I was on my way home a couple of days ago when I drove past an elderly lady who was walking on an adjacent sidewalk. It’s in my nature to examine my surroundings as I go along, but something about this lady caught my eye in a particular way; she was smiling!
One would be inclined to think that a smile is not a big deal, right? Normally, I would agree. But here’s the thing: this lady had grey hair and was hunched over. She walked with a cane and had a very slow gait. She appeared to have lived through some of the more difficult aspects of life.
Despite the difficulty she appeared to be having, she was looking up at the trees and the sky and had a huge smile from ear to ear. She waved at another person as she walked by. Did she know this person, or was she simply spreading joy and friendliness? And it got me to thinking about the human condition.
We spend most of our lives trying to get things done. We grow up going to school, we study then get jobs, build families and worry about finances. We spend so much time doing all of this that we often forget to take a look around us at the world that’s provided so much beauty.
If this lady is able to enjoy the beauty of life and keep on smiling, then we should really have no excuse.
Life throws quite a bit of stress at us, so it’s important to stop and smell the roses every now and again. As Mother Teresa once said, “Peace Begins With A Smile.” ☯
Do you ever wonder what life expects out of you? Have you ever wondered if you’re on the right track, based on those expectations? Well, I have some illuminating news for you: life expects nothing. You’re not “expected” to be on any track. Your life depends on you.
For centuries, there have been expectations out of people through the natural course of their lives. In medieval times, a boy became a man and was expected to take a wife and raise a family. This could happen anytime after the age of 12. Can you imagine? People today would cringe at the very thought of allowing such a young child to marry.
Throughout Contemporary History, you were expected to serve a tour of duty in your country’s military, return home and marry, have kids and get a house and solid job. Not even a career, mind you. Simply a job that would bring in the income required to support your family. That’s all that mattered.
What do you think the expectations are now? There are certain things that people impose on themselves. There are several people who believe that they need to go to post-secondary studies, obtain a university degree, meet someone and get married prior to their 30’s and have children, secure a career and a stable home.
One good example is how most teenagers start meeting guidance counsellors at 16 to start deciding what career they want and what path they’ll choose in life. I don’t know about you, but I had a hard time deciding what I would be doing on any particular weekend; I certainly wasn’t ready to plan out my life at that point!
Things need to happen in their own time. There is no template to how life should be lived. It’s okay if you chose never to go to college or university. It’s okay if you don’t meet the love of your life until later in life. The choice to have children is also yours and can’t be dictated by others.
Pooja Rajkumar once said: “Everybody have their own pace in achieving things in life… just because it happens to others, doesn’t mean it should happen to you as well… You will have your time and when it is to happen it will, without you being worried about it… just have one thing in your mind to clear off the frustration, “all things happen for a reason” and you will be fine!!!”
Don’t be so hard on yourself. Even if things don’t go “according to plan”, it doesn’t mean you’re off track. Don’t push so hard. Don’t stress so much. The things that bring you happiness will always outweigh the things that bring you money. Or possessions. Or suit the expectations of society. Do what brings you peace. ☯
Things can get pretty rough sometimes. Life tends to throw a lot at you, and if you aren’t willing to push through and give yourself the effort you may not overcome it all. They say time heals all wounds, but the scars can sometimes be as bad as the wound itself.
How strong is your will? How much strength of will do you have? If push came to shove, and you or a loved one needed it, how far would you be willing to go in order to overcome the obstacle that you’re facing?
Everyone wants a hero; someone to come along and just fix things and make them all better. How often in your life can you look back and say that this has genuinely happened? I’m not saying it CAN’T happen… Some of us have been blessed to have influential people in our lives that have made a difference. But think back to those situations and take an objective look. Can you honestly say those problems were solved by those outside people? Or were you simply guided and encouraged by these people into accomplishing those goals on your own?
Humanity’s will to survive is amazing. Even when a person is in their last moments of life, the human body will have a number of systems in place biologically designed to try and keep that person alive for as long as naturally possible. YOU try and help yourself without even knowing it. That’s why it’s important to be your OWN hero.
In the late 1980’s, doctors told me I would die from insulin resistance and wouldn’t make my teens. I had to take it upon myself to work on my health and well being in order to restore myself and ensure my continued survival. I had the help of some very important people, but my will to survive is what got me there. I celebrated my fortieth birthday last September.
When I joined the martial arts, my doctors and my family told me that it wasn’t an appropriate “hobby” for someone with Type 1 Diabetes. I was told I would get hurt, my blood sugars would be adversely affected and that I would never make black belt. In March of 2002, I proved all those people wrong by achieving my 1st degree black belt in Okinawa karate.
When I set out to get the career of my dreams, they told me that their health policies at the time didn’t allow for type 1 Diabetics. Even when that policy got rescinded, the candidate application process that would usually take between 6 to 12 months took me 2 years! The increased battery of medical tests and examinations would have caused many to simply drop out of the process. But I stuck with it.
Due to a number of Diabetes-related health complications, it was believed I would never have children. That didn’t matter a great deal when I was younger, but it was life-altering when I became an adult. As many would agree, it can be the sort of thing that can define relationships and futures. But despite all that, my son Nathan will be five years old this year!
I guess my point behind all of this (besides making it look like I’m bragging) is that the strength of will to achieve your goals comes from within you. That isn’t always easy, but it’s what will ultimately get you to where you’re going. You’ll be surprised at what you can accomplish once you stand up and trust that you can do it. ☯
I’ve written about stress before, but it remains a predominant aspect of daily life for most people. In general, one could easily write about stress indefinitely, given the number of effects it has on the human body and life.
Stress isn’t inherently bad! Although we tend to view it in a negative way, stress is simply your body’s way of dealing with changes within one’s environment. How we adjust to these changes is what defines the response.
Picture this scenario, if you will…
You arrive at the office at 8 am on a Monday morning. You’ve had a reasonably restful weekend and you walk up to your desk in a relaxed manner. Nothing bothers you, no one is disturbing you and although you have some tasks on your desk awaiting completion, you’re not particularly rushed. Then it happens: your supervisor walks in. Within minutes, your supervisor discusses these tasks with you, imposes timelines and completion dates, and advises you of the additional tasks that will be assigned to you once you complete the current ones…
Sound familiar? If we follow the definition of stress in the literal sense, the supervisor is a the change in the environment that requires you to adjust and adapt, creating stress. But what would have happened if you’d been left to your own devices? I’m not trying to call anyone lazy, but one needs to admit that a person’s productivity tends to increase significantly when stressors are introduced.
When produced in small doses, stress can help you cope with daily life, meet goals and achieve deadlines. Believe it or not, if not for stress you likely wouldn’t be here. Since stress is part of your body’s early-warning system, it can often help produce the “fight or flight” reaction required for proper survival. This is something that, from an evolutionary standpoint, is pretty interesting.
But before I start going off on a tangent, let’s refocus on the stress aspect. Some studies have shown that small amounts of stress in the proper environments can actually help boost your immune system and help your body’s defences against infections and the like.
From a Diabetes standpoint, I can safely say that stress plays a major role in the proper control of one’s blood glucose levels. Since every person is different, the after effect will also differ. Stress tends to make my blood sugar spike; for someone else, it may drop.
I’m making a pretty good case in support of stress, but it can obviously be detrimental as well. Sustained stress over long periods of time can lead to many health complications, such as high blood pressure, anxiety and mental health issues.
There are certain signs that will allow you to recognize if your particular level of stress is too much for you. If you can’t seem to sleep properly, if your appetite, mood or weight begins to fluctuate and your immune system seems pooched to the point where you catch every little bug that floats by, it may be time to address the issue.
The mood aspect will have several different colourful sides as well. If you start being angry or irritated (more so than usual) in such a way that interferes with your daily life, there may be a problem.
Although stress is a part of life and there is no eliminating it, it’s important to recognize your limits and deal with stress in a healthy manner. Here’s where I get to suggest my usual dose of exercise, sleep and meditation. Those are a big help, but don’t be afraid to speak to a medical practitioner if you suddenly feel as though it may be getting out of your control. ☯
“The good deeds a man has done before defend him…”
Recognize that quote? It was spoken by J. Robert Oppenheimer, although he took it from the Bhagavad Gita. You may remember Oppenheimer; he was the theoretical physicists nicknamed the “father of the atomic bomb” and is credited with helping to create the atom bombs that were dropped on Hiroshima and Nagasaki.
How well do you think Dr. Oppenheimer sleeps? I guess I should clarify; Dr. Oppenheimer passed away in 1962, but I can’t help but imagine he had a number of sleepless nights.
We all make mistakes. That’s a big part of what makes us human. Is there anything in your life that you can look back upon and wonder if you would have done it differently? You probably shouldn’t.
Life is a vast mosaic of experiences and decisions. No matter what the choice, good or bad, it has become a penultimate part of what has made you who you are. This is second only to your current, conscious choices.
Sometimes outside forces and influences will create a situation in which we question the choices we’ve made. It’s natural and normal to question the decisions we’ve made, as long as it doesn’t make us falter in our confidence.
I’ve written before about how every consequences is based on three sources: your involvement, an outside influence and elements beyond your control. When you come to terms with that, you can start to own your involvement, and work towards dealing with the rest.
We’ve certainly all made our share of mistakes. Humanity wouldn’t be able to grow and progress otherwise. The important part is in knowing that it’ll all be alright. Don’t be so hard on yourself. Don’t struggle so much. Life shouldn’t be a constant butting of heads. And don’t forget that you can never take it more than one day at a time. ☯
Given my personal and spiritual beliefs, coupled with the state of the world, I often have difficulties consolidating my understanding of the world’s apparent increased oversensitivity. Although I believe we should all treat each other well, the world has become a place where everyone is offended at the smallest thing.
As a people, when someone does something to wrong us we feel compelled to act or react. Sometimes this reaction can have adverse or negative effects; not only on the person we seek to react against. This brings us to contemplate the difference between seeking justice against those who have wronged us and getting revenge. Where is the line? What is the difference?
Justice is defined as bringing a “just behaviour or treatment” against another. Although normally used in the scope of upholding laws, it basically means a fairness, focusing on impartiality and objectivity. The whole point of justice is to make things right, all the while maintaining the right.
Justice is meant to be blind.
Revenge is defined as “the action of inflicting hurt or harm on someone for an injury or wrong suffered at their hands.” This one provides more of an opportunity to obtain retaliation; since they hurt me, I’ll hurt them!
Both of these options allow for a repayment of a wrong done to us, but one creates more of an extreme than the other. Is one really better than the other?
The reason justice is blind is because is allows for the wrong to be righted with objectivity and impartiality. Meanwhile, revenge is mostly about making one feel better by causing harm on another. Revenge may make us feel better (although it plays hell with one’s karma) but justice allows for an actual repayment of said wrong. And even though revenge may feel as though the scales are being balanced, the cost is often far too high for the payback.
This is a difficult concept to explain to someone who, for example has been personally attacked or has had a loved one attacked. When extreme violence is inflicted upon us, as animals, our instincts dictate that we fight back. At least in most cases (fight or flight syndrome).
So, what about someone’s direct or indirect actions cause a general hardship in one’s life? For example, a person who speaks untruthful words that upset the balance and harmony of another person’s life or perhaps destroys their current WAY of life. How does one seek justice when everyone else’s eyes are on you as opposed to the person who caused the damage? Does it become acceptable to seek out some form of revenge on this person?
A lot of this is speculation, some of it is based on recent events within my own life. However, it’s important to remember that both these things, justice and revenge, have their place in the world. Although the first is generally more widely accepted and appropriate, the latter can often be the only way to truly obtain justice.
The important lesson for all of us is that no matter which avenue is pursued, all of it is for naught is it isn’t combined with forgiveness. Even before justice is served or revenge is obtained, being able to forgive the person who has wronged us is an important first step in ensuring our well-being. ☯
There has been a fair amount of press recently surrounding a certain celebrity who has been speaking out against abortion laws being proposed in the United States. This is a hot topic that has been debated for decades, but because of the proposed means of protest, it has sparked a lot of response, both good and bad.
Just to be clear from the get-go, my personal and spiritual beliefs are as such that I’m a firm advocate of always hearing both sides of the conflict before rendering my own opinion. That being said, I believe every person has the inherent right to choose what is or isn’t done to their own bodies, regardless of what any government body may be suggesting.
But today’s blog post isn’t about the story in the news or the celebrity who is using her status as a means of garnering attention to “her” cause. Today’s topic is about equality in relationships.
Decades ago, western culture had an expectation that the man would go off to work every morning and earn the money. The woman would stay home, tend house and take care of the children. When the man got home, the expectation was that the house would be tidy, a hot meal would be waiting on the table and he would be greeted at the door by a loving wife. Is anybody else picturing an I Love Lucy or The Honeymooners episode?
Western society as a whole has moved at what can only be described as a slow crawl on matters of marital equality. It’s not the 1950’s anymore, and things have changed significantly, even though many believe it hasn’t. Both parties in the relationship have an equal right and equal capability to accomplish anything required within the household.
The thing that got my hackles up about the article I had read was how the writer referred to being a stay-at-home partner as “unpaid work”. Honestly, nothing could be further from the truth.
These days, cost of living expenses generally tend to force both partners to work full time at bringing in enough income to live. But some households still have one partner working outside the home and one partner working within.
Here’s the reality: let’s say that one of the two people in the relationship has a decent job making 100k/year working 40 hours a week outside the household. The other person stays at home, cleans, does dishes and keeps things in order. Both partners are putting in their respective day’s work with the total 100K salary being brought into the home. The tasks being done at home are essential and are part of the overall requirements of modern living. If the at-home partner stops performing these tasks, then the household stability will falter, rendering it more difficult if not impossible for the outside work to be accomplished as well. This means that the work done at home contributes to that 100k salary.
The point is, that income is only possible thanks to efforts from both relationship partners. And it becomes important to acknowledge that the one working outside the home needs to contribute once he or she returns to the residence as well. If you get home and throw your feet up while your partner is still slaving away prepping food and trying to keep the kids in line, shame on you!
My work has often involved longer scheduled days, overtime and shift work. Some days I’ve felt run off my feet, but I’ve still helped to prepare meals. I’ve always used my down time to clean, run errands and perform household chores. How could I not? I live here, too! When my son was born, I took months of parental leave in order to be home and help. I got up multiple times a night, sanitized bottles, changed diapers… the whole nine yards. My wife was not employed outside the house at the time, so I could have kept on working. But it was better for both of us for me to be home to help. None of that makes me a “better” partner than others, this is simply what the standard SHOULD be.
Good balance and communication is important!
At the end of the day, no one should be claiming that staying at home is “unpaid work”. It absolutely contributes to the household income and is a necessary function for a family household. I’m not referring to people who are convinced to leave a career that is important to them, of course. That’s an entirely different story.
That’s where proper communication and compromise comes in. Both partners needs to verbalize their wants, needs and expectations in order to achieve proper balance. Otherwise, a change may be in order. But if you do chose to stay home, remember that the work you do at home matters. And speaking from experience, everything done within a day at home is a LOT of work! ☯
Ambrose Bierce once said: “Speak when you are angry and you will make the best speech you will ever regret.”
Anger is like a virus. The stronger it becomes, the more it affects those around you. Think about it. Have you ever told someone to calm down? How often did those people ACTUALLY calm down? Telling someone they’re cranky or angry usually just makes them crankier or angrier.
Being angry can be detrimental on a person. Anger has shown to increase blood pressure and anxiety as well as cause headaches. It can increase your chance of a heart attacks and strokes.
Intense or long term anger will also cause a number of nasty symptoms, such as indigestion, insomnia and bodily aches. Pretty nasty for an emotion that is deemed normal, right? I can almost guarantee that you likely didn’t consider any of that, the last time you got mad.
Anger can be a useful emotion, if used in a positive manner. But more often than not, anger will lead to poor choices or violence and can damage long-standing relationships. In the long term, that is. If my relationships ended every time I got angry, I’d never be able to drive in heavy traffic!
My face, before my morning coffee (kidding!)
There are a number of ways to deal with anger. Obviously, learning meditation is an effective tool for learning to control oneself. Regular physical activity is also a great help. Whatever means you decide to use, remember that as I’ve said before, emotion is an energy. And you can’t destroy that energy, you can simply transform it. This is where it becomes important to transform it into something useful. ☯
I wrote a post a little over two weeks ago about a pan flute I had purchased from China. I was extremely excited at the prospect of learning this instrument, as it has a classic place in classic Asian music.
However, about a week after it had arrived, I took it out of the velour sack that accompanied it and examined the instrument. I blew the first notes on the flute and discovered that some of the notes were flat and wouldn’t play. Upon closer inspection, I discovered that the flute had a long crack down one of the tubes.
The crack runs all along the tube to the bottom
It was heart-breaking, since it basically renders the flute unplayable. Oh sure, I could probably find some tunes to play that don’t require the specific damaged notes, but limiting an instrument in this fashion does it very little justice!
Another view of the fractured tube
I’ve noticed that some of the other tubes are starting to develop some stress cracks as well. I’m not sure what I expected from a $14 purchase from China…
I’ve given the pan flute to my son Nathan, and he’s presently having a blast with it. It can give him some of his first exposure to music and instruments. Who knows? Maybe he’ll learn to play it!
All dark clouds have a silver lining. My wife has provided me with an actual flute she had in her possession.
The new “Kaze”, which is Japanese for “wind”
I’ve purchased a beginner’s primer on learning the flute. In the months to come, I intend to start learning this instrument as a substitute for the pan flute.
Music is a wonderful form of expression and can be relaxing and beneficial for one’s health. I’ll keep you all posted on my progress! ☯
Sometimes we don’t allow ourselves to be aware of the influence our parents have on us. As soon as we’re old enough to reach our goals, we often attribute our successes on our own merit and efforts. This doesn’t mean that the groundwork for that success didn’t come from those who have had the most impact on our childhood.
My mother lives a life of limited means. She has a small, one bedroom apartment where she can be near my father who resides in a care home. They both reside in New Brunswick. My mother has been trying to reduce the amount of belongings in her apartment due to the lack of space. One of the items she has had for the past few years is a small wooden dining table coupled with a set of wooden chairs.
My grandmother had purchased this table set for several hundred dollars a few years ago. But since she herself has been relegated to a care home, she had turned it over to my mother. Mom has been keeping this table set in her bedroom, which has been a source of issue for her. She recently decided to try and sell the table set.
The apartment complex she lives in caters to retirees, and she was certain someone in the building could make use of the small table set. She drew a quick poster on a piece of plain paper and tacked it on the building’s bulletin board.
Not an hour had gone by, and my mother was visited at her apartment by a young man who was painting the unoccupied units for the building’s manager. He explained that he and his wife were recently married, starting out and looking for inexpensive furnishings for their home. He wanted to see the table set.
My mother showed him in and brought him to the table. He examined it carefully and felt that it could suit his household’s needs, but would need to confirm with his new bride and asked if he could take a photo, to which my mother obliged.
The young man asked how much my mother wanted for the table. After quick consideration, she indicated that she would like $100 for the table, since her own mother had purchased it at about four times that amount only a couple of years ago. The young man asked if my mother would be willing to accept $80. My mother mulled it over and stated that the young man should discuss with his wife and come back the following day should they decide to purchase and the price could be discussed then.
The following day, my mother brought her small car to the local dealership for some needed repairs. The car had been making a knocking sound for a couple of weeks, and one of my uncles advised her of the cause and the need for the repair. Having nowhere to go, my mother waited patiently for a couple of hours until the repairs were done.
When she approached the service desk to retrieve her keys, she was dismayed to hear that the bill amounted to nearly $200! once again, my mother is living on limited means and did not have the funds available for such a bill.
She was considering her options when one of the kinder employees looked into it and found an extended warranty that my mother had purchased along with the vehicle; one that was still in effect. With this added warranty, my mother owed nothing for the repair of the vehicle. The employee was satisfied to tear the invoice to pieces in front of my mother.
My mother was overwhelmed and SO thankful for the discovery. For those who know my mother, her eyes well up at the drop of a hat. And this occasion was no exception. She retrieved her vehicle and headed home.
Wondering about the young man and the dining table? Well, my mother was feeling deeply grateful at being spared the hardship of a bill she couldn’t afford. She couldn’t help but feel that she needed to repay this good fortune in some way.
She walked into the apartment building and went straight to the unit where the young man was painting along with others. She asked if he had discussed the table with his wife, to which the young man stated he had. The young man explained that they had very little money and only had about a spare $50 so they wouldn’t be able to buy the table.
My mother then asked the young man if he would be willing to buy it for $20, if he took it today after his work day ended. The young man was overwhelmed and accepted immediately. He was so excited, he asked the other painters if he could leave the work site for ten minutes to load the table into his truck right away.
As my mother was telling me the story of how all of this came about, I could hear the joy and pride in her voice. not only did she get some reprieve from financial hardship, she was able to do something great for a young couple starting out. And she felt that she had positively “paid it forward”.
That’s when my mother spoke the words that have been one of the main mantras of my life for decades: “Everything happens for a reason!”
Are you kidding me? I’ve been using that very saying for almost as long as I’ve been studying Buddhism, and here my mother was probably the one who planted the thought in me, years ago.
It’s important to remember that kindness begets kindness. Positivity brings about the optimistic and positive energy of the world and creates the environment we all want to be in. Be good to others, even if for no other reason than the act of being good. I can promise you that in the long run you’ll be happier. And who knows? With all that positive karma, perhaps someone will pay it forward to you! ☯
The Blogging Buddhist 