It’s no secret that having children significantly changes a person’s life. For the most part, having children involves sacrificing a significant portion of one’s previous existence in favour of one that accommodates the needs of the child. While many people boast that having kids shouldn’t change your life, the reality is radically different. The ability to come and go as you please without worrying about babysitting, attending locations that allow children and saving significant time and money are just a few things that change drastically. But even some of the more simple things, that don’t involve any of the aspects named above, can be painfully changed.
One significant example for me, is the ability to train, meditate and sleep at my leisure. In my case, my boys are old enough now that we’re no longer woken at the absolute buttcrack of dawn to a squalling infant who needs direct and immediate attention. But they hinder in other ways. Cue an incident from last week, when I needed to catch up on some kata work I was contemplating. Setting aside for a moment the fact that I’m roughly 3,500 kilometres from my Sensei and get very little correction, I focus my time polishing my forms and kata using Uechi Sensei’s original instructional textbook and the few video clips from Sensei that I have. But the challenge of staying polished is significant, in the absence of an actual dojo to attend.
On this particular date, I had made a point of letting my wife know that I had some kata work to be done and that I would skip supper in favour of getting a workout in before I sat down and the cement dried on my evening. My oldest was camped out on the basement floor where he usually spends his downtime, albeit a ways away from my training area. So, THAT was fine. The problem is usually the 5-year old. Now, I get it… Daddy’s home, he’s been gone all day, a kid wants to see his father. I not only get it but I understand it. But as I’ve often written before, in order for me to take care of others, I need to start by taking care of myself. And taking care of myself means karate.
I had just changed into my karate gi, when my youngest came barrelling downstairs demanding hugs. Okay, hugs delivered. After all, what kind of father would deny his small child a hug? But then, I got down to brass tacks and clearly outlined that he needed to allow me to train or head back upstairs. He wanted to stay downstairs, so I listed three very clear and simple rules for the 30 minutes that would follow:
- No talking or loud noises.
- No wrestling or fighting with your older brother.
- Absolutely NO walking into my training area until I was done.
The premise was simple; I needed quiet to focus and concentrate on my kata. Otherwise, distraction leads to mistakes, mistakes lead tot imperfect form, imperfect form leads to incorrect technique in the event I ever need to defends myself. I stretched and started some simple warm-up exercises, which were going fine. The boys were huddled in my oldest’s corner, mumbling quietly to each other. Fan-fuckin’tastic. Then, right as I was in the middle of the first kata, they both bolted upstairs. Within seconds, there was yelling, crying and fighting on the stairs landing. My concentration broke and my temper flared. I crossed the floor to the bottom of the steps to determine what the hell was going on.
Setting aside that such things can distract me, and I don’t anyone commenting on that fact, they were fighting over who would go outside to move our recycling bin to the road for the following day. Of all things, these little weasels were arguing over who would GET to perform a chore their mother had given. It didn’t take me long to get them in line but the damage had been done. I gave the younger one his things that he had brought downstairs and instructed him to stay out of the basement. I fumed for several minutes and tried to perform some cleaning breathing exercises before throwing in the towel and runnning out to the garage and by ringing off 30 minutes on the punching bag, instead.
When my workout was done and I was sweaty, tired and breathing hard, I sat down on one of the comfy chairs I keep out there, lit a stick of incense and took some time to reflect on what had just happened. Should I have given up so easily? having somewhat remedied the situation, could I not have simply continued my kata workout in the house? A big part of the problem, is I allowed my temper to get the best of me. A positive is that I took it out on the punching bag, which is a darn good way of directing that negative energy. But weighing out the difference between the time I would lose trying to bring myself back to a calm focused point, or simply channeling that energy into a different type of workout became the key point that made the bag more worthwhile.
Children have a direct and significant impact on everything we do, and this includes training. When it comes to something you do as a lifestyle, like martial arts, this can pose some interesting challenges. I’ve introduced my children to martial arts on more than one occasion. The oldest wants nothing to do with it and my youngest usually doesn’t want to focus on technique only wants to spar. Which can be fine in small doses. My point is, as important as it is to make the necessary sacrifices for one’s children, taking proper care of oneself is equally as important. In some cases, even more so. This is because, as I’ve mentioned frequently in the past, one cannot help care for others if they haven’t taken care of themselves first.
So, taking time for yourself to train and practice is important, whether it means setting clear boundaries or training away from home. An important detail is to have a plan “B” in the event your intended workout goes belly up and you have to use an alternative. It’s not always ideal but it’s better than skipping the training. And once you’ve managed to have that “you” time and take care of your training, you can certainly roll around on the floor and play with the kids to your heart’s content. After all, kids won’t understand that you need that time to yourself once in a while. And it’ll be a few years yet before my boys start to realize the importance and have some level of understanding and acceptance. In the meantime, I just need to keep training in whatever way I can. ☯️
The Blogging Buddhist 