Category: Buddhism & Philosophy

Give Us A Smile…

There’s a lot of suffering and negativity in the world. This is aggravated by the fact that most people stagger through their day without interacting with the world around them. in an unfortunate society where technology reigns, people often tend to smile at their smart device far more easily than they would for the person who serves them their morning coffee or thank the bus driver who dropped you at the destination you needed. There are a lot of little things one can do to improve the overall tone of one’s day and body language means everything. Here are some of my favourites…

1. Smile. That probably seems pretty basic and hopefully you haven’t decided to scroll past this post because of it but a smile is the most basic of positive actions. It’s universally known, bound by no language or culture. Hell, even someone blind who has never set eyes on an actual smile will know how to do it and it will mean the same thing to them despite this lack of visual knowledge. Smiling at someone in any circumstance will not only make YOU feel better, it may just add some positivity to someone else’s day. Even when out in public and you happen to be looking around and lock eyes with someone for a moment, a small smile (maybe not a sustained, toothy, creepy smile) will let that person know that their existence is acknowledged and will add a positive twist on their day.

2. Say Thank You. This seems like such a small thing and many people would argue that if they go to their favourite drive thru in the morning to pick up coffee, it’s the employee’s job to hand you your coffee AND you’re paying for it. What’s the thank you for and why is it necessary? Those questions and that line of thinking tell me you need a nap because you’re cranky. Saying thank you to someone, anyone, for something they do, whether it’s serving you coffee, holding a door open or helping you with your transaction in a store, not only validated what they do for them and shows them you acknowledge their existence, it will make you feel good and keep you humble. After all, I’ve bought Tim Hortons coffee for brewing at home but it still doesn’t taste as good as getting it directly from the source.

3 Make Eye Contact. This is something that seems to have gone the wayside in recent years. People seem uncomfortable with basic eye contact but it’s SO important in proper communication and body language. Something I’ve started to do when I’m out somewhere and I have sunglasses on, is I’ll lofty or remove the sunglasses to allow for proper eye contact. This allows me to show the person I’m interacting with that they have my undivided attention. It also allows them to see that the smile I mentioned in the first point is genuine as opposed to forced or faked.

Even if technology rules today’s modern society and we’re all lost in our own little digital world, we’re still human and there’s still a need to interact with each other and try and keep the world as positive a place as we can. A little smile or a thank you can go a long way. Without even realizing it, you may inadvertently alter the course of someone’s life, just by looking them in the eye, smiling and saying “thank you.” Food for thought… ☯️

What’s Right? Doing Right? Feeling Right?

In a world of continued entitlement and first-world problems, navigating society can only be achieved through very rough waters. And I refer to rough waters often in my posts, because it always seems like some fuckers are trying to ice skate uphill (that’s a line from the movie Blade, it’s not mine). I continue to be amazed at how people tend to lean on what they believe to be “the principle” of a matter, as opposed to doing what’s actually right, moral and in some cases, even legal.

I offer up a CBC article I read yesterday as a prime example of what I’m getting at. You can read the article here: Bitter dispute over old beach road pits Cape Breton community against owner. Y’all can go read the article for yourself (after all, that’s why I linked it) but the just of the situation is there’s an old beach road outside a small community in Cape Breton that’s been used to access a stretch of beach by the community for decades. Recently, someone originally from British Columbia purchased the property and the road runs through it. Cue the drama…

The article does a pretty good job of illustrating two clear sides of the story and how there’s a case to be made for either. On the one hand, if the property owner has purchased the land, including the road, shouldn’t she enjoy clear ownership of the land she paid for? This would seem to make sense, since I would expect to be able to make decisions about any piece of property that I paid for.

On the other hand, you have several generations of people who are part of this community and have been using this road for years. I can imagine feeling some kind of way about a random person who isn’t government or law enforcement, suddenly coming along and trying to tell me I’m not allowed to drive down a road that I’ve been using for years… Given my temper and temperament, you can well imagine how well THAT would go. Unfortunately, I’ve been in that EXACT situation back in New Brunswick, during my younger years.

The big question is, who’s right? The letter of the law would seem to provide that if it’s private property, people should stay the hell off of it, if the landowner deems it so. But what about the moral thing? The community-spirited thing? The RIGHT thing? These are the aspects that people seem inclined to cast aside and forego, no matter how important it may be. If it were me, I would be inclined to let the community continue to use the road. After all, it’s a fucking road! But that’s just me, apparently.

The article wraps with the landowner claiming that if it turns out that her lawyers or real estate agents made a mistake and the road isn’t hers, she would be selling the property. Really? The article outlines some of her concerns but honestly, some of it is a clear picture of how far society has fallen in terms of getting along with one another. As a child, I remember that if I were outside playing and a parent brought a poposicle to their kid who was playing outside as well, they’d likely ask me if I wanted one. Nowadays, the parent would likely look at the other child with thinly-veiled suspicion.

I bring this up because it directly relates with how there is suffering in the world, we tend to cause our own suffering but often, others cause unnecessary suffering when there are easier and more collaborative ways to reduce or prevent it. Also because I see a lot of this type of petty behaviour in my line of work; instances where people will block access to certain things for no reason other than they own it and can do it. Never mind the pain and suffering that their “legal and harmless” action may bring to others…

“It’s not about the use, it’s the principle of the thing…” Give me a fucking break… You’re just being a dick. Society talks about how enlightened we’ve become and how far we’ve advanced but scenarios where it’s neighbour versus neighbour are dealt with in the most petty of ways. We need to learn, as a society, to take the moral path and stop focusing on what we believe is “the principle.” Although principles can be an effective guiding, well… principle, they won’t get you far in life. Food for thought… ☯️

Paying It Forward…

Considering the bitch-fest I’ve been writing about in recent weeks, I thought I would write about how nice yesterday kicked off after I posted about my doctor’s visit. When I got ready for work, I suddenly realized that not only was it Friday but the sun was shining and he weather was great. It was geared up to be a great day and I had actually gotten some actual sleep by virtue of the stronger muscle relaxants I had been prescribed the previous day after that shitty doctor’s appointment.

Since I wanted to keep the positivity going, I was crooning along to some music as I headed south towards the office when I decided I should get some donuts for my staff. There were a few of them sill working from home, but I knew there would at least be a handful that could take advantage. So I popped by my local retail coffee chain (y’all know where Im talking about). I ordered a dozen donuts but got myself a medium coffee as well. My usual habit is to make a Keurig coffee at work but I thought, what the hell? May as well treat myself as well, right?

I pull up to the drive thru window and had something happen that I had, until that moment, only read about… Someone “paid it forward” and paid for my coffee and donuts! I was floored! I often read stories about people paying it forward in drive thrus like that but I had never had it happen to me. I was elated and was asked if I wanted to keep it going by paying it forward to the next customer behind me. I agreed and pulled my debit card out. Then, a thought hit me… What if the person behind me was ordering breakfast foods for his entire crew or something like that? I assumed the risk that comes with paying it forward and kept my mouth shut.

The person behind me only ordered a coffee and I drove off feeling happy and satisfied. I got to work and sent out an internal email to the staff I assumed would be working on site that day. Then, I ironically sat down and ate the two hard-boiled eggs I brought, since I couldn’t justify the increased amount of carbohydrates that early in the morning. It only took a few minutes for me to recognize that at least four of the ten people I assumed would be working at the office were either working from home or had the day off. brutal. I offered some donuts to the on site staff. I still had seven or eight donuts left.

I walked the other two floors of office and offered the remainders up to all the other staff. I got to make a few people’s day and met some of the staff that I’ve somehow managed NOT to meet over the past year due to working from home as a result of the pandemic and some who have been recently hired. Besides the fact that I got to do some wicked networking within my own organization, I created some positivity not only in my own day but for others, as well. It was a great way to cap off the week, especially in light of how rough it’s been with the pain and the lack of sleep. Next week has a lot to do to make up for yesterday. ☯️

Memories In The Making…

Yesterday was our eighth wedding anniversary. No, I didn’t forget to post about it yesterday, wise asses! We just hadn’t enjoyed our expected festivities yet and writing about something well before it happens is not without its pitfalls. For example, if our plans changed or got cancelled, I’d have a post going live describing things that never happened. The entire point of a blog is to write about one’s knowledge and experiences.

But yes, yesterday was eight years that my wife and I have been married, nine years years together in total. It’s been a wild and fantastic ride, with the purchase and ownership of a couple of houses, the arrival of both our sons and getting through some of the darkest and most difficult periods of my life together. Somehow, I still wake up every morning and she’s still by my side. I consider anyone strong enough to put up with my bullshit for this many years without running away screaming to be a keeper!

Although we do occasionally enjoy a night out, we’re both a bit more on the homebody side, preferring to binge watch some of our favourite shows while the boys play in their respective ways. So, it’s all the more fun when we get to go out for a special occasion, such as last night. Our evening started with my wife picking me up from work and we went to a local restaurant that we’ve both been wanting to try. We had a fantastic meal and enjoyed ourselves before I decided to do a little something different…

They say that the gift for eight years of marriage is brass, so I started by getting my wife a small, brass heart pendant. I also got her some hardware for her phone to help it operate more smoothly. But for the past year or two, we’ve been playing with the idea of doing something akin to renewing our vows at our 10-year anniversary. With that concept in mind and assuming it would potentially take a year or two to plan anything pertinent, I got her a new wedding ring and proposed again!

She said yes again, so I must be doing something right! My boss was teasing me that if I propose again, I’m giving her an out and I need to be prepared for a different answer than I’m expecting. I was glad to see he was wrong. We capped off our evening by going to the book store. Of course, we did. It was a fantastic evening, loaded with joy and good company. With all the negative that happens in the world, it’s always important to take time to appreciate these special moments. They come and go in an instant but the memories last forever. ☯️

You Shouldn’t Drink Poison Just Because You’re Thirsty…

Anyone who’s read any number of my posts already know that the reduction/elimination of suffering is kinda my jam. Not only for myself but for others, as well. Life doesn’t make this easy, although some might argue that this simply represents a balance to life. After all, we wouldn’t recognize the light if not for the darkness, right?

Trying to navigate our way in life can be made all the more difficult when there are toxic people in our environment. I’ve dealt with more than my fair during my younger years. It never helped that I was significantly more timid in the years leading up to becoming a peace officer and before karate instilled a sense of self in me that I didn’t have before.

My point is that when someone is toxic and to be clear, this toxicity can be subjective to you, it takes away your positive energy, drags you down and makes you feel as though life is all that much harder. When I say it’s subjective, I mean that what’s toxic for one person may be perfectly fine for another. I believe an example is in order…

I once dated a girl that was a frequent drug user. Nothing out of this world and nothing with the level of seriousness that would require Will Smith and Martin Lawrence to suddenly jump on the scene. But serious enough that it bothered me. The worst part was when I brought it this person’s attention, only to have them snub me and disregard my thoughts and feelings.

Although that may sound a bit like modern snowflake thinking, the negativity and toxicity that person exuded affected all aspects of my life and worked towards dragging me down. But to someone like-minded and who also does it, her occasional recreational use of drugs would have seemed perfectly normal and the other person would likely have joined in. See? Subjective. Ultimately, I broke up with her when I walked into her house the one day and caught her in bed with another dude. Toxic, indeed.

This is but one example of different times in my life where I’ve had associations, either friendships or jobs, that imposed a negative energy on me and made life difficult. When it comes to. A job, it can be hard to walk away from a toxic environment, especially if it’s your only means of income. But believe me when I say that it isn’t worth it.

In the same way that you shouldn’t drink poison just because you’re thirsty, you shouldn’t maintain friendships that bring a negative element or toxicity into your life. It can be difficult, but learning to walk away will have you faring SO much better. Life is short. Ain’t no time for all that bullshit. Take care of yourselves first, and surround yourselves with people and an environment conducive to a positive existence. Food for thought… ☯️

Food For Thought…

I’ve seen this photo making the rounds on social media and online I general, lately. The message is sound and applies so much in modern life. It’s human nature to want to put something right, fix things or want things to remain the way they were. But more and more as time goes on, we come to see that if we hold on too tightly, we hurt ourselves worse than anything else could. That’s when you gotta let that shit go. Much like the photo where blood circulation is only restored once the rope is released, your soul can only find peace once you let go of the things weighing you down. Food for thought…☯️

The World May Burn While It Continues To Turn…

Life is tough. I don’t think I’m providing any enlightened insight, there. It’s even tougher when you’re alone. And that solitude is all the more difficult when it comes as no fault of one’s own. Throughout my youth, I spent many an hour by myself. Always a bit of an outcast, I didn’t have many friends during my childhood and the ones I did have were quick to leave me behind when they found someone better. By “better,” I mean better from THEIR perspective; not realistically better.

In fact, I remember a kid I used to spend time with that I considered to be my best friend, whatever that means at such a young age. He quickly started spending time with another kid who had more money, better gadgets and toys and access to a car when we reached our teens. It didn’t matter that the other guy was an absolute asshat who used people until he grew tired of them and then tossed them aside. I was left in the weeds despite all of that. Things don’t get much better into adulthood, with self-proclaimed “friends” often leaving you behind in favour of what they consider to be greener pastures.

You only get out of life what you choose to put into it. If life serves you lemons and all you do is stare at them, you’ll never get to taste the lemonade. It’s only through the effort of cutting, squeezing and zesting those lemons, then adding sugar and water to the mix that it will become the tasty accomplishment that we know as lemonade. Maybe that’s a bit of a cheesy comparison but it’s accurate. People will often use you and toss you aside when they’re done with you. In some cases, this doesn’t mean that they’re inherently bad people; it simply means they were never taught any better.

When life gets you down and you feel like you’re all alone, use that time to your advantage. Spend some time getting to know yourself and discovering who you are and what you want out of life. Read that book you’ve left sitting on your shelf for the past few years. Spend some time outside watching the world. Sit in on a movie at a theatre that you’ve wanted to see. Take a trip. Some time alone can be important in order to help one reflect and truly allow themselves to become who they are.

Take it from someone who spent most of his youth by himself; being a loner doesn’t mean that you ARE a loner. It simply means that you’re unique and outside the confines of the expected social norm. And there’s nothing wrong with that. If the people within your scope of existence don’t like who you are and don’t want to stick around, so be it. That means that they weren’t meant to be part of your inner circle. Eventually, people will come into your life that are worth keeping around. And at that point, you’ll discover that they not only appreciate you for who you are and HOW you are; they’ll also become an integral part of that journey and may help you discover a few things along the way. Food for thought… ☯️

It Always Comes Around…

There are so many dates on the calendar that hold pertinence in my life… But somehow, this one always seems to stick out the most. For anyone who’s been following my blog over the past couple of years will know what I’m talking about. Today is the anniversary of my older brother’s death. I still remember the event of his passing as though it was yesterday… Even though it was it was almost thirty years ago.

I remember the night as though it just happened… I was in bed and it was late night; at least, it seemed like late night considering I was in my pre-teens and I had school the following day. I remember waking up to the sound of my mother crying and my father trying to console her. I knew that my brother was still in the hospital, having been admitted a few days prior due to issues that came to light from his weekly bloodwork. I knew it couldn’t be good news, otherwise my mother wouldn’t be reacting the way she was.

She came into my room a few moments later and explained that tonight was the night that my brother was going to die and that we all had to go to the hospital to say goodbye. I started to cry but I remembered thinking that my brother had fought through everything and always came out alive. A part of me believed that he would get through this, as well. I got dressed in short order and followed my parents into the hospital in Dalhousie, New Brunswick. When we got off the elevator, I could hear my brother moaning despite being several hundred feet away. The sound still haunts me.

I only saw my brother for a brief moment. The sight of him connected to all the tubes and machinery was too much for my young mind to grasp and accept. The hospital staff provided me with a room on the other side of the hospital in the vain hope that I could get some sleep. I obviously didn’t sleep. At one point, a nurse brought me back to my brother’s room and I was given a minute to kiss his forehead and say goodbye. the entire family was there. I remember thinking that it robbed me of a privacy I felt I was entitled to in such a tender moment.

When I was brought back to my room, I remember tossing and turning until I finally fell into a fitful sleep. I was awoken by my father coming in to tell me that my brother had finally passed. I would learn years later that the nurse reported that I had ironically fallen asleep at the exact moment my brother’s time of death had been recorded. It was as though when my brother’s pain had finally ended, I could finally rest. I wouldn’t contemplate that fact until years later.

I’ve often heard it said, that when someone loses a limb they’ll often continue to feel pain in that limb even if it’s no longer there. It’s called “phantom pain” and it often persists because the brain can’t understand or comprehend the fact that the limb is gone. That’s what it’s felt like since my brother died. A phantom pain that never goes away. A missing part of me that may be gone but will forever be felt. My brother is my phantom pain. And it’s still sharp and acute.

My mother chooses not to observe or acknowledge this day. And the logical part of my brain understands that. No parent should ever have to bury a child. But that makes this day no less difficult for me. I think about the things I’ve never had the opportunity to share with my brother. Although that might make me feel selfish to some, I think of the accomplishments he would have been proud to see me complete. I think of my children, who never got to meet their uncle and will know of him only by name and through photos.

It’s a loss more significant than anything else I’ve ever felt in my life. Every day on this date, I observe the date as one that reminds me of the fleeting nature of life balanced against the true nature of heroism by one who loved freely and enjoyed his existence despite his constant knocking at the door by the grim reaper. He was truly an example to live by. The standard I hold myself up to. And the example that was given to a generation of Northern New Brunswick youth who had no concept of death but understood that it could happen. Until we meet again dear brother, I’ll carry on and look forward to the day when we meet each other again. ☯️

Fear of Failure Is Fear Of Life…

It’s no secret that we make our way through life by a very twisted, convoluted road. And there are plenty of bumps along that road, no matter who you are or the environment you grow up in. But making mistakes can be a good thing. During childhood, these mistakes are seen as “life lessons.” It isn’t until we get older and creep our way into adulthood, do people start to call them “mistakes.” And I think there’s an inherent problem with this view. Although we learn valuable life lessons as children, such as not sticking a fork into a wall socket a second time (no, I’m not speaking from experience), the mistakes we make during adulthood can be valuable and teach us important lessons as well.

People are generally afraid of failing at anything they take on in life. There are many reasons for this, including the potential disappointment of others, one’s family, friends or peers. There’s also the fear that failing at something may cost one more than one is willing to bear. The big problem with viewing the world through this lens is twofold; fear of such failure will leave you stuck in a place you may not want to be and you’ll never experience growth UNLESS you first experience failure. There’s nothing worse than looking back at one’s life and recognizing that you’re stuck in the very same place you’ve always been and have learned nothing.

“Experience Is The Hardest Kind Of Teacher. It Gives You The Test First And The Lesson Afterward.”

– Oscar Wilde

Ultimately, what’s important is the attempt. If you work hard at something, build goals and try and develop yourself and your life but still fail, it’s not a loss. Life has a way of teaching us through our mistakes so that we gain experience, which we wouldn’t if life was smooth sailing without encountering any waves. An apt analogy for a Maritimer, I think! But I digress… The point is that when mistakes are made and losses occur, you can’t change them. You can’t undo them. You can only learn from them and move forward and ensure you don’t repeat these mistakes.

Mistakes are how we learn. If you lose a job, fail a test or exam, injure yourself or hurt someone you care about, it can all hold value so long as you’re willing to learn from it and ensure you don’t repeat the same mistakes. It isn’t rocket science. I’m not spouting off anything new. It’s simply a matter of recognizing that value. You’ll be better for it. And life will become all that much better. ☯️

Set Adrift On Memories Lost…

A bit of a rough weekend. Early last week, I received word that a funeral service for my Uncle Richard would be held in Red Deer, Alberta last Friday (yesterday). Although they would be arranging for a Zoom viewing of the ceremony for east coast family members who couldn’t attend, my wife and I decided that we would travel out for the night to pay our respects and say our goodbyes. The trip involved driving to Kindersley and dropping off the boys. We were able to spend the night and get an early start from Kindersley to Red Deer. It was a good arrangement and the stop in Kindersley broke the trip in two, making for a less than exhausting drive.

When my grandfather passed away in 2014, I made a point of telling the entire family that the last act of a loved one is to bring the entire family together. Although a tragic and morbid way to do it, it almost always seems to bring distant family members together. This was no exception, with my aunt and cousins in attendance. Given that they’re the family members the farthest west in Canada, I haven’t had as much contact with them as I have with many others on my mother’s side. It was a sobering reminder to take the opportunities to spend time with family while you can. Life brings us all here, eventually.

Another benefit is my wife and I having had the opportunity to spend the evening alone together. This hasn’t happened often since becoming parents, as I’m sure many of you reading this can relate. This morning, we’ll be having some breakfast before hitting the road and stopping in to my wife’s parents’ home for the night. We’ll get to have dinner and spend the night before making our way back to Regina. Another unexpected benefit of losing a family member. I’m well over 700 posts consecutively posted without missing a day. The past few days have made me realize once again that life doesn’t care about one’s plan and that I haven’t had as much time to research and contemplate what to write about. Que sera… ☯️