Category: Buddhism & Philosophy

The Silent Partner…

Last June, my wife decided to gift me a small succulent plant for our anniversary. I could have sworn I wrote a post about this but now I can’t find it. Either I didn’t, which is possible considering the number of posts I’ve written, or I did and my WordPress is glitching. In any event, my wife gave me this lovely little succulent to place in my office, which is likely the best gift that one could provide for a Buddhist. In essence, she gave me a touch of life to brighten up my work environment.

This is important, because most people associate the workplace with a full day of negativity. It’s great in concept to suggest to people to “do what you love,” but not everyone has that option. Granted, I’m absolutely enamoured with my job and love going into work, but there’s always room for more positivity in life, right? The bottom line is that I spent my first couple of months putting a personal touch on my office space. This can be important as work becomes so much smoother once your work space has a “homey” feeling to it. This shouldn’t be confused preventing the association of work within the actual home.

“Herb” during his first day in my office…

I decided to post the succulent on my personal FaceBook page, which is something I typically don’t do, and received some great name suggestions. I landed on naming the plant, “Herb.” I’ve never had much of a green thumb and I was a bit concerned with taking care of a living thing within my workspace. But a succulent is likely the best type of plant to give someone in this context, as it requires minimal watering and only needs passive sunlight. While I don’t subscribe to the concept of talking to one’s plants, I make a habit of playing some meditative music in the office, which I think likely benefits Herb. I couldn’t necessarily find definitive articles showing the benefits of music to plants, but I’ve heard a lot about it in previous years.

Herb is the first thing I see when I walk into my office. He gets a touch of water, every Monday morning and he gets a couple hours of passive sunlight with the rising sun, every morning. It’s been a nice addition and a positive presence within my office. Certainly not my most comprehensive or informative post I’ve ever written but sometimes it’s nice to share something simple. And this happens to be one of those things.

“Herb’s” selfie, almost nine months later…

It’s subtle, because succulents don’t grow quite as rampantly as many other plants would but you can definitely tell from the two photos I’ve shared that Herb has started to grow outwards beyond the rim of his pot. The slight added weight of his “branches” has caused a bit of a flattened look for his lower stalks, but his centre is still proudly sprouting upwards and these photos certainly help me to see that growth is definitely happening.

Plants are certainly a positive way to brighten one’s environment, whether at home or at the office. The important thing to remember is that a plant is a living thing, no different from a household pet. It requires attention, watering and care. Many people get plants and then let them sit there and all but forget about them. You still need to give them some attention and care, otherwise you’re better off simply NOT getting a plant. For me, given the growth Herb has shown in recent months, I can’t wait to see what progress he’ll show in the year to follow. ☯️

Sprinkle That Negativity Elsewhere…

All life is a game of balance. By that statement, it would make sense that the negative needs to exist in order to complement the positive. While most of us live our lives within the confines of this balance, most would agree that it’s more pleasing and typically one’s goal to live within the positive, as negativity tends to bring suffering. And suffering is not good. At all.

So what can one do to simply and effectively eliminate negativity from one’s life? Following the Eightfold Path is certainly a good way to start. Right view, right intention, right speech, right action, right livelihood, right effort, right concentration and right mindfulness are good practices to have in order to eliminate the negative aspects of one’s life. But not everyone prescribes to these aspects, and society has a funny way of associating happiness with material belongings and tangible pleasures.

Unfortunately, some people experience the most negativity in their lives from other people. Have you ever had a toxic individual in your life? Someone that always seems to go against the grain and make things difficult? But you continue to keep them in your life because they may be a long-time friend, associate or even a family member. Occasionally, you won’t even have the choice. It can be someone brought into your life by virtue of someone ELSE’s choice, like a sibling or friend marrying someone toxic.

Sometimes it isn’t even so much that the person is TOXIC, per se. Sometimes it’s a simple matter of the person unfortunately living within their own negativity. And when someone is always negative, it just kind of seems to suck the air and energy out of the room. It’s important to note as well, that a person may not inherently be negative but their perspectives and life views may simply not be in line with yours. This can be even worse, since it means that even if they’re not negative themselves, it’s causing negativity within your own life by virtue of those differences.

So, should one cut such people out of their lives? This can be a difficult decision, especially if there’s a personal connection spanning years and possibly decades. I’ve faced that very situation, myself. Having someone who’s always difficult, negative and argumentative can be draining on a person’s soul, and common sense would dictate that knowing such a person for an extended period of time doesn’t make it worth it to have them linger in one’s life if all they do is spread negative energy into your existence.

There’s no easy answer. In fact, there’s no answer I can provide here. Each and every situation is different and subjective but it’s important to remember that one’s overall happiness will come as a result of their own actions; even if those actions mean cutting ties with someone you’ve associated with for years. Careful contemplation and consideration needs to be included but at the end of the day, like all things in life, one must do what’s in the best interest of one’s overall health and wellbeing. Food for thought…☯️

Lowered Expectations…🎶

I used to watch a comedy skit show, back in the 90’s and early 2000’s. It wasn’t Saturday Night Live but it was something similar to that. They had this skit they ran called “Lowered Expectations” about a dating sight for folks who had basically given up and would date anybody. I found it funny back then, even during times when I was single, myself. But I can imagine the scene wouldn’t play out too well in today’s demographic, given everyone’s sensitivity to every little thing under the sun. But I digress…

The topic of today’s post isn’t about comedy or that particular show, which I still can’t recall and can’t be bothered to Google. The focus is expectation, as it relates to daily life. Funny things, expectations. Everyone has them, everyone focuses their efforts on them but very rarely do they pan out. And why is that? Perhaps it’s because anything worth having in this life needs to be worked for and CAN’T be expected. But hey, what do I know? I’ve expected things in life, just like everyone else.

When I was younger, I was FULL of expectations. I expected to graduate high school. I expected to complete a college or university education, get married, get a black belt, open a karate school, be debt-free and live out all of my dreams before calmly and peacefully moving on to the next life. Of course, I also expected to see a cure for Type-1 Diabetes in this lifetime. The jury’s out on whether that one will happen or not.

Granted, I accomplished some of the things listed above. None of it was without difficulty and some augury of suffering, but most things in life are difficult. Life isn’t meant to be easy. The big piece is being able to tell the difference between a goal and an expectation. A goal is defined as the object of a person’s ambition or effort, a desired result of something that one strives to achieve. An expectation is the belief that something will happen.

There is a correlation between goals and expectation. After all, if you put your maximum effort behind accomplishing a goal, you can likely expect that you’ll be successful. But what if you aren’t? Should you EVER expect the end results of your goals to be positive? It raises an important philosophical question about one’s ability to think positively and eliminate suffering in one’s life. After all, why WOULDN’T I be succesful if I set goals and work hard at them, right?

The problem is, and I seem to utter this thought in almost every post I write, that life doesn’t care about one’s plans. Life happens REGARDLESS of one’s plans and is often counterintuitive to one’s efforts. this makes expecting a particular outcome to be as efficient as using the concept of winning the lottery as your retirement plan. It’ll work, should you ever win the lottery. But the odds of that happening are ridiculously unlikely.

My point here is that I couldn’t sit back and expect that any of the goals I described in the third paragraph to happen on their own. I had to work at them and fight to accomplish those goals. If I expected to complete a post-secondary education as opposed to putting in the hard work, there would be empty spaces on my walls as opposed to where my certifications are displayed. If I expected to achieve a certain degree of skill in the martial arts without all the blood, sweat and tears I put in, I never would have reached my previous goals and continue to work towards the ones I’ve set for the future.

Don’t sit back. Don’t expect things to happen. You need to step out into the light and MAKE them happen. I see an unfortunately high number of articles I’ve read where the concept of no longer working hard and going through struggle to achieve one’s goals is becoming a thing. What kind of new-age, snowflake crap is that? Life doesn’t happen to those who sit back and wait for it. Although it’s important to find peace within one’s own life, if you sit back and wait for the float with your expectations to arrive, the whole parade will pass you by. Food for thought… ☯️

One Thing At A Time…

Ah, multitasking… How often have we heard the term throughout our personal and professional lives? As a child, I used to hear it the most from teachers. “Oh, you need to learnt to multitask in order to get things done…” In college, it was almost an expectation and a mantra that students were expected to multitask. Multitask this, multitask that, get things done… I made my way through life with the concept that one had to always be taking care of many things at once, in order to keep up. Although this belief was created and grown by the adults and influences around me, I have to recognize that I played my part in developing the belief that I could, in fact, multitask. But I was wrong. And so are you, if you believe you’re actually multitasking…

Multitasking is a myth. Our brains are not wired to perform high level functions required to accomplish many simultaneous tasks at once. When someone is “multitasking,” they’re usually dividing their attentions between the tasks that they’re performing, albeit quickly enough that they feel they may be doing them simultaneously. The problem with this, is that we run the risk of leaving one task linger or leaving it behind. As we do this consistently throughout the day, we also run the risk of carrying the weight of all those uncompleted tasks along with us, throughout the day. This can result in feeling additional stress and pressure of all the weight we’re carrying, which could have easily been avoided by completing one task before on to the next.

An article posted by the Cleveland Clinic entitled Why Multitasking Doesn’t Work, explains that “We’re really wired to be monotaskers, meaning that our brains can only focus on one task at a time. When we think we’re multitasking, most often we aren’t really doing two things at once, but instead, we’re doing individual actions in rapid succession, or task-switching.” The article gores on to say that “when our brain is constantly switching gears to bounce back and forth between tasks […] we become less efficient and more likely to make a mistake.”

For example, I seem to be constantly interrupted by my children for various reasons while trying to write this post. As a result, I’ve had to correct and re-write various portions of the post, even some simple sentences. Another good example is while trying to learn in school. Although taking notes during a lecture is something we all grew up doing, this activity can be a hindrance since one’s attention needs to be focused on the lecture and not taking notes. As you jot down notes, you’ll be prone to miss things that are said or ask the lecturer to repeat themselves because your attention was on your notes as opposed to on what was being said.

You’re probably thinking, that’s all bullshit! I multitask ALL the time, I cook while chatting with my family, I watch television while folding laundry… Although it may seem as thought you’re doing these things simultaneously, you’re really not. And it isn’t all that noticeable when it’s simple tasks that you’re accustomed to performing. It becomes more problematic when the task in question becomes more complicated, convoluted or has something at stake, such as work performance. This is why it’s important to be present in the moment and focus on only one thing at a time. Even when you have a list of things to accomplish, completing one task before moving on to thew next ensures completion of given tasks and less opportunity for oversight and mistakes.

This isn’t a new concept, nor am I revealing anything earth-shattering. But even in the present day, when the pressures and requirements of daily life have done nothing but grow and increase, people still believe that they can perform several tasks at once. And to an extent, maybe they can. But the results are much more positive when we take it one thing at a time. Be in the now. Focus on the present. begin and complete one item before moving on to the next, unless prioritization forces you to do otherwise. The result will be better efficiency, less stress, less pressure and the possibility of living in the moment, which is where we all belong. ☯️

To Paranoid Or Not To Paranoid, THAT Is The Question…

As a general rule, I always try to give people the benefit of the doubt and think the best. However, over a decade’s worth of dealing with the light and dark side of society has caused a healthy level of paranoia within me. Even now, when I go to pubic places, I usually try to tactically place myself in such a way as to have a clear view of all exits, be able to survey the whole room and prevent anyone from being able to sneak up behind me. Is it a bit much? Maybe. I just know that’s it’s kept me alive through a rather colourful policing career for quite a number of years.

The problem comes when someone is the polar opposite of what I described in the first paragraph. For the most part, members of the public have their heads down in their devices or are generally oblivious to the world around them as they wander; a habit that can be dangerous and even deadly in the wrong circumstances. As a martial artist, I’ve spent years training myself to be aware of my surroundings and be vigilant. To some, this may mean I’m paranoid. But a little “healthy” paranoia can keep you safe…

Many say that the world has become a dangerous place but I would argue that it has always been dangerous. It’s one’s exposure or lack thereof, that lends to one’s perspective. But make no mistake, danger is consistently around us in some given way, shape or form. There are some statistics (although i couldn’t locate concrete ones) about the fact that every person will cross paths will a killer at some point in their lives. Am I being a little too dark? Is my perspective on the world skewed? Maybe. But maybe not…

Last Thursday, I took the bus to work as my wife needed the family car to run some errands. Nothing out of the ordinary for us and we happen to have a bus stop ten feet from our house that drops me off a five-minute walk from my office building, downtown. Doesn’t get any more perfect than that. I was dressed and ready, had change in my pocket and was out the door with only five minutes to wait until my bus rolled up and I hopped on. Morning was going according to plan. What more could I ask for?

As part of my general sense of wellbeing, I walked to the rear of the bus and took a seat on the far right side of the rear bench. As described above, this allowed me a clear view of all the other passengers of the bus and all the exits. Given that it was about 6:40 in the morning, there were only two other people on the bus, but one of them was sitting on the far left seat of the rear bench as well. Clothed in a dark hoodie with their hood up and head down, I wasn’t able to make out any facial features and couldn’t even tell if it was a guy or a girl.

The bus moved into motion and I did my usual, which was to text my wife and observe my surroundings. Given the events in 2008, where a man was stabbed and beheaded while on a Greyhound bus in Manitoba, I make a point never to be asleep or inattentive on public transit. Again, maybe that’s my paranoia being somewhat on the excessive side. But that morning, it paid off as I dealt with a rather unusual situation.

As I was looking out my window, I turned my head and glanced in the direction of the individual on the bench with me. Although my eyes didn’t linger on the person, I suddenly did a double-take as I noted the person appeared to be staring straight at me! this wasn’t subtle; their head was turned directly to the side and their eyes were locked on mine as we sat there. I held eye contact for several moments, thinking they might say something but nothing came. I finally broke the silence and asked the individual if I could help them with something, to which I received a deep, rasping response of, “No.”

The creepiness factor sent chills down my spine and I’ll admit that I removed my gloves and unzipped my coat as I anticipated this person might attack me in some way. We all have an latent survival instinct that warns us of impending danger; some call it “lizard brain.” This is the sort of feeling that came over me in that moment. The odd thing is, despite the depth of the voice, I still couldn’t tell if it was male or female. I was moments away from needing a clean pair of pants when the individual pulled the “stop requested” cable, stood up and waited at the bus exit until the bus came to a stop. The individual dismounted. All of this, while maintaining eye contact with me.

Was I familiar to this person? Did they think I was someone they knew? Is it someone I possibly arrested during my policing career? A dozen questions ran through my mind as we rolled away. I calmed significantly once we had driven a ways down the road and I knew there was some distance between this person and myself. It was certainly a creepy experience and I have no idea what it was all about, but it stands as a good example of why one should always be aware of their surroundings and not lost in their device or asleep when out and about. You never know what could happen. ☯️

Screaming At A Brick Wall…

Communication is hard. One wouldn’t think so, given that we live in an age where we have so many different ways to do it. With electronic communications and social media becoming all the rage in the past two decades, one would be inclined to think our ability to communication would have increased and improved. But it continues to amaze me how many if not most people have difficulty communicating effectively. And I’ve observed a number fo reasons for that. Let’s explore this line of thinking a little bit…

I remember an instance years ago when I was texting my wife about supper. She was at work and nearing the end of her day and was no doubt tired and looking forward to coming home. She asked if I had eaten yet, to which I replied “no why did you want to eat with me?” Read that poorly crafted sentence once more time… Do you notice what’s missing? I didn’t, until my wife came home and appeared to be upset with me. What I SHOULD have replied with is, “No, why? Did you want to eat with me?” This would have been a correct sentence structure and would have posed the question as whether my wife wanted to have supper with me. The lack of punctuation in the first one basically makes it look like I’m an asshole questioning WHY she wants to eat with me.

This is a pretty simple example, but a pretty accurate one as it relates to written communication. We live in a society where text messaging and messaging apps have become the primary means of communication. There are plenty of jokes floating around about one’s phone ringing and the the recipient thinking, why aren’t they just texting me? before ignoring the call. I’ll admit that I’ve been guilty of doing that very thing on more than one occasion. Much to the chagrin of the people trying to call. I make exceptions for the folks I know who don’t use text messaging, like my mother. But otherwise, come on! That totally could have been a text!

All jokes aside, grammar and punctuation play an important role in how one’s message is relayed. In a world of emojis and abbreviations over text-written communication, it can be difficult to discern the sender’s intended message. It can be EASY to misinterpret it and assume a different message than what the sender meant. Plus, communicating through a device or by text takes away all those little aspects of communication that humans have spent their entire existence using, such as hand movements, body language and facial expressions. If you’re on a date and the girl says, “You’re an idiot!” but laughs and gently places her hand on your shoulder, you’ll likely be inclined to be relaxed and assume it has an affectionate meaning. If she looks at you with a frown or screams it at you, she may genuinely think you’re an idiot. But I digress…

The point is that body language plays a bit part in how effective one’s communication can be and how the message is interpreted. But even bigger than that, is the fact that communicating effectively requires a minimum of two parties. there’s nothing worse than trying to communicate with someone who’s shut down, distracted or not listening. Sensei always used to tell me that I have two ears and only one mouth, so I should listen twice as much as I talk. I always thought that was so clever of him. It wouldn’t be until years later that I would find out the expression was coined by the greek philosopher Epictetus. But regardless of the source, they’re wise words, nonetheless.

Communication is a core aspect of socialization. In a world where the average person spends their day with their neck craned over a smart device, two-way communication with another person in good conversation is also part of a person’s mental wellbeing. Even people who “prefer to be alone” eventually get lonely. Although some people can sit together in comfortable silence, this usually isn’t achieved with the average pairing of people in everyday situations. Communication must be a two-way street, with both parties actively listening AND hearing and both parties contributing. This can mean the difference between effective communication or being misunderstood, whether type-written or in person. Food for thought… ☯️

Carpe Diem…

Ah, yes. This is Latin for “seize the day,” which was taken from the Roman poetry book “Odes.” This is something we should all do, although most people tend to live far too frequently in the past or future. It’s important in life to stop and take a moment to make the most out of the present. Given the hectic pace of modern life, many if not most, of us fail to recognize that.

I found this image posted on Facebook by one of my friends. A common image, I’ve usually found it containing text where Winnie the Pooh is asking Piglet what day it is and Piglet responds with “It’s Monday…” to which Winnie the Pooh replies “Fuck!” I’ve seen it often and it always brings a smile to my face and it’s a great joke about how most of the working class dislikes the prospect of Mondays because it’s the beginning of the work week.

I don’t know what the original image’s text actually says. I would imagine the image is taken from one of Pooh’s books. But this one certainly points to the importance of taking advantage and enjoying the present moment. be in the now. No matter what’s happened in the past, you can’t change it. You can only deal with the consequences and move forward to ensure the same mistakes aren’t repeated. Don’t dwell on the future. Even if it’s a good idea to plan ahead, the future is dependent on what you do NOW, and dwelling on it will cause to miss the now. Food for thought… ☯️

The Beetles Were Wrong…

Falling in love is one of the great gifts of life. When you finally find that special someone that completes your life, it can be overwhelming and all-encompassing. It can also bring a level of happiness and joy that’s rarely matched by anything else you may experience in life. In fact, the good things in life become better when you have that special someone to share it with. Ultimately, love heals and the world could certainly use a little more love than most of what’s spewed out in society, even at the present moment.

But love is also conditional on one’s ability to understand that unlike the Beetles’ song, you do, in fact, need much more than love. This is one of those times where I should throw up a quick sentence or two explaining that I’m not an expert in relationships and my advice should be taken with grain of salt. Especially since I’ve had enough failed relationships in my younger years to write a digest. But failure in name isn’t always failure in fact. And these failed relationships have taught what’s necessary in order to make a relationship work. But since this post has been flagged as my “opinion,” we should be good to go.

A good, strong relationship takes much more than love. It takes patience, communication, understanding and just enough similarities to mesh well, together while having enough difference to challenge and help each other grow. There are a bunch of other things that are necessary, as well. But what am I, a couple’s therapist? Definitely not. Like many people in modern society, I’ve been married more than once. It’s not something that I talk about much, but that failed marriage taught me the important aspects that I carried over into future relationships and ultimately into the relationship that will last me well into my next life. Let’s examine a few of these aspects in greater detail…

Patience is the biggest one and the first in my list. Without patience, there can be nothing else. The reasoning behind this is quite simple. No matter how much you love someone and how much you may or may not have in common, patience is needed in order to pave the way for the other relationship virtues I named above. If one is not patient with one’s partner, it can leave the relationship open to unnecessary conflict and hostility, which is never healthy for any relationship. I know many sources will say that it’s good to occasionally open the spigot and let the pent-up aggression out and that it can actually help make the relationship stronger. Maybe. But that’s a BIG maybe. I prefer to think that if one communicates properly, one can avoid the trappings of aggression and conflict, which leads me to the next virtuous aspect…

Communication is an integral part of living among a population of people, whether you happen to be involved with them intimately or not. Those who find themselves unable or unwilling to communicate effectively will usually face a host of issues with the other parties involved and this is no different with personal and intimate relationships. You need to be able to talk things out, discuss important topics and be willing to compromise and concede the point. You can love the other person with every fibre in your soul but if you can’t communicate, the relationship will inevitably falter.

And to be clear, good communication doesn’t just mean telling the other party what you want/feel and expecting them to accommodate you. It also involves hearing what the other person is saying and be willing to compromise on key points. For example, what’s their stance on finances? Do they want children? Even political positions can have a bearing and consequences on how well and how long the relationship may last. But if you have open and willing communication between two people and they’re willing to compromise and meet in the middle on key issues, it will make life and love all the easier and smoother.

Lastly, understanding is the result of patience and good communication. Sensei used to tell me that I was born with two ears and only one mouth, which means I should listen twice as much as I talk. granted, I think that saying was coined elsewhere but the lesson is sound. Understanding is part of the foundation of a solid relationship. It isn’t enough to listen and HEAR something from your partner. you need to understand the message they’re trying to impart, bearing in mind that you deserve all these same things, as well.

Loving someone is an important part of a relationship. You should never tether yourself to another person is love isn’t there. But love isn’t enough. You need to be able to communicate with that person effectively. You need to be understanding and not make demands of that person, nor should they be demanding things of you. I’m sure you’ve heard the expression, “Love is patient, love is kind…” But you and your partner are the ones who need to be patient with each other. Don’t be afraid to be brutally honest with each other, talk to each other and compromise on key points. Contrary to what you may have read, don’t be afraid to go to bed angry. If nothing else, you’ll both have the opportunity to cool off and think things through before saying something that you’ll both regret. There’s my two cents on relationships. Food for thought… ☯️

Another One Of Those…

I found this image on one of my friends’ Facebook feeds. He posts a lot of motivational stuff and this one kind of resonated with me. I don’t know where he got it and can’t source it, but if any of you want to reverse Google search, have at it! Sometimes you gotta just enjoy the words and not worry about the source, right? Although we can agree that, “the medium IS the message,” sometimes you gotta just take in the message itself. A little motivation before the weekend kicks in. Enjoy! ☯️