Category: Opinion

The BlendJet 2: A Review…

Yesterday I posted about how I’ve been using flax seed in the new addition to my morning routine, which is to consume a smoothie for breakfast while I prep for work. I made a brief mention of my mini blender but wanted my focus to be on the flax seed aspect. But I think it would be a good idea to talk about this new little gadget I purchased, as it really is amazing and I’m enjoying the hell out of it. Buckle up…

First of all, before anyone gets all high and mighty and fills my comments section with their bullshit, let me clarify: I am NOT endorsing this product in return for compensation. BlendJet hasn’t asked me to do this, I’m simply sharing my thoughts on the product because I bought it and it’s great. Trust me, I’d be bashing it if it were the other way around. Or maybe not, since I try to stay positive. But I digress…

A few weeks ago, after consuming a few well-deserved scotches, I was wandering around online and came upon an advertisement for BlendJet’s mini blender, the BlendJet 2. Not one to be taken in by advertisements, I was intrigued by the company boasting how effective and easy to clean it is. I had been contemplating moving one of my meals to smoothies, as you would have read in yesterday’s post, so I decided to take a shot and ordered one.

It took about a week to receive it, which was super quick. I’ve used it repeatedly over the past week and let me say that the company isn’t exaggerating the effectiveness of its product. I excitedly opened the box and read through the instructions. It only takes about an hour and a half to fully charge before full use and is charged by using an included USB-C cord. So you can recharge it using your computer or a charging cube, just like a smart phone. Once it was fully charged, I decided to clean it and give it a try.

My new BlendJet, still wet from this morning

As per the advertisement, I put a tiny drop of dish soap and warm water in the blender, screwed on the lid and started a blend cycle. What’s nice is the blender will run for about twenty seconds or so and stop on its own. Once it was rinsed out, I found some frozen fruit in our freezer, some milk and a handful of chocolate chips because, well…chocolate! I blasted those ingredients and I was surprised at how well this thing worked. I poured a small glass for each of my kids and I have to say, besides a few of the chocolate chips staying intact and at the bottom, it worked really well.

It boasts about 15 blends on a single charge, but I’ve been using it for over a week where I use two blends, one to make the smoothie and one for cleaning, and I haven’t had to charge it yet. The unit comes apart so that if you want to wash it in the regular dishes as opposed to running a blend cycle to clean it, you can. But I’ve been jamming all sorts of ingredients into this thing, including flax seed… Go read yesterday’s post! It’s made my morning routine so much easier and keeps me from going hungry while making my way towards the lunch hour.

What’s fun is that there are over two dozen different colours you can order this thing in. And I’m not sure if it’s because it’s the Christmas season or what, but they appear to be half price, on their website. Again, I don’t often make a point of endorsing or promoting specific companies or products, but I think this mini blender is an excellent gadget and well worth the purchase. If y’all wanna check it out, you can visit BlendJet’s website here. ☯️

First World Problems…

I’ve never been a big fan of baths, preferring a nice, hot shower. Even as a child, I started using the shower before I was old enough to reach the shower switch. In any event, i suppose that as long as one cleans oneself regularly, that’s all that matters. I bring all of this up because I’ve been experiencing and enjoying showers way more than a person rightfully should, lately. And because I’ve been enjoying my showers, I thought I would share that joy with all of you. Isn’t that nice? Cough, cough… Moving on…

My home originally featured two bathrooms. One was upstairs and featured a bathtub and the other was in the basement and simply had a small, box-style standup shower. The upstairs shower worked but would leak into the basement due to a broken seal on one of the water pipes. Since there was no access behind the shower wall, it would cost a heavy amount to remove the drywall, repair the shower and repair the dry wall. So ultimately, my wife and I were limited to showering downstairs.

About a year and half ago, our foundation shifted and opened a crack in the western concrete wall of the basement. Although we could tell from the walls and some features that the house had shifted, we couldn’t see the extent of the damage hidden behind the walls or predict that a rain storm that followed would partially flood the basement with ground water (which our insurance policy ironically doesn’t cover). That’s when Grasshopper Construction came to our rescue.

They were able to demolish the existing basement, repair and shore up the foundation and brace it all around. The majority of homes in Regina require this bracing by virtue of the shifting soil in the area, but our home was never done. Once the bracing was done, the foundation was sound and safe but now we had a bare concrete basement, which couldn’t be used for any liveable purpose. This included the loss of the downstairs bathroom and shower.

Big deal, right? We still have the tub upstairs. That’s exactly what we said, over a year ago. But I have to admit that filling, sitting and using a tub for the purposes of daily cleaning is tedious. There’s nothing quite comparable to the ease and convenience of jumping in the shower for five minutes and being done. So after a year and a half of lowering my bulk into a restrictive space and trying to maneuver myself to wash all my 2,000 parts (if you don’t remember those Lever 2000 commercials, that joke will be lost on you), I had enough of baths.

A little over a month ago, the renovation of our downstairs was finally completed and we’ve had a working shower (and a much larger one, at that) for several weeks. Although this isn’t my usual type of post and there’s no real lesson contained in my words, I was having a hot shower this morning when I realized I was enjoying the “perk” of having a shower. Isn’t that amazing? Something that the average person takes for granted is something I had to have destroyed and go without for a year, in order to appreciate. There may be a lesson in there after all…

But just so that I can say that I shared some knowledge, did you know that a guy named William Feetham is credited with inventing the modern shower in 1767? It wasn’t until that point that daily bathing became a common practice for proper hygiene and better health. There you go, I shared some knowledge. ☯️

Lowered Expectations…🎶

I used to watch a comedy skit show, back in the 90’s and early 2000’s. It wasn’t Saturday Night Live but it was something similar to that. They had this skit they ran called “Lowered Expectations” about a dating sight for folks who had basically given up and would date anybody. I found it funny back then, even during times when I was single, myself. But I can imagine the scene wouldn’t play out too well in today’s demographic, given everyone’s sensitivity to every little thing under the sun. But I digress…

The topic of today’s post isn’t about comedy or that particular show, which I still can’t recall and can’t be bothered to Google. The focus is expectation, as it relates to daily life. Funny things, expectations. Everyone has them, everyone focuses their efforts on them but very rarely do they pan out. And why is that? Perhaps it’s because anything worth having in this life needs to be worked for and CAN’T be expected. But hey, what do I know? I’ve expected things in life, just like everyone else.

When I was younger, I was FULL of expectations. I expected to graduate high school. I expected to complete a college or university education, get married, get a black belt, open a karate school, be debt-free and live out all of my dreams before calmly and peacefully moving on to the next life. Of course, I also expected to see a cure for Type-1 Diabetes in this lifetime. The jury’s out on whether that one will happen or not.

Granted, I accomplished some of the things listed above. None of it was without difficulty and some augury of suffering, but most things in life are difficult. Life isn’t meant to be easy. The big piece is being able to tell the difference between a goal and an expectation. A goal is defined as the object of a person’s ambition or effort, a desired result of something that one strives to achieve. An expectation is the belief that something will happen.

There is a correlation between goals and expectation. After all, if you put your maximum effort behind accomplishing a goal, you can likely expect that you’ll be successful. But what if you aren’t? Should you EVER expect the end results of your goals to be positive? It raises an important philosophical question about one’s ability to think positively and eliminate suffering in one’s life. After all, why WOULDN’T I be succesful if I set goals and work hard at them, right?

The problem is, and I seem to utter this thought in almost every post I write, that life doesn’t care about one’s plans. Life happens REGARDLESS of one’s plans and is often counterintuitive to one’s efforts. this makes expecting a particular outcome to be as efficient as using the concept of winning the lottery as your retirement plan. It’ll work, should you ever win the lottery. But the odds of that happening are ridiculously unlikely.

My point here is that I couldn’t sit back and expect that any of the goals I described in the third paragraph to happen on their own. I had to work at them and fight to accomplish those goals. If I expected to complete a post-secondary education as opposed to putting in the hard work, there would be empty spaces on my walls as opposed to where my certifications are displayed. If I expected to achieve a certain degree of skill in the martial arts without all the blood, sweat and tears I put in, I never would have reached my previous goals and continue to work towards the ones I’ve set for the future.

Don’t sit back. Don’t expect things to happen. You need to step out into the light and MAKE them happen. I see an unfortunately high number of articles I’ve read where the concept of no longer working hard and going through struggle to achieve one’s goals is becoming a thing. What kind of new-age, snowflake crap is that? Life doesn’t happen to those who sit back and wait for it. Although it’s important to find peace within one’s own life, if you sit back and wait for the float with your expectations to arrive, the whole parade will pass you by. Food for thought… ☯️

One Thing At A Time…

Ah, multitasking… How often have we heard the term throughout our personal and professional lives? As a child, I used to hear it the most from teachers. “Oh, you need to learnt to multitask in order to get things done…” In college, it was almost an expectation and a mantra that students were expected to multitask. Multitask this, multitask that, get things done… I made my way through life with the concept that one had to always be taking care of many things at once, in order to keep up. Although this belief was created and grown by the adults and influences around me, I have to recognize that I played my part in developing the belief that I could, in fact, multitask. But I was wrong. And so are you, if you believe you’re actually multitasking…

Multitasking is a myth. Our brains are not wired to perform high level functions required to accomplish many simultaneous tasks at once. When someone is “multitasking,” they’re usually dividing their attentions between the tasks that they’re performing, albeit quickly enough that they feel they may be doing them simultaneously. The problem with this, is that we run the risk of leaving one task linger or leaving it behind. As we do this consistently throughout the day, we also run the risk of carrying the weight of all those uncompleted tasks along with us, throughout the day. This can result in feeling additional stress and pressure of all the weight we’re carrying, which could have easily been avoided by completing one task before on to the next.

An article posted by the Cleveland Clinic entitled Why Multitasking Doesn’t Work, explains that “We’re really wired to be monotaskers, meaning that our brains can only focus on one task at a time. When we think we’re multitasking, most often we aren’t really doing two things at once, but instead, we’re doing individual actions in rapid succession, or task-switching.” The article gores on to say that “when our brain is constantly switching gears to bounce back and forth between tasks […] we become less efficient and more likely to make a mistake.”

For example, I seem to be constantly interrupted by my children for various reasons while trying to write this post. As a result, I’ve had to correct and re-write various portions of the post, even some simple sentences. Another good example is while trying to learn in school. Although taking notes during a lecture is something we all grew up doing, this activity can be a hindrance since one’s attention needs to be focused on the lecture and not taking notes. As you jot down notes, you’ll be prone to miss things that are said or ask the lecturer to repeat themselves because your attention was on your notes as opposed to on what was being said.

You’re probably thinking, that’s all bullshit! I multitask ALL the time, I cook while chatting with my family, I watch television while folding laundry… Although it may seem as thought you’re doing these things simultaneously, you’re really not. And it isn’t all that noticeable when it’s simple tasks that you’re accustomed to performing. It becomes more problematic when the task in question becomes more complicated, convoluted or has something at stake, such as work performance. This is why it’s important to be present in the moment and focus on only one thing at a time. Even when you have a list of things to accomplish, completing one task before moving on to thew next ensures completion of given tasks and less opportunity for oversight and mistakes.

This isn’t a new concept, nor am I revealing anything earth-shattering. But even in the present day, when the pressures and requirements of daily life have done nothing but grow and increase, people still believe that they can perform several tasks at once. And to an extent, maybe they can. But the results are much more positive when we take it one thing at a time. Be in the now. Focus on the present. begin and complete one item before moving on to the next, unless prioritization forces you to do otherwise. The result will be better efficiency, less stress, less pressure and the possibility of living in the moment, which is where we all belong. ☯️

To Paranoid Or Not To Paranoid, THAT Is The Question…

As a general rule, I always try to give people the benefit of the doubt and think the best. However, over a decade’s worth of dealing with the light and dark side of society has caused a healthy level of paranoia within me. Even now, when I go to pubic places, I usually try to tactically place myself in such a way as to have a clear view of all exits, be able to survey the whole room and prevent anyone from being able to sneak up behind me. Is it a bit much? Maybe. I just know that’s it’s kept me alive through a rather colourful policing career for quite a number of years.

The problem comes when someone is the polar opposite of what I described in the first paragraph. For the most part, members of the public have their heads down in their devices or are generally oblivious to the world around them as they wander; a habit that can be dangerous and even deadly in the wrong circumstances. As a martial artist, I’ve spent years training myself to be aware of my surroundings and be vigilant. To some, this may mean I’m paranoid. But a little “healthy” paranoia can keep you safe…

Many say that the world has become a dangerous place but I would argue that it has always been dangerous. It’s one’s exposure or lack thereof, that lends to one’s perspective. But make no mistake, danger is consistently around us in some given way, shape or form. There are some statistics (although i couldn’t locate concrete ones) about the fact that every person will cross paths will a killer at some point in their lives. Am I being a little too dark? Is my perspective on the world skewed? Maybe. But maybe not…

Last Thursday, I took the bus to work as my wife needed the family car to run some errands. Nothing out of the ordinary for us and we happen to have a bus stop ten feet from our house that drops me off a five-minute walk from my office building, downtown. Doesn’t get any more perfect than that. I was dressed and ready, had change in my pocket and was out the door with only five minutes to wait until my bus rolled up and I hopped on. Morning was going according to plan. What more could I ask for?

As part of my general sense of wellbeing, I walked to the rear of the bus and took a seat on the far right side of the rear bench. As described above, this allowed me a clear view of all the other passengers of the bus and all the exits. Given that it was about 6:40 in the morning, there were only two other people on the bus, but one of them was sitting on the far left seat of the rear bench as well. Clothed in a dark hoodie with their hood up and head down, I wasn’t able to make out any facial features and couldn’t even tell if it was a guy or a girl.

The bus moved into motion and I did my usual, which was to text my wife and observe my surroundings. Given the events in 2008, where a man was stabbed and beheaded while on a Greyhound bus in Manitoba, I make a point never to be asleep or inattentive on public transit. Again, maybe that’s my paranoia being somewhat on the excessive side. But that morning, it paid off as I dealt with a rather unusual situation.

As I was looking out my window, I turned my head and glanced in the direction of the individual on the bench with me. Although my eyes didn’t linger on the person, I suddenly did a double-take as I noted the person appeared to be staring straight at me! this wasn’t subtle; their head was turned directly to the side and their eyes were locked on mine as we sat there. I held eye contact for several moments, thinking they might say something but nothing came. I finally broke the silence and asked the individual if I could help them with something, to which I received a deep, rasping response of, “No.”

The creepiness factor sent chills down my spine and I’ll admit that I removed my gloves and unzipped my coat as I anticipated this person might attack me in some way. We all have an latent survival instinct that warns us of impending danger; some call it “lizard brain.” This is the sort of feeling that came over me in that moment. The odd thing is, despite the depth of the voice, I still couldn’t tell if it was male or female. I was moments away from needing a clean pair of pants when the individual pulled the “stop requested” cable, stood up and waited at the bus exit until the bus came to a stop. The individual dismounted. All of this, while maintaining eye contact with me.

Was I familiar to this person? Did they think I was someone they knew? Is it someone I possibly arrested during my policing career? A dozen questions ran through my mind as we rolled away. I calmed significantly once we had driven a ways down the road and I knew there was some distance between this person and myself. It was certainly a creepy experience and I have no idea what it was all about, but it stands as a good example of why one should always be aware of their surroundings and not lost in their device or asleep when out and about. You never know what could happen. ☯️

Don’t Force It…

I don’t know if any of you have experienced this… Those of you who are reading from a country that doesn’t get snow every year likely haven’t… I remember being in grade school during the winter, and we’d often try to make a giant snowman. This would usually include gathering snow and slowly starting to roll it so that the ball would get bigger and bigger until we were ready too use it as our base. Then we’d start the process over in order to make a smaller one for the torso, followed by an even smaller one still, for the head.

It was loads of fun and usually ate up recess and lunch hour for a couple of days (weather pending) until we had our gargantuan snowman completed. The key to a successful construction was to go slow and be gentle. If you had even one of the participants push too hard, force at the wrong time or go against the flow of movement we had going, the snowball would fall apart. Even though a certain level of strength/force is required to get such an amount of snow moving, it’s the amount of force and how it’s applied that makes the difference. This concept can be easily applied to the martial arts. But today, I’ll address two different perspectives; force and size.

First, let me make a statement that’s seldom heard from guys… Size matters! And before y’all go thinking I’m being lewd, I mean the size of a person, overall. Let’s examine this from a real-world perspective for a moment. You find yourself in a situation where it appears that things are going to take a violent turn. Setting aside the fact that there’s always an alternative to fighting for a moment, you square off with your opponent as you fight off your body’s fight or flight instinct and brace yourself for the physical confrontation that’s about to take place…

You size up your opponent… Maybe they’re the same approximate size and body mass as you are. This would be good. That would mean that the outcome of the fight will be dependent solely on individual skill, mixed with a generous sprinkling of luck. But let’s assume for a moment, that your opponent has a significant weight advantage on you. 60, 80, maybe even 100 pounds of added weight. It’s safe to say that if they manage to land a strike against you with that bulk, they’re going to do damage, regardless of your skill.

This may be an unpopular opinion for those who enjoy seeing the little person overcome the larger enemy. We all have a David and Goliath story to draw from, and there’s a reason why that story has endured for so long (besides where it originates from). People love seeing the little guy win… It’s an example of overcoming great opposition when faced with impossible odds. I get it. It’s inspirational. It just isn’t very realistic. The idea that someone who weighs, let’s say 150 pounds can fend off and win against someone who may be 250 pounds is reasonably laughable. is it impossible? Of course not. Is it unlikely? Pretty much.

That may be an unpopular opinion among those who train in a dojo where everyone is taught material in a consistent fashion and they like to encourage their students that proper skill will allow you to overcome any enemy. And I’ll admit and believe that increased fighting skill will certainly be an asset if you find yourself against a larger opponent. But if that larger opponent manages to lock a hand on you and deliver a strike, all the training in the world won’t help you if you’re unconscious.

Now that I’ve likely pissed off half of my martial arts readers, let’s get into some physics and the aspect of not forcing things. Martial arts employs more physics than your 11th grade physics teacher knows. After all, this is the physics formula for Force:

F = m x a

For those of you who slept through high school physics, this formula basically tells us that Force will be equal to the mass of a given object times its acceleration. This is important in the martial arts because a 1-pound weight moving at a given acceleration will do as much damage as a 2-pound weight moving at half that acceleration. Make sense? Or did I just give everyone nightmarish flashbacks of school where they couldn’t wrap their heads around the concept? The important thing to remember is that speed and acceleration can be important in the amount of force that a given strike will deliver.

Problematically, the martial arts are not designed to be learned using maximum force. You can’t, really. One needs to take the time to properly learn the nuances of particular technique and develop some muscle memory before putting the full strength that one’s body allows behind it. Soft and slow can lead to hard and fast. And in the martial arts, it almost always does. Take Tai Chi as a good example…. When Tai Chi is mentioned, most people picture groups of people in a public park, swaying and moving slowly like a pack of zombies. Most wouldn’t associate Tai Chi with a combat art, but it’s actually based on a very effective and powerful style of Kung Fu.

It may seem a little convoluted, as I seem to be indicating that bigger and stronger will always win while simultaneously claiming that you have to take things soft and slow in order to become faster and stronger. The former won’t be true, 100% of the time. But the latter is. At least in my experience, they are. There may be some who would view it differently and have a different perspective. But that’s why I have a comments section and why I always invite good discussion and conversation. ☯️

The End Of A Hairy Month…

I’m extremely proud of what I’ll be writing about today but not so proud of how much of a struggle it was to get here, so there may be a bit of a rant component built in. Buckle up! At the beginning of November, I decided to participate in “Movember,” which is a month intended to raise funds for prostate cancer, testicular cancer, men’s health and suicide prevention. It’s a solid initiative and I’ve been participating for years. For the most part, I’ve usually been a participant in someone else’s group. So I would donate my money, grow out my moustache in exchange for donations then shave on December 1st.

This year, I decided to play it a bit differently since I manage an actual staff. In response to this, I got a feel for everyone’s interest and it was decided I would lead the group in raising money and participating. We made our donations and started to eagerly grow our moustaches. In my zeal, I set our group’s goal to $500, which was a few hundred higher than what we had all contributed but quite modest when compared to how much others usually start GoFund Me’s and donation pages for. But to ensure my group’s success, I reached out on my social media platforms (here included) for help in reaching this goal. The results were disappointing…

Tom Selleck, eat your heart out! After photo, taken yesterday (I don’t have the before one available)

I’ve always believed that if one is able to help others, then one has a responsibility to do so. Although I totally understand that times are tough, I’ve never been one to ask for donations or help with fundraising. I give often, to different charitable organizations, even when I can only spares a few dollars. I’ve helped many, and despite the fact I’m writing the words now, I have always done so without the expectation of recognition or reciprocation. After all, why do something good if it’s just for some form of reward? At that point, it’s simply quid pro quo and not ACTUALLY doing something good…

So, why does it bother me so much that I had to ask repeatedly and often, across three different platforms containing hundreds of known associates, friends and family? The world has taken a significant hit below the belt in the past two years, but am I wrong to think that many if not most, could have contributed $10? $5? A dollar, even? If most of the people on my social media had done that, we would have no doubt reached and even exceeded our goal within the first couple of weeks.

At the end of the day, I can’t fault those who ignored my request for help… A big part of charitable giving is that it needs to come from the donor of their own choice. There can’t be an expectation. And I did have a number of people who provided donations and for that, I thank them sincerely from the bottom of my heart. My team and I are grateful and thanks to these donations, we reach $505 and I was able to shave this light-awful soup strainer off my face.

The experience has taught me a few things, including the fact that I believe next year, I’ll go back to simply being a participant instead of an organizer. I had deep thoughts about raising donations for Diabetes by cycling, but I think my place is to donate, not raise. Since I’ve never really done this before, I was somehow of the impression that more people would step up to lend a hand. Lesson learned. Rant over. ☯️

Screaming At A Brick Wall…

Communication is hard. One wouldn’t think so, given that we live in an age where we have so many different ways to do it. With electronic communications and social media becoming all the rage in the past two decades, one would be inclined to think our ability to communication would have increased and improved. But it continues to amaze me how many if not most people have difficulty communicating effectively. And I’ve observed a number fo reasons for that. Let’s explore this line of thinking a little bit…

I remember an instance years ago when I was texting my wife about supper. She was at work and nearing the end of her day and was no doubt tired and looking forward to coming home. She asked if I had eaten yet, to which I replied “no why did you want to eat with me?” Read that poorly crafted sentence once more time… Do you notice what’s missing? I didn’t, until my wife came home and appeared to be upset with me. What I SHOULD have replied with is, “No, why? Did you want to eat with me?” This would have been a correct sentence structure and would have posed the question as whether my wife wanted to have supper with me. The lack of punctuation in the first one basically makes it look like I’m an asshole questioning WHY she wants to eat with me.

This is a pretty simple example, but a pretty accurate one as it relates to written communication. We live in a society where text messaging and messaging apps have become the primary means of communication. There are plenty of jokes floating around about one’s phone ringing and the the recipient thinking, why aren’t they just texting me? before ignoring the call. I’ll admit that I’ve been guilty of doing that very thing on more than one occasion. Much to the chagrin of the people trying to call. I make exceptions for the folks I know who don’t use text messaging, like my mother. But otherwise, come on! That totally could have been a text!

All jokes aside, grammar and punctuation play an important role in how one’s message is relayed. In a world of emojis and abbreviations over text-written communication, it can be difficult to discern the sender’s intended message. It can be EASY to misinterpret it and assume a different message than what the sender meant. Plus, communicating through a device or by text takes away all those little aspects of communication that humans have spent their entire existence using, such as hand movements, body language and facial expressions. If you’re on a date and the girl says, “You’re an idiot!” but laughs and gently places her hand on your shoulder, you’ll likely be inclined to be relaxed and assume it has an affectionate meaning. If she looks at you with a frown or screams it at you, she may genuinely think you’re an idiot. But I digress…

The point is that body language plays a bit part in how effective one’s communication can be and how the message is interpreted. But even bigger than that, is the fact that communicating effectively requires a minimum of two parties. there’s nothing worse than trying to communicate with someone who’s shut down, distracted or not listening. Sensei always used to tell me that I have two ears and only one mouth, so I should listen twice as much as I talk. I always thought that was so clever of him. It wouldn’t be until years later that I would find out the expression was coined by the greek philosopher Epictetus. But regardless of the source, they’re wise words, nonetheless.

Communication is a core aspect of socialization. In a world where the average person spends their day with their neck craned over a smart device, two-way communication with another person in good conversation is also part of a person’s mental wellbeing. Even people who “prefer to be alone” eventually get lonely. Although some people can sit together in comfortable silence, this usually isn’t achieved with the average pairing of people in everyday situations. Communication must be a two-way street, with both parties actively listening AND hearing and both parties contributing. This can mean the difference between effective communication or being misunderstood, whether type-written or in person. Food for thought… ☯️

Important Choices Are Never Smooth…

I’ve often said that choosing a martial art to study and practice is an extremely subjective thing. And it is! Not only does one have different types of martial arts to choose from (striking, grappling, weapons-based, etc) each of those types have different schools and styles to choose from, often differing from one another on some very key levels. For example, although I study Okinawan karate, not all Okinawan karate dojos will offer the same aspects I may be looking for.

The thing is, there really isn’t a BAD reason to join a martial arts school, unless you or reason is because you want to actively bring harm to someone else. Notice that I didn’t say it was bad to defend yourself, but I would be lying if I hadn’t encountered a bully or two walking into my dojo over the decades. If your goal is to learn how to fight so you can bully, intimidate or harm others, good luck finding a good instructor who will be willing to teach you.

A few years ago, when I started the challenging task to find a new dojo to train in by virtue of being 3,400 kilometres away from Sensei, I coined the term “Coffee Club Dojo.” This refers to a dojo or martial arts school where the students and/or practitioners spend the majority of the class joking around, chatting slit about non-dojo-related matters and waste their time. This grates on my last nerve, and can make it difficult for a prospective student to positively identify whether the style in question may be suited to them.,

What’s the difference, you ask? The difference between a McDojo and a Coffee Shop Dojo is that a McDojo teaches a watered-down version of a specific art in the interest of maintaining the highest student count possible and making the most money. Students will often climb in rank quickly, provided their cheques clear and they’re willing to pay any associated fees. A Coffee Shop Dojo is one where financial gain may not be a priority and may not even be a consideration, but the student body treat the dojo as a social club rather than a place to learn. The instructor in these schools will often be complacent about this behaviour and may even take part in it.

I know what some of you may be thinking…. If these folks are treating their dojo as their own personal social club and use it to socialize, who are they hurting? there’s no bad reason to be in martial arts, right? Well, the problem I have with this type of environment is that it may sway or provide a wrong impression to a prospective student. Although most individuals should know what they want out of their training, it’s very possible that some wouldn’t. Further, some youths who may be brought in by their parents may not have the inherent knowledge to recognize that this may not be the place to get the best training.

Ultimately, preference is key and knowing what you want is important. that’s why it’s critical that you allow yourself the opportunity to observe a class before participating. you need to have the opportunity to ask some questions and get a feel for how those questions will be answered. If your goal is to LEARN the martial arts and get in shape, learn to defend and protect yourself and better yourself, a casual, laid back atmosphere may not be for you. But if you’ve never set foot in a martial arts dojo before, how will you know? And THAT is the question that begs answering…

When you practice an art that’s suited to you and your needs, there will be struggle. But it should be smooth-flowing. there will be difficulty, but you’ll be energized and have a hunger that will make you want to train harder, faster and stronger. there may be blood, sweat and tears but as I shared in a previous post some time ago, he who sweats more in training, bleeds less in battle. Martial arts is a subjective thing. Be sure you exercise that choice and find something suited to you. Food for thought… ☯️

The Beetles Were Wrong…

Falling in love is one of the great gifts of life. When you finally find that special someone that completes your life, it can be overwhelming and all-encompassing. It can also bring a level of happiness and joy that’s rarely matched by anything else you may experience in life. In fact, the good things in life become better when you have that special someone to share it with. Ultimately, love heals and the world could certainly use a little more love than most of what’s spewed out in society, even at the present moment.

But love is also conditional on one’s ability to understand that unlike the Beetles’ song, you do, in fact, need much more than love. This is one of those times where I should throw up a quick sentence or two explaining that I’m not an expert in relationships and my advice should be taken with grain of salt. Especially since I’ve had enough failed relationships in my younger years to write a digest. But failure in name isn’t always failure in fact. And these failed relationships have taught what’s necessary in order to make a relationship work. But since this post has been flagged as my “opinion,” we should be good to go.

A good, strong relationship takes much more than love. It takes patience, communication, understanding and just enough similarities to mesh well, together while having enough difference to challenge and help each other grow. There are a bunch of other things that are necessary, as well. But what am I, a couple’s therapist? Definitely not. Like many people in modern society, I’ve been married more than once. It’s not something that I talk about much, but that failed marriage taught me the important aspects that I carried over into future relationships and ultimately into the relationship that will last me well into my next life. Let’s examine a few of these aspects in greater detail…

Patience is the biggest one and the first in my list. Without patience, there can be nothing else. The reasoning behind this is quite simple. No matter how much you love someone and how much you may or may not have in common, patience is needed in order to pave the way for the other relationship virtues I named above. If one is not patient with one’s partner, it can leave the relationship open to unnecessary conflict and hostility, which is never healthy for any relationship. I know many sources will say that it’s good to occasionally open the spigot and let the pent-up aggression out and that it can actually help make the relationship stronger. Maybe. But that’s a BIG maybe. I prefer to think that if one communicates properly, one can avoid the trappings of aggression and conflict, which leads me to the next virtuous aspect…

Communication is an integral part of living among a population of people, whether you happen to be involved with them intimately or not. Those who find themselves unable or unwilling to communicate effectively will usually face a host of issues with the other parties involved and this is no different with personal and intimate relationships. You need to be able to talk things out, discuss important topics and be willing to compromise and concede the point. You can love the other person with every fibre in your soul but if you can’t communicate, the relationship will inevitably falter.

And to be clear, good communication doesn’t just mean telling the other party what you want/feel and expecting them to accommodate you. It also involves hearing what the other person is saying and be willing to compromise on key points. For example, what’s their stance on finances? Do they want children? Even political positions can have a bearing and consequences on how well and how long the relationship may last. But if you have open and willing communication between two people and they’re willing to compromise and meet in the middle on key issues, it will make life and love all the easier and smoother.

Lastly, understanding is the result of patience and good communication. Sensei used to tell me that I was born with two ears and only one mouth, which means I should listen twice as much as I talk. granted, I think that saying was coined elsewhere but the lesson is sound. Understanding is part of the foundation of a solid relationship. It isn’t enough to listen and HEAR something from your partner. you need to understand the message they’re trying to impart, bearing in mind that you deserve all these same things, as well.

Loving someone is an important part of a relationship. You should never tether yourself to another person is love isn’t there. But love isn’t enough. You need to be able to communicate with that person effectively. You need to be understanding and not make demands of that person, nor should they be demanding things of you. I’m sure you’ve heard the expression, “Love is patient, love is kind…” But you and your partner are the ones who need to be patient with each other. Don’t be afraid to be brutally honest with each other, talk to each other and compromise on key points. Contrary to what you may have read, don’t be afraid to go to bed angry. If nothing else, you’ll both have the opportunity to cool off and think things through before saying something that you’ll both regret. There’s my two cents on relationships. Food for thought… ☯️