Alright, so it looks like I’m basically posting this shit daily, which wasn’t my plan but what else am I supposed to do while eating breakfast??? I spent my second night in my mother’s ver empty apartment, which means I have nothing but my phone without so-fi for entertainment, which is not ideal. But anyhoo, on with the update…
Shortly after posting yesterday, I spent a couple of hours with my aunt and uncle, who have been helping worth getting everything set up and organized for my mother, They’re honestly a fuckin’ god-send as I don’t know how all of this would get accomplished without them.we discussed a variety of matters and talked about worse-case scenarios, as well as my father’s behaviour towards my mother, which has apparently not been good.
In the afternoon, I finally made my way to the care home to see my parents. To say it was an emotional visit would be like saying water is wet. My mother was bantering at the nurses station when I showed up and the look on her face was haunting. She slowly walked towards me and held her hands over her face as though she hadn’t seen me in years. She burst into tears and practically fell into my arms and wept. It was difficult to see and since I’m not exactly a great “emotions” guy, it was difficult to process and feel.
She gently held my hand as we walked, intent on bringing me to my father, even though he usually naps during the afternoons. My father was lying down but wasn’t asleep. His state of mind was not much better. It seems that in all his red-haired glory, my father has become an aggressive and mean person. The way he was speaking to my mother struck me as a surprise and although I often enjoy some gentle ribbing with my wife, is a way I promised myself yesterday I would NEVER speak to her.
My visit lasted a couple of hours, with another uncle visiting and firing my father up by discussing politics and taxes. Certainly could have done without that. My mother was oblivious to most things and appeared to confuse facts, memories and even people, often referring o me as my deceased brother. Before my departure, my father asked me to find him a replacement remote control for his television, which will be part of my mission for today.
My evening was spent struggling to find a meal, since the only decent restaurant in town appears to have permanently closed, I finally conceded the fact that I would be dining on convenience store snacks for the evening, lest I chose to drive 20 to 30 minutes to the next town. I was lucky as it turns out that this particular convenience store has a Subway inside of it, so I managed to eat decently, albeit in an empty apartment.
Once I finished my fine dining, my task of the evening was to go through personal effects and deciding what t keep, what to donate and what would stay. I went through scores of photos, albums and keepsakes, some of which brought a smile while others brought on tears. It was made all the more problematic when I found photos of an unfortunate practice my mother observed, which involved taking photos of my brother in his casket during his funeral. Like a bad PTSD flashback, it brought all the grieving-based memories and emotions bubbling back from over 30 years ago.
Today, I started by attempting to cancel my mother’s driver’s license and next steps will involve selling her car and donating her kitchen wares. I’m slated to have dinner with my uncle tonight, which will be nice and will save me the trouble of finding food. Although it seems as though there isn’t a great deal for me to do, it involves a lot of work, which is fast filling up my calendar for the week. This includes the odd visit with friends who are still in the area, including Sensei and his son.
It’s only been two days but this is proving to be emotionally difficult and draining. We all get there and someday, I will likely need someone to take steps and care for me the way my mother is set up. But considering I spent my entire life with her being the head of the family, taking care of everything and everyone in it, seeing her in a diminished capacity with the leadership of my family unceremoniously thrust upon me has been harshest of all. ☯️
The Blogging Buddhist 