I’ve been through a significant number of challenges in my life. These include things like training in the martial arts, overcoming Diabetes complications and training to become an effective police officer. I consider myself to be successful in those areas, considering the odds and obstacles I had to overcome to achieve them. But there’s one challenge that is never-ending and that I was definitely not prepared for that I will inevitably be doing now, for the rest of my life. I’m talking about parenthood.
If you’re a parent yourself, you know exactly what I’m talking about. Having that first child can bring about a fear the likes of which you’ve never felt before. What if you don’t feed them properly? What if you don’t protect them enough? What if you protect them too MUCH? I think we can all agree that parenthood and in fact children, don’t come with any sort of an instruction manual. And using our parents as a guide on how to raise a generation of children twice removed from their own is a risky prospect at best.
When we become parents, we tend to treat our children like delicate, blown glass sculptures. We’re entranced with looking at them, holding them and taking care of them but are definitely afraid of breaking or damaging them in ways that can’t be repaired. And there’s certainly something to be said for that. However, it’s important to note that children aren’t the frail constructs we make them out to be. And they’re certainly not made of glass…
Not a week has gone by in recent years where I haven’t found articles online and through social media with titles such as, “Top 10 Things you Should Avoid Saying To Your Child” or “Bad Habits Every Parent Should Stop.” While there is certainly some merit pin some of what these concepts provide, one needs to remember that a child still needs that rudimentary foundation of discipline within their lives, no matter how much of a first world snowflake you consider yourself or don’t mind your child becoming.
For example, when I was a child, I was expected to do chores, clean myself and my room, maintain my homework and I was expected to ask for help with that last one BEFORE I started having trouble or failing assignments. If I disobeyed or refused direction from my parents, voices would be raised and firm discipline would ensue. I never really approved much of my grandmother’s tactics, which usually involved a wooden spoon. I agree that physical correction is easily a thing of the past as it teaches a poor lesson about how should use superior strength to force compliance, which is contrary to how one should raise their child. But I digress…
The thing is, the softer generation has moved away from the concepts of discipline and following direction, in favour of a more “lets kids be kids” concept. So let’s examine that, for a moment… What, exactly, does it mean to be a kid? Does it mean you have no responsilities, no duty to help within the household? I would argue not. Generally speaking, I agree that a child should never have to worry about having a safe roof over their head, food in their stomach and unconditional love, things that some children are unfortunately forced to go without, even in modern times.
As the quote from one of my favourite movies says, “Discipline is not the enemy of enthusiasm.” It’s a pretty typical scene. I wake up at a reasonable hour, despite it being the weekend. Before everyone else is up, I’ve started a load of laundry, cleaned up the previous evening’s dishes and have started on some breakfast. Maybe a couple of hours later, my son will wake and stumble his way out of his room. When the passing suggestion of taking care of something or doing something that would help me out is made, the response I get is almost unilaterally unfavourable. Simple things like taking out the trash, cleaning out his won room or picking up discarded clothing or dishes almost seems akin to slipping bamboo shoots under his fingernails.
Allowance in exchange for chores? He’s uninterested in money. And at 9 years old, why wouldn’t he be? He’s got everything he needs and more. Take away devices and amenities? It’ll piss him off but he knows eventually he’ll get them back as the way of the new world all but requires devices. It usually leads to raised voices and a battle of wills to try and convince him that he needs to do his part and contribute within the household; a practice that many modern articles say is a no-no. Raise your voice to a child? For shame…
So that begs the question: If you’ve your best to try and teach your child and make them understand the importance of chores and contributing within the the household and the lesson just isn’t taking, what else can you do? Eventually, your child will need to understand and sometimes being firm and raising one’s voice is the only way. The problem lies in the modern world’s perspective that we need to be gentler and softer with our children than the generations that came before. Unfortunately, such an approach doesn’t do our children any favours and we are quickly raising a generation of lazy, self-entitled people who will contribute nothing to society, while consuming Tide pods and snorting condoms.
Concepts such as participation trophies, not “forcing” your kids to do certain tasks or follow direction may seem like enlightened, neo-modern ways of trying to raise a kinder generation. But what it actually does is create a person who will NEVER take direction. This will carry over into their future, including employment, relationships and believing that everything in life will simply come to them and they never have to work for it. They’ll be facing insurmountable surprises when the time comes to build a career, buy their first home or try to navigate the unfair, choppy waters of life.
Likely one of the hardest parts of being a parent is having your child upset at you or telling you that they hate you. It renders your soul open and some may try to do everything they can to avoid that happening. But at the end of the day and when you take a step back and send your little chick into the vast world outside the nest, you’ll have served them better by teaching them the importance of discipline, hard work and stepping up to do what must be done, even when it sucks and you’d rather binge-watch Netflix. Food for thought… ☯️
The Blogging Buddhist 