Sometimes I feel like an old country song. You know the ones… Where the job sucks, the house is flooding and fate seems hell-bent on bending you over the nearest bench and jabbing you up the rear end with a flaming red-hot poker… Oh, wait! That’s not a country song. That’s my life in general!
Yes, I’m feeling a little morose right now. I’ve been doing some reflecting, and maybe it’s the state of the world, maybe it’s my current perspective or maybe it’s the fact I can’t seem to get a damn break and sell my f&$kin’ house, but it has me down a bit and sometimes getting ahead of what’s getting you down isn’t the easiest thing in the world.
I came to a realization tonight while looking through some old memories from back home (Dalhousie, New Brunswick). I’ve forgotten and been forgotten by more people from my past than I will likely meet and/or becomes friends with in my future. I’ve always been a firm believer that it’s important not to live your life with regrets. Because every step you’ve taken, good or bad, has led you to be the person you are today. And to be honest, I kinda love the person I am today. I think my wife would agree…
But despite the fact that I may regret nothing, I still find myself contemplating and wondering about some of my choices and thinking about where I would be if I had made them differently. I’m sure that some of you have found yourselves in this position as well. And this is the step upon which I find myself sitting on this fateful night.
I’ve applied for a number of jobs back home. Ironically, I’ve found that the majority of these jobs are all located within the same southern New Brunswick city, which would be awesome to live in and work in. But I’ve built my life in Saskatchewan for the past eleven years. The jobs I’ve found all seem to be drawing me back to a specific area of New Brunswick and I can’t help but feel that karma is pushing me in a specified direction.
I’m tired of being tired. Recent obstacles have brought the past two years into question, but I can’t seem to sit back and admit defeat. I don’t think that any self-respecting person in my position could. Would you? Even if you’ve done nothing wrong, would you just throw in the towel and admit defeat? Can any strong person do as much?
Many people have told me that something good is just around the corner. That when one door closes, another door opens. I rather like to think that when one door closes you re-open the damn thing. That’s kinda how doors work. Maybe something good is coming from around the corner. But I don’t feel inclined to wait until that door becomes available. Maybe I need to start forcing open some doors of my own… ☯