Category: Buddhism & Philosophy

Rules Are Meant To Be Followed

What are rules? Webster’s Dictionary defines “rules” as “a prescribed guide for conduct or action.” This prescribed guide is usually written, developed, implemented and enforced by some governing body or agency. Our modern society has a lot of rules, usually delivered in the form of regulations and/or laws. But from the simplest rules, such as “stay off the grass,” to higher laws that have been around forever, such as “thou shalt not kill,” people always seem inclined to break the rules. And why is that? Rules and laws are in place for a reason. There is a purpose behind them and without them, society would fall into total anarchy.

Just to be clear, I’m not innocent of this rebellious nature. In fact, no one is. I haven’t met a motorist yet who hasn’t at some point broken traffic laws. Just about everyone I know has dropped a piece of litter on the ground and opted not to pick it up. While the safe majority of actions people perform are not intended to be harmful and don’t result in anything nefarious, we usually live out our lives from week to week, breaking several rules without even noticing.

So, why do people break the rules? And what happens when those bent or broken rules begin to affect others? One good example I can give is a FaceBook post I recently read, that was shared by a friend of a friend. I don’t keep much of a FaceBook profile these days, so I’m unable to share the exact post or image. But as the post went, a friend shared a meme showing a twined highway where a motorist in the left lane was driving at the same speed as a slower motorist in the right lane, thereby illegally slowing down all the upcoming motorists who intended to overtake the slower vehicles.

In Canada, every individual Province has its own legislature and statutes related to the operation of a motor vehicle and/or one’s behaviour while doing so. In Saskatchewan specifically, slower vehicles are generally intended to stay in the right lane except to pass. This allows the faster-travelling vehicles to get by and is entirely the reason behind double and triple-laned highways. It allows for a smoother flow of traffic.

The meme my friend shared essentially provided a message of how wrong it was to perform this action and hinder traffic. And there are Provincial laws and statutes that make this “not okay.” But a mutual friend who commented on the post made a point of commenting how if he felt that someone was aggressively approaching behind him, he usually makes a point of slowing down in the left lane next to a slower vehicle to hinder these aggressive drivers. Oh, great. So what you’re saying is you violate a few traffic laws in order to satisfy your own inappropriate form of self-justice, which helps no one and could potentially cause a collision? Good on you, bro! Great flex!

I’m being sarcastic, in case no one gets that. Besides the illegality of that action, everyone has a story and there’s no way to know the story of motorists coming up behind this person. Maybe they’re late for work. Maybe a spouse is in labour at the hospital or a loved-one is injured or in danger. You don’t know. And now you’re being an asshole and holding them up just to make a point that not only will they not get but isn’t yours to make. This ties in to that whole “there’s suffering in the world” thing that Buddhist tend to harp about and the fact that suffering is usually caused by humanity.

This is just one example, and I’ll admit I got a little long-winded with it. But it serves to illustrate that many people find it okay to break the rules, so long as they can justify it in their minds. Rationalization of one’s personal actions are often used to get away with petty things, especially when the person believes they won’t get caught. Even though the majority of people don’t inherently mean to do wrong, the fact that they won’t get caught in the act often makes it all the more easy to do.

For others, it can be the fact that some people get something akin to a “cheater’s high” from breaking the rules and it can also provide a sense of freedom. After all, as humans, we usually don’t like to be told what to do. Even the most timid of people feel stifled and restrained by having to obey the rules. Try to interrupt my daily routine by telling me I can’t do a particular thing or go to a particular place and you’ll likely get a taste of my dark side, so I totally understand the impulse. But rules are still in place for a reason, often for the safety and security of society and should be obeyed accordingly. ☯

And On The 7th Day, No One Rested

One of the biggest aspects of my own core beliefs is that I have a profound respect for other people’s religions and faiths. I mean, as long as your personal faith and/or beliefs don’t bring harm to others or yourself, I’ve always lived by a standard of live and let live. Even if and when they conflict or contradict my own. It makes sense that not everyone sees things the same way, right? But how does one consolidate their beliefs, religious or otherwise, when they conflict with the requirements of the modern world?

The best example I can give, takes me all the way back to the early 2000’s. I was management, third in charge of a location, which for liability purposes I won’t name. But part of my responsibilities included the hiring and discipline of the staff. It was a trying position at times, and I didn’t always enjoy the conversations I had to have with employees, especially given the fact that some of those conversations were dictated by upper management and the owners.

One of the senior management attended a local church, where the youth congregation were invited to apply and based on that manager’s recommendation, most were hired and made up a significant portion of the part-time staff. And although I’m not a big fan of this type of nepotism, I’ll be the first to admit that the staff we hired were quite fantastic. Always on time, worked hard and seemed inclined to make a good name for themselves.

But one of my other responsibilities also included scheduling for a staff of almost a hundred. This task was often made all the more difficult by the fact that many of our part-time staff were involved in extracurriculars like sports, committees and hobbies. Trying to provide them with the three or four shifts a week they required while navigating those extracurriculars often proved challenging. Sometimes I found myself having to tell one of the part-timers that a big part of being a responsible person was deciding their priorities and choosing between work and outside activities.

For the most part, it was a smooth conversation, with both parties coming to some sort of consensus even when that consensus meant they’d be parting ways with the company. But one young lad made a point of providing an extremely tight availability and absolutely refused to work on Sundays. When I explained to him that as a high school student with limited availability, Saturdays and Sundays were integral to ensuring that he got his three shifts, it was an unhappy medium, because he demanded three shifts a week but refused to work on Sundays as it was “God’s day.”

As I was raised in a French Catholic family, I am very aware of the fact that scripture states that on the seventh day, God rested. That being said, the modern world makes very little convention for such observances, nor does the business world accommodate one’s belief that a part-time employee with a limited availability can be choosy about the days he works. And why would he? Buddhists have a number of “observed” dates throughout the year, but I’ve never refused to work on any of them.

This put everyone in an awkward position. Although it was just the beginning of the new millennium, this was my first taste of millennial entitlement as a leader of staff. It would go on to be a phenomenon that would become all too common in most workplaces. It was also a very fine line to walk. Disciplining or correcting someone on the basis of their religious beliefs is a dangerous thing, both inside and outside of the workplace. But despite having signed an employment agreement indicating that he’d work the hours that were given, the employee missed a couple of Sunday shifts in a row.

He was lucky in a way, because the first time he missed the shift he had called in the previous day to say he wouldn’t be coming in. I say that he was lucky because he got me on the phone. Any other manager likely would have told him to show up for work or he’d be fired. I, instead, asked him why he wasn’t coming in. I got the “God’s day” reasoning and told him that he had agreed to work any hours given to him and that church services were also held during evenings and many staff members adjusted to make it work. He made it clear he simply wouldn’t work on Sundays. Well. Fuck.

I’m a firm believer in picking my battles, so I simply documented the absence and reported it to the Store Manager and replaced his spot with someone who wanted a few more hours. The battle wasn’t worth the outcome for a 3-hour shift on a first occurrence. But the following week, he got scheduled a Friday evening, Saturday and Sunday shift as per the availability of being a part-time school student. This time, he chose to test his luck and simply didn’t show up for work on the Sunday at all. That’s when shit got real…

This time, he skipped out on a shift overseen by the Store Manager, who wasn’t having any of it. Our staffing levels were based on projected sales calculated from previous weeks and years, so if we had 5 staff persons scheduled to work, it was because we were expected to need those 5. The Store Manager contacted this employee, who responded with his usual rhetoric about it being a Sunday. The Store Manager advised he would take care of this one, personally. I was grateful for that.

So in all honesty, who’s the asshole here? Is it the employee for providing an availability and then reneging on it? Or is it the employer for failing to respect an organized religion’s day of observance? Is it considered a bit much for that day of observance to be every single week, or was this youth right in his thinking that no one should work on “God’s day?” While I’m here, I apologize if putting “God’s day” in quotation marks offends anyone, but I’m of the opinion that EVERY day is God’s day. But the very fact I the need to apologize for it is the very point behind this post.

There’s nothing wrong with having faith, so long as you’re faithful. So where does the concept of faith fit into the modern world, specifically the working world? There should be room to accommodate a balance of both, right? I’m using the platform of this story as a means of asking for your opinion. If you have thoughts to share, I’d love to hear them. Feel free to share your opinion in the comments. ☯

Even A Smile Shows Teeth

There have always been those who would bring harm to others, either physically, emotionally or professionally. Although it may seem like a pretty cynical view, learning to acknowledge and understand that not everyone can be trusted is a significantly important way to protect oneself. I’ve come to realize over the years, through my personal and professional life, that trust is a dangerous commodity, albeit a necessary one.

It can be difficult to know who to trust. Even when a person is nice and welcoming, they can forget you in a heartbeat, or fail to be there when you need them. This can lead to the distrust of people in general. Meanwhile, even when certain people seem like absolute assholes or ignorant, they may give the shirt off their backs if they think it will help you out. It can make navigating the social world extremely difficult.

It reminds me of a story I heard from a character in a movie I watched years ago. The story always stuck with me, and I think it applies quite well to modern society. Here’s the story:

“Once Upon A Time, There Was This Little Sparrow, Who While Flying South For The Winter Froze Solid And Fell To The Ground. And Then To Make Matters Worse The Cow Crapped On Him, But The Manure Was All Warm And It Defrosted Him. So There He Is, He’s Warm And He’s Happy To Be Alive And He Starts To Sing. A Hungry Cat Come Along and Clears Off The Manure And He Looks At The Little Bird And Then He East Him. And The Moral Of The Story Is This: Everyone Who Craps On You Is Not Necessarily Your Enemy, And Everyone Who Gets You Out Of Crap Is Not Necessarily Your Friend, And If You’re Warm And Happy No Matter Where You Are You Should Just Keep Your Big Mouth Shut!”

– Electra, Assassins (1995)

The delivery of this revelation comes during a point in a Sylvester Stallone movie where there’s a lull in the action, and is meant as a mild comedic diversion in the middle of an otherwise dark movie about contract killing. It elicited a laugh from me, the first time I watched the movie. But I feel it provides an important lesson in the modern world as well. Trust, as I said, is a valuable commodity. And it can be extremely difficult and frustrating knowing when to share said commodity.

Although I may once again be showing my cynical side, we live in a world where a date gone wrong may result in claiming sexual misconduct, where online purchases can result in the money being taken without any goods ever being delivered and of promises made but never kept. It makes navigating through all the bullshit not only difficult but somewhat dangerous. It also makes friendships difficult to establish and maintain.

I’ve had so-called “friends” who have smiled and been nice and fantastic in person, but have either stabbed me in the back when I wasn’t looking or simply weren’t there to provide the basic elements of friendship when they were needed. One good example I can provide, is a friend who has good moral value similar to my own, expresses the existence of our friendship, yet time and again I’ve been stood up without warning when trying to meet with them or get their assistance with something. This person may be the nicest person in the world, but they still suck as a friend.

On the flip side, I have associates within my social circle (if I can really call it that) that are often loud, opinionated and rude. But during times when I was lowest, these associates will be the first to step forward and lend a hand. Like I say, it can be confusing. It would be nice to simply have people in one’s life that share common interests, goals and values and that you never have to second-guess. But that simply isn’t how the world works.

Obviously, this doesn’t mean that I’m suggesting in ANY way that one shouldn’t have friendships. Friendships are an integral part of a normal human existence; normal being an extremely subjective term, of course. But the idea is to protect yourself, especially during online interactions where you can’t ever be definitive about a person’s motives. Take your time with people and trust only so far as it allows the association to develop without putting yourself in a compromising position.

Last but not least, appreciate the friendships you do have. My inner circle is so small, it’s basically a dot. But I consider friendship to be a “quality not quantity” consideration. I prefer to have the friends whom I only speak to about once a month but that I can trust wholeheartedly, than the ones I hang out with every week but may be stealing the money out of my swear jar when I’m not looking. And trust me, that fucker’s full! ☯

What’s Your Type? Hopefully Not Stereo…

Hey, the world is full of stereotypes. Especially when it’s about something we know nothing about. For example, did you know that not all people who cut me off in traffic are f$%kin’ idiots? Holy shit, right? I never would have guessed that one. But seriously, as a people we tend to lean on our stereotypes and assume things before truly getting to know the very thing that we’re judging. One good example of this is the fact that I’ve been studying Buddhism for over twenty years.

Can you imagine, trying to explain that the religion you study is NOT the one you were baptized and raised on? My mother sure has an issue with it. She attributes it to “all that karate stuff,” but it sure makes frank conversations about Buddhism difficult, at the best of times. The only gratitude I have is that I never had to explain this to my grandmother, light rest her soul. She would have bathed me in Holy Water and probably would have tried to have me burned at the stake (NOW who’s using stereotypes???)

The point is, I’ve been faced with a number of stereotypes in the past two decades. And despite the fact that I can understand some if not most of them, I thought it would be ideal to dispel and/or explain some of them. For example, did you know that not all Buddhists shave their heads? Some will shave their heads in observance of someone’s death. Others will observe Tonsure (shaving of the head) as a means of discipline, humility and devotion to their order. But some Buddhist can and WILL have a full head of hair. You’ve been warned…

Another aspect is meditation. Believe me, if I could spend six to eight hours of meditation every day, I’d be in nirvana-based heaven. The truth is, it doesn’t happen all that much. At least not in a modern, family-based times. When I do get to meditate, my 5-year old son loves to run circles around me on the floor to see how long it takes to break my concentration. If I’m lucky, his mother will come take him away before I end up giving him a free karate lesson, but the chance to meditate seldom comes along.

I feel that it’s important to point out that five minutes of meditation is better than none at all, but some days, it just can’t happen. And that’s okay, so long as you make some time at some point throughout your week, to meditate in some given way, shape or form.

The biggest challenge I’ve faced in decades is likely control over my emotions and demeanour. People think that someone who studies Buddhism is supposed to be stoic and without outward emotion. Well, for one thing, Stoicism is something totally different from Buddhism, although there are some similar aspects to both. But the reality is that I am not Buddhist because I am calm and controlled. Rather, I am calm and controlled BECAUSE I study Buddhism.

In reality, even when I present a calm exterior I usually have a roiling storm of raging waves beneath the surface. I feel and experience emotions and reactions in the same manner as ever John and Jane Doe on the street, although they usually don’t get expressed externally. And even when they could be expressed externally, I often don’t have the normal, every day emotional tools to do so. But the assumption that a Buddhist will be passive and emotionless is pretty inaccurate. If someone threatens me or someone I love, I’ll hand them their ass in the same manner that any respectable martial artist would.

The important thing to remember is that most of us are open to conversation. Although most people don’t go around screaming their religion from the rooftops (unless they’re writing a blog about it) we’re always open to questions and education. If there’s something you’re not sure about, just ask. If you’re dealing with someone who IS screaming their religion from the rooftops, you should probably be concerned. But that a different issue. ☯

Life May Move Fast, But Its Speed Should Be Slow

Anything one experiences in life should be taken slow. This isn’t without exception, of course. I could barely wait to put a ring on my wife’s finger and did so quite a period of time sooner than most other guys would have. But in terms of life in general, sometimes it’s better to take it slow. Consider a fine bottle of wine… Perhaps it’s a blend you’ve never tried before and maybe it cost a little more than you’d usually pay. Are you going to simply chug it down like a $9 bottle of wine cooler, picked up on the fly? Or will you take the time to breathe in the bouquet, sip it slowly and enjoy it?

“Life Moves Pretty Fast. If You Don’t Stop And Look Around Once In A While, You Could Miss It.”

– Ferris Bueller

All things in life involve a balance. The same can be said for the speed at which the world turns. The REQUIREMENTS of life come at you pretty fast. Getting to work on time, paying your bills and making sure your kids get on the bus. All the more reason for the PREFERENCES of life to be taken slowly. Enjoy your meal and take time to chew. Taste and enjoy that ethnic food you’ve decided to try. Shed a few tears at the sad scene in the movie you watch with your significant other.

As Mr. Bueller indicated in one of my favourite movies, “Ferris Bueller’s Day Off,” life can come at you pretty fast. It’s important to stop and smell the roses once in a while. Whether it’s choosing to read a book, slowly enjoying a glass of wine or simply taking an hour to play on the floor with your kids without looking at your phone, it can make a difference in the level well-being you experience in your daily life. ☯

Ownership, Like Cheese Sliding Off Your Cracker…

There’s a certain level of pride in ownership. Think about it: you have a few buddies who come over to watch whatever sporting event you’re into, and one of them comments on your television set. Next thing you know, you fall into a self-indulgent monologue about where you got it, how much you paid for it and the size and features of the screen, before one of your buddies finally stuffs a beer into your hand and reminds you the game is about to start. A person usually can’t help it. Pride in one’s belongings is a normal instinct, albeit self-indulgent and unnecessary.

Last night, someone broke into my family’s vehicle. This is the third time in as many years that this has happened. Speaking from a professional standpoint, there’s not a hell of a lot one can do about something like this. It’s a petty crime with little to no evidence, which means there isn’t anything for the police to go on. I know this from experience. From a personal standpoint, I consider it a violation of my privacy and an invasion of my home. Although the vehicle may be parked outside, it’s my property ON my property, and no one has any right to access it without my consent.

So, why do these people do it? I wish there was an easy answer… From a humanity perspective, I’m certain there are some who are simply seeking out cash money. That certainly seemed to be the case with my vehicle. I opened the driver’s door this morning to find my glove box and dash compartment sitting open and papers strewn all about. Even some of the menial electronics I had in the vehicle, such as a dash cam, were left untouched. This leads me to believe that they hoped to find coins, at the very least. But we keep nothing of value in our vehicle.

There are different schools of thought, in relation to a crime like this. Some people believe the best course of action is to simply leave the vehicle unlocked, allowing persons unknown an unhindered access to the vehicle so that they ca see there’s nothing inside and move along. Others, such as myself, believe that there’s no value in accommodating criminals in order to make their process easier, regardless of their reasons.

There is a enough suffering in the world without intentionally causing more. Besides the inconvenience of having to clean everything up, I spent the morning drop-off explaining to my 5-year old son why someone came into our vehicle and made a mess, even if the vehicle didn’t belong to them. What’s more is the sense of random strangers being inside the vehicle where I transport my children adds an unwanted sense of reality to the violation.

I find myself in a position now, where I am considering taking added security steps in my home including a camera system or a car alarm system. Despite the fact that keeping one’s doors locked should be enough to inform any person that they’re not welcome, the way of the world seems to require more. The worst part is the sense of anger I feel towards these persons, and the potential actions I may take if I were to ever catch them. I don’t want to be that kind of person. But one can only take personal violations for so long. ☯

Just Something To Make You Smile

Some days, I like to let my head cool down from all the reading, research and long-winded writing I do, and simply post something funny, inspirational or cute. So, here it is! I found this online and it made me smile, so hopefully it does that for you as well.

Some of the important lessons of life can come from the most unlikely sources, even if all they do is make you grin like a fool. ☯

“Maybe I Won’t Be All The Things That I Want To Be”

Life doesn’t care about your plan. There is no such thing as an expected schedule in nature, and all things happen within the scope of one’s life, not a specific timeframe. One of the sadder things I’ve seen in my life is friends or family who are rushing and stressing to reach certain milestones in their lives because they believe it’s expected of them or they HAVE to do it, in order to be considered socially normal. Well, screw that noise…

The reality is that everyone’s journey is different and everyone’s life is unique. What works well for one may not work well for another, and vice versa. Just because the folks you graduated high school with, have Bachelor’s Degrees, spouses and children by the time they’re 30 years old doesn’t mean that’s a standard one should aspire to. There are no hard and fast rules that say you HAVE to get a certain job or you NEED to get married and have kids by a certain age. Things will happen for you in their own time and trying to manifest destiny won’t get you there faster; it will simply cause you more stress and suffering.

One good example I can think of, are an aunt and uncle of mine in New Brunswick. They’ve been together for over 30 years. They’ve never gotten married, but they’ve always been together, own a house together (which they built themselves) and have always lived as man and wife, despite not being married. Sure, they’ve been poked and teased by family throughout the years with the usual question of, “Why aren’t you married yet?” But life worked for them the way they were doing it, even if it fell outside the typical social paradigm.

Now, they went ahead and got married, a couple of years ago when they found out that it would make things easier for end-of-life requirements and for legal issues arising from either one of them passing away. A pretty morbid reason to get married! But realistically, they were happy with the life they had and they suffered no greater because of it.

The flip side to this concept is that BECAUSE life doesn’t care about your plan, you may not always end up doing what you want to do or being what you want to be. I’d love to live in a two-storey log cabin on the side of a fresh-water lake, spending my days meditating, reading and doing karate. But instead, I’m writing this post sitting in a house I can’t seem to sell while sledgehammers are diligently tearing apart my basement for foundation repairs.

The important thing to remember is to continue to work towards the goals you WANT, not the goals you think you NEED or that others may have implanted in your head. Certain key people in my life were of the opinion I should never have gotten into my chosen profession but this was my journey, not theirs. I shudder to think where I’d be today, had I listened to some of the nay-sayers. It may not all work out perfect, but the good news is it will work out. Life is a “one day at a time” kind of puzzle. ☯

Who Are You?

That’s not just a title; it’s an actual question! Take a moment and ask yourself, who the fuck am I? Do you know yourself, inside and out? One of the defining characteristics of humanity is that we have sentience. We are self-aware. Ask yourself, what are you, once this body ceases to exist? Do we simply wink out of existence? Of course not! Even science has proved that something about us is energy-based, and energy can only be transformed or transferred, never destroyed. That means that whether your beliefs are religious or fact-based, there’s something of an after-life. That’s right, folks! It’s gonna be “one of those” posts, so buckle up!

Why is knowing yourself so important? Well, according to an article posted by PsychologyToday.com, “When you know yourself, you understand what motivates you to resist bad habits and develop good ones.” IS that it? Or am I missing the ultimate lesson, here? There’s a lot more to it than that, depending on your point of view. And of course I’m gonna explain a bunch of it…

Knowing yourself is the penultimate aspect of life; the ultimate aspect is to do good and eliminate suffering, but I won’t get into that today. Without knowing yourself, you can’t know others. And by proxy, this makes it very difficult to help, associate or befriend others. But more importantly, how can you hope to navigate through life without knowing who you are? And what is knowing oneself? Is it simply acknowledging your genealogy? Knowing your ancestry? Or is it something more primal?

To be honest, I don’t have an answer. I’m mostly venting some of my free-floating thoughts that have focused on something my wife mentioned last week, which precipitated this post. I like to think that I know myself pretty well, yet every once in a while I surprise even myself. And I think that’s the important aspect: a person’s journey of self-discovery really never ends. The day you finish discovering yourself is the day that this life is over. Hopefully, I still have a few more decades of self-discovery ahead. ☯

Perspective Means Everything, Even When You Occasionally Have None

We can’t always be aware of some of the help we receive. Every person has had someone in their lives that has done or said something, or perhaps even acted on their behalf, in order to help them in some way. And this often happens in the background, in such a manner that we don’t perceive it. Being helpful is not always an easy thing, as some people are pretty demanding and/or specific about the help they’d want and how it’s done.

And last but not least is the fact that if YOU are one of the people looking to help out a friend, family member or even a stranger, you should be prepared to help out with no thought of remuneration or reward. Otherwise, what’s the point? If you expect something in return, that’s not helping! That’s called a job. I’ve often heard people telling me, “You didn’t have to…” or “You shouldn’t have…” Well, of course I didn’t have to. That’s what makes it significant.

But now that I’ve rendered my opinion on the matter, which like everything else in life may not be shared by everybody, I wanted to share something I read last week that got me thinking about a people’s perspective. There was no author associated to the paragraph I read and I couldn’t find a source on the web, so if anybody knows where this comes from, feel free to let me know in the comments. Here’s what it says:

I Gave You $10,
He Gave You $20.
You Felt That He Was
Better Just Because He
Gave You More.  But He Had
$200 dollars, And All I Had
Was $10.

The verse is significant, as it demonstrates a bit of the selfishness of current society. More often than not, we tend to view more as better when we should be viewing better as more. I know some people who would do just as the verse describes; they would give their last dollar in order to help someone out. And that kind of help is invaluable. But we often lack the perspective to see it. As the saying goes, every little bit helps. And sometimes it’s the quality of the help that’s more important. ☯