Category: Motivation

The Chi Effect

There’s no arguing that positive energy is contagious. Ask yourself how many times you’ve felt in a bit of a foul mood, only to be lifted up and singing along with a great, upbeat song on the radio… Positive energy creates positive results; a fact that more people should be able to recognize. By the same token, you can be in an excellent mood, only to be brought down by someone negative who is in a bad mood or spreading sad information. I was chatting about this very thing a short while ago with a colleague of mine from work.

I’ve never been one of those martial arts practitioners who put a great deal of stock into being able to “project” energy or that my Chi or Hara could be used as a weapon. There’s are plenty of idiots on YouTube professing that kind of thing. But there’s no arguing that we are all and everything is energy. Not only do basic physics say so, it’s probably one of the few points of existence that both science and religion agree on. At my core, I’m made of energy. You’re made of energy. The screen you’re reading this post on is energy. The entire world and all things are composed and made of energy.

If you’re still reading and aren’t convinced that I’m nuts, I bring this up because although I don’t believe in projecting energy to knock down opponents (There are seriously people who believe they can do this! Google it!), I can admit to being able to focus my energies into my strikes, my focus and my concentration. This is an entirely different ball game, and I’ve experienced it firsthand while training in karate. Just imagine those times when you’ve been floored by a workout but somehow dug deep and found the strength to carry on for that last little bit. That’s tapping into your energy!

For the purposes of this post, I refer primarily to Chi, because it’s more widely recognized as the vital energy flow that all people have. In karate, we usually refer to the Hara, which is defined as the focused centre of the body where the person’s true nature and vitality reside. But when I say “Hara,” I usually get confused looks. And I can admit that there are some differences, so since we’re discussing energy I’ll simply stick with Chi. Still with me? Good.

Decades ago, when I was younger and more about the skill than the meaning, I began noticing a certain phenomenon around my Sensei. Random people would often approach him and speak to him, sometimes to take photographs or simply ask how his day was going. I never thought much about it beyond considering it odd, considering there was usually a number of us around but he would usually be the only one approached. Then one day, such an encounter finally had me ask the question.

We were in Naha, Okinawa. The year was 2001 and I was 23-years old. I was full of the ol’ proverbial piss & vinegar and I was raring to train. But since the temperatures in Okinawa during the month of October reached somewhere in the low 40 degrees Celsius, Sensei felt our afternoons could best be spent relaxing on the beach. I should have been willing to relax and enjoy the sun and sand, but like I said: I was too focused on the skill than the meaning. So it irked me to no end that we were just sitting there, when we were actually in a Japanese prefecture and there was so much to see.

Anyway, Sensei was walking along the beach with a towel around his shoulders when five or six Okinawans approached him and started talking to him and asked to take photographs with him. I had seen similar things happen with him on numerous occasions, so I asked his wife, who was on the beach with us why this always seemed to be happening. She explained that it seemed as though people had always been drawn to him, without him ever trying or drawing attention to himself. It struck me as an odd thing. Until some years later, when it started happening to me.

Once my youthful shenanigans started dying away and I became more of an instructor and more about the art than the skill, I started to notice that people would often approach me without reason. Sometimes it would just be a general “Hi, how’s your day been?” But sometimes I would have random strangers approach me and talk to me at length without reason, without knowing me and without begging for change or trying to sign me up to their multi-level marketing scheme. It seemed as though I could manage to provide advice, encouragement and perk people up without much effort. Folks would often even come to me for advice, even if I never put myself out as someone who would provide it. I never paid much attention to it; until it went away.

The last three years have been the most difficult years of my life. I’ve been depressed, despondent and at my lowest. I’ve had some good times during those three years, such as the birth of my son Alexander. But it’s been rough waters and it’s taken some time for me to see bright shores ahead. They say you never know what you’ve got until it’s gone. I never noticed the effect I described above disappearing, until last weekend when it came back out of nowhere.

I was at the local corner store, checking my lotto ticket. Yeah, yeah, I know… Let’s move on as the lotto ticket isn’t the topic of the post. As I was walking towards my vehicle, a random elderly lady walked towards me and asked me how my day was going. I replied that it was going well. I thought it strange that she was walking towards me, specifically since there were about a dozen vehicles and people milling about. I thought that perhaps she’d ask me for money or something. I hate that I even think this way, but the world has made me this way. She approached and told me she was feeling very happy today as it was Mother’s Day and her children would be bringing her supper.

We chatted for several minutes about her children and how her day was going as well. When I mentioned my own children, she asked me to wish my wife a Happy Mother’s Day as well. I promised that I would. We wished each other a great remainder of our weekend and she carried on her way. When I got into the car, I recognized the phenomenon for what it was and when my wife asked, I explained that it was the “Chi Effect,” and sat in bewilderment for a few moments as I recognized that I had been lacking it for the past few years. It made me happy. It renewed my sense of how my life had changed.

I’m not a guru or a sage. I don’t profess to project my aura, I don’t practice Reiki and I believe my energy is my own and no one else’s. I’m not deeply rooted in metaphysics, although I will confess that I’ve studied it a bit. But what I do believe is that positive energy is contagious, and I believe that when you’re happy and you give off that positive energy, others will pick up on it. And I think that’s what happened with this lady and I, last weekend.

My life and existence have involved the martial arts in every respect. I’ve learned and developed to a level that I realize that the same aspects I’ve seen in Sensei in my younger years are now being reflected in me. The past couple of months have seen some of the shadows lifted from my soul. And the past month in specific has seen me happier than I’ve been in a long, long time. And I think that people can sense that, albeit in a passive way. As my wife once said, many years ago, “happiness heals.” Perhaps some new wounds are starting mend, with some old wounds beginning to make way for new happiness. Food for thought… ☯

There’s Always A Choice…

Ah, life… It has a way of backing us into a corner in such a way as to convince us that we often have no choice but to continue on whatever path is laid out before. Although this can sometimes be true, there’s always a choice to be made; even when it seems that there isn’t. Life may not care about one’s plan and according to Ferris Bueller, life moves pretty fast. But even if life changes things up quickly, you always have that opportunity to choose.

“Life Moves Pretty Fast. If You Don’t Stop And Look Around Once In A While, You Could Miss It.”

– Ferris Bueller

The problem is that when a person is backed into a corner, they’ll often feel powerless or unable to make any choices. It can sometimes look that way, but more often than not we allow ourselves to carry on without consciously making a choice. After all, at a baser level we are still animals. And most animals will take the path of least resistance. From an animal standpoint, this is because it conserves the most energy and contributes to an animal’s overall survival.

Humans, despite being a part of the animal kingdom, have to deal with the stress, anxiety and subsequent issues that accompany the reflex of just sitting back and doing nothing. For example, if you face an accusation from someone and may face repercussions, the toll it can take on your mental health is measurable, despite the fact that it could potentially be easier to take the path of least resistance and wait to see how things play out.

This is only one example, but my point is that the right to choose is something that is essentially unique to humans. Even when animals make a choice, they’re doing so out of instinct and need as opposed to self-awareness and informed decisions. Exercising that unique choice is a right not permitted to everyone in the world, so I feel that it’s important to exercise it in every instance.

So, you may not be able to choose how someone else speaks, acts or directs their emotions. But you can certainly choose your reaction to those things. You may not be able to choose if a particular job or business still exists, tomorrow. But you can definitely choose what you do about it. Life may have thrown you a bad curve. Maybe you’ve gained weight, fell out of shape or an illness has caused your health to wane. You may not have chosen any of those things, but you can definitely choose what changes you make and how you affect your overall.

No matter what situations life may present, there’s always a choice to make. And considering not everyone in the world is given the opportunity to choose, you owe it to yourself to exercise that choice. The choice to choose. For example, you chose to read this post… ☯

When The Hell Did THAT Happen…?

I like to think that I’m pretty good at paying attention to detail. After all, my professional livelihood has always depended on that very skill, so I usually make a point of noticing things even before I technically need to. However, something seems to have happened that I wasn’t even aware of. I appear to have exceeded 300 followers! I’m sitting at 303, to be exact.

When I started authoring this blog, I did so for two reasons:

  1. To share pertinent information about Buddhism, Diabetes, Martial Arts as well as Health&Fitness as I knew of it; and
  2. To grow my ability to write, research and express myself.

I like to think that I’ve easily accomplished those two goals. In the past two and half years, I’ve met some amazing people who write some amazing blogs. I’ve made contacts and helped to share the knowledge I’ve gathered from 38 years of managing Type-1 Diabetes and 32 years of studying Buddhism and karate (although the Buddhist aspect didn’t come along until a few years AFTER I started karate). It’s been an amazing and in fact, and unexpected pleasure in my daily life to start authoring this blog. And now that I’ve started, I don’t expect I’ll ever stop. It’s just too much fun and I find myself unable to shut up, so it works for me.

A big thanks for everyone who reads, comments and enjoys my blog. You keep reading them, I’ll keep writing them. And yes, I’m well aware that “300” is not a number worthy of celebration. But if it was enough for the Spartans to hold off the Persians (albeit temporarily), I’m comfortable knowing I already have an army behind me to keep this thing going. ☯

The Many Shades Of Green

The grass is always greener on the other side. Is it, though? Humans are notorious for wanting what they can’t have, but they tend to be just as bad or worse for wanting what they DON’T have. It’s a pretty common reflex. If you want to purchase a particular vehicle that you’ve seen one of your neighbours driving, you may work towards getting it. But usually, soon thereafter you’ll see something ELSE and think, “Oh, wow! Wish I had that instead…”

Most of us have thought or felt this way, at some point in our lives. I believe the old school term is “coveting.” Although most people automatically think of the Holy Bible when they hear this term, it can easily apply to life in general. The problem is that modern life makes it likely that there will always be a “step up” from where you find yourself at or what you may possess. It shouldn’t come as a huge surprise that I’m a bit of a minimalist and could care less about possessions. But even I find myself in that same boat, on occasion.

It’s easy to covet what we don’t have. But once you accept what you DO have and appreciate it, life becomes so much easier and peaceful. I think it was Oprah Winfrey who said, “Be thankful for what you have; you’ll end up having more. If you concentrate on what you don’t have, you will never, ever have enough.” At least I think it was Oprah. It’s similar to saying that if you wait to spot the field with the greener grass, you’ll miss the whole train ride. ☯

“Appreciate What You Have, Before Time Makes You Appreciate What You Had.”

– Vijay Raj

Proper Life/Work Balance

There’s an old saying that goes something along the lines of, Work to live, don’t live to work… Don’t quote me, and I don’t know where this originates from but it brings up an interesting line of thought. many people actually ENJOY living to work. Sensei used to say that if he genuinely enjoys what he’s doing, then it isn’t work. And if he gets paid for doing what he enjoys, then it’s icing on the cake. And that can be a beautiful thing. But it’s important to recognize that one needs to find a proper balance.

Most people refer to it as “work/life balance,” because it rolls off the tongue a little better. But I revered it to “life/work balance” in the title, because life should always come first. Even if it doesn’t care about your plans. And once again, I digress… Modern life no longer lets you get away with living life COMPLETELY off the grid and without a source of income and social resources. So for the most part, we need to make our peace with the fact that one way or another, you gotta get a job! (I hear my dad’s voice, booming in my head!)

There are no doubt some contrarians out there, who would argue that they know someone who spent their lives living in a cabin in the woods, off the grid and never had a need for money. I have to admit that such a life holds some appeal, but I would never survive since I require technology such as my insulin pump and medicine to go along with it. Eventually, these off-the-grid folks will need money in some way, shape or form in order to get treatment for grievous injuries or illnesses. But that’s hardly the point of today’s post.

The point is, you need to strike the correct balance between your work life and your home life. Depending on what you do for work, this can be superbly easy. You clock in, do your work and clock out. You may not need to think about work while you’re at home. But if you allow exhaustion and lack of motivation FROM work keep you from enjoying the aspects of life, then you still haven’t struck the right balance. You need to be able to enjoy your down time. AND you need to know how to “shut off” the work part of your brain. If you’re doing a puzzle with your wife but thinking of that proposal you need to finish writing, then you’re on the wrong track.

I can admit to being guilty of this, as my previous career showed me. Even when I was home, I was always “on duty,” unable to turn my mind off, sleep properly or enjoy my down time to its fullest extent. It can be harmful, and your loved ones can easily come to resent this behaviour, if left unchecked. So I guess the question is, what can you do to ensure that you find this proper balance? And how can you ensure that you maintain it? Lucky for you, I’m going to share some thoughts on that!

Have a routine. This is the spice of modern life, but most people don’t necessarily understand JUST how important it is. Having a specific routine, first thing in the morning can get your mind accustomed to the fact that you need to get moving. Whether you choose to start by sipping that first coffee and reading the paper or you prefer to shower, shave (for us guys), get dressed and wolf down that day-starting batch of carbs, staying consistent on work days will help you to have some very much-needed “get up and go.” When your work day is done, it’s also important to have a routine, for the opposite reason. It gets you and your body wound down for the night’s sleep ahead.

Do some stuff. This should be common sense, but if you flop down on the couch and do nothing once you get home, you’ll sour your energy, become stagnant and you’ll leave your thoughts open to contemplating the day’s work and potentially the following day. You want to be able to enjoy your free time. Play with your kids. Have a workout or go for a walk. Have a glass of wine and watch a movie. I often hear the siren call of naps and early sleep. But if you get a full night’s sleep anyway, you should work towards maintaining your energy for the awake hours.

Don’t work outside of scheduled hours. Sometimes, our plates can get pretty full and it can get away from us. For those of you committed to the work you do, it can be pretty tempting to bring your work home with you and try to catch up. This is significantly easier with current pandemic restrictions causing many office-based positions to be performed from home anyway. And working at home can feel more comfortable, since you’re among your home and your family. Things may feel less pressured at home, but it isn’t the office and you should save your home time for those things that are not related to work.

The bottom line is that unless you win millions of dollars through the lottery or inherit a fortune, the need to work isn’t going anywhere. And in truth, a job can be a fantastic means of expressing oneself and making a mark on the world. I often like to say that I’d continue working even if I won the lottery because I’d go out of my mind without something to focus my thoughts and skills on. Not to mention that I would potentially drive my wife nuts by being home around the clock. But the reality is that balance is when you clock out and head home at the end of the day, leaving the “work” behind to be picked up again tomorrow. And steer towards the “life.” There’ll always be work to do. But life doesn’t last forever. ☯

Finding Inspiration Among The Stars

Happy “May The Fourth,” everybody! And may the Force be with you! It’s no secret that I’ve long considered myself to be a nerd. And proud of it, for that matter. I think there’s a lot to be said for enjoying and finding inspiration in fantasy, science fiction and make-believe. And I’m one of the more hybrid fans, who won’t subscribe to a specific “camp.” What I mean by this, is that I’m a huge fan of Star Wars, Star Trek and all the other brands of fantasy and fiction including J.R.R. Tolkien, Robert Jordan, Brian Keene and Lee Child.

I spent the majority of my childhood, immersed in books. I escaped the cruel world of Diabetes, hospitals and illness by walking the road to Mordor with Frodo, travelling the stars with Captain James T. Kirk (and later Jean-Luc Picard) and learning about the One Power with Rand Al’Thor (That’s the Wheel of Time series, for you muggles!) What was particular and special is that Diabetes didn’t seem to exist in these worlds, which as a child, was one of the most appealing aspects of it. That, and a genuine love of reading kept me occupied whenever I wasn’t in karate class or studying.

Star Wars Day, or May the Fourth, started in 2011 as a way for fans to celebrate, well… Star Wars. Ironically, George Lucas had nothing to do with creating the so-called holiday but has since embraced it. I grew up on the original trilogy (Episodes IV, V and VI) and absolutely loved the use of a light sabre. It was actually one of the inspirational thoughts behind my study of Kendo. And there’s no denying that Jedi robes can easily be seen as something akin to a martial arts uniform. The Jedi Temple very much resembles a monastery, especially since they refer to themselves as the “Jedi Order.”

I know that not everyone has been a fan of the prequel trilogy or the newly-minted closing chapters of the Skywalker Saga (Episodes VII, VIII and IX), but I’ve loved and enjoyed every one of the movies, television shows and spin-offs. Except for Solo. That was a poorly-filmed piece of shit that cost me time I’ll never get back. But that’s just an opinion. I think that everything before, during and after the original movies painted a fantastic saga, and the books are even better. For example, I’ve read a book trilogy from the Old Republic days about the rise of Darth Bane and how he developed the “Rule of Two,” where there are only ever two Sith: A master and an apprentice.

I sincerely love that over four decades after the first movie was released, Star Wars is still hammering along has continued to the next generation of viewership and is adding more depth to the story. I’ve recently started watching The Mandalorian and it’s quite good. There are more plans in the works for different shows and features as well, and this nerd couldn’t be happier. Never discount a bit of sci-fi and fantasy. A touch of imagination and indulgence can go a long, long way. One might even say it can transport your imagination to a galaxy far, far away… ☯

Make Sure It’s For You

Look at that bald, handsome devil! I may be a bit biased, of course. This is me on my way to work, last week. Despite the current pandemic situation, I don’t have the available space or resources to be working from home. So I go to the office. There are a very limited number of staff working on site at the moment. And most employees have taken to dressing somewhat more casually than they usually would, with a full office. So, this begs the question… Why do I go through the effort of a clean shave and a properly tailored suit? I do it for me. Plain and simple.

Appearances aren’t everything, and this much is true. But there’s definitely something to be said about taking some steps to improve your self-image by dressing and/or training in such a way that makes YOU feel better about YOU. I could no doubt sit in my office in a pair of jeans and a t-shirt, but my suit makes ME feel professional and improves MY self-image. This leads to healthier, happier days and better productivity as a result.

This line of thinking came to mind when I was having a conversation with one of the guys at the office, who mentioned his disdain for people who constantly post photos of themselves without a shirt and flexing at the gym. He commented that he wondered who that was for and felt that it was a bit on the braggy side. I can honestly say that I agree. I know people who do nothing but posts constant stream of photos of themselves in various flexing poses and such. I know, I know… THIS, coming from the guy who just threw a GQ pose into his blog post…

I’m mostly referring to the folks who don’t post the photos to show their progress or to show the “before” and “after” side of their journey, but just take photos for the sake of flexing for people to comment on them. There’s a big difference between having a healthy image of oneself and being narcissistic. This is a personal opinion, of course. I’m sure there are those who feel that constantly posting photos of themselves does in fact help them to self-motivate and work towards their fitness and self-image goals. And as they say, to each their own. It simply isn’t the way a humble person does business.

The simple bottom line is this: Dress to impress. But it better be to impress yourself. How you look and feel to yourself is the primary importance. As long as you have a positive self-image and feel great, you’ll project the confidence and energy that you need to be successful. And if you’re brave enough to share your fitness journey through photographs, be sure that it’s also being done for you and your continued well-being. You’ll be all the better for it. Food for thought… ☯

A Boy Needs Heroes…

When I was a child, my father and I sat through the original Christopher Reeve Superman movies. That’s plural, because by the time I actually sat down to watch them, I was about the same age as Nathan and they had just released Superman III, with the original Superman movie being released a few months after I was born. Now that I’ve effectively deepened my legendary status in nerdom and properly aged myself, I do have a point…

As long as he behaves himself, Friday nights are usually the evenings I spend with Nathan. My wife generally takes advantage to try and get some extra work in so that she can have her weekend, so Nathan and I will usually watch a movie, crash on the living room floor with sleeping bags and enjoy some snacks. As I mentioned, it’s all contingent on him behaving himself throughout the day. But everything had gone reasonably well yesterday, so we sat down on the couch and discussed what movie we would watch.

Much like the joke about couples never being able to pick a restaurant, Nathan is notorious for never making a choice but declining any offers I make. Last night, I asked if he’d like to watch a Superman movie. He nodded enthusiastically and I started to search my streaming services for one we could watch together. None of the original Christopher Reeve movies were available, so I opted for 2013’s Man of Steel.

Comparatively much more violent than the originals, considering the actual fights, punching and battles scenes involved, some may argue that such a movie wasn’t the most appropriate for a 6-year old. But I was then caught by surprise as Nathan learned a significant number of important lessons throughout the movie. And I’m going to share those lessons with you now. I should probably point out that sitting through an entire movie is something of an amazing accomplishment for Nathan. So, there’s that. Moving on…

If you’ve never watched Man of Steel, proceed at your own risk, as there will be spoilers. That being said, I have a great appreciation for the movie, since it steers away from the typical depiction of the all-powerful and invulnerable Superman in favour of a hero who actually feels and who can be affected/harmed by significant opposition. The movie starts by showing the birth of Kal’El, followed by his being sent out amongst the stars by his parents before the total destruction of Krypton. Although any Superman fan is well aware of Krypton’s destruction, it made for an interesting piece of the story to actually SEE some of the storyline, rather than the typical movie with the red and blue suit stepping into the frame within the first fifteen minutes.

As Superman’s parents place him in the rocket and say their heartfelt goodbyes, I glanced over at Nathan and noticed he was red-faced, red-eyed and had a single, fat tear rolling down his cheek. I asked him if he was alright and why he was crying. he responded, “I’m sad…” When I asked him why he was sad, he explained that those parents had to send their baby away and they would never get to see him again. He also pointed out that the baby would never get to know his parents. I was caught off guard with the emotional and mature response he provided. I don’t mind saying that it was extremely uncharacteristic of him.

As the movie progressed, there are a couple of scenes that reached Nathan and we discussed them. The first was when Clark Kent is working in a truck stop restaurant as a bus boy and tries to intervene against a trucker who’s harassing a female waitress. When the trucker confronts him, Clark chooses to walk away. Nathan asked why Clark didn’t just beat him up, as he was obviously stronger than the trucker. This gave us the opportunity to have a talk about how just because you’re stronger than someone else, doesn’t mean you should exercise that strength against them.

The next scene came when we flash back to Clark’s teen years and he gets shoved to the ground and taunted by a group of bullies. Clark sits there and ignores their taunts until they depart. He’s helped to his feet by another classmate and as he releases the steel post he was braced against, we see Clark’s hand has imprinted on the steel. Nathan was blown away at the level of strength and asked why Clark wouldn’t fight back and beat up the boys, since they started it and he should defend himself. I explained that Clark showed restraint, which can often be a more valuable quality than a show of force. Especially in light of the fact that he managed to de-escalate the situation by avoiding a fight.

There were a number of other scenes but honestly, I’ve made this post long enough at this point. I often say that knowledge and wisdom can come form the most unlikely sources, and last night effectively proved that point. What started out as an evening of movie-watching fun proved to be an evening of important life-lessons for my young son. We still had fun and enjoyed the movie, but a little growing was done at the same time. Not too shabby, for a Friday night… ☯

You Can’t Please Everybody

Everybody wants to be liked. Of course, they do. Even the people who puff out their chest and claim they don’t care what other people think would prefer to be liked than disliked. This is a natural compulsion and it makes sense. After all, life is always easier when dealing with people who like you than the opposite. But the big problem is that you can’t please everyone. No matter what you do, there’ll always be someone in the equation displeased with what you say, do or think. Trust, I know. I used to be one of the people who tried to please everyone…

Although the average person tends NOT to think so, complaining about the negative always seems to be easier than simply appreciating the positive. If people could simply be happy with what/who they have, the world would likely be a more peaceful place. And if you haven’t noticed, I’m kind of keen on the whole peace thing. I used to try and accomplish this by doing exactly what was described above: trying to please everybody.

I can remember some specific circumstances of when I’ve done this. I remember the one time where I attended a party with a handful of people. (I know, right? We actually used to do things like gathering in groups and the police WOULDN’T show up) Anyway, I lost a bet and it fell on me to buy the “adult beverages” for the evening. Beer. I had to buy the beer. There were only a handful of us and we had a bit of an organized game night happening… D&D. We were going to be playing D&D.

So, I accepted my loss and graciously purchased a case of beer, which would provide each of us with a couple of drinks. This was more than adequate for our early 20’s metabolisms and we needed to keep our heads clear for the game, anyway. Out of the friends who were there, there was ONE guy who decided he was unhappy with the brand of beer I purchased. Now, I know what you’re thinking: the guy should have been reasonable and appreciated the drinks he was getting for free, regardless of the brand. That should have the way of it.

Instead, this guy indicated that he doesn’t drink the brand of beer I brought and wouldn’t be drinking it. Some of the others indicated their disapproval of this opinion, especially since it was brought for him and it was free (albeit through the loss of a bet). But as the game started, the guy actually pouted a bit and would glare at me regularly. I should probably point out that I was the storyteller, what’s referred to as a Dungeon Master in D&D circles. But I’ll stop firmly establishing my throne in nerdom and point out that it was ridiculously childish and distracting while I was trying to focus.

So, what did I do? Did I tell him to suck it up? Did I tell him to stop being petty and have a couple of drinks, since they were provided for him at no cost? Did I have enough of his petulance and kick him out of the game. No. No, I didn’t. I put the game on hold, asked him what brand of beer was his favourite and actually went to the corner to grab him a 6-pack of his own. I brought it back, he smiled and grabbed a bottle and we got on with our game. I’d like to say that it was because I just wanted to shut him up, but back then I genuinely just wanted to please most people.

Should I have done this? In retrospect, I shouldn’t have. All I accomplished was showing this guy that complaining and pouting about something would eventually get him his way. If I’d been smart, I would have put my foot down so that the rest of us could enjoy our game. The debt incurred by the bet had been repaid and there were bigger fish to fry. All I really accomplished that night was putting myself out further than I should have. Sure, all the guys got what they wanted that night so I guess that in a way I “pleased” everyone, but at what cost.

I recently read somewhere that “You can lie down for people to walk on you and they will still complain that you’re not flat enough. Live your life.” An that’s quite true. It’s always a beautiful thing when you can get along with everyone, but it’s unrealistic to think that you’ll ever be able to please everyone. If you make a meal, there’ll always be an aspect of the meal that someone at the table won’t like. The important thing to remember is the effort you’ve put into the things you do. If there are some who don’t like it or aren’t please with you, so be it. You can’t base your life on whether or not you’ve pleased everyone. ☯

Unlike Footprints In The Sand, A First Impression Rarely Washes Away

It’s a pretty classic story; you attend a local business or service and received really, really bad service from the salesperson. This may be one that you’ve never met before, but they seem standoffish and not really interested in selling to you or helping you. You leave the location thinking about how bad your experience may have been. Then, while chatting over coffee with a friend you discuss your experience only to have your friend indicate he’s dealt with that sales person before and they were wonderful and the service was great. Was it just you? Either way, the first impression that salesperson gave you marked him AND that location in your mind as a place to avoid.

Impressions mean a lot from the perspective of the person looking out at the world. I use the example of a salesperson because it’s a simple and easily understood example. But I’m sure you can think of others. For example, let me tell you about two different people you might see out in public. The first is a young male, well dressed, shirt and tie with dress shoes. He’s clean-shaven and looks to have an ever-so-slight smirk on his face. He appears happy and seems to be on top of his game. At first glance, most would think he may be a local manager or business person. The second person is wearing torn, dirty sweatpants, has at least a few days growth on his face, hair askew and is wearing a canvass coat over everything that quite frankly, smells a bit off as you walk by. At first glance, one might be inclined to believe this person to be homeless or derelict, looking to pander for change or a free meal.

What do you think? Do you agree with those descriptions? From a personal standpoint, first impressions make a difference because they set the bar for how people interact with you. If you’re meeting your significant other’s parents for the first time and you keep a straight face and seem standoffish, that impression may lead them to think your not personable or good as a partner for their child. But if you take the time to smile, shake hands and/or hug (depending on the family, of course), you’ll make a much better first impression. The point is, impressions can last and although every person’s perspective and view of the world may be different, it’s usually pretty difficult to change that impression once it’s been made. It’s a reflex that humans have that’s somewhat connected to our survival instincts.

Now, it’s important to understand that there’s a big difference between making a good impression and worrying about what others think of you. Those are two entirely different things. If you were to tell me that I shouldn’t care what others think of me, I would agree that you are correct. But unless the meeting of someone has an underlying negative connotation anyway, making a good impression is important. Almost as important as never judging a proverbial book by its cover, which brings us back to our two subjects from the second paragraph. I’m sure you’d like to know who and what those two characters actually are…

The first man, the one in the suit; he’s actually a homeless guy who’s been crashing on friend’s couch. He’s barely eaten in the past week after losing his previous job due to illness and he’s on his way to an interview that he hopes will provide him with a new career. His smile denotes his optimism and hope for the future. He sees good things ahead, and plans on benefiting from them. He borrowed the suit from one of his uncles so that he could make a good first impression.

The second man, the one with the hair all over the place and smelly clothes that looks like he may be a homeless person? He’s actually a successful investigator with a large, family home just outside the city. He’s built his businesses to the point that he can be home or absent from work whenever he chooses and never has to worry about money for the rest of his life. Why is he dressed this way, with a strained look in his face? Because he helped one of his neighbours clear out his back lot after some light flooding dragged forest scraps and waste into his yard, hence the filth and the smell. He worked in similar industries in previous years and knew he’d be able to help.

If you had known this information about those two at the very beginning, how would it have changed your impression of them? It would be lying to say that it WOULDN’T have, right? But as I said, first impressions can be important and although I mostly refer to the impression you yourself make on an approaching party when meeting them the first time, impressions are the message that others send to us when meeting for the first time. So always put your best foot forward. No matter what side of the counter you find yourself on, no what kind of attitude or personality the other person has or what certain biases may surface in your brain. You’ll be all the better for it AND you’ll go a certain way towards making a better world. ☯