Given the direction that the world is heading in, and some of the thoughts and opinions that seem to float around out there, I feel that this is a topic that is not only near and dear to me as a martial artist, but as someone who was terribly bullied as a child. In fact, if you can think of it, I’ve probably had it done. From wedgies to practical jokes, all the way to having a group of three peers beat the ever-loving shit out of me for having the audacity to speak up for myself, being thrown fully clothed into the gym showers first thing in the morning and even having my car vandalized and moved on me. On one occasion, which could be a story for another post, I was even attacked by a fellow student with a pocket knife. That knife successfully found purchase in my wrist. Karate saved the day on that occasion. And this bring me to today’s topic.
In keeping with the social climate, I need to point out that this post solely reflects my opinion on the subject. And bearing in mind that I’m speaking strictly in generalities and none of what’s written here should be construed as legal advice (especially since I’m not a lawyer), you should definitely do your own research and maintain your own opinions on this subject. Recently, I’ve seen a number of posts in social media where a person or in some cases, a couple, would hold up a placard that reads something akin to, “Stop sending your kids to school and telling them that if someone hits you, to hit them back. You are part of the problem.” In all seriousness, this line of thinking breaks my usual serene sense of calm and pisses me off beyond rational thought. Part of the problem? Are you kidding? Maybe we should start by addressing the fact that someone insisted on starting that scenario by hitting first. For my part, I’ve always taught my oldest the important steps of ask, tell, make.
If someone hits you, start by asking them to stop, followed by telling them so, if asking doesn’t work. If you’re in school, seeking the assistance of a teacher or adult can help. But you still need to be able to defend yourself and prevent harm or injury to yourself if none are available. This is where fighting back comes in. For 37 years now, I’ve trained in the martial arts. I’ve both benefited and been forced, to use my skills in real life scenarios where I’ve had to defend myself or others from harm and in some cases, mortal danger. Sounds dramatic. That’s not the intent. But the reality is that bullying is not a new concept. The attention on it is, with every armchair warrior and/or peace advocate strongly believing that we should all embrace peace, love each other and avoid violence at all costs. And trust me, true believers, I’m right there with you. I commit my life to the elimination of suffering in my life and the world around me. And embracing peace while avoiding violence would seem to be a logical step in that direction. However, logic is often lacking in someone who makes the conscious decision to bully others.
For over 35 years (probably longer, but the mat eludes me), I’ve trained in the martial arts. This has been an extremely important tool for me to promote and maintain my health. What most people don’t understand is that it was also a means of ensuring I could protect myself from those who sought to harm me or bully me. There had been instances, during my youth, where teachers or my parents got involved but the result was exactly what you would have expected to see in any 1980’s brat pack comedy film; it usually made maters worse. Eventually, my skills in karate not only allowed me to protect myself but it allowed to end the fights that others started. It took very little time for the bullies to start realizing that I was no longer an easy target and that they would likely suffer just as much injury as I would, just for the sake of a laugh. So, would one be correct in thinking, in those circumstances, that I shouldn’t have hit back? When one considers the fact that the bullying and abuse wouldn’t have stopped otherwise, I would say it was an important lesson for the bullies. I like to think that some of them may even have changed their bullying ways. Maybe that’s just hopeful thinking, though…
Telling people they shouldn’t teach their children to defend themselves when someone brings harm or injurious behavior their way is tantamount to encouraging “victim shaming,” where the victim is blamed for the outcome instead of bringing blame to the bully who initiated the situation. While I wholeheartedly agree that one never knows what may be happening in someone’s life to elicit this behavior, I believe even stronger that this singular fact doesn’t grant them the right to attack or bully my child. There are mechanisms in place to help you assess and find a way to channel those feelings, that anger and that energy. And I believe that in order to become a productive and successful member of modern society, my son will need to learn the importance of standing up for himself, up to and including defending himself. To do otherwise would make him a perpetual victim for the rest of his life; something I swore I would never be myself and I would never allow for my children.
Sensei often told me during my formative years never start a fight or use your training to harm others. But if someone brings harm or starts a fight with you, make sure you finish it. Doesn’t mean you have to cripple someone for life to get your point across, obviously. But under no circumstances should someone ALLOW themselves to get struck or injured just for the sake of being passive. Stop telling your kids to hit back? Maybe start telling your kid not to hit in the first place. That would solve one problem. But when it comes to bullying, sometimes you just gotta pop them like a balloon for them to float away. That’s not mine; that was from Rocky V. But a better one might be a reminder that “the only thing necessary for the triumph of evil is that good men do nothing.” While I might not agree that a bully is inherently evil… misguided, perhaps, but not evil, it doesn’t mean that one should do something about it.
Again, this is a pretty charged topic and I know some folks have their own thoughts and opinions on it. The important thing is that an opinion is comparable to being a smoker. Smokers don’t care that non-smokers DON’T smoke. Because it causes them no harm. But to the non-smoker, the smoker is causing them all sorts of damage, if they do it on their vicinity. It’s the same thing with bullies. They continue to operate as they do until someone brings the harm to the forefront and makes them stop. So the lesson here is, even if you’re not the one who starts the fight, don’t allow yourself to be bullied, taken advantage or harmed. End the fight. Protect yourself. And for the naysayers who believe that scenario can be avoided, you may want to spend a bit of time in the real world before you assume friendship and hugs will fix your problems. Food for thought…☯️





