It’s been something of a rough six months for me. Although I recognize that some may have some significant issues they’re dealing with in their own lives, one must acknowledge that our individual obstacles in life are specific to us, so I make no apologies for disliking anything I may be dealing with. My journey is my own. Moving on. Last fall, I faced a strange shift in what was otherwise one of the few remaining stable points in my life. I travelled home on vacation for what should have been a very special trip. My parents would meet my mother-in-law for the first time as well as seeing their second grandson in person for the first time. it should have been fantastic but it turned out to be anything but.
Besides the lacklustre outcome of the trip, which included a massive amount of spending to get us there, I was taken aback at how few people made themselves available to us while we were there. While I recognize the selfishness of that statement, it’s usually what happens when I go home. family and friends make time so that we can catch up. This didn’t happen, this time around. In fact, even Sensei somehow managed to skirt seeing me during the time I was there. I left New Brunswick with a feeling of emptiness that I had never experienced before. Although I was disappointed at the time, I think it had an effect on me that’s been lingering over the past months.
For quite a while now, I’ve had no energy or motivation to focus on my fitness or health. Sure, I’ve continued to take my medications, I monitor my blood sugars and keep a close eye on certain things. But I dropped out of karate within two classes of starting back in September. The pressures of work and life seem to have held me down more in recent months than it ever has, before. Losing that consistency and stability back home made me realize that “back home” isn’t back home, anymore. I took a rare opportunity to have some time off over the holidays. Since Christmas and Boxing Day took place over a weekend, I had a four-day weekend starting on December 23rd and I took the remainder of the following week as vacation time.
Since New Year’s Day was also on a weekend, I had yesterday as a day off. All in, I was away on vacation from December 23rd to this morning. That’s almost two weeks that should have allowed me to relax and unwind. Unfortunately, certain elements beyond my control managed to keep some pressure on, despite being on vacation. This morning is my first day back. I have obstacles and issues to deal with that manifested during a time when I shouldn’t have been thinking of work. But at least I got a few mornings of sleeping in. Let’s see how well THIS is going to go… ☯️
3 thoughts on “Back In The Tilted Saddle…”
I can relate. I’ve been going through something vaguely similar with the in-laws, mainly one cousin in particular. I’ll spare you the story, since this shouldn’t be about hijacking your post.
Bottom line though, people suck. Family in particular always has an extraordinary ability to hurt because they’re SUPPOSED to be the people you can count on. In my case, they rarely are though. 😛
Best advice I can give you here is to remember your Buddhist teachings about attachment in general and attributing meaning to things. 🙂 😉
Sound advice. I’ve had other associates also mention to focus on the people who ARE around me as opposed to the ones who no longer are. It all makes sense but when it’s someone immediate who’s always been there, like a mother or father, it makes it all the more difficult. Exactly as you said, they’re supposed to be the ones you can count on. Que sera… Life keeps moving forward, right?
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Yes, focus on the people that are there, but as noted above, don’t attribute intent to actions (or inaction)… at least without a long pattern. Have to add that in there given my current situation, lest I be labeled a hypocrite.
Sometimes there’s background stuff going on that we don’t see.
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