Category: Motivation

Kids Cause The Darnedest Things…

If you’ve spent absolutely ANY time watching television shows or movies, you’ll be able to name a show or movie that usually involves a harassed, overworked parent who is normally some kind of high-ranking executive or employee, stretched thin over very little time. Despite their success, this parent usually has no time for their spouse and children, missing all the important hallmarks of life while running around like a chicken with its head cut off before discovering the importance of happiness and being there for one’s family over having a career. Such fantasies usually play out by showing the mother or father quitting their big job, usually in some dramatic fashion, to go home and BE with their family.

The problem with this scenario is that although the harassed, overworked parent scenario definitely exists, suddenly walking out on one’s job because they’ve realized the important things in life is simply not a realistic idea. Outside of the big or small screen, a smooth-running household requires income, which can usually only be achieved by maintaining gainful employment. And if you have a house with a mortgage, bills, debts and dependents to take care of, it’s not a simple matter of just having part time employment so you can spend more time at home. So as romanticized as the idea is, it’s not something that should actually happen and there will usually be at least one parent in the household who will have to miss out on important activities in favour of being at work.

That’s why I’m extremely grateful that my job and my position allow me the flexibility to be absent on occasion. Last week, my son Nathan brought home an invitation to parents to attend his school on Friday morning for a muffin and juice while reading a book. At first, I explained to my wife that I would need to be at work by virtue of the meetings I had scheduled for that morning. I believe she initially had intentions of going herself with our toddler, Alexander. But when asked, Nathan didn’t really seem jazzed about having us there. My first thought is that he assumed he wouldn’t have to read a book if neither of us went. He’s sneaky like that.

Nathan scarfing his chocolate chips muffin while I read to him…

As I thought about it, I realized that Nathan may come to feel awkward if he realizes that he’s among one of the few who don’t have a parent who showed up. It’s one thing if one’s parents genuinely can’t be there for some reason but I thought it might be better for me to attend. This would prevent our toddler from being dragged out of the house, early in the morning and opening the gates of hell inside the school. He isn’t conducive to the “quiet time“ one needs to be in a reading environment. As a result, I got my boss’ approval to take a few hours off on Friday morning and I stayed home, got dressed and walked to school with Nathan and we read three books together in the school gymnasium while the kids all enjoyed muffins and juice.

It was a nice activity to share with him. It was also nice seeing all the families that had gathered to do the same. There were many flavours of muffin to choose from but of course, Nathan had to choose the one with chocolate in it. The comfy mats on the floor were all taken up, so we sat on a bench and managed to get through three books before our time was up. I noticed the school also had some of teachers taking photos of us for their social media pages. I’m assuming my unshaven mug has shown up somewhere. But it was worth it. I left Nathan at school for the remainder of his day and headed in to work. I was grateful and happy that I was able to put things on hold to be there for him. I think he was happy with that, as well.

It’s true what they say that life short. As time passes and our children grow, being able to share in their special events becomes all the more important, especially when one considers that one never knows how much time they have left. And although something like sitting and reading a book may seem menial to an adult, to my son, it’ll be the memory of the time his father came to school with him and spent time with him. He got to show me some of his projects that were posted on the school’s bulletin board, pointed out some friends and was quite happy that I was there, which in turn made me happy. Maybe quitting one’s job in a dramatic fashion isn’t possible. But it’s still possible and a good idea to make an effort to be there. ☯️

A Little Light Before The Dawn…

I’ve always found that old expression, “It’s always darkest before the dawn,” to be wildly inaccurate. I know it’s meant to be metaphorical, but from a literal standpoint, it’s completely wrong. but before I go off on a tangent, today’s post is about more than inaccurate sayings. The winter months bring about a score of issues that the everyday person needs to deal with. Considering the snow, cold, needing to shovel, road and weather hazards and the fact that almost everyone else seems to turn into the world’s worst drivers on account of road conditions (I’m a little bit biased), it kind of seems as though the winter months make it safer and more worthwhile to just stay home and hidden under some warm blankies…

The winter months can be harsh on a person. Since it stays dark for so much longer during the day, it can feel as though one lives in perpetual darkness, especially if your work keeps you indoors all day. Most days, I wake up and it’s still dark outside. I make my way to work in the dark and by the time I typically leave the office for home, it’s either getting dark or full-on dark. This can play havoc on a person’s energy levels and motivation. Contrary to what many of my colleagues would say, a person needs a certain level of daylight in their lives. Not only is this important in order to balance out one’s circadian rhythm but for vitamin D and shit.

The lack of motivation that the winter months bring can affect one’s motivation to do some of the little things through the course of your day, such as working out, spending time with family and ensuring proper nutrition. In fact, most days during the winter, all I want to do is flop down on the couch and binge-watch television for an hour or two before crashing for 12 hours or more. As nice as that sounds, I usually leave the house and get to work around 7 o’clock in the morning and leave work at 4:30 to 5 o’clock, making for a 10-hour day. If I followed that up with 12 hours of sleep, that would only leave about 2 hours of free time per day, which kind of sucks.

It can be pretty easy to allow the rigours of the day and darker, greyer winter weather get you down and keep you from doing what needs to be done to ensure proper nutrition and health. It takes a bit of a push in order to ensure you don’t get kicked in the balls by the winter blahs. And they can sneak up on you without notice. Eat well, exercise regularly and check your blood sugars often. Eventually, the snow will melt, the weather will warm up and weekend coffees on the back deck can become the norm again. ☯️

A Little Touch Of Perspective…

I’m sometimes surprised at the places I manage to find the oddest hints of inspiration. Places I would never have intentionally gone to find ideas and inspiration will often slap me in the face with a sudden bout of wisdom. It surprises me, every time it happens. As the old saying goes, we most often find our destiny on the road we least thought to travel. The same can be easily applied to inspiration or good advice. I was reminded of this recently, when an old high school friend posted something on their Facebook page. It’s author unknown and written in French, so y’all will have to bear with me as I write it out and translate it…

Modern-day Priorities…

Books: $25? What’s it about…?
Pitcher of beer: $25? I’ll have a second one…

Groceries: $100? That’s fuckin’ ridiculous…
Eating out at a restaurant: $100? That’s not so bad…

Gym membership: $500? I can’t afford that shit…
Tattoo: $500? That’s a great price, sign me up…

Education: $1500? What am I, rich???
Southern vacation: $1500? When do we head out?

30 minutes of reading: I don’t have time for this, I have things to do…
30 minutes of social media: Wow, time seems to fly, where’d the day go?

60 minutes of sports: I don’t have enough free time for that…
60 minutes of binging a series: Just one more episode…

All things are a matter of priority and perspective. What are yours?

This post speaks to me because I find myself allowing quite a number of the differences listed above to take place within my own life. The most important is the last one, where people would rather binge-watch a show for an hour than workout for an hour or less. Priorities have become skewered and laziness has become an acceptable trait in some people. I see myself checking facebook and social media before taking the time to read the plethora of books I own, some of which I’ve had for years and never opened. The first and second ones speak to me on a personal level, as well.

The important lesson here is simply to realize where one’s priorities lie and work towards steering them in one’s best interest. Self-care and self-improvement are important, no matter what one needs to do to in order to achieve it. It’s human nature to do what’s easier but it takes a slightly stronger force of will to make the better choice. Does that mean you can’t occasionally binge-watch your favourite show or eat out at a restaurant? Of course not, so long as moderation and common sense rule the day. Food for thought… ☯️

All The Little Things… ( A Matter Of Perspective)

Sometimes it gets easy to forget that the important things in life will often be a matter of perspective based on one’s circumstances. For example, most of us take for a given that we’ll get home at night and have food on the table. While we may consider this a little thing, barely worthy of thought or attention, for the family struggling to make ends meet, having food on the table can mean the world. And that‘s what I mean by perspective. What seems like such a little thing to one person may be integral to a better life for others.

I was reminded recently of just how lucky I am, in life. I have a warm, stable home and household, food in my fridge, clothes on my back and I want for nothing. There are things I want out of life, obviously. But there’s no shortage of warmth, safety and love within my life. Not everyone is so lucky. That’s why when a friend reached out for some help for someone else, I was able to say yes without hesitation. There is a prevailing belief that if you find yourself able to do good, you should.

What I did or who I did it for is not important. But knowing that I was able to help someone in need not only made me feel better but I’m certain the person obtaining the help is grateful, as well. We all need a bit of help sometimes, regardless of where we are in life. The irony is that it’s sometimes the richest people with the biggest entourage who need the most help but are the least likely to ask for it.

If you have the ability to help someone else, I highly recommend it. Although no one will line themselves up to give everything away, there are always ways to help others. And not only does it make you feel good to help others but karma will love you for it. Granted, if you do it to get good karma, you’re kind of defeating the purpose. But any good is still good. So go out and spread that good. Doing so will go a long way towards eliminating suffering in yourself as well as others. Food for thought…☯️

Why Would You Ever “Lego” Of Your Childhood…

One of the fun things about having children is that you get to live vicariously through them and in most cases, you get to relive aspects of your childhood by playing with their toys. Namely, their freaking LEGO blocks… Most adult will joke about the aspect that they found themselves stepping on LEGO blocks left out on the floor. I’ll admit that I live that very thing on a daily basis and not just with LEGO. But I have to admit that playing with Nathan and his LEGO tickles the nostalgia bone.

I still remember the first LEGO set I got as a kid. It was a spaceship of sorts that included a storage pod and command pod but when assembled, it became a larger ship. I used to play with that thing for hours, taking it apart, putting it back together and losing myself within the realms of imagination. Given how much I enjoyed it, one would think that I would have had plenty of LEGO sets in my youth, but that really didn’t happen.

As Nathan has gotten a little older, he’s started to receive actual LEGO sets and boxes of bulk pieces, like the one pictured above. A couple of years ago, he received a pretty substantial LEGO set that built into a police station with multiple floors, multiple vehicles and a helicopter. It was pretty badass, despite how difficult it was to put together. Nathan loved it but has since completely dissembled it. Such is the case when imagination takes over; one won’t always follow the pattern or the instructions.

For years, I’ve been looking at different LEGO sets and thinking how cool it would be to make some them as a hobby. When I worked at the academy, I had a colleague who would often order LEGO sets of specific things. My favourite was one of the cars James Bond used. It had functional secret compartments and features. He was nice enough o bring that one to the office to demonstrate it. I had always thought I’d order a couple of sets at some point. The LEGO website even has an adult section. But some of my concerns was how to assemble such a set without my kids getting into it and then, what to do with it afterwards.

Nathan’s assorted LEGO bin

Last night, I finally broke down and ordered a few sets. In fact, I ordered three sets that interconnect with each other. One is a lunar rover, one is a lunar base and one is a lunar space station. From what I can tell, they connect and interact with one another, so it should look pretty sweet once it’s assembled. I figure I’ll buy a nice, large baseplate to build them all on to allow for stability and permanence. It likely isn’t a set that I would take apart or alter once I’ve put it together. It’ll likely be displayed.

Most aspects of our childhood get left behind when we grow into adulthood. But there are some aspects we can always revisit. And why not? There are still a lot of things that one can participate in, that can include your children and bring that nice, warm feeling of nostalgia rushing back. I’ll see just how deep that takes hold once I get my sets. I’ll keep you all posted. ☯️

The Matrix Has You…

There’s no denying that modern life has led to the here and now; a world where everyone (or almost everyone) is plugged in. Computers, laptops, cell phone and tablets are seen and used everywhere with a very small demographic remaining who have either never laid hands on one of those or never will. Our children are no different, with modern life making it almost impossible for someone to raise a child without the use of electronic devices. One good example I can provide is when my son start second grade and his school demanded that we provide him with a device to do his homework on. This blew my mind and I immediately opposed it, as it’s one thing to pay for supplies that are needed but entirely another when you’re expected to buy them an expensive electronic device just to do homework.

My opposition was not well-received, as I was told that any device could be used, including my own cell phone. I don’t know about y’all, but I’m not a fan of providing my personal cell to anyone. Beyond the fact that I use it myself as my personal phone line, there’s also my email access, games, alarm, scheduler and social media. My phone is my phone, purchased with my own money for my own purposes. The presumption of being told I can simply hand it off to anyone else is ludicrous to me. But here we are. I ended up giving my son one of the older version cell phones I had, since I never turn them in. He now uses this not only for his school apps but for a few simple games and some streaming services as well. This is combination with the Nintendo Switch we bought him last summer to keep him occupied on our trip out East.

The issue is that my children are fast-becoming people who can’t live without these devices. As a result, my 8-year old, who should be outside, running, playing, climbing and riding a bike, spends his down time on his back or lying on his stomach, watching Netflix Kids and Disney+, playing Minecraft and unfortunately binge-watching Minecraft videos on YouTube. The unfortunate byproduct of this standard is that Nathan is becoming a bit of a lazy shit. Gets home from school, drops his shit and grabs his devices. Wakes up in the morning, walks himself out of the bedroom and grabs his devices. All weekend, stays on his devices. Drives me absolutely batty!

I grew up on the Northern shores of New Brunswick, where I spent my down time in the forests, swimming in brooks and playing outside. I put so many kilometres on my bike that I usually ended up needing a new one every couple of years. Maybe that had something to do with my growth, though. My point is, we’ve been trying to get Nathan more physically involved with the everyday life outside the house. Considering we have some pretty nice weather on occasion, our new standard has been that if he wants his device, he needs to spend an hour outdoors, first. Not if there’s a snow storm or bad weather, obviously. But in general and overall.

Our idea has also been poorly received. Considering that yesterday morning, I was able to sleep in quite late (pretty bad that between 9 and 10 am is now considered late) before my toddler woke me by scaring the living shit out of me, I didn’t start out my Saturday on the best note. But I made it clear to Nathan that he was getting no screens until he spent an hour outdoors. In true, teenage form, he decided it was a better and easier option to curl up in a blanket and sulk than just go outside. It was -3 degrees. That’s almost cut-off jean shorts weather. Never mind the fact that the time he used to sulk about not getting his screens, he could have easily burned through an hour outside.

Look, I get it… It’s 2023 and everyone and everything is tethered to the electronic frontier. There’s no living completely device-free because no matter how you live, you’ll eventually need technology in some given way, shape or form. I just don’t want technology being the only way my children experience life. Ultimately, he conceded and went outside. Although I don’t like that it turned into a negotiation, at least I got him outside. I think it’s one of those scenarios where the parent gets to say, “Someday you’ll thank me…” ☯️

When Your Pillow Is Stronger Than Your Will…

One of the big things that makes dealing with the winter months harder is the fact that it’s always dark when I start my day. This basically forces my body to say, “Nah, bro! Lay your head back down and relax, it isn’t light out yet…” As much as I would like to succumb to that little voice, duty and responsibility are usually the prevailing factors. This morning was no exception. I woke to my alarm, which is a pretty rare occurrence for me. I usually toss and turn and wake well before my alarm goes off.

I got out of bed and started on what is the first day of my family’s complete routine when it isn’t the holidays, which includes making a school lunch for my oldest. Today is his first day back to school and he couldn’t have been more thrilled. Kidding. Totally fucking kidding. He was like a bag of smashed ass when he woke up. In fact, lately he’s always carried a look as though he needs a cup of coffee to start his day. This is well in keeping with the fact that he’s developed a significant teenage-like attitude despite only being 8-years old. No idea where he gets it from…

Begrudgingly walking to school

I’m usually gone to work by the time he gets up for school but this morning was apparently the day he chose to view the world as I did, staring out his window and seeing that it was still dark. This led him to believe that his place was in his bed as opposed to braving the elements to head to school. It took a bit of convincing from my wife to make him understand that it was still dark because the nights are longer right now but that yes, he needed to get up for school.

He eventually made his way towards getting dressed, grabbing his things and heading out the door, albeit begrudgingly. According not my wife, he never said a single word from the time he woke up to the moment he stepped out the door. This is the basis for his first day back to school. Poor kid. I don’t think I’ve ever related to my son as much as I have this morning. It’s rough, heading back in after having been on break for a while.

I was extremely close to just saying screw it and staying in bed, this morning. Such is the effect that winter has on an aging body. So deep was my sense of fatigue that I actually caved and purchased an energy drink on the way to work; my first can of 2023, not that this is something I’m bragging about. But this morning has certainly made me appreciate the down time I’ve had over the holidays and the ability to simply sleep without an alarm (until my boys woke up). ☯️

Back In The Tilted Saddle…

It’s been something of a rough six months for me. Although I recognize that some may have some significant issues they’re dealing with in their own lives, one must acknowledge that our individual obstacles in life are specific to us, so I make no apologies for disliking anything I may be dealing with. My journey is my own. Moving on. Last fall, I faced a strange shift in what was otherwise one of the few remaining stable points in my life. I travelled home on vacation for what should have been a very special trip. My parents would meet my mother-in-law for the first time as well as seeing their second grandson in person for the first time. it should have been fantastic but it turned out to be anything but.

Besides the lacklustre outcome of the trip, which included a massive amount of spending to get us there, I was taken aback at how few people made themselves available to us while we were there. While I recognize the selfishness of that statement, it’s usually what happens when I go home. family and friends make time so that we can catch up. This didn’t happen, this time around. In fact, even Sensei somehow managed to skirt seeing me during the time I was there. I left New Brunswick with a feeling of emptiness that I had never experienced before. Although I was disappointed at the time, I think it had an effect on me that’s been lingering over the past months.

For quite a while now, I’ve had no energy or motivation to focus on my fitness or health. Sure, I’ve continued to take my medications, I monitor my blood sugars and keep a close eye on certain things. But I dropped out of karate within two classes of starting back in September. The pressures of work and life seem to have held me down more in recent months than it ever has, before. Losing that consistency and stability back home made me realize that “back home” isn’t back home, anymore. I took a rare opportunity to have some time off over the holidays. Since Christmas and Boxing Day took place over a weekend, I had a four-day weekend starting on December 23rd and I took the remainder of the following week as vacation time.

Since New Year’s Day was also on a weekend, I had yesterday as a day off. All in, I was away on vacation from December 23rd to this morning. That’s almost two weeks that should have allowed me to relax and unwind. Unfortunately, certain elements beyond my control managed to keep some pressure on, despite being on vacation. This morning is my first day back. I have obstacles and issues to deal with that manifested during a time when I shouldn’t have been thinking of work. But at least I got a few mornings of sleeping in. Let’s see how well THIS is going to go… ☯️

Taking Some Time…

I was never much of one to be out until all hours of the night, when I was younger. While most of my counterparts were out at parties, drinking booze and getting into trouble, I was usually in the dojo, studying at home or watching movies and spending time with my dad. Even once I hit my teenage years and got my own car, my time out was reasonably limited of my own accord, often choosing to bid good evening to my friends and head home rather than stay out for the sake of staying out. This didn’t always work out in my favour and may have contributed to my becoming something of a loner or outcast. Que sera…

“I didn’t disappear, I traded;
Nights out for knowledge seeking.
Parties for intimate gatherings.
Chasing money for chasing purpose.
Meaningless work for my passion.
Being busy for protecting time.
Soul extortion for soul searching.
Living for others for living my life.”

– Lewis Howes

I found the quote above some weeks ago and it kind of stuck with. I look back on my time as a youth and I recognize that I wasn’t popular, wasn’t part of any sports teams or major groups and I’m reasonably sure that almost no one that I graduated from school remembers me or gives two shits about where I ended up. But I have no regrets about how I’ve spent my youth. I made some god friends, the best a man could ask for. And ironically, I still have contact with all of them, almost thirty years later. That says something. It tells me I made some good choices that led me to the here and now and I did it while involving people who made a positive impact.

This is what’s important to remember; how you chose to live your life will ultimately impact the person you become. Does that mean that hitting the clubs and being popular automatically make you an asshole? I wouldn’t make THAT generalization but I can confirm that I was never bullied or beaten up by any of the academics in my school. This also says something. The message to any of my young readers, assuming I HAVE young readers, is no matter what you may be dealing with or facing in your life, it’s up to you to forge the path that will lead you to where you need to be. So make sure it’s a positive path. Although some things may gratify you in the moment, the long term is what you should be looking at. Food for thought…☯️

It’s Not Them, It’s You…

It continues to boggle my mind how so many people seem to be of the opinion that they always entitled to certain things. None will argue that we live in the age of the snowflake, with people demanding apologies, special accommodations and everything under the stars, simply because they feel that they’re entitled to it. Nothing could be farther from the truth but the unfortunate reality is that those who understand what hill they choose to die on usually end up rolling over for these individuals.

This is an unfortunate phenomenon that has been going on for years and likely decades. But I’ve never been more aware of it then now. I’ve often see people make poor decisions, purchase things and try to return them without a receipt, demand things of other individuals and even involve themselves in other peoples’ matters that have nothing to do with them. Just Google “entitled” or “Karen” and you can see plenty of examples of this phenomenon. I’m certainly part of the denomination who genuinely feels sorry for all the kindhearted and pleasant people named Karen. I’m not even sure how this name came to be associated with entitlement… Maybe that would do for another post. Moving on…

The concept that the world owes you any damn thing is an inaccurate one and one that will almost always end up making things worse for you. Although the Buddhist side of me believes it’s important not to cause further suffering and that apologizing and making amends are important tools in order to achieve that aspect, one needs to recognize that we are ultimately entitled to nothing and demanding things or wanting apologies and recompense based on principle will not only get you nowhere, it’ll actually lead to further suffering.

I don’t think I have much of a point to make here and maybe I’m just venting. Most of this is simply observation and I recognize that when’s one thing comes up, I have more of a tendency to simply let it go. Not because I’m lazy or don’t feel that I’m entitled to be treated properly but because one needs to choose what hill to die on. Some things just aren’t worth the overall effort. There are more important things in life than trying to prove you’re entitled. Food for thought… ☯️