Category: Buddhism & Philosophy

It Always Comes Around…

There are so many dates on the calendar that hold pertinence in my life… But somehow, this one always seems to stick out the most. For anyone who’s been following my blog over the past couple of years will know what I’m talking about. Today is the anniversary of my older brother’s death. I still remember the event of his passing as though it was yesterday… Even though it was it was almost thirty years ago.

I remember the night as though it just happened… I was in bed and it was late night; at least, it seemed like late night considering I was in my pre-teens and I had school the following day. I remember waking up to the sound of my mother crying and my father trying to console her. I knew that my brother was still in the hospital, having been admitted a few days prior due to issues that came to light from his weekly bloodwork. I knew it couldn’t be good news, otherwise my mother wouldn’t be reacting the way she was.

She came into my room a few moments later and explained that tonight was the night that my brother was going to die and that we all had to go to the hospital to say goodbye. I started to cry but I remembered thinking that my brother had fought through everything and always came out alive. A part of me believed that he would get through this, as well. I got dressed in short order and followed my parents into the hospital in Dalhousie, New Brunswick. When we got off the elevator, I could hear my brother moaning despite being several hundred feet away. The sound still haunts me.

I only saw my brother for a brief moment. The sight of him connected to all the tubes and machinery was too much for my young mind to grasp and accept. The hospital staff provided me with a room on the other side of the hospital in the vain hope that I could get some sleep. I obviously didn’t sleep. At one point, a nurse brought me back to my brother’s room and I was given a minute to kiss his forehead and say goodbye. the entire family was there. I remember thinking that it robbed me of a privacy I felt I was entitled to in such a tender moment.

When I was brought back to my room, I remember tossing and turning until I finally fell into a fitful sleep. I was awoken by my father coming in to tell me that my brother had finally passed. I would learn years later that the nurse reported that I had ironically fallen asleep at the exact moment my brother’s time of death had been recorded. It was as though when my brother’s pain had finally ended, I could finally rest. I wouldn’t contemplate that fact until years later.

I’ve often heard it said, that when someone loses a limb they’ll often continue to feel pain in that limb even if it’s no longer there. It’s called “phantom pain” and it often persists because the brain can’t understand or comprehend the fact that the limb is gone. That’s what it’s felt like since my brother died. A phantom pain that never goes away. A missing part of me that may be gone but will forever be felt. My brother is my phantom pain. And it’s still sharp and acute.

My mother chooses not to observe or acknowledge this day. And the logical part of my brain understands that. No parent should ever have to bury a child. But that makes this day no less difficult for me. I think about the things I’ve never had the opportunity to share with my brother. Although that might make me feel selfish to some, I think of the accomplishments he would have been proud to see me complete. I think of my children, who never got to meet their uncle and will know of him only by name and through photos.

It’s a loss more significant than anything else I’ve ever felt in my life. Every day on this date, I observe the date as one that reminds me of the fleeting nature of life balanced against the true nature of heroism by one who loved freely and enjoyed his existence despite his constant knocking at the door by the grim reaper. He was truly an example to live by. The standard I hold myself up to. And the example that was given to a generation of Northern New Brunswick youth who had no concept of death but understood that it could happen. Until we meet again dear brother, I’ll carry on and look forward to the day when we meet each other again. ☯️

Fear of Failure Is Fear Of Life…

It’s no secret that we make our way through life by a very twisted, convoluted road. And there are plenty of bumps along that road, no matter who you are or the environment you grow up in. But making mistakes can be a good thing. During childhood, these mistakes are seen as “life lessons.” It isn’t until we get older and creep our way into adulthood, do people start to call them “mistakes.” And I think there’s an inherent problem with this view. Although we learn valuable life lessons as children, such as not sticking a fork into a wall socket a second time (no, I’m not speaking from experience), the mistakes we make during adulthood can be valuable and teach us important lessons as well.

People are generally afraid of failing at anything they take on in life. There are many reasons for this, including the potential disappointment of others, one’s family, friends or peers. There’s also the fear that failing at something may cost one more than one is willing to bear. The big problem with viewing the world through this lens is twofold; fear of such failure will leave you stuck in a place you may not want to be and you’ll never experience growth UNLESS you first experience failure. There’s nothing worse than looking back at one’s life and recognizing that you’re stuck in the very same place you’ve always been and have learned nothing.

“Experience Is The Hardest Kind Of Teacher. It Gives You The Test First And The Lesson Afterward.”

– Oscar Wilde

Ultimately, what’s important is the attempt. If you work hard at something, build goals and try and develop yourself and your life but still fail, it’s not a loss. Life has a way of teaching us through our mistakes so that we gain experience, which we wouldn’t if life was smooth sailing without encountering any waves. An apt analogy for a Maritimer, I think! But I digress… The point is that when mistakes are made and losses occur, you can’t change them. You can’t undo them. You can only learn from them and move forward and ensure you don’t repeat these mistakes.

Mistakes are how we learn. If you lose a job, fail a test or exam, injure yourself or hurt someone you care about, it can all hold value so long as you’re willing to learn from it and ensure you don’t repeat the same mistakes. It isn’t rocket science. I’m not spouting off anything new. It’s simply a matter of recognizing that value. You’ll be better for it. And life will become all that much better. ☯️

Set Adrift On Memories Lost…

A bit of a rough weekend. Early last week, I received word that a funeral service for my Uncle Richard would be held in Red Deer, Alberta last Friday (yesterday). Although they would be arranging for a Zoom viewing of the ceremony for east coast family members who couldn’t attend, my wife and I decided that we would travel out for the night to pay our respects and say our goodbyes. The trip involved driving to Kindersley and dropping off the boys. We were able to spend the night and get an early start from Kindersley to Red Deer. It was a good arrangement and the stop in Kindersley broke the trip in two, making for a less than exhausting drive.

When my grandfather passed away in 2014, I made a point of telling the entire family that the last act of a loved one is to bring the entire family together. Although a tragic and morbid way to do it, it almost always seems to bring distant family members together. This was no exception, with my aunt and cousins in attendance. Given that they’re the family members the farthest west in Canada, I haven’t had as much contact with them as I have with many others on my mother’s side. It was a sobering reminder to take the opportunities to spend time with family while you can. Life brings us all here, eventually.

Another benefit is my wife and I having had the opportunity to spend the evening alone together. This hasn’t happened often since becoming parents, as I’m sure many of you reading this can relate. This morning, we’ll be having some breakfast before hitting the road and stopping in to my wife’s parents’ home for the night. We’ll get to have dinner and spend the night before making our way back to Regina. Another unexpected benefit of losing a family member. I’m well over 700 posts consecutively posted without missing a day. The past few days have made me realize once again that life doesn’t care about one’s plan and that I haven’t had as much time to research and contemplate what to write about. Que sera… ☯️

Beds Are Still For Sleeping…

Sometimes it can be ridiculously unbelievable how easy it is to get all up inside one’s own head. This can happen a lot, especially if one has something on one’s mind. take work for example… I think we can all agree that working is one of life’s unwanted necessities. After all, a household needs income in order to provide food, clothing, amenities and shelter for the average family. For about 99% of the population, that means leaving the house and going to work in order to earn that income. If you’re lucky, you have a job that not only serves you well and provides said income but that you actually ENJOY. That can make a world of difference in the dynamic of one’s life.

Whether you enjoy your job or not, it can often be hard to keep oneself from dwelling about work at the most inappropriate times. Maybe you’re spending time with your children and your mind is focused on the project you need to complete by deadline or the files you’ll have to complete the following week. Maybe you’re dealing with a situation at work that you have no control over and it’s keeping you awake at night instead of allowing you the rest you need and deserve. This is what I mean by getting into one’s own head. It can be disruptive and damaging, especially since it keeps you from being present in the moment.

There are a lot of things one can do to get past this. Obviously, some people will tend to dwell on things more than others. There are some things that can’t be “fixed,” nor should they be as they constitute who one becomes as a person. But if you find yourself staring at the ceiling in the middle of the night when you should be sleeping because you’re dwelling on something you can’t help in the moment, that’s no good for anyone. Especially if that lack of rest will only work to damage your effectiveness at dealing with the issue that’s on your mind.

It can be difficult and it isn’t without some effort on one’s part but it IS possible to overcome this effect. Making a conscious effort to be present in the moment and focus on what you’re doing outside of the situation on your mind, is the first step. Being involved in various activities and interests during your down time is the follow-up step. For example, I’m a big fan of meditation (if you haven’t guessed). Spending time with one’s children and spouse and investing in that time, as well as getting out of the house and doing something for yourself, are all important parts in keeping focused on the better aspects of life.

It’s great to work hard, have goals and strive for them. But not at the cost of your mind being constantly wrapped around everything NOT happening in the moment. Stop. Take a breath. Do something for yourself. It’s one thing to notice the roses but their beauty is lost if you don’t stop to smell them, every once in a while. Such is the importance of life and will go a long way towards lessening the suffering in one’s life. Food for thought…☯️

When Life And Death Collide…

There’s no question that death is a part of life. One of the things that allow us to survive as people is the fact that we’re not wired to contemplate death and what comes next, on a minute to minute basis. If we did, we’d accomplish nothing in life as we’d succumb to the feeling that there’s no point. Considering everything happening in the world right now, fate occasionally reminds us that the typical come and go of life is still ongoing; including the passing of lives. I found out yesterday that my Uncle Richard passed away from cancer.

My mother was born as the second of seven children. Richard was not the oldest; in fact, he was among the youngest. Father, grandfather and husband, he was diagnosed with cancer quite some time ago. In recent decades, cancer has practically become the new “natural death,” with so many people developing one type or another. Most members of my family on my mother’s side have overcome cancer at some point, including my grandfather with prostate cancer, my mother with skin cancer and her older sibling who survived what was referred to as terminal.

You could say that the genes on my mother’s side seem to have a way of kicking cancer’s ass. That’s why it came as a surprise when my mother recently told me that Richard was on the final leg of his journey in this life, succumbing to the ravages that cancer brings. It came as a surprise for me since, last I’d heard, he was in remission and was overcoming it. Some weeks had passed before my mother phoned me yesterday afternoon to deliver the bad news. With both of my grandparents already gone, my mother is the de facto matriarch and was busy contacting all the members of the family. I don’t envy her that responsibility.

Richard’s passing has brought a strange shift in dynamic in the family. I’ve recognized for years that I’ve reached a point in my existence where life has started taking away at LEAST as much as it has given. But Richard finds himself as the first one in my family of his generation to pass; a sobering reminder that they’ve potentially reached the point in life where death has become an inevitable consideration. Don’t get me wrong; adults in general have an awareness of death and acknowledge its existence and possibility. But my mother and her siblings are now aware that death has touched them. And as the old saying suggests, the only thing one can’t avoid in life are taxes and death.

Considered to have been a bit of a rebel within the family, he’s always had a soft spot for his family and cared for all of us. I’ve tried my best since yesterday to try and find a photograph of him. No luck. Oh, I’m sure I have a photo of him in a dusty album in my barrack boxes. But nothing in recent years. This is a wake up call for me. Especially since I’ve lived in Saskatchewan for the past fifteen years and he lived in Alberta. We totally would have been in a position to see each other more. Although I make my best to live life without regrets, I can say with firm honesty that realizing I’ll never have the opportunity or took it when I had the chance, is one of them.

Hug your family close and appreciate the time you have with them. Life is short and there’s no guarantee that you’ll know them in the next life. With all the chaos currently happening in the world, more people are losing loved ones than should be. Rest in peace, Uncle Richard. I’ve known pain and sickness all my life but I’m sure yours was worse. Peace and rest are yours, now. I’m sure my brother will greet you at the door. ❤️🙏☯️

A Journey Of A Thousand Paths…

Life is strange in that it doesn’t care about one’s plans. It’s good to have goals; in fact, it’s highly recommended in order to make it through the rigours of life. Someone without wants, needs and expectations will go through life without cause, without purpose. And there is no truer loss than someone going through life without purpose. But despite all these goals and purpose, life usually leads us down a path we likely never would have followed on our own. And this brings about a feeling that no person should ever allow to permeate in their soul: regret.

Regret is insidious, in that it once it’s permeated your existence, you tend to carry it with you for the vast majority of your life. It penetrates, soaks and influences everything you do and every decision you make, thereafter. And if you know anything about me at all, you know that I don’t like to be influenced. I’m stubborn enough not to want it, but wise enough to understand that it often happens without my even being aware. But I digress…

I written about this concept before but I thought it would be ideal to revisit it, especially in light of the fact that some of my topics will effectively need to start getting recycled as there is only so much room in my head for new ideas. The concept is to live your life without regret. This is not only a “should” concept but a “need to” concept. The reality is that regret serves no purpose except to cause suffering, which if you’ve been paying attention, is kind of my thing to eliminate at all costs.

For the average person, regret takes the form of choices they WISH they had made when the opportunity presented itself. One of the most popular I hear, is the one where people wish they could go back and change a pivotal part of who they are or a choice they’ve made. The problem with this is that the here and now, coupled with your experiences, is what makes you the person you are today. Should any of that be changed or altered, the very fabric of who you are as a person would be significantly different.

Let’s take a pretty common example, shall we? Imagine someone who works hard at their job, has a great partner and a couple of kids. This person may consistently say that if they could go back, they’d give themselves some winning lottery numbers. Can you imagine? It seems like a no-brainer, in terms of something one would change. But they say money can’t buy happiness… While this might be true, it can alleviate some of the financial burdens and concerns associated with daily life, which can ultimately lead to a happier one. It can also lead to a corrupt, materialistic existence where instead of that hard-working person who raised a loving family, you get a rich snob who knows that they can basically throw money at any obstacle in their way and don’t have to work at anything, to any significant degree.

This would develop two very significantly different people out of the same person; one who values life and one who’s blind to value. Still regret not wining the lottery? Yeah, me too. I really want to build a small “off grid” home outside the city where noise is non-existent and it’s solely “my” space. And maybe someday I will. The difference is that instead of regretting that I wasn’t born wealthy or won the lottery, I’ll achieve this goal by working hard at it, raising my own money and by the sweat of my own brow. This will drastically alter the value that I place on the accomplishment.

Maybe life would be easier if the path we were on were smooth, flat and straight. That’s a bit of a pot-shot at the local roads in Saskatchewan, where I live. It’s a pretty apt description of our highways but it would be easier in the sense that it would make it simpler to see where we’ve been, where we’re at and where we’re going. But this isn’t how life is designed. The road is meant to have curves, forks and rocky patches. This is necessary for one’s development into the person they’re meant to be. As I’ve come to learn, a smooth, straight road is pretty boring. There’s a better chance of falling asleep at the wheel.

Know that despite the curves and forks in the path that’s lead you here, you are exactly where you’re meant to be. This doesn’t mean that you shouldn’t work to fix something or change something that makes you unhappy. It simply means that these challenges are your bumps in the road; only you can choose to suffer the impact, or make your way around. Either way you choose will contribute to the overall experiences that build the wonderful person that you are. Don’t live life with regrets. It will serve no purpose and ultimately dwelling on the past will do nothing to repair it. Food for thought…☯️

Balance Or Polar Opposites?

It’s been a pretty rough week overall and I’m grateful for the arrival of the weekend, in whatever way my time will be used. Things in Canada are a bit chaotic of late, with multiple protests/occupations taking place at various points in the country, including southern Alberta, Windsor, Ontario and the Parliament Hill in Ottawa. It’s a strange scene to watch play out, especially at arm’s length from either side of the struggle.

The irony is that many of the Canadian Provinces have begun doing what this so-called “Freedom Convoy” intended from the start: the removal of mandatory vaccination and/or proof of negative testing. This restriction was ended, here in Saskatchewan on Valentine’s Day of all days. The reason I say it’s an irony is twofold: the protesters still haven’t cut the bullshit and now there are folks protesting AGAINST the lifting of restrictions. Cue the Alanis Morissette music…

It makes me give my head a firm shake, and maybe I’m just like everyone else; tired and exhausted, both physically and emotionally, at the state of the world and the toll that this pandemic has taken. In some ways, many ways, I’m grateful that my children are as young as they are. My toddler was essentially born into the pandemic, so he doesn’t know any different than being at home with limited exposure to the outside world. My 7-year old is generally happy, as long as he has snacks, his device and some time with his old man. But I digress…

The “re-opening” of the world is exciting to some, scary to others and certainly concerning, overall. There’s a belief by some that ultimately, we’re stuck with COVID-19 forever, which may be true. Perhaps the future will mean learning to live with the existence of this virus as we may not be able to completely eliminate it the way we have with previous ones. This leaves us with a continued division where some folks believe that ALL restrictions should be lifted to allow the virus to run its course with others believing that the lifting of ANY conditions is too soon.

My wife and I usually make it a personal policy to stay out of the political arena, for a varied number of reasons. I even have a personal policy of keeping myself out of any hotly-debated issue, such as this one. I haven’t been in the same boat as others where I’ve lost friendships or family relationships (at least not over COVID-19 or vaccination) and I would like to keep it that way. This is why if you read this post again, you’ll notice that my opinion on this topic isn’t present, as such.

It kind of feels as though my country is waiting on baited breath to see how things are going to play out and I would be lying if I said I wasn’t a bit anxious as to the lasting effects all of this will have. I think that if anyone had asked me where I thought the state of the world would be in twenty years when I was younger, my answer certainly wouldn’t have included all of this. The world changes. This is an inevitable part of life. For better or for worse, whether we agree or not, we need to change with it. This is the only way to move forward. Food for thought… ☯️

Choices And Consequence… A PTSD Perspective…

Anyone who reads my posts on a daily basis may have noticed that I’be been a bit grumpy in my writings in the past couple of days over the weekend. There are a number of reasons for this, including my foolish disillusioned belief that people will do the right thing, when given the opportunity. Despite the fact that I keep being proven wrong in this aspect, I continue to believe. And I suppose that isn’t a BAD thing, per se. But it’s consistently setting oneself up for failure. I thought I had left the pains of seeing the negative side of people when I left the policing world but once again, I was wrong.

I don’t often talk about my PTSD… This isn’t out of some inflated sense of manhood where I don’t feel as though I can share. Quite the opposite. I simply have coping mechanisms that are outside the norm, including meditation, martial arts, physical fitness and my family. But in most instances, it’s difficult for someone who hasn’t really experienced the same things as I have, to understand. I could go into depth on some of the things that brought my mental state to where it’s at but I wouldn’t want to risk painting a word picture of those horrors for fear of not getting any sleep tonight. And I wouldn’t want to subject any of you to those images, either.

One of the big problems with PTSD, besides it being inherently a problem in and of itself, is that one never knows exactly what might trigger it. I remember the story of a colleague who was involved in a search and rescue effort for a small child. The child was located and was unfortunately deceased. This would be a lot for any human soul to bear, and police are no different. He was fine for years, continuing his career and carrying on his duties to the best of his abilities. Then one day during a traffic stop on the highway, he spotted a small, white object on the edge of the roadway between his cruiser and the stopped vehicle.

When he leaned forward to see what it was, it turned out to be a tiny children’s sneaker. The colleague immediately threw up on the roadway and collapsed. The sneaker had brought it all crashing down and triggered that person’s PTSD. And that’s often the way of it… You never know when someone or something will be JUST enough to bring something to the surface and cause a debilitating situation. I believe that some of the scenarios I had to deal with last week may have done just that. Considering I’m quite happy with my life as it currently plays out, my work, my home and my family are all blessings and I’ve finally returned to karate after years of being without a dojo, a resurgence of the life I left behind upsets me to no end; a fact readers would have gleaned from my last two posts.

There are a lot of things that tend to help me when something like this hits me. For example, I had the pleasure of my wife’s company last Saturday evening. We got a babysitter for he boys, went out to dinner and spent some time wandering the city and making a few stops, which is a favoured activity for both of us. This made for a smoother weekend and allowed me to let go of some of the tension in my body as a result of the things I had dealt with the previous week.

It isn’t always that easy. I remember a few years ago, when I was still with the Force, my wife and I went to a restaurant for breakfast. It was a pretty typical outing; we chose a location together, got seated and ordered some food. By the time we had started eating and got halfway through our meal, my body flushed and it suddenly felt like I was surrounded by the other people in the restaurant. Oddly enough, it felt like I could hear every conversation and noise in the restaurant simultaneously. If this were a cheesy action movie, I might have almost been inclined to think I was developing superpowers. No such luck.

I started to tremble, I paled and started sweating profusely. I felt an irresistible urge to get out of the restaurant. My wife was able to recognize something was wrong. Considering my blood sugars were fine, the only thing I could attribute the current situation to is that I had been triggered by something. We paid the cheque and quickly left the location. It took a while for my pulse to slow and for me to calm. To this day, I have no idea exactly what in that restaurant caused the issue. But this is how it often happens.

If I’m being honest, writing when I’m that state of mind likely isn’t the best thing. After all, complaining about myself is not what I started this blog for. But it does serve a purpose as it raises the topic, which is significantly important. Considering it’s the beginning of the week and I’m facing several days of the same, here’s to hoping it will better. And that’s the key; ensuring that every step one takes brings you that one step forward. And that step will be positive. ☯️

Unfortunate Choices

“It’s my choice…” How often have we heard those words and wondered why these people haven’t given their heads a shake and wondered if their parents built them a swing set facing a brick wall as children? I have to admit that for the most part, I live my life one step removed from mainstream society. I do this for a number of reasons, including my disapproval of how society behaves and how they focus so damn much on “my rights” instead of “what’s right.” The general population believes that it’s inherently their right to enjoy the amenities that modern life provides without accepting the fact that it carries certain responsibilities that most people refuse to acknowledge.

The above illustration resonates with me, especially in light of everything happening within my own country. When faced with a dangerous virus that threatens the general populace, what do people do? Do they follow the rules and do what’s best for society? Do they take steps to ensure their own safety as well as the safety of others? No, of course not. I had a friend who posted a joke about how they intend to block a McDonald’s drive-thru until they brought back pizzas. After all, that’s how things work now, right?

It makes me sad, especially in light of the fact that the actions of others will always inevitably cause suffering in others. These people refuse to understand and acknowledge that for every action is an equal and opposite reaction, and such reactions are not always positive. It can cause immeasurable damage and MUST be considered, despite the fact that most people will refuse to acknowledge it.

Read the text in the above image carefully. In this scenario, an ignorant person decides to dig a hole into the floor of their cabin while on a boat. This person does this out of some morbid curiosity but secure in the fact that it’s “his own cabin.” Logic would dictate that a sane person should KNOW that digging a hole into the bottom of the boat would cause it to sink. But this person seems ignorant or oblivious to that fact, much like most people dealing with the world in “their own way” nowadays.

The meme goes on to demonstrate how the people in the immediate surroundings who are affected by this person’s choice are “pissed,” with the subject in question explaining that it’s his own cabin so why should it matter? The last line is the most important as it reads, “Personal choice only goes so far when we’re all on the same boat.” The lesson here is that the world is a pretty big place but despite it’s size, we’re all on the same boat and one’s choices affect everyone. As Captain Kirk and Mister Spock would agree, “The needs of the many outweigh the needs of the few. Or the one.” yes, I just used Star Trek nerdom to validate my point. It totally holds up…

You may think your’e in the right. And so you may be. You may think your cause is righteous. And so it may be. But one needs to seriously consider the repercussions of one’s actions and how it may be affecting others. Scratch that; how it IS affecting others. No one is immune to karma. All of these folks causing suffering on others will eventually face the consequences of their actions. And no, I’m not able to predict the future. I simply have enough objectivity to see how society is reacting when faced with difficult situations. Makes me think that my “one step removed” should be several more. Time will tell… ☯️

Like A Switch…

Unless you were born into wealth, life is a challenge. Hell, even IF you were born into wealth, life is a challenge. And one of the biggest challenges faced by someone with wealth is that they seldom appreciate it by virtue of having lived with it for so long. Most of us, myself included, would be inclined to tell those who claim that money doesn’t buy happiness, that we’d like to figure that out for ourselves. But i digress… The point is that we generally tend to take what we already have for granted. Let’s take running water, for example. Most people in the Western world have running water in their homes and functional sewage. We use these things without thought and appreciation for what a luxury those things truly are. But a quick visit to an impoverished country would wake us to the realities of how well we really have it.

Unfortunately, even if we had all the riches in El Dorado, we’d no doubt encounter something at some point in one’s life that will get us down. An important part of life is to recognize that we cause our own suffering. That’s one of the Four Noble Truths of the Buddha Dharma. But outside of this, there will always be obstacles that make a seemingly good life seem difficult. I’ve come to acknowledge this more than ever before, with some of what’s happened to me in recent years. But it is incumbent on me to do whatever may be necessary to right those wrongs and eliminate the suffering from my life. Such responsibility belongs to all of us. A brief food for thought… ☯️