Category: Martial Arts

Kickin’ Back (Literally)…

Last night wrapped up this year’s karate sessions, with my current dojo closing to their regularly scheduled classes for the summer in conjunction with the school calendar. This is nothing unusual and has actually been the norm with most dojos I’ve trained in. Monday night was the last kids’ class with last night being the last adult class. It was bittersweet, especially since I only joined Shotokan in January (or maybe February?) and missed nearly two months of training due to injury.

This dojo has two aspects that set it aside from any other dojo I’ve trained. For one, they’re closing up the year with a group outing. yes, you read that right; tonight, during what would otherwise be a scheduled class, the instructors are taking all the students out bowling. Although it’s the first I’ve ever heard of this in a karate dojo, I think it’s a fantastic way to wish everyone well for the summer and acts as a nice team-building exercise.

The next thing they’re doing, is offering a limited summer package for the remainder of June and through July. This involves two classes a week aww opposed to three with a reduced tuition cost for the month. Don’t mind if I do! This will allow me to use part of the summer to maintain the new techniques and forms that I’ve started to learn in Shotokan through the summer as opposed to becoming stagnant during the summer months. I can have August as a break month, since my family and I will be travelling.

Last night’s class was solid and I can admit that I pushed and gave it all my effort, breaking a significant sweat and making a difference in my overall health. My years in Saskatchewan have been difficult for me, having trained in the martial arts alone for so long that becoming a permanent part of a dojo that aligns with my skills and particular style is nice. I’m looking forward to continuing to train through the month of July in combination with some fun summer activities, including cycling, playing ball with my son and swimming. Then, I can hit it hard when we go back in September. ☯️

When A Facepalm Isn’t Enough…

So a couple of days ago, I wrote a bit of a lengthy post surrounding my weight loss ambitions, some of the background behind how/why I’ve gained some weight and different times during the past ten years. I was a little taken aback by the number of people who reached out through my feedback function and I felt that I should take time today to address some of the comments and concerns that were sent my way.

First and foremost, I will once again reiterate (for the millionth time) that I am not a doctor or health/medical practitioner nor am I a nutritionist or dietitian. When I write posts in my blog, I do so based on what research I’ve personally done and what has worked or not for me. Anything anyone reads in my posts should be taken with grain of salt and your own research should be done. After all, how can you confirm anything I may have looked up myself? I do my best to cite my sources when they’re attached to a webpage that i can include.

For example, I’m not opposed to diets. That’s a feedback comment I’ve often gotten, regarding previous comments I’ve often made about how fad diets don’t work. Here’s the thing: they don’t work for ME! Every person is different. Every metabolism and level of health is different and as such, every fad diet will provide different results for different people. This doesn’t mean that they’re universally bad, they may simply not provide the results that EVERY person is looking for.

If someone decides to try and lose weight by cutting carbs, that’s fine. So long as you’ve consulted a professional and you acknowledge that carbohydrates are actually a primary source of fuel for the human body, there’s nothing wrong with cutting back on them. Trying to eliminate them altogether brings a certain host of problems but this is why you should consult a professional before making such a change.

Since every person is different, maybe going on a specific diet has helped you shed some weight but does absolutely nothing for someone else you know who has tried it. This doesn’t make it bad, especially if it worked for you. Just be cognizant that as with all “fad” diets, the weight will likely return unless you stick to it permanently or make significant lifestyle changes.

The next aspect I’d like to address, which seems to be thrown at me often, is self-image. One’s self-image is important because it helps to define you to YOU. It’s important to one’s overall sense of wellbeing to be okay with one’s body type, weight and overall image. If you are not, it’s incumbent on YOU to make the changes necessary for you to be happy, provided it doesn’t risk your health. And that’s the caveat; being overweight and/or obese is unhealthy. But positive body image and positive health are two different things. Is it a good thing if you love yourself regardless of your weight and have a positive self-image? Abso-fucking-lutely! However, do you need to acknowledge that your health may be impacted if you’re overweight? Also abso-fucking-lutely! I

t’s up to the individual to discern and recognize that difference. I’m not lending an opinion on what any one person’s body type SHOULD be, I’m simply pointing out that weight loss is good for the body. granted, that’s to an extent, as well. As with all things in life, there needs to be a balance. One can lose TOO much weight and that becomes dangerous, as well. Living a healthy life contains many moving parts that all require attention.

Last but not least, it’s not just about the food. If you’re committing to eliminating certain “bad” foods and eating healthier, good for you. Just be sure that you recognize that you exercise regularly as well, as part of your fitness and health journey. Lack of exercise will render all other efforts moot. Diets help but you need to burn some of those calories in order to lose weight. Fat won’t necessarily burn away JUST from eating better. But don’t take my word for it, I’m struggling to slim down.

My blog is a platform for me to describe and share the experiences, knowledge and information I’ve accumulated during more than three decades of studying martial arts and four decades of living (reasonably successfully) with Type-1 Diabetes. And flex my writing muscles but that’s neither here nor there. As with all things in life, if one does not agree with content I write, I’m always open for constructive discussion, so long as the respect due to the person whom you’re addressing is observed. Otherwise, to those sending snarky or rude comments, this is why I won’t reply or engage. I don’t intentionally allow others to bring suffering into my life. Have a great weekend, everyone! ☯️

But Weight, There’s More…

As if the pandemic weren’t bad enough, with being sent home from my job and losing access to a world-class gym on a daily basis, I was suddenly found gaining more weight in one sitting than I chose to think about. Over the course of the 2020 year, I pudged up to the point where some of my favourite pieces of clothing weren’t fitting me anymore (probably didn’t help that sitting at home gave me time to sit in my garage on my ass, sipping beer and eating snacks).

Everything seemed to align in just the perfect circumstances to promote this phenomenon, with karate classes closes due to the pandemic as well. I was left to my own devices, which as much as I would like to say that my sheer strength of will would be enough, it wasn’t. Don’t judge, I’m sure most of you would be the same. Although January of this year saw me take some positive steps in the right direction, joining a new karate club and performing specific workouts throughout the week, an injury that took me off my feet in early April saw me sitting still for almost two months while I recovered.

The worst part is this time, I had no choice. The end result has seen my weight fluctuate by only a few pounds; the issue is that I’ve lost a fair bit of muscle mass and gained a fair bit of fat. now that I’ve returned to the dojo, I find myself in a quandary over how to shed these pounds in a healthy, reasonable way. And that brings us to the topic of today’s post, which was supposed to actually be a video but the amount of time it takes to successfully take a video without mumbling over my words and looking like an idiot, edit and prepare the video, upload it to my YouTube channel and then link all my pertinent platforms so they receive the video for those who aren’t subscribed to my channel (GET TO YOUTUBE AND SUBSCRIBE TO MY CHANNEL!), it’s far more time-efficient to write it out. But I digress…

Diabetes and weight gain have something of an inappropriate relationship, feeding off one another like a couple of co-dependent leeches that can’t seem to cut me a break. On the one side, fluctuating blood sugars, poor management habits and gorging on sugared goods when hitting a low definitely don’t help. The other side of the Diabetes equation is that insulin is technically a growth hormone and will promote weight gain in the least wanted of places; namely, the gut and overall abdomen.

Although I’ve always been a bit on the heavier side, I’ve also remained intensely active, which has played a huge role in keeping the tide of weight gain at bay. Genetics also plays something of a role, with my father being a significant hefty man, sitting at over 300 pounds of raw, red-headed aggression. But my decades of constant exercise, karate and trying to mind what’s on my plate has played well in my favour. And then, 2009 happened…

In 2009, I travelled to Regina, Saskatchewan to undergo the Cadet Training Program at the RCMP Training Academy at “Depot.” I was subjected to a gruelling 24 weeks of intense physical and educational training, and the learning curve was steep. On a good day, I’d be out of bed between 4 and 5 am. I’d make my bed, shower up and dress in the uniform of the day. I’d attend morning parade, grab a brief, 10-minute breakfast before starting my day, which often consisted of several workouts of varying kinds and trying to stay awake through classes where we covered off the various subjects required by a police officer in the course of their duties. The evening would involve heavy amounts of study, followed by more workouts on our down time.

After 24 weeks of that bullshit, all I wanted to do was sleep. To put that into perspective, the basic training program for the Canadian military is anywhere between 10 to 12 weeks. All of that complaining notwithstanding, I arrived at Depot weighing a reasonable 185 pounds. I had just reached my 30’s and I still had that youthful energy that I sorely miss, these days. By the time I completed basic training, I had dropped to 165 pounds. I was the slimmest and felt the lightest and fastest that I ever had. Granted, this came at the cost of working out beyond what was healthy, functioning on minimal calories and severe lack of sleep. Some nights, my head wouldn’t hit the pillow until 1 am and I’d be up again at 5 am.

It didn’t take long for me to balloon up beyond the 220-pound mark, what with shift work, poor eating habits and the lack of consistent exercise. It wasn’t until 2016, when I returned to Regina to take a teaching position at the academy, that I was able to see some stability and start shaving down the weight I had gained. I had full access to the academy’s training facilities, I joined a local karate school and I broke out the bicycle and started making it a staple of my fitness regime. Without delving into some of the more unhealthy habits from my academy days, I was able to hover at the 200-pound mark for the longest time.

As of writing this post, I’m sitting at 208 pounds. Certainly not the heaviest I’ve ever been but I recognize that my muscle to fat ratio isn’t what I would like to see it at. To be clear, I don’t consider myself fat or even unhealthy; I simply recognize that recent events have put me in a position where I need to make a concerted effort to slim down in order to be healthier, whether I regain muscle mass or not. The burning of excess fat is important for overall blood sugar and Diabetic control, as well as cardiac and overall health.

Diabetes and weight loss will continue to be a challenge and the only thing that can really help is rolling up one’s sleeves and finding the inner strength to do what must be done in order to promote one’s health and overall fitness. And as much fun as it is to have others encouraging you and motivating you, never forget that the encouragement and motivation has to come from you. It’s you against you; the paradox that drives us all. ☯️

It’s Not A Solitary Journey…

Once ion a while, you may encounter someone who has the ability to push through and reach their goals without any assistance or guidance from the outside world. These people are pretty rare and are the exception to the rule, not the common theme. And even for those who go it alone, they’ve usually learned the skill or reached the goal they’ve set by learning from a source that was written, filmed, developed or provided by an another individual. If you look at it from that perspective, they’ve still gotten help from someone else. And there’s an important lesson to learn from that…

Originally, and I’m talking way back before we stood upright, humans were nomadic animals. We stopped long enough to find food, mate and bear children and move on. Eventually, as we evolved and progressed, we came to realize that certain things were easier when we stuck together. There was strength in numbers, we were safer in packs, food was easier to attain and we could maintain a better lifestyle in groups. This became the norm as humans eventually became sedentary and would seek each other out for this purpose. Although you can still find the odd individual here and there who lives completely off grid and by themselves, they’re pretty rare.

The moral of this morning’s narrative is that humans have evolved to come together to tackle common causes. And some of them are substantial enough that they would be all but impossible to learn by oneself. And this is where karate comes in. I recognize that someone, somewhere, closed their fist and used it as a weapon for the first time, although one could argue that this was likely more instinctive than anything. But for anyone who has studied karate extensively, can you imagine trying to learn that art by yourself? Sure, you could find books and videos, either online or in stores but there’s nothing that quite substitutes the presence inside the dojo.

Everyone who is in the dojo has come together for a common cause; to learn the art. Although one’s reason for wanting to learn may be different than another, that end result will always be the same. This is why it’s important to come together within the dojo and help each other out. There’s no room in a traditional dojo for egos, attitude and cheering for one person over another. The dojo environment is meant to serve as a safe space for all students to learn. The only thing worse than a McDojo (look it up, I’ve written several posts on this) is a dojo where the instructor ignores, belittles or openly ignores one of their students.

I once wrote about something referred to as the martial arts ladder. The concept is pretty simple: a student advances and progresses to a point where they can teach and pass on knowledge to another. Once the other student begins to learn and progress, they may climb that ladder and surpass the one who was helping them along. It’s important at that point to stop, turn around and assist that surpassed student in climbing higher as well. And this is how we grow, by helping each other up one rung at a time.

Last but not least, it’s important to communicate within the dojo and with your instructor. If you feel that you aren’t being treated fairly or that there is something off, you should talk about it. Although there are rules of conformity within any dojo and it’s important to show proper respect, your instructor likely can’t teach you properly if they don’t know there’s a problem. And it genuinely sucks to be training in an environment while suffering in silence. Talking about such things is not a sign of weakness but a sign of maturity; the modern dojo has no place for the disregard of a student. Food for thought… ☯️

Unseen Enemies

There can be a lot of obstacles and unseen enemies when one is trying to accomplish any fitness, health or martial arts goals. Some of these that include things like lack of motivation, discouragement, wanting what others have (seeing more advanced students or their progress) and even seeing others discouraging or making fun of people who are trying to better themselves. That last one is particularly bad but as anyone who’s rocked out to the soundtrack of Rocky IV, “it’s you against you; the paradox that drives us all.”

We are our own worst enemy. Sometimes, this is a results of how we’re biologically programmed. As living things, our bodies are designed to preserve energy and be at rest as much as possible. This can often make it difficult to push through, when we need to attend karate classes, do workouts at home or try and find the energy to play with one’s kids. This is aggravated when one has a condition that causes apathy due to blood sugars. I’m not complaining (anymore than usual), jus’ sayin’… But there’s a reason why people always shit like, why put off ’til tomorrow what you could be doing today.

Most people always believe that they have more time and that it doesn’t matter. “Meinh, I’ll get to it tomorrow” or “I’ll start AFTER this weekend…” People rarely stop to consider the damage that’s done while waiting for that better time or the time they lose BECAUSE they wait. We are our own worst enemy, and there are consequences to putting off until later what we can start on, today. A perfect example of this was made clear to me last Saturday; not so much from a fitness standpoint but on a personal level.

A few weeks ago, I made my peace with the fact that I had to start mowing my lawn. Although I enjoy the perks of owning my own home as opposed to renting, I absolutely abhor yard work.That means that things like lawn-mowing, weed removal and all those different things that one needs to get done for the outside of their home, I despise. I rather be writing, doing karate or playing with my kids. Adulthood, am I right? The point is, I had dandelions sprouting and my front lawn looked like shit so I popped in my earbuds, grabbed my lawn mower and got to work.

I only planned to finish the front lawn and call it a day. By the time I finished the front, I decided to start tackling the rear. I managed to get half of the back lawn done before my upper back and shoulder started reminding me of my age. This sucks on many different levels, because I couldn’t plan on when I would get to the second half and my OCD was really going to LOVE seeing half the grass at a different growth level. The following couple of days, one thing after another came up that gave me excuses not to get to it.

The following weekend, we were out as a family, doing our weekly family activity and I planned on getting the lawn done once we got back. But my neighbours were staining our side of a piece of fence they were using as a windbreak for their sitting area. Didn’t seem polite to start mowing some lawn right by their ankles or potentially throwing up grass clipping against freshly stained wood. I opted to wait until later so that the fence’s staining could dry. Are we seeing a pattern of behaviour here? Putting off a needed chore?

That was over a week ago and last weekend I decided it needed to get completed as the back half of the rear lawn was starting to look like a small jungle. The result of my laziness was no small task. As a result of my putting off this chore, my weak-ass electric lawnmower had no chance of cutting through that tall grass. I had to spend over an hour with a whipper-snipper, cutting through it all manually. Then I had to rake and collect all the clipped grass by hand before finally running the mower over the clipped grass to bring everything back into balance.

Several hours work for what would have only been about an hour of lawn-mowing, had I been smart enough to get off my ass and get it done when i should have. My apathy and unwillingness to push through my urge to stay comfortable actually caused me a greater effort once i had no choice. And yes, I’m writing about clipping grass, which isn’t exactly a life-altering thing. But the lesson applies to all things in life. Don’t put off until tomorrow what you can jump on today. Start those fitness goals. Start eating cleaner. Build some goals and start working towards them. Everyone thinks there’ll always be more time; until there isn’t. Food for thought… ☯️

Back On The Old Warhorse…

Well, my first week back to karate after recovering from my rib injury was a great success. And what’s more, I managed to make all three classes without missing a single minute. This is a catch-22, since I feel ridiculously exhausted but satisfied that I attended the full week. I can admit that my ribs and muscles ache but this is to be expected. Mix this with a couple of days’ rain in the Regina area to add some pain in my old joints and it made for a Friday night chock full of relaxation to prepare myself for the week to come.

It was good to be back and the increased temperatures accompanying the coming summer also made the workouts particularly rough. There doesn’t appear to be any A/C in the dojo… (did I SERIOUSLY just type that???) Talk about first-world problems. But I did recognize that two months of basically sitting still and doing nothing seems to have contributed to my overall weight. I could definitely feel the difference. I’ll have some significant work to do over the summer to get myself back into shape. The good news is I found out that our dojo only closes for the month of August, which means I’ll have in-person training all summer.

Short but sweet post today but what can I say? I can’t ramble on for pages and pages every day. ☯️

A Dose Of Reality To End Your Week…

Folks, one of the big things that tend to grind a traditional martial artist’s gears is how fight are portrayed on television and in movies. And don’t get me wrong, I’m a big fan of a good action flic and I’ve enjoyed the cheesiest of them (Van Damme’s drunken dance scene in “Kickboxer” comes to mind). But one needs to understand the realities of how fights actually go and how they can and can’t happen.

The first biggest problem is the David and Goliath concept. Most people love this kind of a scenario because it pits a small underdog against a much larger and formidable opponent. Nothing feels better than seeing the little guy who spent the whole first half of the movie getting bullied and pushed around, kick the ever-loving shit out of the goon who started it all. But let’s examine some basic physics for a moment, shall we?

There’s a lot to be said for skill and training. In fact, consistent and progressive self-defence training will assuredly ALWAYS improve one’s chances of defending oneself and getting out of a sticky situation. But the important takeaway is that actual fight situations are just that; a means to an end, that end being to get out and get away before you or someone else becomes seriously injured. The concept of two persons squaring off in some lame attempt at righteous indignation, defending someone’s honour or finding vengeance for someone else doesn’t happen. This is only movie magic.

The next problem is when we see a smaller opponent dominating a larger one. Although I mentioned that there’s a lot to be said for training, one needs to understand that a 95-pound person likely won’t fare well against a 200-pound opponent once they get their hands on them, training or not. It’s simple physics and the reason why most combat sports Ike boxing, wrestling and MMA have weight classes. Even though I believe the smaller fighter would likely get some good shots in, the heavier opponent just has to bare down on them with their total weight and it’s lights out. For the most part.

Another issue on the docket is how we always see dragged out fights that last up to half an hour, all while both sides are delivering strikes to sensitive areas that would likely seriously injure or kill a real person. My favourite is a snap kick to the face where you see the mouth flop over in slow motion while saliva or blood flies out. Classic. But I digress… Even if a person managed to stay conscious through some of those severe strikes to the head or managed to remain standing after those devastating blows to the body, they wouldn’t be able to brush off the second or third, meaning the fight would depend on who’s lucky enough to land those critical strikes in the first minutes. This is certainly where training has its benefits.

I’m actually a perfect example of that last paragraph, having taken a single strike to the rib cage that basically had me off my feet for well over a month. It wasn’t even my opponent’s full strength, but it’s placement and technique were enough to cause damage. Interestingly enough, my opponent was larger than me and as I’ve often brought up before, mass times acceleration is what creates Force, so the greater the mass, combined with reasonable acceleration is all that’s needed. A smaller opponent would have less mass, leading to less Force. There. Now, you can pass high school physics. you’re welcome.

Again, I absolutely love a good underdog movie… After all, that’s the whole point of television; to escape reality and garner some enjoyment at the same time. If things get too real on a show I’m watching, I get bored. I can find reality anywhere. Except in the minds of. Non-martial artists who think that fights actually happen the way they’re portrayed, apparently. And THAT’s the problem. ☯️

Back In The Saddle…

I walk out of the office, exhausted and committed to getting home, pouring drink and binge-watching Sons of Anarchy while my son plays at my feet and I write some posts based on whatever thoughts drift through my head. I get home and my children are blessedly quiet and occupied as I greet my wife. She has supper started and I discover my oldest has a batch of homework that needs doing, especially since he was home sick on Friday. No worries, I think… I can hammer this out with him before I eat then have the evening to relax. “The hell, you will…” says my wife. “You’re going back to karate tonight.” Guess my plans have changed…

I pack my gym bag after having it empty for over eight weeks. I had washed my gi a few weeks prior. I feel a near-paralyzing sense of anxiety at the thought of putting myself in a room with punches and kicks coming at me. I reached above my head and stretched the left side of my rib cage, aware of the tightness and aching that remains. My wife comes and checks on me, aware that I’m trying to cram as many of my chores in as I can before leaving. I manage to get my son’s homework done well in advance. I no longer have ANY excuse… It’s time to go back.

I leave my house thirty minutes before our 8 pm class is slated to start. The stairs to the third floor feel higher than usual and I wonder at the reception my absence will have elicited. I walk in to see one of the youth classes nearing its end. Sensei Mike is leading it, and we make eye contact for a brief moment before he continues on. I walk into the locker room and change into my gi, my arms feeling leaden as I dwell on the first class I’ll attend since early April. I walk out onto the main dojo floor in time to see the youth class finish up and bow out.

Sensei Mike greets me warmly and asks where I’ve been for the past while. That first minute tells me that he doesn’t know about the injury I sustained during our workshop. I explain my absence and the injury and I see Mike’s face change behind the masks we’re still required to wear. On the one side, I’m glad he didn’t know about the injury as he likely would have dwelled on it during my absence. We discussed the various lessons that he and I should be associating to what happened and how we could share it with the student body.

Monday night was my first class back. I practiced, I trained and I broke a sweat. It was a good burn and a good feeling. Tonight will be my second class back. And that’s the way of it; like walking a long journey requires one step at a time, my return to peak condition will be the same. One class at a time. Yesterday was my cardio day. My legs are killing me, today. Small price to pay. Combining karate training with cardio will lead to weight loss, increased speed and reflexes and hopefully regaining a little something of what I’ve lost in recent years. Let’s go take that next step… ☯️

I Dream Of Okinawa…

I’ve written about some of my time in Okinawa, a journey that took place exactly one month after 9/11 happened and the world changed forever. 9/11 just happens to be my birthday, which made it all the worse. I don’t pretend to compare my personal pain with any that the people directly involved with those tragic events have to have felt but I know that it affected me in ways I still haven’t recovered from, as well. And although I realize that I’ve often written about the martial arts aspect of my time overseas, I’ve never really spoken about some of my personal experiences in Okinawa. And that would be a fuckin’ shame…

I could get into the entire journey TO Okinawa, which included a couple of cities in the US as well as some within Canada… I still have camcorder film of the entire journey (yes, I still have a camcorder) but I’d rather share some of the feelings I experienced while over there. Okinawa was among the best experiences of my life. Besides the fact that it’s the birthplace of karate, my journey and time there changed me in ways that never would have happened if I hadn’t gone over there…

Once we were in Naha, Okinawa we checked into our hotel. I wish I could remember the name of the place but all I remember is the Japanese pronunciation of my room number, which was “San-Yaku-nana” (room 307). Picture what would be a cold October morning in Canada… chances are that you’ll wake up shivering if your furnace isn’t going yet. in Naha, we were woken by temperatures in the mid to high 30’s… We usually shared a breakfast of eggs and toast together in one room before deciding how our day would go.

Outside of our obligations to the Uechi family, we spent a good amount of our down time on the beach. Although it was 40 degrees Celsius during the afternoon and extreme summer weather for us, it was actually late autumn for the Okinawans. They were all in long pants and jackets while we were in shorts and splashing in the ocean. It was a strange contrast, especially since the Okinawans were curious and watchful of the strange white people who were cray enough to swim in the ocean during the “cold” months.

During the evenings, we would enjoy Japanese beer and Sake while reminiscing of our time in training… Memories that no camcorder could capture. During the day, we visited Zen Buddhist monasteries at my request as well as shopping locals that featured much of the culture that makes Okinawa uniquely beautiful. I got to experience chocolate-covered grasshoppers and prayed in a few different monasteries. It was great. Nothing quite like getting a front row seat to the culture one was raised on, to change one’s perspective.

The sense of peace and belonging I felt in Okinawa hasn’t been replicated since. The people, the culture and the beauty hasn’t struck me in the same way ever since. The thought that Sensei has been back about three times since then breaks my heart, because I was never able to join him. But one must never live life with regrets, right? I only bring it up now because I’ve recently been dreaming of it… Okinawa has penetrated my very soul. Maybe I’ll get back there someday. in the meantime, karate may be the only piece of it I have left to hold onto. ☯️

The Funny Thing About Fear, Is Everyone Is Afraid Of It…

Fear is a natural thing. People don’t usually think it is but it is. Fear is a natural reaction to something that could bring harm or is considered dangerous against oneself or others. Most people spend the majority of their lives trying to avoid fear, as though it expresses some level of weakness to be afraid. It starts quite early in life, with parents trying to convince children not to be afraid of the dark, what may be under the bed or in the closet. As adults, we acknowledge that these fears are pointless because we’ve grown and come to learn that there’s nothing to fear. Children haven’t had this benefit at so early an age.

None of this stops us from trying to rationalize and dismiss one’s fears, children or otherwise. And while it may seem normal to get frustrated with a child who may be afraid of the dark, what happens when some fears penetrate into adulthood? Worse yet, what happens when an adult develops a new fear based on experience? Should it still be rationalized and dismissed? What if it disrupts or damages something within your adult life? Sometimes it can be easier to ignore a problem than to deal with it. But as adults, we need to use that logic to figure out an intelligent solution to our fears, as opposed to ignoring them.

As some of you may have recently read, I suffered an injury back in early April. This injury included damage to my rib cage as well as the muscle wall covering said ribs. It happened in karate class while training through a weekend seminar and as much as I’d like to say that I should recognize that it isn’t a fuckin’ knitting circle, it’s a combat art, I have to admit that getting hurt IN karate is something that I’ve not only never experienced before, it’s caused me some apprehension in going back.

I really didn’t think it would, at first. I spent weeks on muscle relaxants and pain killers, trying to heal and get over the injury. I lost several nights’ sleep and spent most of those nights curled up in a cold sweat, crying out the pain. Despite having trained for several decades, I have NEVER been injured to this extent while training in karate. Oh, I’ve been injured and required recovery but never anything like this. And never as a result of a karate class.

As the weeks have trickled past, I’ve recovered slowly, able to move easier, breathe easier and finally able to get some sleep without crying. I made a point of acting tough at work but it had a profound effect. I kept telling myself that I would soon be ready to return. But recently, I came to realize that despite being completely healed, I felt an intense level of anxiety and stress at the thought of returning to class. It’s been debilitating and has had me finding every excuse in the book NOT to go to class. I have no fear of facing the other black belts; we understand the risks and potential injuries that come with training. This is all me. This is all in my head.

Considering I was badly injured and needed almost two months to recover, my fear is not irrational. I know that. But my anxiety over reintroducing myself into the dojo is. And eventually, I’ll run out of excuses. When that time comes, I’ll need to decide whether I hang up my belt and move on to a different chapter of life or if I stick to my plan of continuing my martial arts journey and continue to learn. As a family man, I have an obligation, now more than ever, to maintain the ability to defend myself and my family. I also need to continue working towards maintaining my health, especially if I expect to live long enough to see my grandchildren. Food for self-thought… ☯️