Ah, triggers! For almost fifteen years, I kept the title of today’s post at the forefront of my mind, as a mantra, during my law enforcement career. Obviously in this context, a trigger is referring to a small device that releases a spring of some sort to set off a mechanical function, like pulling the trigger for a gun. But the actual meaning of a trigger for the purposes of today’s post, is something that may spark negative thoughts or emotions and cause the a nice cornucopia of reactions from the person who is “triggered,” including anger, anxiety, fear or sadness.
The thing about triggers is that everyone has them. In recent years, there’s been significant headway made in relation to people’s mental health and how to address it. Part of that is having individuals identify and recognize their triggers and to know how to deal with them. While that can be significantly important in terms of one’s personal health and growth, there are very important detail that comes to mind that many not be popular with folks but I promise it isn’t intended to offend; it’s simply a truth: your triggers are not my problem.
So, what do I mean with that last statement? Simply put and as I mentioned earlier, everyone has triggers. However, and as time has gone by, people seem to be inclined to believe that you should know what their triggers may be and to avoid them. This is categorically false and is a logical impossibility. For example, if we’re sitting at the office in the middle of a meeting, how am supposed to know that you’re allergic to the sound of paper (that’s a real thing, you can Google it)?
My point is that if you tell me about this particular quirk of yours and I decide to be an asshole and do something that triggers you in spite of what you’ve revealed, shame on me. If you get triggered by something I say or do and you lose your absolute shit on me despite the fact I didn’t know, shame on you! No one person can be expected to know what may offend or trigger you. It is, in fact, your responsibility to take a moment to tell someone, “Sorry, but I’m not comfortable with that.” Otherwise, it’s kind of hard to hold the offending party to task for it.
While it could be easily understood that some people may actually not be comfortable with revealing their triggers in all circumstances, that doesn’t resolve the issue you may face if someone triggers you without being aware of it. That person should be held responsible for your reaction, especially if you never revealed the issue to them. It comes back to the old saying, “I can only control my words; not how you react to them.” By that same token, I can only control my ability not to offend or trigger you based on what you choose to share with me. It all comes down to you. Food for thought… ☯️
The Blogging Buddhist 