Category: Opinion

Life Lessons For Your Morning…

I found a short list of “life lessons” online while recently wandering my social media platforms. I don’t recognize the individual who posted this list and it was a “recommended” post (we all know a platform or two that does this), so maybe someone reading this will recognize it. If you know the source of this list, please feel free to share it in the comments. That being said, I can relate to some of these and felt I should share it. The bolder lines are the list. The narrative is mine and some of these are a bit on the funny side. Here we go…

1. Don’t lend money to your family; give it.
This is an important lesson for most, myself especially. I’ve had many times in my life that my parents gave me money, even when I didn’t need it. It can obviously cause things to go awry, especially if one has a family member seeking to take advantage.

2. Never shake a hand while sitting down.
Okay, I get where they’re coming from with this one. Although mostly an etiquette thing, there’s nothing more awkward than walking up to someone to shake their hand and they keep their butt in the seat. Plus, if it’s your first meeting with someone, you only get that one chance to make a first impression.

3. Stop telling people more than they need to know.
They key point here is that it isn’t being suggested that you lie or omit details. But depending on who you’re speaking to, less is sometimes more. Providing a bunch of fluff and details that don’t add to your message is pointless, and may also change the receiver’s interpretation of what you’re trying to impart.

4. Never eat the last piece of something you didn’t buy.
I realize that I’ve been guilty of this quite a few times in my life. Especially if a meal is provided for me and I’m having something delicious that I’ve never tried before, I have a tendency of going for seconds. But if a buddy invites you over for a beer, don’t be that person who grabs the last one. It’s just rude.

5. Don’t throw your friend under the bus to impress someone.
I’ve been the victim of this on more occasions than I can count. If there’s one thing I’ve come to learn in the course of my life, is that friends, true friends, are a genuine rarity and should never be sacrificed for the sake of impressing someone else. This is also a good and fast way to end that friendship, if you’re doing it to someone like me.

6. Never insult the cooking when you are the guest.
If you’ve been invited and are being given free food, shut your mouth, eat it, smile and say thank you. Maybe you don’t like eating quinoa but if that’s what’s being served, grin and bear it. Anything short of a medical reason, be thankful you have someone who not only invites your into their home but shares their food with you.

7. Don’t use the urinal next to an occupied one.
While on the comedic side, I’m going to add to this one while also pointing out that you shouldn’t try to make small talk while using a urinal. The last thing any guy wants/needs, is to be chit-chatting with someone while their hands are on their junk. Obviously, if there are only two urinals available, you may not have a choice. But if there are, don’t be that guy.

8. Don’t take out your phone during a conversation.
This is a pretty big one because society now exists in a world where we essentially function on a daily basis through our devices. While convenient, this can be detrimental during an actual face-to-face conversation. If you’re speaking with a live person, keeps your damn phone in your pocket! You can check your Twitter (Oh, sorry! I mean ‘X’) later. Unless it pertains to the conversation, such as looking something up… And even then, I usually make a point of stating that I’m looking something up for them,

9. Never take credit for work you didn’t do.
Setting aside for a moment the fact that this can get you into serious trouble if it’s ever discovered or you’re required to lean on the skills used for that work, you should never try and advance yourself at the cost of someone else’s blood, sweat and tears. Even if you hit someone that consents to your taking credit, this is definitely a faux pas.

10. Listen, nod, and most of all make eye contact.
People want to feel like they’re being heard. There’s nothing more distracting and annoying than talking to someone who’s eyes wander while you speak and it just feels as though they aren’t listening. Be present in the moment. Pay attention. And if making eye contact is difficult for you, it’s definitely something personal that should be developed. A huge percentage of a conversation is contained in the eye contact.

11. Don’t make fun of your friend in front of his kids.
Whatever. My kids make fun of me so why wouldn’t my friends? I would suggest that it’s more accurate to say not to “belittle” your friend in front of their kids.

12. Never let emotions overpower you.
We all have ‘em. But as soon as you let them take control or dictate your actions, it can start a downward spiral you may not be able to pull out of. Self-control is a major element in the martial arts and in Zen. The important thing is to acknowledge one’s emotions, feel them and experience them. Just don’t them control you.

13. Never beg for a relationship.
This is a big one and quite important. There’s a difference between fighting to keep someone in your life and begging them to do so. The former is noble. The latter is pathetic. If you have to beg any person for a relationship, regardless of the nature of that relationship, they don’t have a place in your life. In fact, they don’t deserve one.

14. Dress well no matter what the occasion.
This is a self-respect piece but it plays a big role in how you’ll develop your confidence, trust in yourself and to help maintain good mental health. No matter what’s happening, take the time to get up and get dressed. It’s part of the routine that will bring success to your day.

15. Never kick a man when he is already down.
Not much to say on this one. No one deserves to be battered. If someone’s already down, you should help raise them up. But if you’re the one being kicked, be sure to block that shit!

There you have it. This became a way longer post than I expected to write but hopefully some of you will actually read through it and get value from some of what’s here. ☯️

My Wise Words Usually Come From Someone Else…

It’s been a while since I posted something I’ve found online just for the sake of sharing it, so I thought I would do so today. I say this as I slam a paragraph in my opening instead of simply posting the photo! I’ll reign myself in just long enough o share today’s quote. Here is is…

Miyamoto Musashi has been a significant role model for me through my martial arts journey. He was a Japanese swordsman who developed his own style of Two-bladed swordsmanship. He was also an artist and philosopher, which gave him a unique perspective on the ins and outs of martial arts and how one should approach life. He wrote a book in the late 1600’s famously titled The Book of Five Rings, which was intended as a means for Musashi to leave behind the teachings he provided to his students.

Whenever I share a quote that’s said to be attributed to someone, I’m always cautious to point out that the quote is only as good (and accurate) as its content. There are a lot of memes and supposed quotes out there that are credited to persons who may actually have never said it. In that spirit and if you haven’t done so, I would highly recommend getting a copy of Musashi’s book and read for yourself. Although this one quote hits deeply, his book reflects on so much more and gets the mind working. Stay healthy. ☯️

The Greener Grass…

Ah, life… It tends to go by in a flicker. Many people exist throughout the course of their lives without ever really living it. And that’s a shame, when you consider that regardless of what school of thought you adhere to, or what faith background you may have, no one truly knows what comes next. What if this is it? Is it really worth getting hot under the collar at the guy who cut you off in traffic? Probably not. We tend to live life as though we have all the time in the world.

One big aspect of life is that we almost always want something we don’t have. In some ways, this is to be expected. The gathering and accumulation of material things serves a number of purposes for humanity. On the one hand, it can be a social status thing, with the ownership of certain things showing wealth, success and/or prosperity. On the other, it can be a happiness thing. Maybe you don’t need a $100,000 camper trailer for the couple of months in the summer that you can use it but your sure as fuck love camping in it when you do.

If you have the method and the means, all of that is well and good. But if you’re the person on the other side of the fence LOOKING at the camper trailer that someone else owns, you’d be lying to yourself if you believed the thought hadn’t crossed your mind that it’d be loads of fun. I use a camper trailer as an example because it’s the first one that came to mind but you can apply that concept to just about anything, including material belongings, wealth and even the people in your life.

Age is a big one, too. If you think back to your youth and if you’re being truly honest with yourself, you’d be likely to find at least one occasion where the thing you wanted most was to be grown up; grown up to buy booze, grown up to do what you want and come and go as you please… Never truly recognizing the benefits and advantages of your youth, while you had it. As an adult, how many times have you wished you could go back to your youth, either for health reasons or because it was a simpler time when you didn’t have to pay bills, work a job and have responsibilities? If you need a perfect example of wanting what you don’t have, you need only to look within oneself.

At the end of all things being equal, life is meant to be lived in the moment. There are things we NEED to do in order to live and function in modern society. Having a job and bringing in an income is counted among the most prominent. But while you’re busy doing that, take the time to enjoy the stage of life you’re in and the benefits you do have. As much as I’d love the energy and health of my youth, I sure don’t miss having to go to school and having most aspects of my life under someone else’s control. And that’s the point; life is a compromise. Work to make money so that you can use that money to grab that occasional pint of beer when you want it. Don’t stress and don’t focus on the things you don’t have right in front of you. You’ll be better off for it and you’ll live better. The grass isn’t always greener on the other side. Food for thought… ☯️

Becoming The Patriarch, Part 9 (The Finale)

So, I’m going to end this travel series on the most positive note I possibly can. IN Sensei’ words and as I often write, for every negative, there is a positive; and vice versa. It’s been a rough week for me; dropping everything at the drop of a hat and travelling across the country to the East Coast to help my mother during a transition that I thought would never happen. Honestly, I always assumed she’d pass away before her mind went. But I walked away on Friday night confident in the fact that she’s safe, warm, sheltered and fed and has a great support system in place. In fact, I would have to go on record as saying I have the best fuckin’ family in the world. Part of me is thoroughly convinced that had they not intervened prior to my arrival, I would have been travelling out there to bury my mother instead of visiting her. But I digress… And I did say I would end this on a positive note.

The dark, foreboding roads of New Brunswick

As I wrote yesterday, Saturday morning saw me get up a few inches higher than the butt-crack of dawn and drive south on a dark, moose-infested highway from Northern New Brunswick and the City of Moncton. All in all, my travel day, if I include the driving (which I do), amounted to about 22 hours of total travel. Delayed departures threatened my ability to get home and flight changes at two different airports before touching down in Regina gave me a unique insight into the ignorance and undeserved self-entitlement that the general public seem to have when being in an airport terminal. But before I go off on some sort of negative tangent, I should probably get to the more positive aspects of my visit; of which there were many.

Taking care of a family comes with its fair share of responsibilities, which I’m sure I don’t need to tell any of you. When we usually travel out East, the opportunity to kick back and go out is pretty rare. This is mainly because my mother doesn’t have the constitution or control to deal with Nathan and Alexander, which means we limit our outings and interactions while in New Brunswick to a) what can be done during daylight hours and b) all together. The result is that I usually never get to see many of the friends and associates I still have in northern New Brunswick because most of them work day jobs and after supper, we’re winding the boys down and trying to get them to bed. From my side of things, it would be irresponsible and selfish of me to leave my wife with the boys in a random hotel room in a community she’s unfamiliar with, and take the only vehicle and say, “Have a god night, hun! I’m off to shoot pool and drink beer. See you later!” Dick move, imaginary me. Dick move.

Flight 1 of 3. Let’s go, already!

This is one of the only occasions in nearly a decade where I was able to touch base and reconnect with some folks I haven’t hung out with in years. And I even got to go see Sensei’s son’s new house, which he had been begging me to go see for years. I reconnected and shared meals with some family members and was introduced to the wonder that is pork loin (Thanks, Daniel!) and will likely be trying to make it myself. I got to enjoy brunch with an old high school friend and fellow karate practitioner. I got to shoot pool and enjoy a couple of pints of the elusive Alpine beer, of which there is none in Saskatchewan. And last but certainly not least, I got to spend several hours sitting in Sensei’s warm living room reliving old memories as he provided sage advice and wisdom, even without asking for it. This is Sensei’s way.

Contemplating life at 32,000 feet

in some ways, many ways, my mother has managed to teach me some valuable lessons through this entire process, as well. A part of me wants to share the image my aunt took of my mother’s emaciated form when she found her. She was on the brink of death and looked horrible. However, I don’t feel it would be respectful of me to expose my mother in such a private moment and it could be triggering or traumatic for some to see her that way. But the bottom line is my mother reached a point where she realized she no longer had anyone to take of and spent her days in silence. Alone and depressed, she gave up. It isn’t until family stepped up to start helping and being there, that she started to regain some constitution and start to get better. The way she appeared when I left on Friday was night and day compared to the photo I saw, only two weeks prior.

Guess who was happy to see me?

The bottom line is that we all need people. In whatever way, shape or form that takes holds for each of us, we need that in our lives. For my mother, she spent her entire life taking care of others. She spent two decades on a state of constant hyper-vigilance looking after my brother until he passed. Then, my father’s paralysis took hold and she took care of him until he signed himself into a care home. Finally, both my grandparents reached their end-of-life needs, which my mother provided for both. It isn’t until the past year or two where she’s had absolutely no one to take care of or look after. Years of constant stress and adrenaline have taken their toll, which contributed to her current state but the biggest caveat is that she couldn’t be alone. That’s what started to do her in…

Whether some of us choose to admit it or not, human beings are pack animals and we need others in order to survive. My mother was a clear example of this, as she is once again thriving. As much as a 75-year old woman who’s losing her memories can thrive, of course. But the lesson here and what I picked up during this trying week is that life is short. No matter what school of philosophy you adhere to or what you think happens in the afterlife, the life you’re in is but a flicker. At the snap of your fingers, it’s gone. So it’s important to live life and take the time to appreciate your family, loved ones and the important things in your life. This is an important lesson that I’ve always known but the rigours and stresses of life sometimes make one forget. It’s just unfortunate that my mother had to nearly die in order for me to remember.

The lesson was driven home (pun intended) the most as I disembarked from the final leg of my flight, at the airport in Regina. As I descended the escalator, I saw my wife and my two sons, patiently waiting for me to arrive. As I reached the bottom of the escalator, no act of God or man could have kept my redheaded little daredevil from plowing through large, adult crowds to plow into my arms. As shown from the last photo above, he was up as soon as I was, this morning and has been attached to me, ever since. I guess daddy’s home. Life eventually starts to take away more than it gives. That’s the inevitable secret of life. That’s why we need to enjoy the happy moments when we can, despite having them peppered with the sad ones. It’s the balance of life that means the difference between living, and just existing. Food for thought. And with that thought, I’ve got some life to go live. It’s good to be home. ☯️

Becoming The Patriarch, Part 8

Well, here we are… Yesterday was a bittersweet mixture of sadness and joy as I packed up my bags to return home to Saskatchewan. It was an emotional goodbye as, despite them both being in the proper care that they need, I became consciously aware that this may have been the last time I’ll either or both of my parents. Although visits with them was great, we’ve reached that stage of life where I need to be ready and expect that a certain phone call may come at any time; especially given my mother’s current state.

I awoke well beyond the butt-crack of dawn, at about 4 am, this morning. This was after a very pleasant visit with Sensei last night, where we spent several hours reminiscing and remembering the good times while discussing and assessing the bad times, both behind and ahead. It was a pleasant combination of laughs, philosophy, perspective if life and martial arts. It isn’t until I realized it was past 11 pm that panic struck me and I realized I would only get about five hours’ sleep before needing to drive for three.

The morning chill woke me to full consciousness after I closed up my mother’s apartment for the last time and brought my bags to my rental vehicle. I took to the raid with the last energy drink I pilfered from my mother’s fridge and I got on a very dark, foreboding highway and drive in silence. I stopped once in Miramichi to grab coffee and a grilled cheese for breakfast (I’m weird, I know!) and I got back on the road, stopping only once more to refill the rental vehicle’s gas tank before turning it in.

I was lucky, in that my Aunt Anna was in Moncton for an appointment, so I got to spend an hour with her, chatting and catching up. We were both grateful for how lucky things with my mother turned out and that we were able to get her the help she needed in time. Now, I’m sitting on the upper level of Moncton’s so-called international airport, patiently waiting for the first of three flights I’ll have to take in order to get home. Brutal and expensive but what can you do? I need to get home. All in all, it will be a 14-hour day of travelling, with some exhausting stopovers. But it will be worth it to get home and see my family. ☯️

Becoming The Patriarch, Part 7

I’m trying to keep these relatively short, both by virtue of the fact that when it’s for entertainment purposes and somewhat on the negative side, people aren’t all that invested in reading long posts. Plus, considering how late in the day it is in New Brunswick, I kind of missed the mark on drafting and posting this morning. That’s a bit of. A testament to how much is currently on my mind. But I said I’d keep this short and here I am, bantering on as though I have all the time in the world… let’s get to it!

Yesterday saw me spend some much-needed own time with myself. It was a particularly harsh day as I had the opportunity to spend some FaceTime with my dear aunt, who was here to take care of my mother prior to entering the care home. She shared a photo of my mother that she took that demonstrated the state she was in when my aunt arrived. I must confess that by virtue of having been a police officer, I’ve seen more than my fair share of deceased persons. If my brain didn’t logically know my mother was alive and well in the care home, I’d have sworn I was looking at a photo of a corpse. It was really that bad.

The emotional response and panic attack I felt at seeing my mother in this state was deep, and it was very closely followed by anger at once again realizing that someone, anyone, from over here should have looped me in a long time ago. Had my aunt not shown up and provided food, medications and basic cleaning needs, I have every belief that my mother would not have survived until my arrival. I would have been coming to bury her instead of visiting her.

After spending several hours with my parents yesterday, I tried to tidy up as many matters as I could, given that my departure is scheduled for tomorrow. I followed this up with a light supper… I’m kidding, I totally enjoyed a quarter-pound donair burger and it was fucking splendid! Then, I simply came back to the apartment, did up my final laundry followed by some very. Important FaceTime with my wife before unceremoniously falling into a fitful sleep.

This morning was decent, since they apparently didn’t start any renovation work upstairs. Or maybe they’re finished, who knows? All I do know is that I was able to actually sleep in until about 8:30, this morning. Woohoo, wild guy, right? I packed my last box for Canada Post and sent it off to Saskatchewan, then travelled up to Campbellton for breakfast. My afternoon has been spent putting my clothing away and packing it, as well as labelling some travel tags for the suitcases I know have to bring with me,

I’ll be headed to see my parents shortly, which will perhaps be a bit of a tough conversation. From their perspective, I’ve only just arrived. Tonight, I get to visit with Sensei for a bit. That should be a good time. I haven’t seen him in a few years as I wasn’t able to meet up with him when we travelled down in 2022. A pint and some good conversaction about the old days will be just what the doctor ordered.

Tomorrow morning, I get to rise at about 4 in the morning so that I can pack the car and hit the road to reach Moncton for an 11:30 am flight. I may have the opportunity to cross paths with my Aunt, who will be in Moncton for an appointment she has. Then, I get to begin the long, all-day trek back to Regina where I will finally see my wife and kids after being away for well over a week. This is the longest I’ve been away from them in, well… a really long time, if not ever. It was nice to “come home,” albeit for some pretty piss-poor emotional reasons. It will be even better to finally GO home. ☯️

Becoming The Patriarch, Part 6

Alright, so just a short little update this morning since y’all are probably starting to get a bit tired of the doom and gloom posts and likely aren’t reading all of these, anymore. So, in true form of finding balance in all things, I”ll provide just a short update on the positives I experienced yesterday.

The first started with launch and a couple of hours of catching up with Guillaume, Sensei’s son. He and I basically grew up together as best friends and brothers and are both black belts under his father’s teachings. We’ve always been close but as time has passed, life has progressed and with both of us building a family, finding the time and means to get together can be difficult. Especially since we basically live on opposite ends of the country from one another. You may remember him, he’s the one kicking me in the face in the following photograph…

Any way, we started with a solid lunch at a burger place called Classic Burger in a little town called Bathurst. IT was nice and we shared a few laughs. After several years, I finally got to see his house, which he essentially built from scratch. We reminisced and laughed over old times and caught up on new times. IT was a good way to start off the day.

My evening involved joining a couple of old friends and shooting a few games of pool. I hadn’t been in the pool hall in Campbellton in almost fifteen years. What’s more is, I got to enjoy a couple of bottles of a beer called Alpine, which they don’t sell out west where I live. My friend Ricky and I trained at karate together and have known each other for years. And we both have the same sense of humour, which made things interesting,

It was great to get a few games in and have a pint, kick back and relax a bit, especially after everything I’ve been trying to settle up and deal with for my folks. I was reminded by someone that there’s nothing wrong and I shouldn’t feel guilty about taking some time for myself to recharge my batteries and I should feel guilty about doing so. The evening went well and I even had the chance to FaceTime briefly with my wife, which ended my evening perfectly.

In 48 hours, I”ll be boarding a flight to head home. Although it’s felt as though it’s been dragging, a part of me feels the week has flown by and I could have accomplished far more, had I stayed longer. That being said, today is a new day and I have plenty of hours to try and get things done. Time to get at it. ☯️

Becoming The Patriarch, Part 5

As the days have come and gone, I’ve started to get and place several pieces of the puzzle, outlining my mother’s decline and her loss of mental faculties. It seems as though her ability to remain independent may have come on quickly, but her overall decline had been observable and noted by others for months. I find it more than a bit frustrating, given the nature of the “community” within my mother’s apartment complex, that no one thought of looping in her only son. But I digress,,,

Today marks my fifth day away from home, which is five days too many. I’ve been blessed with family members who have gone above and beyond to help my mother and I don’t believe I would honestly be able to get everything done in the week that I’m here, so thank the light for them. My uncle Danny has been an absolute God-send, and I’ve spent most of my evenings in his home where he and my aunt have provided hot meals during my stay.

Probably the most difficult aspect of this week has been all the questions. How’s your mom doing? How is she faring? How are you handling it? I feel like I’ve had to explain the story more times than I care to count and the questions keep on coming. I’m deeply tempted to put out a flyer so people can grab one and read it at their leisure. On the positive side, this clearly demonstrates to me how well-known my mother is and how much everyone cares and is concerned for her. Once again, I just wish I could have been looped in sooner.

It’s one of those things where there likely wouldn’t have been anything I could do but that wouldn’t have stopped me from trying. It’s still my parents, you know? I want to be home so bad right now but at the same time, I’m afraid for the attention and assistance my parents may get, or lack thereof, once I’m gone.Among the many tasks I have set before me today, the day will take something of a karate theme. This morning, I get to travel to the next town over to have lunch with Sensei’s son, a dear old friend who is more like a brother than a buddy. I haven’t seem him in a couple of years. This evening will see me letting my hair down (proverbially-speaking) and joining my old friend Ricky for a few games of pool and a pint.

As with all things in life, there must be a balance. Despite the negative tinge this whole situation has, it’s been wonderful to just see my parents and sit with them. I’ve already seen a couple of old friends, which has been nice, and there are more to come. Friday, I’ll actually get to see Sensei, which will be good as I missed him when we travelled here last year. All in all, I’m taking advantage of the situation to revisit some old haunts and relive old memories. Not all who wander are lost, after all. ☯️

Becoming The Patriarch, Part 4

Yesterday went by in a blur of meetings, phone calls and arrangements for my mother, to the point where I didn’t even have time to stop in and see my parents before the evening set in. IT was a brutal but productive day and I got a lot of things done. I won’t bore you all with those details other than to say I accomplished quite a bit. Some of the residents in my mother’s apartment complex partook of some of the kitchen wares I was panting and the one lady showed her gratitude by giving me a few cans of “beer” that she still had in her fridge from when her husband was still alive. I use the quotation marks because out of the four cans she gave me, none of them were actually beer! But I graciously accepted.

This morning saw me wake up for the day and meet up with an old friend from high school for brunch. We ate a meal, reminisced about old times and old friends… It was the first pleasant moment I’ve had since getting here, other than Facetiming with my wife, last night. This morning, as I was driving to brunch, I was a bit early and took advantage to drive across the Eel River Bar. My home town is one of those strange places that has so much visual beauty, yet I never appreciated it or realized it during my years living here, It’s one of those strange phenomenons where you need to leave and come back to realize what you had access to, every day of your youth.

The view from the point in my home town.

The air was cold and crisp, with hints of winter on the air. The waters were calm and the scenery was beautiful It would almost be a calming experience, if my ADHD brain wouldn’t remind me every five seconds why I’m here. I’m also ashamed to say that it’s my first trip home, ever, that took me this long to visit my brother’s grave. Although the dead don’t care, it still felt neglectful of me. I have to admit, I’ll never get used to seeing my name on a grave stone. I often wish my parents would have consulted me, before including me there.

Maybe I can chisel that bottom line out?

Now that I’ve put in an hour’s work and booked my flight home for the end of the week, I need to get to the nursing home to see my folks. With everything that happened yesterday, I didn’t get to make it in and they’re no doubt wondering where the fuck I am. Tonight will see me enjoy another meal with my aunt and uncle before starting again anew. Despite the calmness of everything, I’m surprised at the level of exhaustion I feel. I can’t wait to get back home. ☯️

Becoming The Patriarch, Part 3

Alright, so it looks like I’m basically posting this shit daily, which wasn’t my plan but what else am I supposed to do while eating breakfast??? I spent my second night in my mother’s ver empty apartment, which means I have nothing but my phone without so-fi for entertainment, which is not ideal. But anyhoo, on with the update…

Shortly after posting yesterday, I spent a couple of hours with my aunt and uncle, who have been helping worth getting everything set up and organized for my mother, They’re honestly a fuckin’ god-send as I don’t know how all of this would get accomplished without them.we discussed a variety of matters and talked about worse-case scenarios, as well as my father’s behaviour towards my mother, which has apparently not been good.

In the afternoon, I finally made my way to the care home to see my parents. To say it was an emotional visit would be like saying water is wet. My mother was bantering at the nurses station when I showed up and the look on her face was haunting. She slowly walked towards me and held her hands over her face as though she hadn’t seen me in years. She burst into tears and practically fell into my arms and wept. It was difficult to see and since I’m not exactly a great “emotions” guy, it was difficult to process and feel.

That’s my mother and I at the top, circa 1978

She gently held my hand as we walked, intent on bringing me to my father, even though he usually naps during the afternoons. My father was lying down but wasn’t asleep. His state of mind was not much better. It seems that in all his red-haired glory, my father has become an aggressive and mean person. The way he was speaking to my mother struck me as a surprise and although I often enjoy some gentle ribbing with my wife, is a way I promised myself yesterday I would NEVER speak to her.

My visit lasted a couple of hours, with another uncle visiting and firing my father up by discussing politics and taxes. Certainly could have done without that. My mother was oblivious to most things and appeared to confuse facts, memories and even people, often referring o me as my deceased brother. Before my departure, my father asked me to find him a replacement remote control for his television, which will be part of my mission for today.

My mother and I, circa YESTERDAY!

My evening was spent struggling to find a meal, since the only decent restaurant in town appears to have permanently closed, I finally conceded the fact that I would be dining on convenience store snacks for the evening, lest I chose to drive 20 to 30 minutes to the next town. I was lucky as it turns out that this particular convenience store has a Subway inside of it, so I managed to eat decently, albeit in an empty apartment.

Once I finished my fine dining, my task of the evening was to go through personal effects and deciding what t keep, what to donate and what would stay. I went through scores of photos, albums and keepsakes, some of which brought a smile while others brought on tears. It was made all the more problematic when I found photos of an unfortunate practice my mother observed, which involved taking photos of my brother in his casket during his funeral. Like a bad PTSD flashback, it brought all the grieving-based memories and emotions bubbling back from over 30 years ago.

Wasn’t I a cute little red headed devil?

Today, I started by attempting to cancel my mother’s driver’s license and next steps will involve selling her car and donating her kitchen wares. I’m slated to have dinner with my uncle tonight, which will be nice and will save me the trouble of finding food. Although it seems as though there isn’t a great deal for me to do, it involves a lot of work, which is fast filling up my calendar for the week. This includes the odd visit with friends who are still in the area, including Sensei and his son.

It’s only been two days but this is proving to be emotionally difficult and draining. We all get there and someday, I will likely need someone to take steps and care for me the way my mother is set up. But considering I spent my entire life with her being the head of the family, taking care of everything and everyone in it, seeing her in a diminished capacity with the leadership of my family unceremoniously thrust upon me has been harshest of all. ☯️