place. And if you haven’t noticed, I’m kind of keen on the whole peace thing. I used to try and accomplish this by doing exactly what was described above: trying to please everybody.

I can remember some specific circumstances of when I’ve done this. I remember the one time where I attended a party with a handful of people. (I know, right? We actually used to do things like gathering in groups and the police WOULDN’T show up) Anyway, I lost a bet and it fell on me to buy the “adult beverages” for the evening. Beer. I had to buy the beer. There were only a handful of us and we had a bit of an organized game night happening… D&D. We were going to be playing D&D.

So, I accepted my loss and graciously purchased a case of beer, which would provide each of us with a couple of drinks. This was more than adequate for our early 20’s metabolisms and we needed to keep our heads clear for the game, anyway. Out of the friends who were there, there was ONE guy who decided he was unhappy with the brand of beer I purchased. Now, I know what you’re thinking: the guy should have been reasonable and appreciated the drinks he was getting for free, regardless of the brand. That should have the way of it.

Instead, this guy indicated that he doesn’t drink the brand of beer I brought and wouldn’t be drinking it. Some of the others indicated their disapproval of this opinion, especially since it was brought for him and it was free (albeit through the loss of a bet). But as the game started, the guy actually pouted a bit and would glare at me regularly. I should probably point out that I was the storyteller, what’s referred to as a Dungeon Master in D&D circles. But I’ll stop firmly establishing my throne in nerdom and point out that it was ridiculously childish and distracting while I was trying to focus.

So, what did I do? Did I tell him to suck it up? Did I tell him to stop being petty and have a couple of drinks, since they were provided for him at no cost? Did I have enough of his petulance and kick him out of the game. No. No, I didn’t. I put the game on hold, asked him what brand of beer was his favourite and actually went to the corner to grab him a 6-pack of his own. I brought it back, he smiled and grabbed a bottle and we got on with our game. I’d like to say that it was because I just wanted to shut him up, but back then I genuinely just wanted to please most people.

Should I have done this? In retrospect, I shouldn’t have. All I accomplished was showing this guy that complaining and pouting about something would eventually get him his way. If I’d been smart, I would have put my foot down so that the rest of us could enjoy our game. The debt incurred by the bet had been repaid and there were bigger fish to fry. All I really accomplished that night was putting myself out further than I should have. Sure, all the guys got what they wanted that night so I guess that in a way I “pleased” everyone, but at what cost.

I recently read somewhere that “You can lie down for people to walk on you and they will still complain that you’re not flat enough. Live your life.” An that’s quite true. It’s always a beautiful thing when you can get along with everyone, but it’s unrealistic to think that you’ll ever be able to please everyone. If you make a meal, there’ll always be an aspect of the meal that someone at the table won’t like. The important thing to remember is the effort you’ve put into the things you do. If there are some who don’t like it or aren’t please with you, so be it. You can’t base your life on whether or not you’ve pleased everyone. ☯

“But Daddy, Zombies Are Real…”

That title isn’t just an abstract one; these are words that my 6-year old son chose to utter, just a few weeks ago. When I asked him what made him believe that zombies were real, he explained that he had seen them in “real shows,” not cartoons. So they must real. This not only prompted me to have an in-depth discussion with him about the realism of what he sees on television, regardless of cartoon or live, it also prompted me to thoroughly scrub his restricted list on Netflix, since he obviously accessed something he shouldn’t have been watching.

The unexpected result that it had, was it caused me to question how easy it would be to survive through a “zombie apocalypse.” This thought is further deepened by the fact that I’ve recently started re-reading a bunch of Brian Keene books, a well-known horror novelist. He’s had some really great ones, including The Rising and City of the Dead. But the one I’ve been reading recently is called Dead Sea, and it follows the story of a down-on-his-luck protagonist who saves a couple of kids from fires and zombie hordes when the zombie apocalypse comes. They wind up on a ship on the open sea, hence the title. CAUTION: There will be spoilers on this book, ahead. Here’s the cover, in case anyone is interested in looking it up:

So, you may be asking yourself, “Why are we talking about zombies on a Buddhist/Fitness/Diabetes blog?” Well, the answer is quite simple: because I can. But even more so, sometimes it can be refreshing to take a different perspective at things, and books often provide a means of doing just that. But what’s more than that (he says, calming his sarcasm) is that something that a lot of these stories bring up is a person’s propensity to keep fighting and survive, even when faced with what appears to be insurmountable odds. And as I mentioned in the second paragraph, it’s made me question and wonder what my odds of survival would be when faced with a situation like a zombie apocalypse.

First, let me start by pointing out that the possibility of zombies is something I find ridiculous at best, for a host of reasons. Between rigour mortis, decomposition and the concept that reanimating dead and rotting tissue in such a way as to allow mobility is an impossibility, I’m of the opinion that zombies are right up there with vampires and unicorns. Anyone with a medical degree that could correct me is free to do so in my comments section. Granted, at least the concept of a horse growing a horn out of its head is more likely than a reanimated corpse. But I digress…

The topic of this post is actually supposed to be about survival; a topic that the main character of this book touched on quite well in the first page of the first chapter. He said, “Listen… you never know what you’ll do until you find yourself in an impossible situation, so don’t ever say never. Survival instinct is a motherfucker, and when your back is against the wall, everything changes. Everything. I know. It did for me. It all changed for me.”

In the pages that follow, a number of specific aspects of dealing with any survival situation is addressed. The need for food, supplies, a safe haven for rest as well as the resources to protect yourself are all aspects of such a situation. And not only protection from whatever may have prompted the emergency, but from the people who would benefit from it as well. There are always some of those. Even in the face of our current pandemic, there have been people who have sought to use the current state of the world to their advantage, preying on those who may not know better.

I think the reason this story resonates with me so much, besides the fact I occasionally enjoy the horror/fantasy genres, is the fact that about midway through the book once everyone is aboard ship and cruising to relative safety, a character named Stephanie is identified as having Diabetes and being without insulin. She succumbs to a Diabetic coma and passes away in her sleep shortly thereafter. And THAT more than anything provides an important wake-up call for me, from a survival standpoint. It raises the question of how long would I last in an apocalypse scenario given that I would need to find some means of securing an insulin supply and the materials needed to inject it.

In all reality, I can live without my pump and even without a blood glucose monitor. It’s not ideal, but I could do it. I lived until my late 30’s without a pump. And in a total breakdown of societal resources where stores and retail locations would ultimately be looted and emptied of their contents, insulin may not be everyone’s top choice of things to grab. So I could potentially manage to scavenge and find an adequate supply. For a while. Even when you consider that a breakdown in utilities could mean that insulin supplies stored in pharmacy dispensaries would eventually spoil due to temperature extremes and lack of proper refrigeration.

But then what? If society breaks down, it’s doubtful that there’ll be manufacturers still producing insulin. So, although I could no doubt survive for a period of time (especially since the self-defence aspect would be no issue) there would no doubt come a point where, no matter how prepared I am, the Diabetes aspect of me will cause me to succumb to the new, apocalyptic environment in which I find myself. Maybe that’s why I enjoy these types of stories so much; because I know they involve an environment I couldn’t survive in and is the only format through which I can experience it. Not that I WANT to experience a disaster… I’m jus’ saying’…

Hopefully, we’ll never have to deal with an “apocalyptic”-level event in our lifetime, but it’s humbling to think about how a simple medical condition that I’ve lived with for almost four decades would bring about a swift end for me, based on the state of the world. It’s a bit of an eye-opener. Even if I fortified my home, stored non-perishable foods and did everything I could to be prepared in the event of a cataclysmic event, my downfall is more likely to be, not from zombies, lack of food or the inability to defend myself but from the lack of a small, glass vial. ☯

A Pressure Cooker Of Opinions

One of the benefits of having trained in the martial arts for as long as I have, is that I’ve mostly seen it all and have almost tried it all. You’ll note that I don’t make a point of saying I’m “good” at it all… Martial arts is a marathon, not a race and there’s always something further to be learned, experienced and discovered. So, I’ve seen a lot and the important distinction that needs to be made is that not everything that’s taught is effective. And this is where pressure points come in.

I’ve written about pressure points before; in fact, it may have been in recent months. Age and the drafting of daily posts tends to make one forget what they have written the month prior. But it’s always a good topic to cover, especially for new students or practitioners who may be interested in learning karate or martial arts. In simplest terms, a pressure point is where you use one or several fingers to strike an area of the body where it will cause pain, compliance and/or dysfunction. Although knocking someone out is a very real possibility in a fight, things like the Vulcan nerve pinch, which render an opponent unconscious with a mere touch, aren’t actually a thing.

The thing about pressure points, is that they’re what I tend to refer to as a “support mechanism.” What I mean by this is that they aren’t intended to be used on their own. Usually, one would need to deliver a strike or two and get control of the individual BEFORE trying to hit a pressure point. Although there are some pressure points that you can access through an actual strike (hitting the groin is a good example), these are the rarer ones. Although learning them is all well and good, and I should point out that I’m a big fan of drills in class, the use and execution of pressure points in a real life situation is a whole different ballgame.

Picture this, if you will… You get into a situation that has escalated to the point where it appears that the need to defend yourself is imminent. You no longer have the option of walking away; at least not without getting struck from behind and getting injured. So, you square off against your opponent and try to evaluate what your first move should be. Here’s the thing: it should DEFINITELY not be a pressure point. The dojo environment allows you the opportunity to feel around, locate the pressure point and practice using it.

That’s all well and good, but one needs to recognize the fact that every person’s body is different. Some people will be more sensitive to certain points than others and what worked quite well on your partner in the dojo likely won’t have the same effect on an opponent in the street. Especially since your dojo partner will just stand there and let you grope around for the pressure point. The opponent on the street doesn’t plan on standing still. In fact, if you walk up and try to access a pressure point, you’ll likely be flattened on your ass before your finger jabs ANYTHING.

I like pressure points as they can be very handy as a control mechanism through pain compliance. And they’re sure fun to poke lightly when I’m wrestling with my son. The best part is seeing him trying to duplicate the effect on me. But they should never be used as a standalone technique. Should you miss, can’t locate the specific point you’re trying for or a particular opponent has a body type or muscle tone that won’t let you access a point, you could place yourself in a compromised position where you face serious injury. Food for thought… ☯